Earth Jokes

195 earth jokes and hilarious earth puns to laugh out loud. Read space jokes about earth that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Have a little laugh with some of the funniest planet Earth jokes around! From "mother Earth" to "down to earth" and even "middle Earth," you're sure to find some of the most amusing one-liners about the almighty place we call home. Don't forget to check out the jokes about Google Earth, the sun and Earth, and other galaxies like Terra!

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Funniest Earth Short Jokes

Short earth jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The earth humour may include short planet jokes also.

  1. Congratulations to the winner of last night's presidential debate! The Voyager probe, flying away from Earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour.
  2. Me: The earth isn't flat! fiat earther: correct
    me: huh?
    fiat earther: it's the shape of an Italian car
    me: what?
    fiat earther: you read my name wrong didn't you?
  3. I debated a flat earther once he stormed off saying he'd walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
    He'll come around, eventually.
  4. The Earth's surface is 70% water. That water is uncarbonated. Therefore, the Earth is flat.
  5. Me: The earth isn't flat Me: The earth isn't flat.
    Fiat earther: Correct.
    Me: huh?
    Fiat earther: It's shaped like an Italian car.
    Me: what?
    Fiat earther: You read my name wrong, didn't you?
  6. Really enjoying my new life aboard the giant space station designed to solve Earth's overpopulation problem . Just a bit weird how the sun gets slightly bigger in my cabin window every day.
  7. What's a gay man's favorite planet? Earth, most likely. Unless he's personally interested in space exploration, in which case he might say Mars.
  8. I just got kicked out of flat earth Facebook groups because I asked if the 6 foot social distancing had pushed anyone over the edge yet.
  9. I received an email from Google It said, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards " I thought, "That's just spam."
  10. Why Don't We Have a Reality Show Where Flat Earthers Walk to the End of the Earth? Because that would be edgy

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Earth One Liners

Which earth one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with earth? I can suggest the ones about ground and environment.

  1. What's the fastest liquid on Earth? Milk. It's pasteurized before you see it.
  2. The Earth used to be flat, but then they buried yo mama.
  3. The rotation of earth Really makes my day.
  4. If the earth really is flat Wouldn't cats have pushed everything off the edge by now?
  5. the flat earth society ... ... has members all around the globe
  6. Scientists watched the earth rotate for 24 hours and got tired, So they called it a day
  7. I love the way the Earth rotates... It makes my day.
  8. The earth is 80% water. None of that water is carbonated. The earth is flat.
  9. i love how the Earth rotates on its axis it really makes my day.
  10. Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space? Because no one on earth wants to buy it.
  11. Why is call of duty infinite warfare set in space? Because nobody liked it on earth.
  12. Sometime in the future, Canada will rule the earth. And then you'll all be sorry.
  13. Why don't aliens visit Earth Bc we have 1 star rating...
  14. I love the way the Earth spins on its axis. it always makes my day.
  15. I really love the word "earth" It means the world to me.

Earth Flat Jokes

Here is a list of funny earth flat jokes and even better earth flat puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I debated a flat earther once. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong. He'll come around eventually.
  • I had a debate with a flat earther. He said he'll walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong. I'm sure he'll come around.
  • Earth is flat! I mean, when was the last time you came across naturally carbonated ocean water?
  • Flat Earthers It's funny making a flat earth beliver angry, but if you push them over the edge then you're only proving them right.
  • I was arguing with a flat Earth believer We argued about how many members the flat Earth community had. He said "We have members all around the globe".
  • The Earth is 70% uncarbonated water Therefore the Earth is flat
  • A flat earth conspiracist was boasting about how many people believe that the Earth is flat... He said, We have supporters all around the globe!!!
  • The Earth was flat.... ...until they buried yo mama.
  • The Covid19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society. They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
  • I just got kicked out of Flat Earth Facebook group. I just got kicked out of Flat Earth Facebook group because I asked if the 6 foot social distancing guideline has pushed anyone over the edge yet.

Flat Earth Jokes

Here is a list of funny flat earth jokes and even better flat earth puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why is it impossible for a flat Earther calculate the volume of the Earth? Because there is always a rounding error.
  • My friend was so convinced of flat earth, he said he was going to Antartica to find the edge. He came around eventually.
  • Did you hear the Flat Earth Society is really gaining ground? They say they have members all around the globe now.
  • Yo mama so fat... When she was buried, the flat earthers announced the earth is not flat anymore.
  • I just got kicked out of a Flat Earth Facebook group.... .... because I asked if the 1.5m social distancing had pushed anyone over the edge yet.
  • I don't really care if the earth is round or flat. Because it's pointless either way.
  • Earth can not be flat Because if it was cats would have pushed everything from the edge
  • How do we know the earth is round? Because if it was flat, cats would've pushed everything off the edge by now.
  • The Earth is flat Over 70% of its surface is water, and none of it is carbonated.
  • Flat Earth theory debunked We can say with certainty that the Earth is not flat because if it was cats would have tossed everything off the edge already.
Earth joke, Flat Earth theory debunked

