The Best 57 Earn Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Earn jokes. There are some earn tax jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these earn won puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Earn Jokes and Puns
My local college has a scheme that lets student earn their tuition by working in the on campus bakery.
The opportunity isn't open to everyone. It's run on a strictly knead to know basis.
I recently met the most desperate hooker.
Infact so desperate that she's willing to be tied up, beaten and flogged by the customers to earn some extra money.
She was strapped for cash.
Blonde Paint Job Warning:Long
A blonde,wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself as a handyman type and started canvasing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the man asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a porch, it's a Ferrari."
Blonde Paint Job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
My girlfriend told me this one
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
What is the difference between a guitar player and government bonds?
Government bonds mature over time and earn money
Clever guy applying for a job, ended up talking about the wages...
Manager: '' So you will start at $15 a hour and later you could earn at least $20 a hour. ''
Applicant: ''Alright then I'll be back later! ''
equality
A woman's work is never done, that's why they earn less.
This one earned some cutting remarks.
If it weren't for the table saw accident, I wouldn't be half the person I am today.
Why is it easy to talk to people who earn little pay?
Because they make cents!
How much money does a gay pornstar earn?
A buttload
You can explore earn transactions reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean earn receive dad jokes. There are also earn puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Sexual equality in the workplace
I'm all for sexual equality. That's why I allow my female staff to work longer so they can earn the same as the men.
Another blonde joke.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Why 'business' people continue to earn more than people who actually work :
Time is money (time=money), and knowledge is power( knowledge=power)
we know that power is work done/time
solving,
power=work done/money
but knowledge=power
hence
we have money=work done/knowledge
which means, in the limiting case, as knowledge ->0 money -> Infinity, regardless of work done
A boy goes with his mother in a taxi,
In between taxi passes by a red light area.
The boy asks his mother after looking at the call girls,
Mom, who are they ?
Mother replied: They are waiting for their husbands.
Taxi driver: Why are you lying the kid ?
He says, son they are prostitutes. They sleep and earn money!
Child Asks: Then mom what happens to the kids these women give birth to?
MOM : THEY BECOME TAXI DRIVERS
A blonde, wanting to earn some money...
decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
When I was young, losing teeth would earn me money.
Now I'm old, earning money will gain me teeth.
I guess some things will never change...
I hired a temp while my secretary was on maternity leave.
Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn.
She said, "Well... the minimum I could work for is $400 a week.
"I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure. She shook her head and replied,
"With pleasure, it'll be $600 a week."
Bernie Sanders is a true socialist
He's taking the delegates he's earned and giving them to somebody who is struggling to earn their own.
A poor man asked a rich man, "How much money do you have to earn before you're satisfied?"
The rich man replied, "More."
This actually just happened...
*Wife: I wanna get into coding.
*Me: Oh, that sounds fun. You might even earn some
money on the side while you're at home. What language
did you wana code in ?
*Wife: English. Duh!
Who earns a living driving their customers away?
A taxi driver
How does a fencer earn their karma?
Ripostes.
Woman always call me ugly until I tell them how much money I earn
Then they call me both ugly and poor
What's the fastest way to earn money as a photographer?
By selling your camera.
Working holiday
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
"Where are you going?" he asks.
"I'm going to Las Vegas. I can earn $200 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do for you for free."
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
"Where are you going?" the wife asks.
"I'm coming with you. I want to see how you can live on $200 a year."
They should offer a class on speaking the truth in high school
It'd be a great way to earn a foreign language credit.
This one simple trick will earn you THOUSANDS in WEEKS!
Get a job.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
Judas: "Jesus, yesterday you told those chicks you can resurrect, is it true?"
Jesus: "Yeah"
Judas: "How would you like to earn 15 pieces of silver?"
Jesus: "I'm listening..."
A blonde goes to a blood bank to earn a little money to pay the bills...
She steps into the elevator along with an attractive young man.
"Are you going to the blood bank too?" she inquires.
"no" he replies: "I go to the sperm bank, because I get four times the cash as I get for a pint of blood".
A week later, they meet again in the same elevator. The guy asks: " Off to the blood bank again?"
The blonde just shakes her head and says :" Mmm-Mmm"
What is the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond?
The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.
Anyone want to earn some fat stacks?
I've got more lard than I know what to do with.
What did the pacifist cannibal do to earn his bad reputation?
Nothing. He's just full of himself.
Where did Dr. Pepper earn his degree?
The University of Pensacola
Him: "Why do you always have to correct everything I say? What are you, trying to earn your Pedantry Badge in Boy Scouts or something?"
Me: "It's actually a pin, not a badge..."
What's the most honest way to earn a living as a seamstress?
The Ernest Hemingway
How many millennials does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
100
99 to earn a PhD in electrical engineering and interview for the job, and one to agree to do it for the "experience".
Why does an LDS person go to college?
To get a degree and earn mormoney
I went to the doctor and told him that I'm having trouble 'satisfying' the wife. He told me I should do what he does, so I asked, What's that, then?
He chuckled, Earn 100k a year!"
What do you earn after studying about pets and studying kids?
A pedigree.
To earn extra money, I started a home-based business building small boats in my attic ...
Business was really slow until I switched to larger vessels, and now sails are through the roof!
How do you earn a small fortune by gambling?
You start with a big fortune.
Some people are suggesting that Bill Cosby should have his honourary doctorate taken away.
But the man successfully anesthetized over 50 women, countless times. If anything he has done more to earn the title doctor" than ever before.
What do chickens earn?
Bucks
Women always call me ugly until they find out what I earn.
Then they call me poor.
My grandfather used to earn a living as a contortionist
But lately he's struggling to make ends meet.
I earned an Oscar for being the best producer.
He was born and named yesterday after my long fight against fertility.
Why do scrap salvagers like cheese so much?
Because they sort through de-brie to earn some cheddar.
I quit my career as a professional poker player, and I decided to open a grocery store.
For the first couple weeks, I didn't earn much money. Then, I decided to rearrange the meat and the snacks in my store. I started earning lots of money. I knew that I would succeed when the chips were down and the steaks were high.
My dad rewards me when I earn a good report card, but any C s are punished with unbearable dad-jokes.
He likes to call it the carrot and schtick method of parenting.
A woman answered her front doo
A woman answered her front door and saw a little boy holding a list.
"Ma'am," he explained, "I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper so I can earn a dollar."
"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"
"My babysitter's boyfriend."
What's the quickest way to earn karma using your sword-fighting abilities?
Riposte
A woman answered her front door and saw a little boy holding a list.
"Ma'am," he explained, "I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper so I can earn a dollar.""Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?""My babysitter's boyfriend."
I bought Pfizer years ago and was so excited to earn millions when they announced their COVID vaccine...
Oops.... Turns out I bought Pfizer Total Landscaping instead. Oh well. Maybe I could rent the place out for a news conference?
Permission To Marry Your Daughter
Jimmy asks his girlfriend's father permission to propose.
The father says, "I need to ask you two questions. The first question is, do you love my daughter?"
Jimmy eagerly responds, "Sir, I love her with all my heart."
My second question is, "Do you think you earn enough money to support a family."
Jimmy immediately answers, "Yes sir, I certainly do."
The father says, "Slow down and think carefully Jimmy. There is six of us."
2 boys were talking...
2 boys were talking and one said to the other, "There is an easy way to earn money..The other boy said, "How?" the boy replied, "Tell people you know their secret."The boy jumps up to his dad, "I know your secret!" dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10."The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!"mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15."The boy then tries it on the mail man, "I know your secret!" The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the earn gain jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working earn fees piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.