Earthquake Jokes
115 earthquake jokes and hilarious earthquake puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about earthquake that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Going through an earthquake is no laughing matter, but that doesn't mean you can't have a chuckle over some funny earthquake jokes. Get ready to enjoy some side-splitting comedy about tsunamis, tectonic plates and more. Let the laughs shake up your day!
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Funniest Earthquake Short Jokes
Short earthquake jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The earthquake humour may include short earth rotation jokes also.
- What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake? That wasn't my fault.
Courtesy of my 11 year old daughter. - Did you hear about the librarian that was killed in an earthquake? She was crushed by a title wave.
- Oklahoma asked California about all these earthquakes recently. California said "It's not our fault."
- What did one earthquake say to the other? "I don't know what your blaming me for, it's your fault!"
- What did the Mexican gang member say when two large houses fell on him during an earthquake? Get off me, homes.
- The LEGO Museum was hit by an earthquake. Many were devastated that nearly all of the brick sculptures were destroyed,
but the staff were able to pick up the pieces and move on. - Did you hear about how James Bond slept through an earthquake? He was shaken, not stirred.
- My ex-wife calls me "earthquake." Because whenever we have a dispute, I'm always at fault.
- I recently got fired as an architect An earthquake came and the building collapsed because it wasn't stabilized and I said it wasn't my fault
- There was a devastating earthquake in the Irish town of Llanfair Pwllgwyngyll. Relief workers are still at work trying to figure out what was the town's name before the catastrophe.
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Earthquake One Liners
Which earthquake one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with earthquake? I can suggest the ones about explosion and tsunami.
- What did the earthquake say to all of its victims? Oh, sorry...my fault.
- What did one earthquake say to the other? Was that your fault or mine?
- What did one tectonic plate say to the other after the earthquake? That was your fault!!!
- Why are earthquakes always found guilty? Because they are at fault
- What did the ground say to the earthquake? It's your fault!
- What did the Earth say to the Earthquake? Sorry...that was my fault.
- What did the ground say to the earthquake? You crack me up!
- Books about earthquakes are extremely popular. They're literally flying off the shelves.
- How do you start an earthquake in East Africa? Shake Djibouti.
- What do you call a Cow in a Earthquake? A milkshake
- Figured out who to blame for the earthquakes. It's the earth's fault.
- If in an earthquake, take shelter with a horse... Their houses are always stable
- Earthquakes are confusing We know where the fault lies but we have no one to blame
- What do you call a cow during an earthquake? A milkshake
- We had a devastating earthquake recently The mayor says it was all his fault
Comedian Earthquake Jokes
Here is a list of funny comedian earthquake jokes and even better comedian earthquake puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I think Magnitude 10 earthquakes are the best comedians They can make the whole world crack up.
Uproarious Earthquake Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about earthquake you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean earth gravity jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make earthquake pranks.
What's wet and likes to shake?
An earthquake on a rainy day.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead spy get caught behind enemy lines...
The enemy puts each of them against a fence to be shot.
The general orders his squad, "Ready. Aim."
The brunette spy is quick on her feet and yells, "TORNADO! TORNADO! TORNADO!"
The entire firing squad goes to the bunker to hide and waits for the tornado to pass. The brunette then unties her b**... and escapes. The redhead spy sees this and comes up with her own plan. The firing squad returns to kill the remaining two spies.
The general orders again, "Ready. Aim."
The redhead spy then shouts, "EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE!"
The enemy takes cover from the earthquake. The redhead spy then unties her b**... and escapes. The blonde spy is no dumby she gets an idea of her own. The firing squad returns to kill the last remaining spy.
The general orders once more, "Ready. Aim."
The blonde spy ready to run yells, "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!"
A redhead, an brunette, and a blonde are about to be executed by a firing squad.
The redhead is first, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the redhead screams "tornado!" so everyone runs away and she escapes.
The brunette is next, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the brunette screams "earthquake!" so everyone runs away and she escapes.
The blonde is last, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the blonde screams "fire!"
Whose fault is it that California always has earthquakes?
San Andreas fault.
