Ears Jokes
138 ears jokes and hilarious ears puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ears that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make them laugh with these funny ear jokes! From puns about big and small ears to cute jokes about bunny ears, you'll find something for everyone in this collection of jokes about ears. Get ready for a good earshot, and don't forget to remind nosey people that ears hear too!
Quick Jump To
- Short Ears Jokes
- Ears One Liners
- Nose Ears Jokes
- Big Ears Jokes
- Your Ears Are So Big Jokes
- Small Ears Jokes
- No Ears Jokes
- More Ears Jokes
Funniest Ears Short Jokes
Short ears jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ears humour may include short eyes jokes also.
- I tried to warn my son about the dangers of russian roulette... It went in one ear and out the other.
- Told my son to stop playing Russian roulette, but you know how it is with kids... In one ear, out the other.
- What is the most sensitive part of your body while pleasuring yourself? Your ear listening for foot steps.
- This girl I met on Tinder had a tattoo of a seashell on her innerthigh If you put your ear against it and listened closely, you could smell the sea.
- What do women put on their ear to look more attractive?... Their knees.
(Not sure if this one translates well to english) - My girlfriend got a tattoo of a shell on her thigh Every time I lay my ear on it I can smell the sea.
- I went to a restaurant. It was full; no place to sit...
I took out my mobile,
Placed it to my ear and said loudly- "Bro come fast, she's here with someone else...
Six couples ran away - I once met a girl with a tattoo of a conch on her inner thigh When I put my ear to it I could smell the sea
- I tried to warn him about playing Russian roulette. But it went in one ear and came out the other.
- When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.
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Ears One Liners
Which ears one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ears? I can suggest the ones about earns and horn.
- A mp3 hits your ears a mp4 hits your eyes An mp5 hits your vital organs.
- How much did the pirate pay to have his ears pierced? A buccaneer :D
- How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced? A buccaneer.
- What did the ear say after it was hit with a high frequency? It Hz.
- Why did Van Gogh become a painter? Because he didn't have an ear for music.
- My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration? Me: What?
- How much do pirates charge for piercings? A buck an ear.
- What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs? Anything you want. He can't hear you!
- I have 6 eyes, 3 ears, 2 mouths, but one tooth. What am I? Ugly.
- Did you know? If you put a hard hat up to your ear... ...you can hear the OSHA
- How much did it cost the pirate to have his ears pierced? A buck an ear
- I have the eyes of a hawk, the ears of a fox… and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
- I can control sheep by just listening to them It's true, I heard them with my own ears
- You can tell a lot about a woman from her shoes If they're behind her ears, she likes you
- If you lose your hearing,... is it ear replaceable?
Nose Ears Jokes
Here is a list of funny nose ears jokes and even better nose ears puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man goes to the doctor with a carrot in his nose, cabbage in his ears and ham over his eyes. What's wrong with me doc? He asks. The doctor replies Well it looks like you're not eating right.
- What do you call a deaf guy with three legs, two noses, four ears, and a unibrow? It doesn't matter, he isn't gonna hear you.
- I have four eyes, three ears and two noses. What am I? Ugly.
- I've decided to start planning ahead I'll start with two ears, maybe a nose... Annnnd in thinking 3? No, 4 eyes.
- What do you call a man with one eye, two noses, and three ears? Ugly
- What do you call a creature with 6 legs, 3 eyes, 2 noses and no ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you
- A man goes to see the doctor. He has a carrot in his ear, a stick of celery up his nose and mash potato and peas in his hair.
Doctor says "You not eating right." - A guy walks into a drs office with a carrot in his ear.. ..and a piece of broccoli up his nose. The Dr told him he isn't eating right.
- A guy with a carrot in his nose, an eggplant in one ear and a cucumber in the other, goes to his doctor... "Doc, what's wrong with me?"
"Well, it appears as if you have an eating disorder." - I was at the doctor's office the other day And as he was looking in my ears he said "you've got the cleanest ears I've ever seen!"
I said if he thought that was impressive he should look up my nose.
