Earl Jokes
99 earl jokes and hilarious earl puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about earl that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Earl Short Jokes
Short earl jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The earl humour may include short edgar allen jokes also.
- I was looking at a cup of Earl Grey that always replenishes itself.. It was like staring into infinitea.
- I recently found an audio bible narrated by James Earl Jones Overall it was good, though the book of Luke seemed a bit forced
- What book does the Queen of England read to get herself into a raunchy mood? 50 Shades of Earl Grey
- Huge spoiler for the Lion King (2019) Leaks state that James Earl Jones's character will die in the upcoming film. Didn't expect that one!
- If the Earl of Lemongrab had hair... ...do you think he'd use an acceptable conditioner to keep it soft?
- Chinese Irony There typically are a lot of Chinese tourists downtown in the Summer. I saw one boy today wearing a T-shirt that said "Facebook". Cue my Earle Bachman voice.. touche young one, touche.
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Earl One Liners
Which earl one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with earl? I can suggest the ones about big ears and prince.
- Why does Karl Marx hate earl grey? Because all proper tea is theft.
- A chinese baby was born before due date His parents named him Earl Lee
- What do you call an Asian guy that always shows up before he needs to? Earl Lee
- Did you hear about the dyslexic alcoholic? He drank himself into an earl grey
- I tried stealing someone's Earl Grey once… …but it wasn't my cup of tea.
- Who is always the first person to show up? Earl Lee
- I made Earl Grey perfectly. Right on the T as they say.
- Is your name Earl Grey? ...cause you're a cutea.
- RIP Earl Llyod. The first white and gold player to appear in an NBA game.
- I'm good friends with Earl Grey. But I'm a lot closer to PG Tips. That's my bestea.
- My name is Earl... karma.
- What do you call an earl grey that likes role play? Not-tea
- What did gay Picard say when he was spying on his neighbour? Earl Gray, hot!
- The name's Bond.. James Earl Jones.
- TIL James Earl Jones is black... which explains why Vader was never around for his kids
Giggle-Inducing Earl Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about earl you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean warren jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make earl pranks.
What's the earliest joke you can remember? Here's mine:
These two:
"My wife went to the West Indies"
"Jamaica?"
"No, she went of her own accord."
"My wife went to the East Indies"
"Jakarta?"
"No, she went by plane."
Earlier today my 6-year old told me I was "being abantic."
Jesus, get it right kid. It's pronounced *pedantic*...
too early?
Brazil knows how to throw the hottest partys!
Earlier today my friend asked me how long I'v been married.
I told him 15 years but with the wind chill it feels like 30
The early bird ate all the worms...
and died from obesity.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bubba and Earl
Earl walks into Bubba's barn and finds Bubba dancing n**... in front of his John Deere. Earl says "Bubba what are you doin' "
Bubba says "Me and the wife haven't been doin so good in the bedroom lately and the therapist said I should do something s**... to a tractor"
Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing,
chewing and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, 'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She ain't spoke to me in over 2 months.'
Earl spits, sips his beer and says, 'Better think it over -women like that are hard to find.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Went early to my Tantric s**... class last night...
Was told to come later.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
POLICE ROADBLOCK
Two r**..., Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a po-lice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!" "Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat." "What fer?" asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', OK?" said Earl. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?" "No sir," Earl said. "We're on the patch."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Early christians supported m**... usage.
Just think about how many get s**....
What was early man's best friend?
Primates
When is the earliest time of day Nintendo fans play games?
The Wii hours of the morning.
Earlier today I had a Titanic thought.
It was *unthinkable*.
There was an early bird special at the diner
So I ordered Archaeopteryx.
Earlier today at a coffee shop, I spilled my drink all over the paper I was working on.
The barista looked over and said, "Well, essay chai tea happens."
I just got early access to the new Injustice:
Mods among us.
It's never too early for a pickle...
...unless it's a cucumber!
Earlier today I saw the Facebook group 'kids vs cancer'
Well, it turns out writing "my money is on cancer every time" is one way to get quite a bit of hate mail.
I got up early to watch the sunrise
And then it dawned on me.
Early to Bed and Early to Rise proves that .
The Person has no Internet Connection...;-p
The early bird might get the worm, but
The second mouse *always* gets the cheese
Earliest-known Ten Commandments tablet sells at auction for $850000
Bumping Apple off the top spot for most expensive mobile device without a headphone jack.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl.
She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army p**... and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart.
Not wanting to miss the vital o**... and become a burden to someone, she called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.
"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
An early prediction of George Michael's cause of death
I'm going with either a boom boom of the heart, or a jitterbug in the brain.
Bob and Earl are fishing on a boat.
and Bob says "Yunno, I think I'm gonna divorce the wife, she hasn't spoken to me in 2 months."
Earl spits his dip overboard and takes a long swig of his beer with a casual exhale. "You should really think it over...Women like that are hard to find."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl.
She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army p**... and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital o**... and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.
"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
Early to bed, early to rise...
... this guy neither has WiFi nor wife.
