Earth Jokes
195 earth jokes and hilarious earth puns to laugh out loud. Read space jokes about earth that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Have a little laugh with some of the funniest planet Earth jokes around! From "mother Earth" to "down to earth" and even "middle Earth," you're sure to find some of the most amusing one-liners about the almighty place we call home. Don't forget to check out the jokes about Google Earth, the sun and Earth, and other galaxies like Terra!
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Funniest Earth Short Jokes
Short earth jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The earth humour may include short planet jokes also.
- Congratulations to the winner of last night's presidential debate! The Voyager probe, flying away from Earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour.
- Me: The earth isn't flat! fiat earther: correct
me: huh?
fiat earther: it's the shape of an Italian car
me: what?
fiat earther: you read my name wrong didn't you? - I debated a flat earther once he stormed off saying he'd walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
He'll come around, eventually. - The Earth's surface is 70% water. That water is uncarbonated. Therefore, the Earth is flat.
- Really enjoying my new life aboard the giant space station designed to solve Earth's overpopulation problem . Just a bit weird how the sun gets slightly bigger in my cabin window every day.
- What's a gay man's favorite planet? Earth, most likely. Unless he's personally interested in space exploration, in which case he might say Mars.
- I just got kicked out of flat earth Facebook groups because I asked if the 6 foot social distancing had pushed anyone over the edge yet.
- Why Don't We Have a Reality Show Where Flat Earthers Walk to the End of the Earth? Because that would be edgy
- I debated a flat earther once. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong. He'll come around eventually.
- Who is going to win tonight's presidential election? The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph.
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Earth One Liners
Which earth one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with earth? I can suggest the ones about ground and environment.
- What's the fastest liquid on Earth? Milk. It's pasteurized before you see it.
- The rotation of earth Really makes my day.
- If the earth really is flat Wouldn't cats have pushed everything off the edge by now?
- the flat earth society ... ... has members all around the globe
- Scientists watched the earth rotate for 24 hours and got tired, So they called it a day
- Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space? Because no one on earth wants to buy it.
- I love the way the Earth spins on its axis. it always makes my day.
- I really love the word "earth" It means the world to me.
- Do you think Earth makes fun of the other planets... ...because they have no life?
- Why do space rocks taste better than Earth rocks? Because they're a little meteor
- Can you conquer the largest continent on earth? No, but Genghis Khan!
- What did Earth say to the other planets? Wow. You guys have no life.
- What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? Where on Earth have you been?!"
- What is Earth's favorite pastime? Making fun of other planets for having no life.
- Why are telescopes pointed away from earth? Because they search for intelligent life
Flat Earth Jokes
Here is a list of funny flat earth jokes and even better flat earth puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Earth is flat! I mean, when was the last time you came across naturally carbonated ocean water?
- I was arguing with a flat Earth believer We argued about how many members the flat Earth community had. He said "We have members all around the globe".
- A flat earth conspiracist was boasting about how many people believe that the Earth is flat... He said, We have supporters all around the globe!!!
- Why is it impossible for a flat Earther calculate the volume of the Earth? Because there is always a rounding error.
- Did you hear the Flat Earth Society is really gaining ground? They say they have members all around the globe now.
- I don't really care if the earth is round or flat. Because it's pointless either way.
- Earth can not be flat Because if it was cats would have pushed everything from the edge
- Flat Earth theory debunked We can say with certainty that the Earth is not flat because if it was cats would have tossed everything off the edge already.
- Flat Earthers say we've never truly seen real pictures of the earth but I've never seen my dad and I know he's real
- Did you hear about the guy who tried to prove the Earth was flat by walking to the edge? He finally came around.
Earth Flat Jokes
Here is a list of funny earth flat jokes and even better earth flat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- TIL the Earth produces global electromagnetic resonance with the highest peak frequency of 33.8Hz, slightly lower than a C#1 note with a frequency of 34.65Hz. I guess you can say the earth is flat.
- A have a joke about the Earth... but my friends say it's flat.
