Eager Jokes
44 eager jokes and hilarious eager puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about eager that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you ready for some eager jokes? Finally, here they are! Get ready to be antsy with laughter as Grant shares a few jokes that take an eager beaver into the world of comedy!
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Funniest Eager Short Jokes
Short eager jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eager humour may include short enthusiastic jokes also.
- Effective immediately, the navy is only conscripting non-swimmers. They defend the ships much more eagerly.
- Amazon is a lot like Santa Clause It brings gifts to our homes, gets busy around christmas and is very eager for our cookies.
- What’s the difference between a beginner accordion player and a professional? The beginner is still eager to learn.
- After a session of snogging in the couch, my girlfriend whispered " Shall we go upstairs?" " yes " I said eagerly.
"Do you have protection? " She asked .
"Why? What's up there?" I trembled. - With Vladimir Putin so eager to restore ties, I think the U.S and Russia should form one country. We can call it The United States of Soviet Russia! USSR for short.
- I walked up to a group of girls. I said, "Would you like to see a magic trick?"
"Yes," they smiled eagerly.
Then I handed them a david blaine DVD and walked off. - A man walks into a bar... The local female workers association, eager to prevent this from happening again, raises the bar a little higher.
- My friend is an eager medical student. When it comes to volunteering on his gynaecology residency, He's always the first to put his hand up.
- Why do the bald seem to handle life so much better than the rest? They're always eager for more on their pate.
- One day a boy named Johnny was eager to see his test results, he was delighted when he saw his score, he lept up and shouted Oh hi mark
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Eager One Liners
Which eager one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with eager? I can suggest the ones about keen and excited.
- Say what you will about cannibals... ...but they're always eager to serve their guests
- What is the most eager soup? Consommè
- My very eager mother just served us nachos. Sorry there were no pizzas.
- My girlfriend told me I was like The Flash in the bed Eager to start, quick to finish.
- An eagerly-awaited cook book "Cooking with Herbs" finally released! It's about thyme.
Share Hilarious Eager Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about eager you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean zeal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make eager pranks.
The Pope and a couple of Astronauts make it to Mars.
There, they meet a bunch of Martians. The Pope who was eager to know If Christianity is universal asks one of the martians; Have you heard of Jesus Christ?
Well yes, says the martian, we know him quiet well he visits us regularly. What do you do for him to visit you regularly? We give him a box of chocolates every year he visits us, why what do you give him?
The Pope fell silent.
A young monk arrives at a monastery...
and is assigned to be a scribe. While patiently copying his first text, he notices that all the scribes are copying from copies, not the original texts. He tells this to the head monk, and he replies "My son, we have been doing this for generations. The original texts are kept safe in the basement. If you wish to see them yourself, you have my permission."
So, the eager young monk decides to see the original texts himself. However, after he disappears into the dark basement, he is not seen for hours and hours. Finally, the head monk decides to go down to see what's going on.
By the dim light of a single candle, he sees the young monk stooped over an ancient tome, sobbing uncontrollably. When the head monk asks what's the matter, the young monk turns around and whimpers:
"It said celebrate! *Celebrate*!"
The First Night of the Honeymoon
The groom and bride had finally reached their honeymoon suite and both were eager to consummate the marriage as quickly as possible. The groom was a huge man, over 6'6" tall and 250 solid pounds of muscle. The bride a beautiful and diminutive woman.
The groom looked at his beautiful bride, took off his pants and threw them at her feet. "Put those on." He ordered.
She gave him a bewildered expression, but attempted to do as he asked. "They're too big, they won't stay on." She exclaimed.
"That's right, just remember who wears the pants in this family."
She gave him a narrow look and removed her pants and threw them at his feet. "Put those on." She ordered.
The groom could not even get his big toe into his wife's pants. "I.. I can't get into them." He stated struggling.
She declared back: "That's right and until your attitude changes that's the way it's going to be."