5.5 Quake Shakes L.A.
Every 20 years or so, a large earthquake rattles Los Angeles as a result of the tremendous buildup of pressure in every Angeleno to talk about something other than show business.
~ Scott Miller
firing squad
Three prisoners, an American, a German, and a p**..., are scheduled to be executed by firing squad. They bring out the American and stand him in front of the pole. He points and shouts, "Tornado!" They all look and the American runs away. Next, they place the German in front of the firing squad. He yells "Earthquake!" They all hit the dust and the German escapes. Next up is the p**.... He looks around and shouts "Fire!"
The brunette, the redhead, and the blonde.
One day a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were set to be executed. They lined the three woman up in front of a firing squad. First, they brought the brunette up. Ready, aim. But just before they shoot she shouts "Earthquake!" and in the commotion she escapes. Once the chaos dies down they bring up the redhead. Ready, aim."Tornado!" and she escapes. Then they bring the blonde up. By that time the blonde has caught on. Ready aim, and she shouts "Fire"!
Did you hear about the new machine that creates earthquakes?
It was groundbreaking.
A mountain was next to another mountain..
An earthquake happens and one of the mountains say..
"It wasn't my fault!"
credit to my awesome science teacher
What causes German Earthquakes?
Teutonic Plates.
I'm sorry I'll find my own way out
Classroom Joke
For class every student must research a natural disaster. So after everyone gets their topic, the teacher asks them what they chose.
"What did you get, Jimmy?"
"Hurricanes."
"What did you get, Thomas?"
"Earthquakes."
"What did you get, Karl?"
"US Congress."
The b**... Ladies have been pulled from the rubble alive, following the Nepal Earthquake.
Its been One Week.
Did you hear about the recent earthquake research?
The information is groundbreaking
3 prisoners are to be executed by a firing squad
The first one thinking of ways to escape shouted "EARTHQUAKE!" which caused everyone to panic and allowed the prisoner to escape.
The second prisoner seeing what the first one did shouted "TORNADO!" which caused everyone to panic again and also allowed him to escape
The third prisoner, knowing what the others did, frantically shouted "FIRE!"
Question and Answer
Q: Did you hear about the Mexico City earthquake?
A: It did $100 million worth of improvements
What did San Andreas said to the Earthquake?
This is all your fault!
Authorities in Beijing have advised that the Earthquake felt by millions last night was nothing to worry about.
It was just the start of China's two-child policy.
Cow jokes
What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake
What do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef
What do you call a cow with 3 legs? lean beef
Guy bursts into a dentist's office
Guy bursts into a dentist's office and says "HEY, listen here buddy, you have to help me NOW: my teeth are SO sensitive they can sense impending EARTHQUAKES" the dentist looked at him sternly for a moment and said "you've got some nerve"
What does a fire, flood, earthquake, tornado, hurricane, and a wife have in common?
Sooner or later, one of them is probably going to get your house.
What did the earthquake say to the tornado?
It's not my fault.
What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?
I've been really stressed out lately, I know it's not your fault, but please stop cracking jokes about me
The Worst Natural Disaster
So, all the natural disasters took a vote to see which one was the worst.
* Hurricane blew the others away.
* Earthquake shook things up pretty badly.
* Flooding was a bit of a wash.
* Blizzard almost buried the rest.
* Sinkhole's campaign totally collapsed.
* Meteor made a deep impact.
But in the end, Avalanche won by a landslide.
What do you call an earthquake in NYC?
Harlem Shake.
What did the one continental plate say to the other after the earthquake...
not MY fault
Japan just had an earthquake, I saw it on TV.
It was a ground breaking news
Two seismologists have divided California into North and South to be monitored for earthquakes. A deadly magnitude 9 happens right in the middle
The North seismologist says: "why didn't you see the earthquake coming?!"
The South seismologist says: "It's not my Fault!"
Did you know that Haiti changed its capital after the 2010 earthquake?
It became "The City Formerly Known as Port-au-Prince"
Just heard about that powerful 7.4 earthquake near Christchurch
Gotta buy a few more speakers.
How can California secede from the Us without any documents or agreements?
Earthquakes
What do cows produce during an earthquake?
MILKSHAKE!!!!