- All 8 planets are singing Happy Birthday to the Sun and it sounds terrible. Everyone turns to Earth and Earth says, "don't look at me, I'm not flat"
- I was pretty mad when they told me my flat earth movie was nominated for an award. Golden globes
- If you push someone, they fall flat on the ground... They don't fall round on the ground.
Therefore the Earth is flat! - Why did the scientist's results show that the Earth was flat? Rounding error.
- I like my women how I like my Earth Flat.
- I am telling you the earth is flat! It's made up of 70% Uncarbonated water!
- What did the flat-earther say after finally seeing the earth from space? Half of the so-called continents are missing.
- Why will the flat earth society never be popular? Because they cant get the word a round.
Earth Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny earth day jokes and even better earth day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go round the earth for 24 hours, so they called it a day. I'm sorry.
- In ancient times, people watched the earth spin for 24 hours. They got bored though, so they called it a day
- What does Earth get on earth day ? A birthday quake !
- Earth is the best planet... The mere rotation of it makes my day!
- This Earth Day I decided I would become more environmentally concious So I'm starting to recycle jokes
- One day on venus lasts 5,832 hours The same as one Monday on Earth
- Mercurian day So - apparently one day on mercury is an agonisingly long 1408 earth hours long...
In other words - one Earth Monday. - After Astronomers discovered the Earth rotates about an axis... They got bored and decided to call it a day!
- I wanted to throw an earth day party... But I forgot to planet
- On the first day God created the heavens, the earth and the Conservative Conservative looked around and said "eh, I liked it better yesterday!"
Planet Earth Jokes
Here is a list of funny planet earth jokes and even better planet earth puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If Bruno mars married Venus Williams on Earth, do you think they'd have a Sun? Only if they planet.
- Earth is the third planet from the sun. By this logic, all countries are third world countries
- Earth, Venus, Mars, and jupiter were going to setup a party But they failed because nobody knew how to planet
- How does earth and mars schedule a vacation They planet
- There must be another planet somewhere with worms. Otherwise why would we call ours Earth worms
- NASA discovers 10 earth like planets. Within a month of Trump taking office, NASA has discovered 10 earth like planets...
They say necessity is the mother of invention !! - The Planets 71% water + 29% land = Earth
100% land + 0% Chocolate = Mars
100% land + 0% Fertility = Venus
100% land and lava + 0% Freddy = Mercury
100% land + 0% Dog = Pluto
100% gas = Uranus - 250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury No, I'm not fat. I'm just not on the right planet.
- Why does Earth bully other planets? Because they have no life.
- Which planet appears largest in a telescope? Earth
Mother Earth Jokes
Here is a list of funny mother earth jokes and even better mother earth puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My mother's dying wish was, "Never change who you are... "...I've put up with you enough on earth; I don't want you bugging me in heaven too"
- I blame Mother Earth for all earthquakes. It's always her fault.
- What's the difference between a blue whale and your mother? One is the largest known mammal on earth, the other is a blue whale.
- I bet the earth is an intelligent mother. After all, she has a bright sun.
- How did Father Time and Mother Earth get together? Only Time will tell.
- Shout out to Mother Earth! She's 4.6 billion years old and still getting hotter.
- Mother, you're so sweet yet salty at the same time Son, what on earth do you mean?
Well isn't it obvious? Umami - An alien mother ship lands on Earth and demands to speak with our leader. They land in front of a Libertarian. He says You're looking at him. And taxes are theft. They leave, confused.
- Why did humans mess up Mother Earth Because they didn't planet well
- Are we dangerous? "Yes" replied mother earth.
Amusing Earth Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about earth you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sphere jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make earth pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson....
...were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So God's getting ready to go on vaction...
And he's packing his bag and an angel comes up and asks, "So, where are you going to go for your vacation?" And God says, "Huh, not Earth again, last time I went there I got this Jewish girl pregnant and they haven't stopped talking about it since!'
Fun Fact- Dogs make different noises according to where they are on Earth.
For example, a dog in Korea makes a sizzling noise.
What did the earthquake say to all of its victims?
Oh, sorry...my fault.
Middle Earth Dreamer
A man is concerned about his dreams and goes to see a doctor.
