The Best 64 Eagle Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Eagle jokes. There are some eagle gull jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these eagle eagle scout puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Eagle Jokes and Puns

My diseased eagle has been banned by the government.

I suppose that makes it

an illegal ill eagle.

Did you guys hear about the guy who got the skin on his face ripped apart by eagle talons?

They tried to fix it with botox, but that only helps with crow's feet.

The Eagle- an original joke

A man is talking with an eagle.

The man asks, "Eagle, how can you catch your prey so well if you just fly over really fast?"

The eagle responds, "I don't know, I guess I just have a talon for it."

Eagle joke, The Eagle- an original joke

What do you call an eagle that is sick?

Illegal

An eel tried to propose to an eagle...

the eel asks the eagle
"We may look different but I think I love you. Will you marry me?"
"I'm sorry but I can't" says the eagle.
"Why not?" asks the eel.
The eagle replies with "Because that would be eel-eagle"


How Can You Identify a Bald Eagle?

All his feathers are combed to one side

Gliding Eagles

Two eagles were gliding at a high altitude and discussing life, when a F-15 fighter jet zooms above them. It throws them off course and ruffles up their feathers.

They calm down and get back on track gliding next to each other.

The first eagle, excitedly 'Wow!! Now thats what I call speed!!'

The second eagle, calmly replies 'Trust me. You would be flying that fast too if your sphincter was on fire.'

Eagle joke, Gliding Eagles

What do you call an Eagle who can't catch it's prey?

*Talon*tless.

...Sorry.

Why can't an eel and an eagle team up?

Because it would be eel-eagle!

What did the Native American pornstar call himself?

Spread Eagle

Why did the sick eagle get deported?

Because he was an illeagle.

You can explore eagle dove reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean eagle talon dad jokes. There are also eagle puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


So the Judge says "OK, I see that circumstance and duress made you eat the endangered spotted owl. NOT guilty." Then he leans over and whispers "Between you and me, what does a spotted owl actually taste like?"

The accused says "A cross between a bald eagle and an Amazon Imperial Parrot."

The difference between a Life Scout and an Eagle Scout.

A Life Scout is ready for anything. The Eagle Scout is ready for Murphy's Law.

What does a flying rabbit has on his back?

An eagle

I saw a huge seagull today...

It was big enough to be a D-gull

But not quite big enough to be an Eagle

Why was the sick eagle in prison?

Because she was illegal.

Eagle joke, Why was the sick eagle in prison?

Why aren't eagles allowed to be sick in america?

Because that would be illeagle

I saw a huge seagull today...

It might have been a D-gull

But I don't think it could have been an eagle.

What's the difference between a hawk and an eagle?

All birds have specialized tail feathers called pinions. An eagle has 8 pinions, while a hawk only has 7. So you could say the difference is only a matter of a pinion.


What kind of bird is not allowed to get sick?

An ill eagle

Donald Trump has just signed ANOTHER executive order

it's about foreign birds of prey. the order states that any bird, specifically eagles, who have some sort of illness like flu will not be allowed to enter the country.

Trump has labelled them -
ILL EAGLE IMMIGRANTS

What do you call a sick eagle that just flew in from out of the country?

an ill-eagle immigrant

I saw a seagull

I saw a huge seagull this morning. It was big enough to be a D gull... But not quite big enough to be an eagle. One thing's for sure, it definitely wasn't a beagle.

When checking in for his flight, the wedge-tailed eagle was asked: Would you like to check some baggage or purchase an in-flight meal?

The eagle replied: No thanks. I'll just have my carrion.

A Native American child asks his father how they choose children's names.

Father - "After you are born, we open the tepee and the first thing we see is what we name you. Like your eldest brother, Soaring Eagle, your sister, Falling Leaves, and your little brother, Grizzly Cub. Why do you ask Two Dogs Humping?"

Two Bald Eagles

A bald eagle decides to stop by a small lake to get a drink. As he's drinking another bald eagle lands next to him.

He looks at the eagle and notices a tulip, a rose, and a rabbit's foot on top of his head.

"What's with the stuff on your head?", the eagle asks.

"Oh this?", he points to his head with his wing, "I'm trying hare in plants."

Son of chief: "Father, how are we named?"

Chief: "After you are born, your mother looks out of the teepee and names you the first thing she sees."

Son: "Oh wow, is that how you were named Soaring Eagle?"

Chief: "Yes, Horse Taking Dump"

A teacher confiscates two birds, a dog, and a handgun from a kindergarten student.

Teacher: "What are you doing with these things?!"

Student: "I'm practicing my alphabet."

Teacher: "Bringing animals and a gun to class is no way to learn!"

Student: "Sure it is. I have a beagle, a seagull, a Deagle, and an eagle."

Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.

Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.

A man is arrested for killing a condor

A man is arrested for killing an endangered condor. Before the judge, the man says, "Your honor, I only killed the condor to feed my hungry family."

The judge says, "Well, I can't charge a man for feeding his family. And I'm curious so I'll let you off with a warning if you answer one question. What did it taste like?"

The man says, Somewhere between a bald eagle and a baby seal."

I've got the heart of a lion and the eye of an eagle...

And now i'm banned from entering the zoo.

Why aren't you supposed to help sick birds?

It's ill eagle

What's the difference between an eagle and a snitch?

Nothing, they both talon you.

Here all night.

What is the bird of peace?

Dove.

What is the bird of prey?
Eagle

What is the bird of oral sex?
Swallow

Why did the ancient Roman police arrest an Eagle?

Because he was... Aquila.