Big Ears Jokes
Here is a list of funny big ears jokes and even better big ears puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's gray, has big ears, and a trunk? A mouse on vacation.
- Mom ! Mom ! The mean kids keep saying I have big ears ! "Oh really ? I'll talk to them. Where are they ?"
"In the next town over !" - What do you call people with big ears? Nothing, they might hear you
- Why Do Elephants Have Big Ears? Because Noddy won't pay the ransom!
- The man with the big feet lives in the red house, the man with the big ears in the green house, the man with the long hair in blue house, where does the man with the small wein live? My house
- your mamas head is so big it will take 500 years for it to go into one ear and out the other
- Humans need 7 filters. 2 for the eyes, 2 for the ears, 2 for the nostrils and a big 1 for the mouth.
- What has big ears, brings Easter treats, and goes hippity-THUD, hippity-THUD, hippity-THUD? The Easter Elephant.
- What's Pink, has a big appetite, and squeaks kirby. You were expecting a pig, but I didn't mention a snout , ears, or a curly pink tail.
- 2 VD germs 2 VD germs crossing the road and a big lorry hurtles towards them. One says to the other 'Looks like we're a goner ear.:
Your Ears Are So Big Jokes
Here is a list of funny your ears are so big jokes and even better your ears are so big puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call someone with three eyes, one ear, and a big nose...? Ugly. \(I know from personal experience :P\)
- Why does the Elephant have Big Ears? Because Noddy refuses to pay the ransom money.
- Why does Spock have big ears? Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.
Small Ears Jokes
Here is a list of funny small ears jokes and even better small ears puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why is turtle wax so expensive? because turtles have such small ears
- What's a small black dot between two larger white ones? A flea with cotton wool in its ears.
- Did you know that the two different types of elephants have hugely different flaps? The Asian Elephant has the small ears, which pretty much means its African cousin is earelephant.
No Ears Jokes
Here is a list of funny no ears jokes and even better no ears puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My girlfriend got a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh… When I hold my ear up to it I can smell the ocean!
- Why was it only $2 for the pirate to get both his ears pierced? He got the buccaneer special
- I knew a girl with a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh She said if you put your ear up to it, you could smell the ocean.
- Captain Kirk actually has 3 ears. The first is the left ear, the second is the right ear, and then there's the final frontier.
- So my girlfriend got a new tattoo...... Of a seashell located on her inner thigh, and the best part is if you place your ear next to it you can smell the ocean.
- As a boy, I was made to believe that earwigs lived in ears Henceforth, I was terrified of cockroaches
- My girlfriend has a tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh. When you put your ear on it, you can smell the ocean.
- I walked my daughter down the aisle for her third wedding. I whispered in her ear, I keep giving you away... and they keep giving you back!
- My wife recently got a seashell tattooed on her thigh. When you put your ear close to it, you can really smell the ocean.
- I tried to warn my son about playing Russian Roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
Quirky and Hilarious Ears Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about ears you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean eyed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ears pranks.
What's the most sensitive part of a man's body during m**...?
His ears.
Two Indians put their ears to the ground........
The first Indian says: "Buffalo come".
The second Indian says: "Buffalo no come".
The first Indian places his ear back on the ground and repeats "Buffalo come".
The second Indian places his ear back on the ground and says "I no hear anything, why you think buffalo come?"
The first Indian replies "Ear sticky".
Did you hear about the man who was born without any ears?
Niether did he.
Oh hey, Larry's sporting bling in his ears
Joe: When did you start wearing earrings?
Larry: Since the day my wife found them in my car.
e**... your ears for this one
A woman asks her husband to start taking those pills that will help him achieve an e**.... He agrees. The next day, she asks if he got the pills. "Picked 'em up today. Here you go honey," and tosses her a bottle of diet pills
A customer's corn broke through her bag. I told her it was too husky.
She stared at me blankly. Something must've been wrong with her ears.
What do you call a man with potatoes in their ears?
Anything you want, He can't hear you!
