eagles Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious eagles puns

Lucky day for Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly.

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a sniper. He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into the states to play for his team.
After a very successful rookie season the young man was discussing his rookie of the year award via telephone with his mother.
She told him that she was proud but living in fear constantly. She continued " your brother was shot twice just in the last few weeks and your sister is regularly the victim of assault. Matters have escalated and life is worse than it has ever been. I will never, ever forgive you for bringing us to Philly."


Yo mama so dumb...

...she argues endlessly that Frodo could have just ridden a giant eagle into Mordor and dropped the Ring into Mount Doom from the air, even though all the characters in the book say over and over again that Sauron can SEE EVERYWHERE and that stealth was their only hope of getting anywhere with the Ring. Did it ever occur to yo mama that Sauron's GIANT EYE may notice a squadron of eagles flying straight for him carrying a halfling for no apparent reason, unable to hide or take any kind of cover? And that once his attention was well and truly focused on them, He would likely sense the presence of the Ring and be able to take action against them, like flying Nazgul or arrows or fireballs or any number of crazy evil magical spells? And that even if Frodo and the Bird Brigade were able to get past whatever Sauron would throw at them and get into Mordor, they would be flying straight into a very active volcano spewing smoke and ash everywhere, screwing with visibility and trajectory and making it like trying to drop a penny onto the roof of an apartment building in the middle of a heavy fog from a biplane that's currently on fire? And that if they missed or were captured, they would basically be handing Sauron the Ring on a silver platter? DID YO MAMA EVER THINK OF THAT? HUH?!


Why aren't eagles allowed to be sick in america?

Because that would be illeagle


The biggest difference between the Superbowl and the Grammy's.

The Eagles have won a Grammy.


Many ravens are called a congress...

Owls are a parliament, eagles are a convocation and crows are a murder.

Does this mean that a group of vultures are a corporation?


How old am I going to be, daddy?

My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. My wife and I had picked her up from her friend Sally's birthday party, brought her home and put her to bed. My wife went into the bedroom to read while I fell asleep watching the Eagles game.
Daddy, she whispered, tugging at my sleeve. Guess how old I'm going to be next month .
I don't know, beauty, I said as I slipped on my glasses. How old?
She smiled and held up four fingers.
It is now 7:30 in the morning. My wife and I have been up with her for nearly 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.


Two Bald Eagles

A bald eagle decides to stop by a small lake to get a drink. As he's drinking another bald eagle lands next to him.

He looks at the eagle and notices a tulip, a rose, and a rabbit's foot on top of his head.

"What's with the stuff on your head?", the eagle asks.

"Oh this?", he points to his head with his wing, "I'm trying hare in plants."


Last night Philadelphia residents climbed light poles, flipped over cars, and set dumpsters on fire

Then things really got out of hand when they learned the Eagles won the Super Bowl


Why do Republicans hate sick eagles?

Because they're illegals


The Eagles held the record for bestselling album of all time.

That was until Micheal Jackson beat it..


Gliding Eagles

Two eagles were gliding at a high altitude and discussing life, when a F-15 fighter jet zooms above them. It throws them off course and ruffles up their feathers.

They calm down and get back on track gliding next to each other.

The first eagle, excitedly 'Wow!! Now thats what I call speed!!'

The second eagle, calmly replies 'Trust me. You would be flying that fast too if your sphincter was on fire.'


Donald Trump has just signed ANOTHER executive order

it's about foreign birds of prey. the order states that any bird, specifically eagles, who have some sort of illness like flu will not be allowed to enter the country.

Trump has labelled them -


Yes, It's true eagles can soar...

...but at least weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.


Even pigs have standards

A Rabbi, a Hindu holy man, and a Philadelphia Eagles fan are in a car together. the car breaks down near a house with a barn. The owner says, "Well, I only have room for two of ya, so one's gonna have to sleep in the barn." The Hindu holy man volunteers. Five minutes later, he explains, "I cannot sleep in that barn! There is a cow in there! Cows are sacred, and I cannot sleep on holy ground!" The rabbi agrees to take his friend's place, but comes back. "There is a pig in the barn. Pigs are unclean in my faith, so I cannot sleep there!" The Eagles fan, begrudgingly, goes out to the barn. Five minutes later, there is a knock on the door. The farmer opens it to find the cow and the pig.


If eagles are the birds of American freedom, then what is the bird of American love?

A Swallow


It's a tie dad

My dad asked me to update him on the game, since he'd been in the kitchen for a long while and the patriots were down.

I responded with my epiphany that the entire thing, my entire existence, was just a tide ad.

I think he thought it was a tie, since he regained a bit hope. I'm sorry Dad, there was no tie. Fly eagles fly.


What do eagles and moles have in common?

They both fly, except for the mole...


I like bald eagles.

They taste almost just like baby seals.


What are cyborg gulls called.



The chances of the Eagles winning the Super Bowl

have wentz out the window


What's the same about the Eagles and a mailman?

They both won't deliver on Sunday.


Why is it illegal to hunt bald eagles?

It's ill-eagle.


Why was the medicine man for bald eagles arrested?

He was selling ill-eagle drugs.


Sick eagles are forbidden by law.

They're illeagle.


When the Eagles win, we all win.

Free TVs and liquor for every one on the street!


The principal confiscated my CD's and microSD full of songs from 1980's shoot-em-up video games, specifically the ones mentioning eagles.

He said it was illegal contraband.


What is the difference between an Eagles fan and a Patriots fan?

Patriots fans always take the dishes out of the sink before they pee in it.


Did you hear that the Philadelphia Eagles changed their name to the Eages?

Because the Patriots took the L


What do the Philadelphia Eagles and a dead Sonic the Hedgehog have in common

No Rings


What happens when the man with the world's largest dick teams up with the man with the world's largest balls?

A Super Bowl Championship. Fly Eagles Fly.


The Eagles won 41-33...

41 - 33 = 8
Tom Brady is 40 years old.
40 / 8 = 5
Patriots have 5 Super Bowl rings.
5 x 5 = 25

The falcons blew a 25 point lead.


Dad: I heard you got me some new clothes for celebration of the Eagles victory son. What is it?

Son: It's a tie dad.


If you put Proactive on bald eagles

Will their white heads disappear?


What do Far Cry 4 and The Big Lebowski have in common?

I hate the fucking Eagles, man!


Eagles maybe soar

But weasels don't get sucked into jet engines


What are the most funny Eagles jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Eagles? Well, here are the best Eagles dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Eagles pick up lines to share with friends.

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