The Best 65 Earth Day Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Earth Day jokes. There are some earth day time jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these earth day planet puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Earth Day Jokes and Puns
Three nurses died and went to heaven, where they were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter.
To the first, he asked, "What did you do on Earth and why should you go to heaven?"
"I was a nurse in an inner city hospital," she replied. "I worked to bring healing and peace to the poor suffering city children."
"Very noble," said St. Peter. "You may enter."
And in through the gates she went.
To the next, he asked the same question: "So what did you do on Earth?"
"I was a nurse at a missionary hospital in Africa," she replied. "For many years, I worked with a skeleton crew of doctors and nurses who tried to reach out to as many peoples and tribes with a hand of healing and with a message of God's love."
"How touching," said St. Peter. "You too may enter." And in she went.
He then came to the last nurse, to whom he asked, "So, what did you do back on Earth?"
After some hesitation, she explained, "I was just a nurse at an HMO."
St. Peter pondered this for a moment, and then said, "Okay, you may enter also."
"Whew!" said the nurse. "For a moment there, I thought you weren't going to let me in."
"Oh, you can come in," said St. Peter, "but you can only stay for three days..."
A cowboy is riding across the plain one day,
when he sees an Indian chief laying on the ground with his ear pressed firmly to the earth. Never having seen this before, the cowboy says "Hey chief whatcha doin there." The chief in broken english says "Ugg, buffalo come." The cowboy says "That's amazing chief, how can you tell?" The Chief reply's "Ear sticky."
One day God is walking on Earth and a man approaches him.
Man: "Hey God, isn't 1 million years like a second to you?"
God: "Hm, that's pretty accurate. 1 million years is like a second to me"
Man: "Then 1 million dollars would be like... a penny to you, wouldn't it?"
God: "Yes, a million dollars would be like a penny to me."
Man: "Then, can I have 1 million dollars?"
God: "Sure. Just a sec."
In and Out
(Part joke and part tongue-twister - lots of fun to tell out loud.)
Once upon a time, a mama skunk had twin baby skunks, who she named In and Out.
One day when they were just wee skunks, In and Out went out to play. At lunchtime, Mama Skunk poked her head out and called out, "In and Out, it's time to come in!"
After a few minutes, Out comes in. Mama looks at him and says, "Out, where is In? I just told you both to come in!"
Out says, "In is still out." So Mama tells him "Well Out, you go right back out, find In, and bring him in!" So Out goes out, and within just a minute he comes back in with In.
Mama Skunk is amazed. She says, "Out, how on earth did you find In so quickly?"
Out shrugs and says, "Instinks."
Mercurian day
So - apparently one day on Mercury is an agonisingly long 1408 earth hours long...
In other words - one Earth Monday.
Made my day!
The earth rotation made my day!
Magical Mirror
In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth β if you lie, you disappear.
One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. I think I'm the smartest woman on earth. POOF! She disappears.
The redhead goes up to try. I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth. POOF! She disappears.
The blonde goes up. I thinkβ POOF!"
Does anyone know what would happen if the earth rotated 30 times faster than it does today?
We would get paid every day, and all women would bleed to death.
This literally made my day.
Earth's rotation.
I wanted to throw an earth day party...
But I forgot to planet
I didn't know it was Earth Day
I'm usually in the dark on it...
You can explore earth day days reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean earth day planets dad jokes. There are also earth day puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The rotation of earth
Really makes my day.
I'm Friends with a Really Poor Guy
He's been down on his luck lately, so he told me that he had to become a male prostitute to make ends meet. One day, he walked up to me and said that he made a really good amount of money the night before.
Me: How much did you make?
Him: I made $250.05.
Me: Who on earth gave you 5 cents?
Him: Everyone.
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go round the earth for 24 hours, so they called it a day.
I'm sorry.
The rotation of Earth always makes my day.
Makes my night too.
Few days ago an US Marine and a Russian General were talking at the beach
The Marine says to the General: "we have the greatest submarines on earth. We can last under water for several weeks."
The Russian interrupts:"no way our latest submarines last for 6 months without seeing any daylight."
The both stop talking as they are surprised by a submarine approaching the beach. A soldier jumps out raising his arm straight in the sky, yelling:"Hail Hitler we need Diesel!"
My goal is to become the oldest person on Earth
I know it sounds like a long shot, but I'm making progress every day.
Just now I achieved a new personal best!
I met a dwarf the other day
He was a pretty down to earth guy.
Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight.
The knife lost.
Happy Chuck Norris day to the earth.