Earth Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny earth day jokes and even better earth day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go round the earth for 24 hours, so they called it a day. I'm sorry.
  • I love how the Earth rotates, It really makes my day.
  • In ancient times, people watched the earth spin for 24 hours. They got bored though, so they called it a day
  • What does Earth get on earth day ? A birthday quake !
  • I love the way earth rotates. It really made my day.
  • Earth is the best planet... The mere rotation of it makes my day!
  • I really, really love Earth's rotation... It made my day
  • The rotation of the earth It makes my day.
  • This Earth Day I decided I would become more environmentally concious So I'm starting to recycle jokes
  • I just invented a way of powering the earth off of toddlers Mine produces about 1000 what are's every day.

Planet Earth Jokes

Here is a list of funny planet earth jokes and even better planet earth puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Do you think Earth makes fun of the other planets... ...because they have no life?
  • If Bruno mars married Venus Williams on Earth, do you think they'd have a Sun? Only if they planet.
  • What did Earth say to the other planets? Wow. You guys have no life.
  • Earth is the third planet from the sun. By this logic, all countries are third world countries
  • What is Earth's favorite pastime? Making fun of other planets for having no life.
  • If Earth is the third planet from Sun after mercury and Venus Doesn't that make every country a third world country?
  • Earth, Venus, Mars, and jupiter were going to setup a party But they failed because nobody knew how to planet
  • How does earth and mars schedule a vacation They planet
  • There must be another planet somewhere with worms. Otherwise why would we call ours Earth worms
  • NASA discovers 10 earth like planets. Within a month of Trump taking office, NASA has discovered 10 earth like planets...
    They say necessity is the mother of invention !!

Mother Earth Jokes

Here is a list of funny mother earth jokes and even better mother earth puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? Where on Earth have you been?!"
  • What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home?
    Saddest joke ever.
  • What did E.T.'s mother say when he got back on the ship? "Where on Earth were you?!"
  • My mother's dying wish was, "Never change who you are... "...I've put up with you enough on earth; I don't want you bugging me in Heaven too"
  • I blame Mother Earth for all earthquakes. It's always her fault.
  • What's the difference between a blue whale and your mother? One is the largest known mammal on earth, the other is a blue whale.
  • I bet the earth is an intelligent mother. After all, she has a bright sun.
  • How did Father Time and Mother Earth get together? Only Time will tell.
  • Shout out to Mother Earth! She's 4.6 billion years old and still getting hotter.
  • Your mother is so fat... ...that she could see the curvature of the Earth.
Earth joke, Your mother is so fat...

Amusing Earth Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about earth you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sphere jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make earth pranks.

So God's getting ready to go on vaction...

And he's packing his bag and an angel comes up and asks, "So, where are you going to go for your vacation?" And God says, "Huh, not Earth again, last time I went there I got this Jewish girl pregnant and they haven't stopped talking about it since!'

One day God is walking on Earth and a man approaches him.

Man: "Hey God, isn't 1 million years like a second to you?"
God: "Hm, that's pretty accurate. 1 million years is like a second to me"
Man: "Then 1 million dollars would be like... a penny to you, wouldn't it?"
God: "Yes, a million dollars would be like a penny to me."
Man: "Then, can I have 1 million dollars?"
God: "Sure. Just a sec."

Fun Fact- Dogs make different noises according to where they are on Earth.

For example, a dog in Korea makes a sizzling noise.

What did the earthquake say to all of its victims?

Oh, fault.

s**... harassment

The supervisor of a local firm is startled when his secretary bursts into his office to file a complaint of s**... harassment against a man working in the same department. "What on earth did he do?", asks the boss. "It's not what he did but what he said!", the secretary shrieks. "He said my hair smelt nice!". "And what is so wrong with him telling you that?", asks the boss. "He's a midget" ,huffs the woman.

What did E.T.'s mother say when E.T. got home?

"Where on Earth have you been??!!"
**Thank you, I'll be here all night...

Out in space two alien life forms are speaking with each other.

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."
The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves."

I'm Friends with a Really Poor Guy

He's been down on his luck lately, so he told me that he had to become a male p**... to make ends meet. One day, he walked up to me and said that he made a really good amount of money the night before.
Me: How much did you make?
Him: I made $250.05.
Me: Who on earth gave you 5 cents?
Him: Everyone.