"Doctor, I've been having these dreams about Middle Earth every night and when I wake up, I'm convinced that I wrote The Lord of the Rings!"
The doctor tells the man, "Don't worry about it, you're just Tolkien in your sleep."
A lawyer and the pope die at the same time and go to heaven...
The pope is first and meets St. Peter at the gates to heaven. St. Peter says welcome to heaven and gives him a nice little plot of land with a decent sized house. The lawyer is next and St. Peter directs him to this huge mansion on the shore of a beautiful lake with anything the lawyer could want. The lawyer asks St. Peter "Why do I get this mansion with anything I could ask for and the holiest man on earth gets a small house?"
St. Peter replies by saying "We've got hundreds of popes up here, but you're the only lawyer!"
So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...
...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.
During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.
"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask, "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"
"Jesus Christ?!?" the alien leader exclaims, "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two years or so. Awesome guy!"
Now this obviously starts a huge debate within the UN, as this information now has implications to everything they knew. The pope, however, is not exactly a happy person as his brain is on other information.
"EVERY TWO YEARS OR SO?!?" The pope exclaims, "We've still been waiting for his SECOND coming!"
Trying to calm down the pope, the aliens say "Well maybe he didn't like your chocolate."
The pope, upon hearing this news, takes a few moments to calm down. When he finally regains his composure, he states calmly, "Forgive me, but what does chocolate have anything to do with this?"
The aliens respond, "Well when he was on our planet, we would give him huge boxes of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do when he was here?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On long plane trip, a woman is sitting next to a lawyer. She wants to sleep, but the lawyer does not stop talking...
*"Let's play a game"* - he suggests.
The woman ignores him.
*"To make it interesting"* - he continues - *"if I answer incorrectly to your question, I'll pay you $50. If you answer incorrectly to my question, you pay me $5."*
The woman agrees, and the lawyer asks the first question.
*"What is the distance between Earth and the Moon?"*
The woman hands him $5. Now it's her turn.
*"What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"*
The lawyer is astonished. He frantically surfs the Internet, searches his pocket encyclopedia and asks his scientist friends. He finds nothing. Hours later, when finally giving up looking for the answer, he wakes the woman, hands her $50 and asks:
*"So, what is the answer?"*
Without saying a word, she hands him $5 and goes back to sleep.
**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Obama walks into a bar.....
Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. God agrees.
Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? How are foreign affairs? Any problems currently being faced?"
"Oh, nothing at all, sir. We're an empire now. We're successful."
"But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? Those were t**... hotspots not too long ago?"
"We control it now. We're an empire. Everything is good."
"But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?"
"That too has been taken care of. We are now finally an empire."
Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill:
"65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A 4th grade '49ers fan in Dallas
The scene is a 4th grade classroom in Dallas, Texas. The teacher asks for a show of hands:
"Hey kids, how many of you are Dallas Cowboys fans?"
Everyone in the class raises their hand, except for little Suzy. The teacher says:
"Little Suzy, I notice you didn't raise your hand. Why is that?" Little Suzy responds:
"Because I'm a 49ers fan!"
"A 49ers fan?," the teacher asks incredulously, "Why on Earth are you a 49ers fan?"
"Because my Mommy is a 49ers fan, my Daddy is a 49ers fan, so I'm a 49ers fan."
The teacher doesn't like Suzy's answer:
"Little Suzy, that's no kind of logic. What if your Daddy was a drug dealer and your Mommy was a p**...?"
Suzy doesn't blink an eye:
"Well then I'd be a Raiders fan!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm Friends with a Really Poor Guy
He's been down on his luck lately, so he told me that he had to become a male p**... to make ends meet. One day, he walked up to me and said that he made a really good amount of money the night before.
Me: How much did you make?
Him: I made $250.05.
Me: Who on earth gave you 5 cents?
Him: Everyone.
An old rabbi feels his time on earth is coming to an end...
He takes stock of his life and thinks about all the things he's done, and all the things he wishes he'd done. He thinks to himself, "I've always wanted to try pork!"