The god Thor is bored one day and decided to try out having sex with a mortal woman...
He heads down to earth and finds a beautiful young woman. Pouring on the charm, he convinces her to go to bed with him. He goes back to her place and enjoys her in every possible way, absolutely plowing her with all his god-like strength and endurance. 7 hours later, he rolls off. She's laying there, gasping and panting, shaking, and exhausted from the most incredible sex she's ever had in her life. She can't even speak. All she can do is stroke his chest with a trembling hand. He understands her point, though. He was amazing.
"I've got a confession to make," he says. "I'm actually Thor."
"You're thor!? I'm tho thor, I won't be able to thit down for a week!
A priest out for a walk comes across a boy tied to a tree
The priest says, "oh you poor boy, what on earth has happened to you?"
The boy says, "I was just walking home when these 2 men grabbed me, tied me up and did terrible things to me."
The priest loosens his cassock and says, "It's not your lucky day is it?"
Marvin Gaye's Last Day on Earth
Marvin (holding present): Happy Birthday Dad!!!
Dad: Marvin, if this is another tie, I'm gonna kill you.
I love the way the Earth rotates...
It makes my day.
I really, really love Earth's rotation...
It made my day
I love the way the Earth spins
It really makes my day.
I love the way the Earth spins on its axis.
it always makes my day.
One day on Mercury lasts aproximately 1408 hours
The same as one Monday on earth
Earth is the best planet...
The mere rotation of it makes my day!
After spending 90 days in the Persian Gulf, a sailor goes to complain to his master chief.
"Chief, I joined the Navy to see the world." The master chief replies, "Sailor, the Earth is 75 percent water. The navy showed you that, if you want to see the other 25 percent, join the army."ο»Ώ
On any given day, sexual intercourse takes place 120 million times on earth.
Apparently, I live on the moon.
One Sunday, with one hand motion, God caused the Earth to begin to revolve around the Sun. "What should we call it when it goes all the way around?" asks Adam.
"A year," God replied.
Now, he made another hand motion, and the Earth began to rotate on a tilted axis.
"What should we call it when it rotates all the way around?" Adam asks.
God sighs and takes a seat on the grass below. "Let's call it a day."
People got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours
..so they just called it a day
Today is the day when the moon looks upon earth.
That's why it's blushing.
A man brings his friend home after work for dinner unannounced
When he tells his wife, she starts screaming:
"I've not done my makeup, I've not dressed up nicely, the house is a mess and I haven't had time to wash the dishes! I'm too tired to cook for both of you, and I haven't done the day's laundry yet! Why on Earth would you bring him here?"
"Because he's considering getting married"
I really like how the earth spins
It really makes my day
After Astronomers discovered the Earth rotates about an axis...
They got bored and decided to call it a day!
I always try to live as though it was my last day on earth...
...so I lie in bed, slipping in and out of conciousness.
How will Texans be celebrating Earth Day this weekend?
They will be planting a Bush.
This Earth Day I decided I would become more environmentally concious
So I'm starting to recycle jokes
A woman dies and goes to Heaven
There she is found by St Peter and is escorted to where she'll reside for the rest of her days. As they walk through Heaven,they go through a giant hallway full of clocks. "What are these clocks on the wall",she asks St Peter. "Every man and woman on earth has a personal clock and everytime he or she commits a sin,the clock ticks". "Ohhh...and where's my husband's clock?" she asks."Ahh,we've been using this one in Jesus' office as an air fan"
Prof.X died the other day whilst hooked up to his mind machine.
As a consequence, everyone on earth was frozen in time.
It's a terrible condition... Cerebro Pausey
The earth was 1 day old and air pressure began to build.
Not a great story but it's a first draft.
I met Felix Baumgartner the other day...
He's a really down to earth guy
You know what makes my day?
The rotation of the earth
Two Israelis are sitting on the beach in Tel Aviv, reading.
One has got a quality newspaper, the other an antisemitic rag. "Why on earth are you reading that?" one asks. "I used to read aΒ quality paper like you," the other sighs, "but I couldn't handle it any more β the rockets from Gaza and Hezbollah getting stronger every day and the Iranian nuclear programme and the suffering economy and growing antisemitism across Europeβ¦" He points to the antisemitic rag. "NowΒ I read this and I feel much better. Turns outΒ there's actually a Jewish global conspiracy and we control the entire world."