A guy walks into work...
And both ears are bandaged.
The boss says, "What happened to your ears?"
"Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the iron."
The boss responds "we'll that explains one ear, but what happened to the other?"
And the guy responds "Well, I had to call the doctor!"
A man takes his dog to a vet...
A man takes his dog to a vet because it has too much hair in its ears and is having trouble hearing. The vet suggests using nair hair removal cream to remove the large portion of hair from its ears.
So the man goes to a pharmacy and asks for some nair hair removal cream. Then at the counter, the pharmacist says, "ok if this is for your legs, don't wear any tight pants for a few days".
The man says, "its not for my legs".
The pharmacist then says, "ok if it's for your underarms, don't wear any tight shirts for a few days".
The man says, "its not for my underarms". The pharmacist then asks, "what is it for then?"
"It's for my schnauzer. "
Then don't ride your bike for a few days.
Why is corn the best vegetable to talk to?
It's all ears!
A man goes to the doctor with a carrot up his nose.
He has a stalk of celery in the other nostril and peas in his ears. He says to the doctor, "Doc, I'm not feeling well." The doctor says, "Well, you're not eating right."
Little Johnny's dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees...
Little Johnny claps his hands over his ears and says, "I don't wanna hear anymore! First you tell me there's no Santa Claus, and then there's no Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy either. If you're about to tell me grown ups don't have s**..., I got nothin' to believe in anymore!"
What kind of ears does an engine have
What kind of ears does an engine have? Engineers
[In honor of Leonard Nimoy] How many ears does Spock have?
Three. A left ear, a right ear, and a final frontier.
A farmer finds a shoebox under his wife's side of the bed
The box contained two ears of corn and $4000. He went to his wife
Farmer: What's this?
Wife: I have a confession to make. Whenever I cheated on you I put an ear of corn in the box.
The farmer gasps, then thinks "50 years of marriage...only twice..that's not too awful.
Farmer: What about the $4000?
Wife: Whenever I got a bushel I sold it.
Little Johnny
"Hey, Mom," asked Johnny "Can you give me twenty dollars?"
"Certainly not."
"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."
His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?"
"He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.' "
You can tell how much a girl likes you by looking at her feet
If they are behind her ears, she really really likes you.
Johnny burned both of his ears
Johnny burned both of his ears. So the doctor asked him at the hospital how it happened.
Johnny: I was ironing my shirt and the phone rang. So, instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear.
Doctor: How the heck did you burn the other ear?
Johnny: They called back.
EAR ACCIDENT
A construction worker accidentally cuts off one of his ears with an electric saw.
He calls out to a guy walking on the street below, "Hey, do you see my ear down there?"
The guy on the street picks up an ear and yells back, "Is this it?"
"No," replies the construction worker. "Mine had a pencil behind it."
A husband asks his wife...
Husband: Darling, if I lost my vision would you be my eyes?
Wife: Honey, of course I would.
Husband: If I lost my hearing would you be my ears?
Wife: Absolutely sweetheart.
Husband: If I lost my legs would you push me around in a wheelchair?
Wife: You don't need to ask. Why all the questions?
Husband: I just sprained my wrist...
What is the most sensitive part of a mans anatomy while he's m**...?
His ears.
Oooo! I get to say it! "Front page?! Wow! Thanks y'all!" Oh yea, and "RIP my inbox"
Good times!
A koala walks into a barber shop
A koala walks into a barber shop and hops up into the chair. He points to the excess fur that has grown around his ears and asks the barber, "Can eucalyptus?"
If you want to know if a girl is into you, look at her feet.
If they point away from you she's not interested, if they're behind her ears she's very interested.
How does the Easter Bunny keep his ears standing straight up?
He uses Hare Spray...
(Ill see myself out)
So my friend had some issue with his hearing....
My friend was having some issues with his hearing, so he booked a doctor's appointment. The doctor checked him over and had a look in his ears. The doctor said "okay. So, describe the symptoms". My friend said "well, there's homer. He's the dad. And there's Marge, she's got big blue hair..."
