Earn Jokes
85 earn jokes and hilarious earn puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about earn that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Earn Short Jokes
Short earn jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The earn humour may include short gain jokes also.
- If I had a penny for every time someone called me sexist... I'd probably be earning more than the average woman.
- What is the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond? The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.
- Wonder Woman earned $300 million worldwide in first week. "Wonder Man" earned $400 million for doing the same job.
- Bernie Sanders is a true socialist He's taking the delegates he's earned and giving them to somebody who is struggling to earn their own.
- I heard women in this country only get 78¢ for every dollar a man earns... On the bright side, we get to keep 22¢
- America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole day.
- What do you call a Mongol leader who swindles people out of their hard earned cash? Ghengis Khan Man.
- My dad rewards me when I earn a good report card, but any C s are punished with unbearable dad-jokes. He likes to call it the carrot and schtick method of parenting.
- After being sent to prison, I quickly earned the nickname "Mitochondria." I was the powerhouse of the cell.
- Trump impeachment jokes Donald J. Trump has been impeached.
Finally, something he's earned !
Share These Earn Jokes With Friends
Earn One Liners
Which earn one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with earn? I can suggest the ones about income and profit.
- What's the fastest way to earn money as a photographer? By selling your camera.
- I like to give a percentage of my earnings to Charity.... ......and other strippers.
- I like making money It's a lot easier than earning it.
- What's the quickest way to earn karma using your sword-fighting abilities? Riposte
- Why is it easy to talk to people who earn little pay? Because they make cents!
- How does a fencer earn their karma? Ripostes.
- What did Dr. pepper earn his PhD in? Fizz-ics
- This one simple trick will earn you THOUSANDS in WEEKS! Get a job.
- How much money does a gay pornstar earn? A buttload
- Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver
- A penny saved... ... is 350 Trillion Zimbabwe dollars earned!
- What's the most honest way to earn a living as a seamstress? The Ernest Hemingway
- I recently earned 5 times the money I earned before 5x0=0
- So I am already busy earning my second million. Because earning the first million failed
- What do you earn after studying about pets and studying kids? A pedigree.
Earn Money From Jokes
Here is a list of funny earn money from jokes and even better earn money from puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When I was young, losing teeth would earn me money. Now I'm old, earning money will gain me teeth.
- A poor man asked a rich man, "How much money do you have to earn before you're satisfied?" The rich man replied, "More."
- What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
- What's the difference between a drama student and a government savings bond? The government savings bond eventually matures and earns money.
- My mom deported me from her basement because I was a DREAMer As in I Don't Really Earn Any Money.
- Payment Boy - I wish to marry your daughter.
Father - How much do you earn?
Boy - 10K.
Father - I give her 8K as pocket money.
Boy - Yes i included that in my payment.
Ways Earn Jokes
Here is a list of funny ways earn jokes and even better ways earn puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- They should offer a class on speaking the truth in high school It'd be a great way to earn a foreign language credit.
Entertaining Earn Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about earn you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean reward jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make earn pranks.
My local college has a scheme that lets student earn their tuition by working in the on campus bakery.
The opportunity isn't open to everyone. It's run on a strictly knead to know basis.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently met the most desperate h**....
Infact so desperate that she's willing to be t**..., beaten and flogged by the customers to earn some extra money.
She was strapped for cash.
Blonde Paint Job Warning:Long
A blonde,wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself as a handyman type and started canvasing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the man asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a porch, it's a Ferrari."
Blonde Paint Job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
My girlfriend told me this one
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Clever guy applying for a job, ended up talking about the wages...
Manager: '' So you will start at $15 a hour and later you could earn at least $20 a hour. ''
Applicant: ''Alright then I'll be back later! ''
This one earned some cutting remarks.
If it weren't for the table saw accident, I wouldn't be half the person I am today.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... equality in the workplace
I'm all for s**... equality. That's why I allow my female staff to work longer so they can earn the same as the men.
Another blonde joke.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Why 'business' people continue to earn more than people who actually work :
Time is money (time=money), and knowledge is power( knowledge=power)
we know that power is work done/time
solving,
power=work done/money
but knowledge=power
hence
we have money=work done/knowledge
which means, in the limiting case, as knowledge ->0 money -> Infinity, regardless of work done
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy goes with his mother in a taxi,
In between taxi passes by a red light area.
The boy asks his mother after looking at the call girls,
Mom, who are they ?
Mother replied: They are waiting for their husbands.
Taxi driver: Why are you lying the kid ?
He says, son they are prostitutes. They sleep and earn money!
Child Asks: Then mom what happens to the kids these women give birth to?
MOM : THEY BECOME TAXI DRIVERS
A blonde, wanting to earn some money...
decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
I guess some things will never change...
I hired a temp while my secretary was on maternity leave.
Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn.
She said, "Well... the minimum I could work for is $400 a week.
"I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure. She shook her head and replied,
"With pleasure, it'll be $600 a week."
This actually just happened...
*Wife: I wanna get into coding.
*Me: Oh, that sounds fun. You might even earn some
money on the side while you're at home. What language
did you wana code in ?
*Wife: English. Duh!
Did you know sculptors who make likenesses of America's first president generally don't earn much?
I guess it makes sense that a George Washington carver gets paid peanuts.
student loans...
that's it, that's the joke.
It takes like 1000 years to pay off your debt. Longer than it took you to earn your degree.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Working holiday
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
"Where are you going?" he asks.