So the rabbi, being a cautious man, travels a few towns over and looks for a restaurant. Finding a likely place, he reads the menu and sees what he's looking for - a whole suckling pig. He sits down and places the order. Soon the pig arrives, skin crisp and glistening, with a big red apple in its mouth.
The rabbi is just about to tuck in when a member of his synagogue walks in and spots him. "Rabbi!" he exclaims, aghast, "What on Earth are you *doing*?!".
The rabbi looks at his plate, looks at the guy, and says "This restaurant! I order a baked apple, look how they serve it!"
What is the quietest place on Earth?
The complaint department at a parachute packing company.
God put a perfect woman in every corner of the world.
Then he made the earth round.
Sherlock and Watson go camping
Sherlock and Dr. Watson go camping. They pitch their tent and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson and says: "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replies, "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes asks, "And what do you deduce from that?" "Well, if there are millions of stars," Watson says, "there must be some with planets, and some of those planets must be like Earth. And if there are planets like Earth, there might be planets with life." And Holmes says, "Watson, you idiot, it means someone stole our tent."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The god Thor is bored one day and decided to try out having s**... with a mortal woman...
He heads down to earth and finds a beautiful young woman. Pouring on the charm, he convinces her to go to bed with him. He goes back to her place and enjoys her in every possible way, absolutely plowing her with all his god-like strength and endurance. 7 hours later, he rolls off. She's laying there, gasping and panting, shaking, and exhausted from the most incredible s**... she's ever had in her life. She can't even speak. All she can do is s**... his chest with a trembling hand. He understands her point, though. He was amazing.
"I've got a confession to make," he says. "I'm actually Thor."
"You're thor!? I'm tho thor, I won't be able to thit down for a week!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is kissing a tractor
A man is kissing and hugging a tractor
Another man goes up to him and says "what on earth are you doing to this tractor" the man replies explaining that him and his wife are having some marriage problems so a friend said that he should do some s**... thing to a tractor. (Attract her)
First time posting ever, sorry for any mistakes.
About 4,000 years ago:
God: I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!
Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note*
God: Correction, I shall create a great flood!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I made the Earth move for the last girl I had s**... with.
And then I moved it back to the hole I had buried her in.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gods Vacation
The gods were planning on where to spend their next vacations; Shiva suggested: "what about Neptune?", then Ala said: "It's too cold!"; Zeus then suggested: "Let's go to Mars!", then Buddha replied "Nah, we went there last time!". So someone spoke "What about Earth?", for God to reply: "no way, Earth people like to gossip too much. I went there 2000 years ago, had a thing with a v**... and they're still talking about it!"
In Heaven, the angels asked God where he would spend his next vacation.
Definitely not earth, God said. Last time I went there, I got a girl pregnant and they still haven't stopped taking about it.
An alien mothership is scouting planet Earth.
Alien Scout: Sir, the Humans appear to possess massive military capabilities, nuclear weapons included.
Alien Commander: This is problematic, are they really such an intelligent species?
Alien Scout: Apparently not Sir, they appear to have them pointed at themselves.
A man walks into a psychologist's office
The psychologist says, "Tell me about yourself?"
The man replies, "It is my deeply held belief that I am in fact a moth."
The psychologist is a little surprised, but being a professional, he thinks for a moment and says, "Well, I am sure I can help you overcome that."
Indignant, the man shoots back, "No way! I love being a moth, thank-you very much!"
"So why on Earth did you come in here?"
"Oh, well I was just passing by and I saw your light on..."
I was having a beer with the wife last night, when I suddenly blurted out, "I love you more than anything on earth!"
She said, "I bet that's the beer talking, isn't it?"
I said, "No, it's me talking to the beer!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the man say to the feminist to get her angry?
Nothing. The fact that he didn't say anything to her made her think that he thought he was superior and therefore a sexist, misogynistic, s**... of the earth
What do you call a book that lists the names of every drug on Earth?
Addictionary
What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?
That wasn't my fault.
Courtesy of my 11 year old daughter.
Two aliens are flying near earth
The first one says, "The dominant life form here have developed satellite based nuclear weapons."