Earlier today I really needed a drink to quench my thirst and apple juice wasn't really doing it for me
but OJ did it
When the Empire Strikes Back was being filmed, they considered getting rid of James Earl Jones and bringing in Hulk Hogan instead to be Darth Vader.
But they quickly decided not to when they realized the line "No Luke, I am your father, brother!" Was way too confusing.
Why can't early access developers ever have children?
They can never finish.
Early finish for me today so I rang the wife
and asked her if I should pick up fish and chips on the way home. She clearly still regrets letting me name the kids....
Earlier today, my friend was in the kitchen and spilled hot queso all over her feet.
Guess she had Tostitos.
Earlier today, my co-worker told me my voice sounded like Sarah Jessica Parker,
I hate it when my voice sounds horse.
Earlier today, my wife stopped and said you weren't even listening to me!
Earlier today, a man was admitted to hospital due to 8 plastic horses found in his stomach
His condition is now stable.
When it comes to early 2000s R&B, nothing beats Rihanna...
Except maybe Chris Brown
Earlier today I told my Christian friend to Have a Good Friday. He didn't catch my pun.
I'm not surprised. Jokes like this usually Pass Over his head.
Earlier I thought I'd try to jump in the shower.
Then I realized how dangerous that could be so I just stood there.
Early onset dementia
is something I want to forget about as soon as possible.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two young r**... were looking at a Sears catalogue and admiring the models.
Earl says to the Bubba, "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?"
Bubba replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"
Earl says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one."
Bubba smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalogue, I'll get one too."
Three weeks later, Bubba asks his friend Earl, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalogue?"
Earl replies, "No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"
It was early in the morning and I saw a hunter riding an elk
I thought, "Hey, there's a guy who's really on top of his game."
It happens earlier every year …
It's only October, and they're already putting up Christmas videos on PornHub.
What early 80's tv character is most likely a flat earther?
Tattoo
(Is it still a joke if nobody gets it?)
One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window.
As we played hide and seek and she said: 'you're getting warmer'.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The earlier we start Christmas...
the more likely Jesus will be born dangerously p**....
Earlier today I got diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder.
It's really SAD.
Early funerals are no good,
If your not a mourning person
Earlier this year, I told my girlfriend that I wanted to start taking pictures of pastries.
So for my birthday, she gave me a macaron lens.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Earlier, I was discussing about s**... transmitted diseases with my crush as a part of college assignment.
Crush: Don't worry, you have 0% chance of getting it.
Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.
Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Early One Morning
Woke early one morning, the earth lay cool and still.
When suddenly a tiny bird, perched on my window sill.
It sang a song so lovely, so carefree and gay.
That slowly all my troubles, began to slip away.
It sang of far off places, of laughter and of fun.
It seemed his very song, brought out the morning sun.
I pulled back the covers, and crept slowly out of bed,
and gently shut the window, and crushed his head.
I'm not a morning person
Earlier today six dwarfs stole my antidepressants.
Not Happy.
Earlier today I saw a fish in a hospital waiting room going up to people and giving them medical advice.
I said "Oi fish, stop that, what do you think you're doing?!"
He said "Don't worry about it, it's ok... I'm the Sturgeon General".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Early morning. I already got one foot out of the bed.
Leprosy s**....
One of my earliest memories as a child was getting to meet the pope,
It was a touching experience.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Earlier I was beaten up by a woman.
I was on an elevator and she entered. She has big b**... and I was staring at them when she said "Can you please press one".
So I did.
The earliest memory I have is going with my dad to get prescription glasses.
Life before that is a blur.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mildred was a 93-year-old woman, particularly despondent over the death of her husband, Earl
She decided she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army p**... and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital o**... and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, "Your heart would be just by your left breast."
Later that night Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
Earlier today I heard Classical music coming from my wallet..
I opened it, and realised I had 3 tenners in it...
Earlier I had to go to the Pokemon Center
For my Koffing turned into Weezing.
I was going to get up early to join the queue to pay respects to the Queen. But I slept in.
Guess I'm not a mourning person.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Earlier today I saw this dude walking out of an erectile dysfunction support group. He looked like a d**..., so I tried to fight him. But no luck...
It's almost impossible to get a rise out of those people.
In the early days of pioneer life, a compass was essential. One of the more common varieties was called the "Tates" compass.
Unfortunately it was a very low quality compass. From which comes the expression: He who has a "Tates," is lost.
In the early 90's, a lonely stray dog wanted a friend and got an idea when reading an old paper...
So the dog walked into the local paper to place an advert in the social column. "I'm lonely" advised the dog "please place an ad that reads: *Woof woof woof. Woof woof. Woof woof woof woof woof woof. Woof. Woof*."
The sales consultant writes it all down before offering "I'll let you in on a secret, for the same price, I can actually add two more woofs?".
Came the reply from the dog "But - then it wouldn't make sense?"
Earlier today, I knocked on the door of a fortune teller...
She asked, "Who's there?"
So I left.