California Condor
A man was in court the other day accused of shooting and killing a California Condor. The judge asked the man, "Why on Earth would you kill one of the magnificent creatures?" The man replied, "Your honor, I have been out of work for quite a while and me and my family were hungry with nothing to eat and I looked up and saw this big bird over head so I shot it down and fed my family with it." The judge said, "That is a tough story. I am sorry for your situation and I will certainly take it into consideration when I sentence you, but by the way, I am a little curious as to what it tastes like." The man replied, "It's really not bad. Kind of a mix between a spotted owl and a baby seal."
On Mars, the rover begins a new day by opening its solar panel to charge up when there's sunlight...
But this time it hits something.
The scientists are puzzled. There was nothing there when it last went to sleep. Anxious, they use the last of its energy turning its camera around. It was an Earth feline.
Curiosity killed a cat
Scientists got bored of watching the Earth rotate every 24 hours...
...they decided to call it a day and go home.
Regardless of race, gender, color or sexual orientation, every human walking this Earth Marvel's at his or her work at least once every day.
And then uses the flush.
Earth day started with an Earthquake 3 minutes into the game
Just a reminder to how shaky 2020 is
God is talking to one of his angels and says
Do you know what I have just done? I have just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth. Isn't that good?
The angel says, Yes, but what will you do now?
God says, I think I'll call it a day.
so the astronaut Chirstina Kush returned to earth...
After being enclousured 328 days in space now she will be free to... be enclousured in his house. thanks covid 19.
A little girl asks her mum
A little girl asks her mum "mummy, how was I born" Her mother smiled and replied "once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful tiny seed. Your daddy planted it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. After a while the seed germinated and grew tall with many leaves until it became a lovely healthy plant. Then we dried it and smoked it and got so high we forgot to use a condom"
A plane is falling and will eventually crash
A hot blonde stewardess is running to a handsome Italian guy.
The stewardess takes off her clothes and says If this is going to be my last day on earth, treat me like a women!
The Italian guy takes off his shirt and says Iron this
Thor was viewing the earth, when he saw a beautiful milkmaid. He transformed to human form, descended to earth - and seduced her.
They made love for 3 days and 3 nights, then one morning Thor was stood with his back to her, shuttered sunlight streaming through his golden hair and across his massive frame - the very image of godlike perfection. And he spoke.
Darling, I must away from this place he turned round for dramatic effect, then thundered. FOR I, AM THOR!
She replied YOU'RE thor? I can barely thtand!
People are currently shooting fireworks off in my neighborhood. I'm usually all for shooting fireworks to celebrate the founding of the greatest nation on Earth, but come on...
Canada Day was yesterday!
Today we celebrate Independence Day!
For those that don't know their history, this was the day in 1996 that Will Smith saved the Earth from aliens.
I love the way earth rotates.
It really made my day.
There were three brothers Feather, Pillow and Brick.
One day Feather went to his mother and asked:
-Mom, why is my name Feather?
-Because when you were born and we brought you home from the hospital a feather fell on your head.
-she replied.
Next day Pillo asked the same question.
-Mom, why is my name Pillow?
-Because when you were born and we brought you home from the hospital a pillow fell on your head.
The third day Brick went up to her mom and goes:
-The Earth is flat!
A doctor, an engineer, and a politician we're arguing over the oldest profession
The doctor said "in the Bible, Eve was made from Adam's rib, so the first profession was a surgeon." The engineer said, "God made the earth from chaos in 7 days, so engineering is the first profession." The politician said, "who do you think you made the chaos?"
Karens husband dies...
Karens husband dies. After a few days, she starts missing him, so she buys an Ouija board and contacts her husband.
Karen: Honey, can you listen to me?
Husband: Yes
Karen: Are you happy in afterlife?
Husband: Yes
Karen: Is it better than your life on earth?
Husband: Yes
Karen: Nice. So how's heaven?
Husband: Who said I'm in heaven?
Last week we had an earthquake, a hurricane, and a LITERAL serpentine fire so, on this auspicious day, I'd just like to say:
OK, Earth Wind & Fire...
WE REMEMBER THE 21ST NIGHT OF SEPTEMBER!!!
A man walks in to a bar
And sees an ugly old humpback of a guy, who is constantly surrounded by women.
How to spot a millionaire, am I right? he winks and smiles at the bartender
No, Larry is a plumber, not a millionaire
Okay - so he must be extremely charming?
Larry is actually a man of very few words
Then what on earth makes him so incredibly popular with women??
I actually have no idea - every day he comes here, he just sits there quietly, drinking his beer, licking his eyebrows..
What does Earth get on Earth day ?
A birthday quake !
I love the way the Earth rotates
It really does make my day...
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the earth day finally jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working earth day earthling piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.