The Diet Pill
A woman heads to a supplement store to buy diet pills in hopes to lose weight. She asks the sales clerk what he recommends and he hands her a pill bottle claiming they are the best. She pays and goes home eager to lose weight. After a week she notices no effects and that the pills are very light, she opens one up and to her surprise they are empty. She goes back to the store and asks why these pills are all empty. The sales clerk then replies, "Well miss, they *are* diet pills".
A tourist in Africa is tired and looking for a ride
While going down the street a truck driver stops and tells him he can take him where he is going. The tourist, eager to get off his feet, eagerly accepts. Shortly after getting in the truck the tourist falls asleep. Suddenly he is woken up by three bumps in the road, but he thinks nothing of it and goes back to sleep. Finally he is woken up by the driver, having reached his destination.
"Sorry for the bumpy ride," the driver says, "I hit a black person on the way here."
"But I felt three bumps," the tourist inquires.
"Yea," the driver continues, "I had to go through two fences to get him."
NASA CHICKEN CANON
NASA engineers build a cannon that launches dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and such to test the strength of the windshields against collisions with airborne fowl.
British engineers are eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements are made, and a cannon is sent to the British engineers.
When the cannon goes off, the engineers stand shocked as the chicken crashes into the shatterproof shield, smashes it to smithereens, blasts through the control console, snaps the pilot's backrest in two, and embeds itself in the back wall of the cabin.
The horrified Brits send the Americans a report of the disastrous results, along with an urgent request for suggests on improving the windshield design.
The American engineers respond with a one-line memo: "Thaw the chicken."
Whats for Dinner
A man kills a Deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his Wife, decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the
meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.
"Well," he said,
"It's what Mummy calls me, sometimes."
The little girl screams to her Brother,
"Don't eat it, it's an a**....."
A young and old bull are both walking until they come upon a hill....
When they walk to the top of the hill they see a whole group of cows grazing in the meadow. The young bull being eager and excited say to the old bull "Hey let's run down there and screw one of them cows".
The old bull then turns to the young bull slowly and says "or we can walk down there and screw them all".
A blonde is walking along the shoreline of a lake in Minnesota looking for seashells when she spots another blonde across the lake from her. Eager for company she shouts loudly "How do I get to the other side?"
The other blonde shouts back "You're on the other side!"
A black guy and a white girl hookup at a club...
And after a while of dancing and drinks both were getting eager to get under the sheets. They drive back to the girls place and just as the guy was taking out his package, the girl asked "is it true about what they say about black guys?" And he whispered in her ear "you bet it is", he then continued to stab her 5 times and steal her purse.
The Lawyer's Car
A lawyer had just bought a fancy new car, and was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took off the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it would never be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling, "MY BENTLEY DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!"
"You're a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman.
"Yes, I am, but what does that have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked.
"HA! You lawyers are so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said.
The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed, "MY ROLEX!"
So I was at a conference for experimental philosophy...
and it was getting a bit dull so I turned to the guy next to me and asked
"So, what do you do?"
He lit up, eager to tell all.
"Well, I'm studying the effects of introducing rodents to Nihilistic thinking through an intricate series of signals and experiments. Nice to meet cha!"
Ah, I replied.....
Mice to Nietszche.
A celebrity is walking down the street
when an eager man runs up to him and says "Hey! I'm your biggest fan!" to which the celebrity replied, "That's nonsense; you should check out my ceiling."
A man is in an airplane from Miami to Paris
And a stunning gorgeous woman seats by his side. He's the eager to start a conversation.
"So, what are you doing in Paris?"
"I'm a scientist, I research s**..."
The man is now tempted:
"What have you discovered about s**... in your research?"
"I came to find that Native Americans have the longest p**... and Spanish can last the longest in bed. By the way, I'm Carol, what's your name?"
"I'm Sitting Bull Hernandez, nice to meet you"
A blonde was recently hired at our office.
A blonde was recently hired at our office.
Her first task was to go out for coffee.