A Russian submarine
A Russian submarine was sailing,and the captain felt a huge shake.Confused,he ran to Vladimir and asked him: "What was that,was it an earthquake or we hit something?",Vladimir said: "No Captain,Ivan's girlfriend ran with her lover to Venice", the captain even more confused says:Yeah,but what's the matter with that and the shake?Vladimir said:Well,there is no more Venice...
My stomach hasn't felt well all day, I'm like a bartender during an earthquake...
I'm having trouble controlling my stools.
Why don't jehovah witness' get killed during an earthquake...
Because they are always in your doorway.
I can't describe how terrified I was to be in the middle of an earthquake...
...I was shaking.
If someone is killed by an earthquake,
is it m**... by de*fault*?
A group of scientists conducted experiments on earthquakes
The results were ground breaking
What's an earthquakes favorite excuse?
"It wasn't my fault."
This earthquake news is devastating
It's really got me shaken up
An original joke (50% of it is)
What do you call it when a cow falls over?
Ground beef.
What do you call it when yo mama falls over?
You don't call it you call emergency earthquake services.
What do you get when there's an earthquake at a cow pasture?
Milk shakes
What is an earthquake's favorite exercise?
The shake weight.
Mexico had an earthquake which was a 6 on the Richter scale
Guess you can say there was seis-mic activity down there
What happens when there is an earthquake in Africa?
Djibouti shakes!
There has been an earthquake in Mexico...
.
.
.
.
300.000 casualties. Brazil sends medical help, Germany sends food, England sends money and the USA sends 500.000 Mexicans
Why should you listen to music during an earthquake?
Because it's structurally sound.
I hate it when geologists explain the reasons behind earthquakes.
All that s**... faulty logic.
What natural disaster does earth like the most?
Earthquakes. They always seem to crack it up.
Mr. Earthquake was finally released from jail for 10 years after being wrongfully accused
It wasn't his fault
Have you heard of the tennis player who's opponent was swallowed by an earthquake?
He won by da fault.
After an earthquake, my friend called to ask if everyone was alright.
"Everyone's fine, just shaken."
How do you know you're in an earthquake?
You call the lift and floor comes down for you.
A huge earthquake shook Mexico
Around 3000 people died.
The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.
England gave medicine.
France sent food.
Germany made huge donations.
USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock
What's the difference between Nokia, Samsung and iPhone?
When Nokia drops = earthquake
When Samsung drops = e**...
When iPhone drops = owner gets a heart attack
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
A Milkshake
From my 6 yr old
From my 6 yr old...
What did the earthquake say to the person?
It wasn't my fault!
There was an earthquake where I live last night
I'm pretty shaken up about it
I blame Mother Earth for all earthquakes.
It's always her fault.
The safest place to be during an earthquake would be
in a stationary store.
Earth day started with an Earthquake 3 minutes into the game
Just a reminder to how shaky 2020 is
Why are earthquakes the politest of the natural disasters?
Because they shake everyone's hands when they arrive and again before they leave.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
Not enough to save his family after the earthquake collapsed his house.
RIP woodchuckers
How do you walk a perfect straight line during the next 7.2 magnitude earthquake?
Develop Parkinsons.
I moved my girlfriend's vase to the top shelf
Then there was an earthquake and the vase fell off and broke.
My girlfriend was angry with me, but it wasn't my fault.
Last week we had an earthquake, a hurricane, and a LITERAL serpentine fire so, on this auspicious day, I'd just like to say:
OK, Earth Wind & Fire...
WE REMEMBER THE 21ST NIGHT OF SEPTEMBER!!!
Three men were about to be executed by the firing squad.
The first man was brought forward and before they could shoot him he yelled "avalanche"! The firing squad panicked and in the confusion, the man jumped over the wall and into freedom before the firing squad could regroup.
The second man thought what the first man did was clever and when he was brought forward for his execution, he yelled "earthquake"! Again, the firing squad panicked and the second man took advantage of it to jump over the wall and into freedom.
The third man thought he saw the pattern: yell a disaster and jump over the wall. When he was finally brought forward, with a smirk on his face he yelled "fire"!