"I'm going to Las Vegas. I can earn $200 for a b**... there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do for you for free."
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
"Where are you going?" the wife asks.
"I'm coming with you. I want to see how you can live on $200 a year."
Judas: "Jesus, yesterday you told those chicks you can resurrect, is it true?"
Jesus: "Yeah"
Judas: "How would you like to earn 15 pieces of silver?"
Jesus: "I'm listening..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde goes to a blood bank to earn a little money to pay the bills...
She steps into the elevator along with an attractive young man.
"Are you going to the blood bank too?" she inquires.
"no" he replies: "I go to the s**... bank, because I get four times the cash as I get for a pint of blood".
A week later, they meet again in the same elevator. The guy asks: " Off to the blood bank again?"
The blonde just shakes her head and says :" Mmm-Mmm"
Anyone want to earn some fat stacks?
I've got more lard than I know what to do with.
Him: "Why do you always have to correct everything I say? What are you, trying to earn your Pedantry Badge in Boy Scouts or something?"
Me: "It's actually a pin, not a badge..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many millennials does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
100
99 to earn a PhD in electrical engineering and interview for the job, and one to agree to do it for the "experience".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does an l**... person go to college?
To get a degree and earn mormoney
I went to the doctor and told him that I'm having trouble 'satisfying' the wife. He told me I should do what he does, so I asked, What's that, then?
He chuckled, Earn 100k a year!"
What's the similarity between God and a Math professor?
If you earn their wrath, you're out of their dominion.
Some people are suggesting that Bill Cosby should have his honourary doctorate taken away.
But the man successfully anesthetized over 50 women, countless times. If anything he has done more to earn the title doctor" than ever before.
What do chickens earn?
Bucks
My grandfather used to earn a living as a contortionist
But lately he's struggling to make ends meet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blind people earn more every week than a sighted person.
There's always little bumps in their salary.
How did the scarecrow earn an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
Yes i stole it but i tought i'd share it...also i don't know if this was posted before.Pls no hate.
I earned an Oscar for being the best producer.
He was born and named yesterday after my long fight against fertility.
Why do scrap salvagers like cheese so much?
Because they sort through de-brie to earn some cheddar.
I quit my career as a professional poker player, and I decided to open a grocery store.
For the first couple weeks, I didn't earn much money. Then, I decided to rearrange the meat and the snacks in my store. I started earning lots of money. I knew that I would succeed when the chips were down and the steaks were high.
A woman answered her front door and saw a little boy holding a list.
"Ma'am," he explained, "I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper so I can earn a dollar.""Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?""My babysitter's boyfriend."
I bought Pfizer years ago and was so excited to earn millions when they announced their COVID vaccine...
Oops.... Turns out I bought Pfizer Total Landscaping instead. Oh well. Maybe I could rent the place out for a news conference?
Permission To Marry Your Daughter
Jimmy asks his girlfriend's father permission to propose.
The father says, "I need to ask you two questions. The first question is, do you love my daughter?"
Jimmy eagerly responds, "Sir, I love her with all my heart."
My second question is, "Do you think you earn enough money to support a family."
Jimmy immediately answers, "Yes sir, I certainly do."
The father says, "Slow down and think carefully Jimmy. There is six of us."
2 boys were talking...
2 boys were talking and one said to the other, "There is an easy way to earn money..The other boy said, "How?" the boy replied, "Tell people you know their secret."The boy jumps up to his dad, "I know your secret!" dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10."The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!"mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15."The boy then tries it on the mail man, "I know your secret!" The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
Where the h**... do you think you're going? he says.
I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a b**... there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
Where do you think you going? the wife asks.
I'm coming with you…I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!
I am earning 5,000 monthly
Last month I received 7,000 and I kept quiet.
This month I got 3,000 so I went to HR to complain.
HR asked "why didn't you complain when you received extra last month?"
I replied "I will normally forgive the first mistake, but I can't tolerate the second."
Son asks his father for a gift
Son: - Dad I need a gift for my birthday
Dad: - What do you want Son
Son: - I need a Bitcoin
Dad: - What?? Why do you need $ 35K for?? You know how difficult it is to earn $ 25K dollars?? You will learn difficulty of earning $ 40K when you get a job
"Dad, are you planning on getting me a gift for my birthday?"
"Of course, but your mother and I would like to get you something you will enjoy, what is it you want?"
"Well, crypto is hot - how about a Bitcoin."
"A Bitcoin? Sheesh, those things cost $45,237! Do you know how long it takes me to earn $31,479? Some day you'll have a job yourself and have a better appreciation of how much $63,981 is on a pre-tax basis! I don't understand what you're going to do with a $26,109 bitcoin anyway.
Pick something else - $4,807 for a bitcoin is more than we were going spend."
I just got laid for the first time today.
They told me they'd never had anyone whose performance was so bad despite every position we tried. This was the last thing I could think of to try to earn a living and now I don't know what to do.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've started crossbreeding m**... and vegetables
Maybe I'll earn a higher celery.
Real conversation with my 6-year-old:
Him (looking at a bank building): Is this where they keep the money that you donate to them?
Me: Yes, but we don't _donate_ to the bank, we _deposit_ into the bank. 'Deposit' means that you're going to take it back later. 'Donate' means that you just give it away and don't expect to ever get it back.
Him: Oh, I know an example of donate. Like, when you earn money and pay your taxes, you are _donating_ to the government because you're never gonna get it back. Right?
Me: ???