A woman asks her husband, a programmer, to go shopping.

Wife: Dear, please, go to the nearby grocery store to buy some bread. Also, if they have eggs, buy 6.
Husband: O.K., hun.
Twenty minutes later the husband comes back bringing 6 loaves of bread. His wife is flabbergasted.
Wife: Dear, why on earth did you buy 6 loaves of bread?
Husband: They had eggs.

What is the quietest place on Earth?

The complaint department at a parachute packing company.

A man is kissing a tractor

A man is kissing and hugging a tractor
Another man goes up to him and says "what on earth are you doing to this tractor" the man replies explaining that him and his wife are having some marriage problems so a friend said that he should do some s**... thing to a tractor. (Attract her)
First time posting ever, sorry for any mistakes.

About 4,000 years ago:

God: I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!
Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note*
God: Correction, I shall create a great flood!

I made the Earth move for the last girl I had s**... with.

And then I moved it back to the hole I had buried her in.

Who is going to win tonight's presidential election?

The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph.

In Heaven, the angels asked God where he would spend his next vacation.

Definitely not earth, God said. Last time I went there, I got a girl pregnant and they still haven't stopped taking about it.

Can you conquer the largest continent on earth?

No, but Genghis Khan!

What did one earthquake say to the other?

Was that your fault or mine?

An alien mothership is scouting planet Earth.

Alien Scout: Sir, the Humans appear to possess massive military capabilities, nuclear weapons included.
Alien Commander: This is problematic, are they really such an intelligent species?
Alien Scout: Apparently not Sir, they appear to have them pointed at themselves.

A man walks into a psychologist's office

The psychologist says, "Tell me about yourself?"
The man replies, "It is my deeply held belief that I am in fact a moth."
The psychologist is a little surprised, but being a professional, he thinks for a moment and says, "Well, I am sure I can help you overcome that."
Indignant, the man shoots back, "No way! I love being a moth, thank-you very much!"
"So why on Earth did you come in here?"
"Oh, well I was just passing by and I saw your light on..."

I was having a beer with the wife last night, when I suddenly blurted out, "I love you more than anything on earth!"

She said, "I bet that's the beer talking, isn't it?"
I said, "No, it's me talking to the beer!"

What did the man say to the feminist to get her angry?

Nothing. The fact that he didn't say anything to her made her think that he thought he was superior and therefore a sexist, misogynistic, s**... of the earth

What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?

That wasn't my fault.

Courtesy of my 11 year old daughter.

Why do space rocks taste better than Earth rocks?

Because they're a little meteor

Two aliens are flying near earth

The first one says, "The dominant life form here have developed satellite based nuclear weapons."
The second one says, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first one says, "I don't think so, they have it aimed at themselves."

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
You're running around with other women, she charged.
You're being unreasonable, Adam responded. You're the only woman on Earth. The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.
What do you think you're doing? Adam demanded. Counting your ribs!

Who are the least angry people on Earth?


Who's the most prepared person on earth?

Justin Case

Know your eclipses.

Earth between sun and moon: Lunar eclipse.
Moon between sun and Earth: Solar eclipse.
Sun between moon and Earth: Apoceclypse.

Who was the unluckiest person in Soviet Russia?

Yuri Gagarin. He circled the earth 3 times but still ended up in Russia.

A Muslim is about to commit s**... when a Catholic priest stops him

"What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest
"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit s**... to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"
The priest shakes his head
"Foolish Muslim, s**... is not the way!" He says
"Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school."

A man asked God

"God, where can i find the love of my life?"
God answered
"Love can be found on every corner"
And then god made earth round

Perfect girls are found at every corner on the Earth.

Unfortunately the Earth is round.

A tv show about the earth would be really boring

It would just be the same 4 seasons over and over again being rerun.

A man brings his friend home after work for dinner unannounced

When he tells his wife, she starts screaming:
"I've not done my makeup, I've not dressed up nicely, the house is a mess and I haven't had time to wash the dishes! I'm too tired to cook for both of you, and I haven't done the day's laundry yet! Why on Earth would you bring him here?"
"Because he's considering getting married"

A nun was fired from her job in heaven...

A nun was fired from her job in heaven, so she came down to earth and started looking for a job. One night, when she is filling out a job application, there is a question that asks her to check the boxes next to the jobs that she has previously worked at. She looks at the answers for a second, and then checks the box marked, "Nun of the above."

In space, two aliens are talking to each other very closely

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."
The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"

When God created women...

He told them: "Women from all the corners of the world should have equal rights to men."
Ironically he made the Earth round.