How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
A buck 'n ear
Did you hear about the guy that was born without ears?
Neither did he.
Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
So she wouldn't get hearing aids.
Whats fat on the bottom, skinny on the top, and has ears?
Mountains!
...what? You've never head of mountaineers?
A guy walks into his office with both his ears bandaged up
A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, What happened to your ears?
He says, Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron.
The boss says, Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?
He says, Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!
did you know you can tell how much a girl likes you by the position of their feet
Chances are if her feet are next to her ears she really likes you.
A woman heard that her blonde friend was in the hospital
She went to visit her, and found her propped up in bed with bandages over both her ears.
"What in the world happened to you?" she asked.
"It was the craziest thing," said the blonde. "I was ironing clothes when the phone rang. Without thinking I held the iron up to my ear and said 'hello?'"
"But what happened to your other ear?"
"I had to call the ambulance, didn't I?"
Why is it risky to tell secrets on a farm?
The corn have ears, the potatoes have eyes and the beanstalk.
Winston goes to church
Winston goes to church and the vicar says "What's wrong my son?"
Winston says "I want you to pray for my hearing".
The vicar puts his hands on Winston's ears and prays hard for ten minutes.
"So how is your hearing?" asks the vicar.
"I don't know", says Winston, "it isn't until next Wednesday".
When I was young, I used to think earwigs actually lived in your ears...
You can imagine how terrified I was of cockroaches...
I listened to All Star so many times it gave me tinnitus.
Now, my ears start humming and they don't stop humming.
What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he is m**...?
His ears
When I was a kid I was terrified of earwigs because I thought they were bugs that crawled into your ears.
So you can imagine my reaction when I heard about cockroaches.
What is a man's most sensitive o**... when m**...?
His ears.
A man went into the doctors with both ears severely burned...
The doctor said 'Christ man, how did you manage that?!'
The man replied 'Well, I was doing the ironing when I suddenly heard the phone ring. I can't believe that I did this, but I accidentally pressed the iron to my ear instead of the phone!'
The doctor thought for a moment and said 'that explains one ear, but how did you burn the other one?'
The man replied 'Well, I burned that one trying to call an ambulance!'
Joe goes to church and starts praying hard. The pastor comes up and asks: 'what's wrong?'
Joe says: "I want you to pray for my hearing."
The pastor puts his hands on Joe's ears and starts shaking and praying hard for ten minutes.
Pastor says: "So how's your hearing" ?
Joe says: "I don't know, it's not till next Monday."
Any advice on correcting plastic surgery that has gone wrong?
I'm all ears.
Don't tell secrets in the garden:
The potatoes have eyes
The corn has ears
And the beanstalk.
Did you know Captain Kirk had three ears?
A right ear, a left ear, and a final front ear
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
...but I've heard good things
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
Most of the time you get an onion with floppy ears, but every once in a while you get a piece of a**... that will bring a tear to your eye
An Aussie phones an ambulance because his mate's been just hit by a car
Aussie: Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I think both his legs are broken.
Operator: What is your location sir?
Aussie:On Eucalyptus Street.
Operator: How do you Spell that sir?
Silence..... (heavy breathing) and after a minute or so...
Operator: Are you there sir?
More heavy breathing and another minute later...
Operator: Sir, can you hear me?
This goes on for another few minutes until...
Operator:Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?
Aussie: Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell
eucalyptus, so I just dragged him around to Oak Street.
How many ears does Spock have?
3
A left ear, a right ear and a final front ear.
A Texan arrived for his first day at Harvard University ...
A Texan arrived for his first day at Harvard University and found himself lost in the yard. He stopped a professor who was walking by and said to him, "Howdy Pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at?"
The professor couldn't believe his ears. "What did you say?" he said.
The Texan again said, "Howdy pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at?"
The professor became indignant, "You can't talk like that at Harvard University. I mean, you've ended your sentence with a preposition. Try to do better!"
The Texan shuffled for a second and said, "Well pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at...a**...!"