Eager to do well her first day on the job, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.
She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order.
"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the blonde asked.
The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, Hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief.
"Then give me two regular, two black, and two decaf.
Maria the maid asked for a 20% pay increase.
The wife in the household was not eager about this and asked:
'Now Maria, why should you get a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well Señora, there are three reasons why I should get an increase..
The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Wife (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Señora, the gardener did.'
>MARIA GOT THE RAISE
A bus breaks down and the driver pops the hood to investigate
A blonde passenger who is a certified mechanic comes out with her toolbox, eager to help and show off her training and also give blondes a good reputation for a change. She leans behind the bus driver and sees a loose bolt, so, helpful, she asks: "Fancy a screw driver?"
I was at a party in middle earth last night. TreeBeard got wasted and started dunking hobbits into a giant punch-bowl of booze. The dwarves laughed and begged for a turn. Soon, a queue of creatures had formed on his branches, eager to take the plunge. I didn't get in line. I knew it was a trick…
Because the real punch-line is always in the calm ents
A lawyer saw a bunch of homeless people eating grass... He goes over and asks them why are they doing that and they tell him that they are homeless and have nothing to eat. Eager to help them out he escorts them to his mansion.. They are very happy and thankful.. He takes one look at them, smiles
And tells them "this is my yard, eat as much as you want, i won't charge you."
My friend told me he suffered from stage fright.
I told him he should try imagining his audience n**.... He seemed really eager to try that, thanked me and left.
A few minutes later, I realized he ran a puppet show for children.
Julius Caesar goes to a nightclub with his friends
While there he breaks off from his group of friends to talk to an attractive young woman. His friends don't see him for the rest of the night, and the next morning they're all eager to find out what happened. So when they next see him they ask him what happened.
"Vidi, vici, veni" replies Ceasar.
A man finally got engaged to his dream woman. Eager to show off his new fiance, he took her to his home town.
Upon arrival, he approached his mother and said, I'm going to bring home three girls and I want you to guess which one is my fiance.
Sure enough, twenty minutes later, the man walked in the door with three girls following behind him.
Without a moment's hesitation the mother pointed to the man's fiance and said, It's that one.
Wow! exclaimed the man. How in the world did you know it was her?
The mother shrugged, I just don't like her.
A singing teacher told her eager student 'You should have taken up singing earlier'. The student asks 'Why? Do you think the extra practice would make me a star?'
'No' replies the teacher 'but you would have given up by now'
A foreman of a factory was making his rounds inspecting how all of the workers were doing their jobs.
Well," he said to one blond worker, "I see you are doing a very diligent job stamping all of the boxes 'THIS SIDE UP'."
"Yes," the worker replied, eager to please, "and just to be extra sure I stamped the bottom also!"
A r**... woman goes into a store to get a new washing machine
The salesman, eager to score some commission, snaps into his pitch with a broad smile; "We can load it up and send it over to your house today, and you won't pay anything for six months!"
The woman suddenly gets angry and says, "Who the h**... told you about me?!"
Religion is like a End-user license agreement...
Everyone is so eager to sign up and enjoy the benefits that they skip reading the rules and have no clue what kind of crazy s**... they've agreed to.
A personal injury lawyer was on vacation in a small rural town. While walking through the streets, he spotted a car that had just been involved in an accident. As expected, a large crowd gathered
Going by instinct, the attorney was eager to get to the injured, but he couldn't get near the car. Being very clever, he started shouting loudly, Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim. The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
A fisherman is looking for an extra set of hands on his boat ...
He goes into town to try and hire some help. He meets a man and asks him if he'd be interested in a job on his boat. The man replies "I'd definitely be interested, what does it pay?" The fisherman replies "I don't have a lot of cash, but I can pay you one fish per day." The man immediately responds "I'm in, let's get going right away." Stunned, the fisherman says "Wow, you sure are eager." The man replies, "well you know what they say, Carp per diem!"