Overcome with the beauty of the Earth from space, the astronaut removed his helmet

The view was breathtaking

Two flat earthers die and go to heaven. At the pearly gates they have the chance to ask god any questions they want and get truthful answers, so one flat earther asks god "is the earth flat?" to which god answers "No."

The flat earther looks at the other and says "this goes higher than we thought".

A lot of people complain about reposts, but I ran the numbers and only about 0.2% of people actually repost jokes here

Earth has ~7 and a half billion people; this sub only has ~14 million

Roger decided he was in no shape to drive as he walked out of the bar

So he sensibly left his car parked and walked home. As he was staggering along, he was stopped by a policeman.
'What are you doing out here at three o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.
'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.
'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time of night?' enquired the constable sarcastically.
'My wife,' slurred Roger grimly.

Use any units you'd like (actually happened in a class of mine)

Professor: Anyone want to guess the Earth's magnetic field strength? Use any units you'd like.
Student: *raises hand*
Professor: Yes?
Student: 1 Earth

Two Israelis are sitting on the beach in Tel Aviv, reading.

One has got a quality newspaper, the other an antisemitic rag. "Why on earth are you reading that?" one asks. "I used to read a quality paper like you," the other sighs, "but I couldn't handle it any more – the rockets from Gaza and Hezbollah getting stronger every day and the Iranian nuclear programme and the suffering economy and growing antisemitism across Europe…" He points to the antisemitic rag. "Now I read this and I feel much better. Turns out there's actually a Jewish global conspiracy and we control the entire world."

God said that all men will find love in every corner of the Earth

Then he made the Earth round and laughed and laughed and laughed.

California Condor

A man was in court the other day accused of shooting and killing a California Condor. The judge asked the man, "Why on Earth would you kill one of the magnificent creatures?" The man replied, "Your honor, I have been out of work for quite a while and me and my family were hungry with nothing to eat and I looked up and saw this big bird over head so I shot it down and fed my family with it." The judge said, "That is a tough story. I am sorry for your situation and I will certainly take it into consideration when I sentence you, but by the way, I am a little curious as to what it tastes like." The man replied, "It's really not bad. Kind of a mix between a spotted owl and a baby seal."

A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven

A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven. God himself was there and told him he would be happy to answer any questions the man might have - about anything across the entirety of Space and Time.
So of course the man said - "Was I right? Is the earth actually flat?" and God chuckled and said "Of course not".
The man shook his head in disbelief, shaken to his very core, before murmuring "...this goes even higher than I thought..."

My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle

I responded, That's not right.
With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.
Precisely, I agreed. If the angle were right it would be 90°.

God is talking to one of his angels and says

Do you know what I have just done? I have just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth. Isn't that good?
The angel says, Yes, but what will you do now?
God says, I think I'll call it a day.

Little 8-year-old Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the youngster was doing, he asked: What are you doing there, Nancy?

My goldfish died, Nancy sobbed. And I've just buried him.
The obnoxious neighbour laughed and said condescendingly: That's a really big hole for a little goldfish, don't you think?
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth with her shovel and replied: That's because he's inside your cat.

This season of Earth is not realistic

So many plot holes. Like, where did the m**... hornets go? Why introduce them if they're not important to the story?
I'm feeling Lost.

A little girl asks her mum

A little girl asks her mum "mummy, how was I born" Her mother smiled and replied "once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful tiny seed. Your daddy planted it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. After a while the seed germinated and grew tall with many leaves until it became a lovely healthy plant. Then we dried it and smoked it and got so high we forgot to use a c**..."

The real reason for the missing of many flat-earthers in recent weeks as suggested by their friends of similar thought

The Flat Earth Society has reported that the 6 foot social distancing measures have led to the pushing of some of their members over the edge.

Thor was viewing the earth, when he saw a beautiful milkmaid. He transformed to human form, descended to earth - and seduced her.

They made love for 3 days and 3 nights, then one morning Thor was stood with his back to her, shuttered sunlight streaming through his golden hair and across his massive frame - the very image of godlike perfection. And he spoke.
Darling, I must away from this place he turned round for dramatic effect, then thundered. FOR I, AM THOR!
She replied YOU'RE thor? I can barely thtand!

People are currently shooting fireworks off in my neighborhood. I'm usually all for shooting fireworks to celebrate the founding of the greatest nation on Earth, but come on...

Canada Day was yesterday!

"Leagues" in "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" refers to horizontal distance, not depth.

Otherwise it would be called "Journey to the Center of the Earth."

Why are telescopes pointed away from earth?

Because they search for intelligent life

Got an email from Google Earth proudly stating that they can read maps backwards.

I thought to myself, "That's just spam."

Earth joke, Got an email from Google Earth proudly stating that they can read maps backwards.

jokes about earth