The second one says, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first one says, "I don't think so, they have it aimed at themselves."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
You're running around with other women, she charged.
You're being unreasonable, Adam responded. You're the only woman on Earth. The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.
What do you think you're doing? Adam demanded. Counting your ribs!
Who's the most prepared person on earth?
Justin Case
Know your eclipses.
Earth between sun and moon: Lunar eclipse.
Moon between sun and Earth: Solar eclipse.
Sun between moon and Earth: Apoceclypse.
Who was the unluckiest person in Soviet Russia?
Yuri Gagarin. He circled the earth 3 times but still ended up in Russia.
Two pilots are sitting in the cockpit, talking, when they realize they are flying over a huge crater.
"Wow, what a beautiful sight," says the first pilot.
"It is, isn't it?" the other pilot replies.
Then a flight attended joins them.
"Sir, what are we flying over?" she asks the first pilot.
"It's a crater. A meteor crashed into the earth and left that giant hole."
"Wow," replies the flight attendant. "And what's that building right next to it?"
"That's the visitors center," the second pilot says.
"Phew," she says. "They really got lucky, didn't they?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Muslim is about to commit s**... when a Catholic priest stops him
"What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest
"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit s**... to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"
The priest shakes his head
"Foolish Muslim, s**... is not the way!" He says
"Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Flat Earthers
It's funny making a flat earth beliver angry, but if you push them over the edge then you're only proving them right.
A door to door salesman knocked on a door and a woman answered.
Salesman - Hello. Would you like to buy a book titled '500 Excuses to Tell Your Wife After Staying Out Late'?
Woman - Why on earth would I buy a book like that?
Salesman - Because I sold a copy to your husband earlier today.
A man asked God
"God, where can i find the love of my life?"
God answered
"Love can be found on every corner"
And then god made earth round
A professor makes a bet with a student
A professor makes a bet with a student. Every question the professor asks that the student can't answer the student will owe him $1, every question the student asks that the professor can't answer he owes the student $100.
Professor: What element has the atomic number 45?
The student having no idea hands the professor $1.
Student: What animal walks on 2 legs, sleeps on 4 legs, and runs on 3 legs?
The professor is stumped, so he gives the student $100.
Professor: Ok you win, but on earth was the answer to your question?
The student gives the professor $1 and goes home.
Perfect girls are found at every corner on the Earth.
Unfortunately the Earth is round.
A tv show about the earth would be really boring
It would just be the same 4 seasons over and over again being rerun.
A rather drunk lieutenant formed up the platoon:
"Soldiers, why is the formation so crooked?"
"Because the Earth is round!" - someone called out.
"Who said that?"
"Galileo."
"Galileo, step forward!"
"But he has died long ago!"
"So then?! People here are dying, and no one is reporting this to me?"
*Joke was translated from Bulgarian*
Why does the Earth make fun of the moon?
Because it has no life
A man brings his friend home after work for dinner unannounced
When he tells his wife, she starts screaming:
"I've not done my makeup, I've not dressed up nicely, the house is a mess and I haven't had time to wash the dishes! I'm too tired to cook for both of you, and I haven't done the day's laundry yet! Why on Earth would you bring him here?"
"Because he's considering getting married"
A nun was fired from her job in heaven...
A nun was fired from her job in heaven, so she came down to earth and started looking for a job. One night, when she is filling out a job application, there is a question that asks her to check the boxes next to the jobs that she has previously worked at. She looks at the answers for a second, and then checks the box marked, "Nun of the above."
When God created women...
He told them: "Women from all the corners of the world should have equal rights to men."
Ironically he made the Earth round.
Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates of Heaven, a man saw a massive wall of clocks.
He asked St Peter what is with all the clocks?
St Peter responded, These are the clocks of lies. Each person has a clock. Every time they lied on Earth the clock moves one tick.
The man noticed a clock that wasn't moving. "Whose clock is that?" He asked.
St Peter said that was Mother Teresa. She never told a lie.
Whose is that? Abe Lincoln's. It moved two ticks. Showing he lied twice.