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
A couple are at the church when the wife whispers into the husband's ear "I just let out a silent f**.... What do I do?"
He responds:
"Get your ears checked"
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
Mr. Spock actually had 3 Ears!
A left ear, a right ear
and a final front ear
A corn farmer asked his field "are you listening?"
To which the field responded "I'm all ears"
Why is turtle wax so expensive?
Because they only have little ears.
A little girl goes to the pet store
She ask the owner of the store if he has any bunnies.
Well sure sweetie! He says and takes her to where the bunnies are, I have a few different bunnies I have this white one with floppy ears, or this fluffy little brown one, or I even have this cute one with black spots! What kind of bunny did you have in mind?
So the little girl looks over the bunnies and then back to the pet store owner and replies, quite frankly mister I don't think my snake gives a d**....
MI6, CIA and KGB are competing against each other...
Last competition. The mission is to find a bear in a 10000 sq/km forest
MI6 goes first. Using dogs and 1000 agents they have found a bear in 12 hours.
CIA goes next. Using satellites and heatvisors they found a bear in 6 hours
KGB goes last. Two agents enters a forest and came out of it in 5 minutes. One of them is holding a rabbit by his ears.
Judges- And?
One KGB agent hits a rabbit.
Rabbit - ok ok i confess i'm a bear!!!
Ok, dad joke time.
A doctor goes to see a patient, the patient has carrots coming out of his nose and broccoli out of his ears. The doctor takes one look at the patient and says, I can tell right away you're not eating right.
Speaking of a big fat b**...!
A girl takes her big fat cat to the vet.
"My cat is very fat, she says.
"Alright," says the vet. "I will look at him."
The vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth. Then she looks at its eyes. Then into its ears.
Finally, she turns to the girl and says, I'm very sorry. I'm going to have to put your cat down."
"Oh no! Because he's so fat?"
"Yes, says the doctor. My arms are very tired."
At a corporate party…
The director of HR stood up and said If anyone has any comments or anything they'd like to say please come up to the microphone
An employee stood up and walked over. He picked up the microphone and pointed it directly at the speakers. A loud obnoxious noise screeched out and filled the room. Everyone covered their ears as he held it there. He then turned it away and handed it back to the HR director. To which the HR director said…
Thank you for your feedback.
What is the most sensitive part on mans body while he is m**....
His ears....
I nibbled on my 3 year olds ear and said "I'm going to eat your ears". She said "Papa! No! Don't e**... ears!"
"My mask will fall off!"
(True story from yesterday, happy end of 2021!)
What do you get if you have the eyes of a hawk, heart of a lion, and the ears of a fox?
A lifetime ban from the zoo
If anyone's got any tips on how to reverse plastic surgery
I'm all ears.
How much does it cost for pirates to get their ears pierced?
About a Buccaneer
Why can't a farmer keep secrets on her farm?
Because the corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes and the beans stalk.
Doctor: " So,you're telling me that you have a problem with one of your ears. Are you sure ?"
"YES DOCTOR....I"M DEFINITE."
Fun fact: In Star Trek canon, Captain Kirk has three ears. . .
He has a left ear, a right ear, and SPACE: THE FINAL FRONT EAR.
My cat is very fat
A girl takes her big fat cat to the vet. "My cat is very fat, she says. "Alright," says the vet. "I will look at him." The vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth. Then she looks at its eyes. Then into its ears. Finally, she turns to the girl and says, I'm very sorry. I'm going to have to put your cat down." "Oh no! Because he's so fat?" "Yes, says the doctor. My arms are very tired."
Granny goes to the doctor.
She tells the doctor:
Look I have a big problem.
I have so SO much gas, thankfully it is not loud or smelly, but I need something about it.
Doctor said: Ok ask the pharmacist for this medication, take 1 pill each morning and come back in a week.
So the granny goes in a week later and says: What is going on, everything is all the same but now the gases are extremely smelly, what did you do?
So the doctor take a camera device and checks her nostrils inside and says: Ok now that the nostrils are no longer blocked, let's see about the ears.