I'm relieved the Patriots lost...

No patriot I know would ever beat an eagle.

A man is caught feasting on a Bald Eagle by a park ranger.

He is taken to court and the judge asks him why he committed this crime.

The man replies I had no other choice and this was my only way of survival.

Given the circumstances, the judge decides that this man is telling the truth and let's him off the case. But being curious, the judge asks Well, how did it taste like?

The man replied Have you ever had Spotted Owl?

I built the most American guitar ever

Made completely out of mirror polished, stainless steel from the World Trade Center in the shape of a bald eagle carrying a rifle.

Only has one octave, but I enjoy playing it, from C to shining C.

The Eagles held the record for bestselling album of all time.

That was until Micheal Jackson beat it..

What do you call a sick eagle?

ILLEAGLE

I was arrested the other day for keeping a sick bird of prey.

Turns out it was ill eagle

Why couldn't the farmer drive around the sick bird lying in the middle of the dirt road?

Because it was an ill eagle pass.

My father recently passed away.

I'll never forget how much I inherited.
From him I got the eye of an eagle, the heart of a lion and so much more.

He was the best hunter this world has ever seen.

I was laying in my hotel room bed, naked and spread eagle, when the cleaning lady comes in.

Finally.

What kind of bird doesn't need a comb?

A bald eagle.

Dave and his girlfriend check into the hotel room.

As soon as they walk in, the girl immediately jumps up on the bed and lays in a spread eagle.

She asks - Dave, do you know what it means?

Dave - yeah, that you wanna sleep on this bed all by yourself.

Why would America choose the bold eagle as their national bird when all they do is attack things and fly away?

Oh, right...

Why can't you own a sick eagle?

Because it's ill-eagle!

I found this little baby eagle on the ground and it looked like it was sick.

I thought about taking it to the vet, but I didn't pick it up because it's ill eagle.

A guy had an eagle. One day it was sick. It puked everywhere and wouldn't stop. Worried, the guy called the vet. Instead of the vet, the cops came and took it away.

Cos it was Ill-eagle.

A guy gave me a badass eagle tattoo in my crotch region for $50.

It looked so sick that I asked him to give me a matching tattoo in the palm of my hand so I could show it to everyone, but he said this one would cost $100. He said, A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

A creature is born of a lion mother and an eagle father. How does he get into Hogwart's?

The Gryffindor

Why is the rabbit the strongest animal there is?

Why is the rabbit the strongest animal there is?

Because it can fly, even with an eagle on its back.

Moses, Jesus and an old man are playing golf together.

Moses swings and the ball rolls towards a river. The river splits and the ball goes through. Jesus shrugs, and hits the ball straight onto the river. It rolls straight over. The old man smiles and hits the ball into the river. A fish swallows the ball, an eagle swoops down, grabs the fish and flies off. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, it drops the fish, the ball falls into the hole. Moses turns to Jesus "I hate playing with your dad."

Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were cruising down the coast.

Coming around a bend they saw a magnificent bald eagle in the middle of the road. When Mick swerved to miss it he lost control of the car and they plummeted off a cliff to their death.

A tragic case of killing two Stones with one bird.

A man is on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and is at the million dollar question.

The question is "which of these birds doesn't build its own nest? a.the cuckoo b. the sparrow c. the eagle or d. the red-tailed hawk. He only has "phone a friend left", so he calls his friend and repeats the question. His friend immediately says it's the cuckoo. The guy asks if he's sure and he says "yes, positive". The guy answers the cuckoo and wins a million dollars. When he goes to thank his friend the next day, he asks "how did you the cuckoo doesn't built it's own nest?" and the friend replied "Because it lives in a clock, duh!"

You shoot a sick bird, but get arrested. Why?

Because it was an ill eagle shooting.

A childhood classic my dad used to tell me:

Q. Why was a frog flying?
A. Because he ate a helium baloon.

Q. Then why was a snake flying?
A. Because it ate the flying frog.

Q. Then why was the eagle flying?
A. Because it has wings

I always admired my grandfather. He had the heart of a lion and the brain of a eagle.

He also had a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Why shouldn't you get the national bird of the USA sick?

Because it'll be an ill eagle action.

Moses, Jesus and an old man were playing golf.

Moses swings and the ball rolls towards a river. The river splits and the ball goes through. Hole in one.

Jesus shrugs, and hits the ball straight onto the river. It rolls straight over. Hole in one.

The old man smiles and hits the ball into the river. A fish swallows the ball, an eagle swoops down, grabs the fish and flies off. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, it drops the fish, the ball falls into the hole.

Moses turns to Jesus and says
"I hate playing with your dad."

I saw a half lion, half eagle in the dining room at Hogwarts. Everyone was wondering how it had got in but it was obvious.

It came through the Griffindor.

If a Birdie is one less than par, and an Eagle is two less than par, and an Albatross is three less than par…

…then, in keeping with an avian theme, why can't a Hole-in-One be referred to as a Bay-Gull?

TL;DR-
A Bagel isn't a Bagel unless there's a Hole-in-One.

An eagle is flying over the Grand Canyon when it spies a frog by a stream.

The eagle swoops down and swallows the frog whole, flying off with a full stomach. Somehow the frog makes it through the eagle's digestive tract and pokes his head out of the eagle's asshole.

The frog takes a look around and yells back at the eagle: "Hey eagle. About how high up are we?

The eagle yells back, "Oh about 10,000 feet."

The frog replies, "Really? You wouldn't shit me now, would you?"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the eagle philadelphia eagle jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working eagle bald eagle piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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