Understanding the system, he asked, Where's Donald Trump's clock?
St. Peter responded It's in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.
Overcome with the beauty of the Earth from space, the astronaut removed his helmet
The view was breathtaking
Two flat earthers die and go to heaven. At the pearly gates they have the chance to ask god any questions they want and get truthful answers, so one flat earther asks god "is the earth flat?" to which god answers "No."
The flat earther looks at the other and says "this goes higher than we thought".
A lot of people complain about reposts, but I ran the numbers and only about 0.2% of people actually repost jokes here
Earth has ~7 and a half billion people; this sub only has ~14 million
Roger decided he was in no shape to drive as he walked out of the bar
So he sensibly left his car parked and walked home. As he was staggering along, he was stopped by a policeman.
'What are you doing out here at three o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.
'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.
'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time of night?' enquired the constable sarcastically.
'My wife,' slurred Roger grimly.
Use any units you'd like (actually happened in a class of mine)
Professor: Anyone want to guess the Earth's magnetic field strength? Use any units you'd like.
Student: *raises hand*
Professor: Yes?
Student: 1 Earth
200Years in the future.
A team of the smartest people on earth go to a distant planet, believed to have life. When they land they're greeted by 3aliens. They speak perfect english.
"Leave outsiders. This is our home planet, only trusted individuals are allowed here!"
The space group is quite surprised by this. Most of them think about turning back and going to earth. When one man in the back of the group, Unseen by the aliens, Shows himself. Upon his sight the aliens appear to become much more peaceful with the humans.
"Oh you brought Dave with you! Why didn't you say so."
God said that all men will find love in every corner of the Earth
Then he made the Earth round and laughed and laughed and laughed.
California Condor
A man was in court the other day accused of shooting and killing a California Condor. The judge asked the man, "Why on Earth would you kill one of the magnificent creatures?" The man replied, "Your honor, I have been out of work for quite a while and me and my family were hungry with nothing to eat and I looked up and saw this big bird over head so I shot it down and fed my family with it." The judge said, "That is a tough story. I am sorry for your situation and I will certainly take it into consideration when I sentence you, but by the way, I am a little curious as to what it tastes like." The man replied, "It's really not bad. Kind of a mix between a spotted owl and a baby seal."
My best friend is frustrated with dating and says he can't find a good girl. I reassured him that good girls are found in every corner on Earth.
What I didn't bring up is the fact Earth is round...
A man dies, goes to heaven, and sees a wall full of clocks.
The man asks God what all the clocks are for, and God explains, "these are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie clock. Every time a person lies, the clock hands move."
Pointing to one, the man says, "Whose clock is that?"
"That's George Washington's", God answers. "The hands have never moved, indicating he never told a lie."
"Incredible," the man responds. "And whose clock is that?"
God responds. "That's Barack Obama's. The hands move, but very rarely, which means he doesn't lie much in his life."
"Where is Donald Trump's clock?" the man asks.
"Trump's clock is in Jesus' office," God says. "He uses it as a fan."
A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven
A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven. God himself was there and told him he would be happy to answer any questions the man might have - about anything across the entirety of Space and Time.
So of course the man said - "Was I right? Is the earth actually flat?" and God chuckled and said "Of course not".
The man shook his head in disbelief, shaken to his very core, before murmuring "...this goes even higher than I thought..."
My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle
I responded, That's not right.
With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.
Precisely, I agreed. If the angle were right it would be 90°.
Little 8-year-old Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the youngster was doing, he asked: What are you doing there, Nancy?
My goldfish died, Nancy sobbed. And I've just buried him.
The obnoxious neighbour laughed and said condescendingly: That's a really big hole for a little goldfish, don't you think?
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth with her shovel and replied: That's because he's inside your cat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This season of Earth is not realistic
So many plot holes. Like, where did the m**... hornets go? Why introduce them if they're not important to the story?
I'm feeling Lost.
The real reason for the missing of many flat-earthers in recent weeks as suggested by their friends of similar thought
The Flat Earth Society has reported that the 6 foot social distancing measures have led to the pushing of some of their members over the edge.
