The Best 70 Earthquake Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Earthquake jokes. There are some earthquake nuke jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these earthquake seismic puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Earthquake Jokes and Puns

What's wet and likes to shake?

An earthquake on a rainy day.

What did the Earth say to the Earthquake?

Sorry...that was my fault.

What did the ground say to the earthquake?

It's your fault!

Earthquake joke, What did the ground say to the earthquake?

A redhead, an brunette, and a blonde are about to be executed by a firing squad.

The redhead is first, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the redhead screams "tornado!" so everyone runs away and she escapes.

The brunette is next, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the brunette screams "earthquake!" so everyone runs away and she escapes.

The blonde is last, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the blonde screams "fire!"

What did the earthquake say to all of its victims?

Oh, fault.

What did one earthquake say to the other?

"I don't know what your blaming me for, it's your fault!"

5.5 Quake Shakes L.A.

Every 20 years or so, a large earthquake rattles Los Angeles as a result of the tremendous buildup of pressure in every Angeleno to talk about something other than show business.
~ Scott Miller

Earthquake joke, 5.5 Quake Shakes L.A.

firing squad

Three prisoners, an American, a German, and a Polak, are scheduled to be executed by firing squad. They bring out the American and stand him in front of the pole. He points and shouts, "Tornado!" They all look and the American runs away. Next, they place the German in front of the firing squad. He yells "Earthquake!" They all hit the dust and the German escapes. Next up is the Polak. He looks around and shouts "Fire!"

The brunette, the redhead, and the blonde.

One day a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were set to be executed. They lined the three woman up in front of a firing squad. First, they brought the brunette up. Ready, aim. But just before they shoot she shouts "Earthquake!" and in the commotion she escapes. Once the chaos dies down they bring up the redhead. Ready, aim."Tornado!" and she escapes. Then they bring the blonde up. By that time the blonde has caught on. Ready aim, and she shouts "Fire"!

A mountain was next to another mountain..

An earthquake happens and one of the mountains say..

"It wasn't my fault!"

credit to my awesome science teacher

What did one tectonic plate say to the other after the earthquake?

That was your fault!!!

You can explore earthquake mrna reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean earthquake imbalance dad jokes. There are also earthquake puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

How do you start an earthquake in East Africa?

Shake Djibouti.

Did you hear about the recent earthquake research?

The information is groundbreaking

3 prisoners are to be executed by a firing squad

The first one thinking of ways to escape shouted "EARTHQUAKE!" which caused everyone to panic and allowed the prisoner to escape.
The second prisoner seeing what the first one did shouted "TORNADO!" which caused everyone to panic again and also allowed him to escape
The third prisoner, knowing what the others did, frantically shouted "FIRE!"

Question and Answer

Q: Did you hear about the Mexico City earthquake?
A: It did $100 million worth of improvements

What did San Andreas said to the Earthquake?

This is all your fault!

Earthquake joke, What did San Andreas said to the Earthquake?

Authorities in Beijing have advised that the Earthquake felt by millions last night was nothing to worry about.

It was just the start of China's two-child policy.

Cow jokes

What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake
What do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef
What do you call a cow with 3 legs? lean beef

What did the earthquake say to the tornado?

It's not my fault.

What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?

I've been really stressed out lately, I know it's not your fault, but please stop cracking jokes about me

The Worst Natural Disaster

So, all the natural disasters took a vote to see which one was the worst.

* Hurricane blew the others away.
* Earthquake shook things up pretty badly.
* Flooding was a bit of a wash.
* Blizzard almost buried the rest.
* Sinkhole's campaign totally collapsed.
* Meteor made a deep impact.

But in the end, Avalanche won by a landslide.

What did the Mexican gang member say when two large houses fell on him during an earthquake?

Get off me, homes.

What do you call an earthquake in NYC?

Harlem Shake.

What do you call a cow during an earthquake?

A milkshake

What did the one continental plate say to the other after the earthquake...

not MY fault

Japan just had an earthquake, I saw it on TV.

It was a ground breaking news

Two seismologists have divided California into North and South to be monitored for earthquakes. A deadly magnitude 9 happens right in the middle

The North seismologist says: "why didn't you see the earthquake coming?!"

The South seismologist says: "It's not my Fault!"

Did you know that Haiti changed its capital after the 2010 earthquake?

It became "The City Formerly Known as Port-au-Prince"

Did you hear about how James Bond slept through an earthquake?

He was shaken, not stirred.

What did one earthquake say to the other?

Was that your fault or mine?

What do cows produce during an earthquake?


A Russian submarine

A Russian submarine was sailing,and the captain felt a huge shake.Confused,he ran to Vladimir and asked him: "What was that,was it an earthquake or we hit something?",Vladimir said: "No Captain,Ivan's girlfriend ran with her lover to Venice", the captain even more confused says:Yeah,but what's the matter with that and the shake?Vladimir said:Well,there is no more Venice...

My stomach hasn't felt well all day, I'm like a bartender during an earthquake...

I'm having trouble controlling my stools.

What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?

That wasn't my fault.

Courtesy of my 11 year old daughter.

Why don't Jehovah Witness' get killed during an earthquake...

Because they are always in your doorway.

I can't describe how terrified I was to be in the middle of an earthquake...

...I was shaking.

If someone is killed by an earthquake,

is it murder by de*fault*?

What's an earthquakes favorite excuse?

"It wasn't my fault."

This earthquake news is devastating

It's really got me shaken up

If in an earthquake, take shelter with a horse...

Their houses are always stable

An original joke (50% of it is)

What do you call it when a cow falls over?
Ground beef.
What do you call it when yo mama falls over?
You don't call it you call emergency earthquake services.

Why are earthquakes always found guilty?

Because they are at fault

What do you get when there's an earthquake at a cow pasture?

Milk shakes

Mexico had an earthquake which was a 6 on the Richter scale

Guess you can say there was seis-mic activity down there

What happens when there is an earthquake in Africa?

Djibouti shakes!

There has been an earthquake in Mexico...





300.000 casualties. Brazil sends medical help, Germany sends food, England sends money and the USA sends 500.000 Mexicans

Mr. Earthquake was finally released from jail for 10 years after being wrongfully accused

It wasn't his fault

After an earthquake, my friend called to ask if everyone was alright.

"Everyone's fine, just shaken."

How do you know you're in an earthquake?

You call the lift and floor comes down for you.

A huge earthquake shook Mexico

Around 3000 people died.
The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.
England gave medicine.
France sent food.
Germany made huge donations.
USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock

What's the difference between Nokia, Samsung and iPhone?

When Nokia drops = earthquake
When Samsung drops = explosion
When iPhone drops = owner gets a heart attack

From my 6 yr old

From my 6 yr old...

What did the earthquake say to the person?

It wasn't my fault!

There was an earthquake where I live last night

I'm pretty shaken up about it

The safest place to be during an earthquake would be

in a stationary store.

Earth day started with an Earthquake 3 minutes into the game

Just a reminder to how shaky 2020 is

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

Not enough to save his family after the earthquake collapsed his house.

RIP woodchuckers

How do you walk a perfect straight line during the next 7.2 magnitude earthquake?

Develop Parkinsons.

I moved my girlfriend's vase to the top shelf

Then there was an earthquake and the vase fell off and broke.

My girlfriend was angry with me, but it wasn't my fault.

Last week we had an earthquake, a hurricane, and a LITERAL serpentine fire so, on this auspicious day, I'd just like to say:

OK, Earth Wind & Fire...


Three men were about to be executed by the firing squad.

The first man was brought forward and before they could shoot him he yelled "avalanche"! The firing squad panicked and in the confusion, the man jumped over the wall and into freedom before the firing squad could regroup.

The second man thought what the first man did was clever and when he was brought forward for his execution, he yelled "earthquake"! Again, the firing squad panicked and the second man took advantage of it to jump over the wall and into freedom.

The third man thought he saw the pattern: yell a disaster and jump over the wall. When he was finally brought forward, with a smirk on his face he yelled "fire"!

Earthquakes are confusing

We know where the fault lies but we have no one to blame

An Englishman, an American and an Irishman are lined up against the wall to be executed by the Nazis.

The Englishman is first, they put him against the wall, ready, aim …. The Englishman yells out earthquake earthquake!!! The Germans panic and he manages to run away.

The american is next and having seen what happened, as the Germans go ready, aim …. He yells out flood, flood. Again the Germans panic and he manages to run away.

The Irishman is next the Germans line him up and go ready, aim…. The Irishman confidently yells out Fire fire ….....

Apologies to any Irish offended. And Germans too.

Did you hear about the librarian that was killed in an earthquake?

She was crushed by a title wave.

There was a devastating earthquake in the Irish town of Llanfair Pwllgwyngyll.

Relief workers are still at work trying to figure out what was the town's name before the catastrophe.

What architecture can't be broken down by an earthquake?

A stable

George and Jeff watches TV

George: "Oh no, that's terrible!"

Jeff: "What happened?"

George: "An earthquake! They found 13 dead, and counting!"

Jeff: "That *is* terrible."

Jeff: "I hate counting too."

I recently got fired as an architect

An earthquake came and the building collapsed because it wasn't stabilized and I said it wasn't my fault

My ex-wife calls me "earthquake."

Because whenever we have a dispute, I'm always at fault.

What do you call a Cow in a Earthquake?

A milkshake

We had a devastating earthquake recently

The Mayor says it was all his fault

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the earthquake ides jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working earthquake magnitude piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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