Dwarf Jokes

What are some Dwarf jokes?

What do you call a dwarf in a tumble dryer?

A midget spinner.

My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size

... So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm going to run her a nice hot sink.

I was reading in the news that a dwarf got pickpocketed...

how could anyone stoop so low

A small joke...

A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks
"I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?"

The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".

A human, an elf and a dwarf walk into a bar...

The Hobbit laughs and walks under it.

I was walking down the street yesterday when I saw someone pickpocket a dwarf.

I don't know how anyone could stoop so low.

7 dwarfs in bed feeling happy

Happy got out so they started feeling grumpy

A dwarf was upset someone picked his pocket

He said, " How could someone stoop so low"

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving.

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving. (Skydiving is when you jump out of a plane way up in the sky with a parachute to slow your fall) .... Sorry if that was a little con descending.

Met a Dwarf Today....

This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.

The driver got out and he was a dwarf.

He said, "I'm not happy."

I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"

A man accidentally rear-ended a car

The driver whom was rear-ended steps out of the car and, to the mans surprise, was a dwarf. He walks to the man and says "I am NOT happy."

The man responds: "Then which one are you?"

The seven dwarfs were in the bath feeling happy.

So Happy got out.

I crashed into a dwarf at some traffic lights

He got out of his car and said "I'm not happy."
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"

Did you hear about the dwarf who was pickpocketed?

How could anyone stoop so low??

Why are dwarfs so good at math?

Because it's the little things that count.

I saw a dwarf escaping from jail down the side of a wall

As he passed by, he sneered at me, and I thought, "That's a little condescending."

I was walking past a prison the other day, and

I saw a dwarf in an orange jumpsuit shimmying down the side of the building.

I thought to myself, now that's a little con descending.

So I got in a car accident with a dwarf today...

As he stormed out of his car he banged on my window screaming, "I'm not happy!!"

To which I replied, "Well then which one are you?"

I was reading in the paper...

And I saw this article about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
I thought to myself, "How could anyone stoop so low?"

Baby you are like a white dwarf star....

Extremely hot but not very bright

I saw on the news today that a dwarf got pickpocketed. I don't know how anyone could stoop so low!

The Seven Dwarfs

The seven dwarfs were all in a hot tub. They were all feeling happy, then Happy got out.

Dwarf Incident

I rear ended a car this morning...
I tell you, it was going to be a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a
DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said "I am NOT Happy!"

So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"

An Elf, a Dwarf, and a Hobbit walk into a bar...

All three proceed to eat, drink and have a good time, slamming down pint after pint of ale until finally the pub was closing. The bartender asks them how he should split the tab as it was a pretty hefty sum.

"I got this," replies the Elf as he looks at the bill. "My two friends here are always a little short anyway."

Crashed in to the back of a car today at a set of lights, while I wasn't really paying attention. The driver got out and he was a dwarf.

He said "I'm not happy" so I replied "well, which one are you then?"

Did you hear about the man whose first girlfriend was a dwarf?

He's still nuts over her.

A psychic dwarf escaped from jail

The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

I take the bus to school

So every morning I take the bus to campus. On the way, it stops by the local prison.

This morning, while we were stopped by the prison, I heard a loud crash. I look to my right and I see what used to be a window, now shattered.

I'm looking at the window, and I see some rope fly out. Following the rope, I see an inmate. A rather small inmate. As a matter of fact, the man was a dwarf.

I stared at him in awe. As he made his way down the rope towards freedom, he notice me observing him. He gave me the stink eye. I thought to myself:

Wow, that's a little condescending.

Why do astronomers love Game of Thrones?

Because of its dwarf star.

crashed my car today...

a dwarf got out the other car and said 'I'm not happy', I said which one are you then?

The seven dwarfs were in the hot tub feeling happy...

...so Happy left.

I bumped in to the back of a car on the way to work

A dwarf got out, absolutely fuming and exclaimed 'I'm not happy!'

To which I replied, 'Which one are you then?'

A psychic dwarf has been on the run from the police for months...

He is a small medium at large.

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican...

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican

and because they are the seven dwarfs,

they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.

Grumpy leads the pack.

'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope,

'What can I do for you?'

Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency,

but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?'

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question,

thinks for a moment and answers,

'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome ...'

In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.

Grumpy turns around and glares,

silencing them.

Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship,

are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe ?'

The Pope, puzzled now,

again thinks for a moment and then answers,

'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe ...

'This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.



Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them

with an angry glare.

Grumpy turns back and says, 'Mr.. Pope!

Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?'

The Pope, really confused by the questions says,

'I'm sorry, my son,

there are no dwarf nuns

anywhere in the world.'

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap,

rolling and laughing, pounding the floor,

tears rolling down their cheeks,

as they begin chanting......



'Grumpy screwed a penguin!'
'Grumpy screwed a penguin!'

Yesterday I got into an accident with a prius...

Yesterday I was on the highway and rear ended a prius.
We both pulled over and a dwarf gets out of the prius.
He walks up to my car and says "Hey mister, I'm not happy!"
I say "then which one are you?"

What did the Seven Dwarfs say when the prince woke up Snow White?

Welp.... I guess it's back to jerking off!

A guy sees a sign outside a bar that says "come in! We have a magic ashtray that will grant one wish if you buy a pint"

He walks in to a swanky piano lounge which, interestingly, had a dwarf playing the piano.

He buys a pint and the bartender tells him to hold the ashtray and make his wish.

He squints and makes his wish. Suddenly a million ducks start swarming out from behind the bar and begin to cause total chaos.

The man yells to the bartender over the noise "I wished for a million BUCKS not DUCKS!!!"

The bartender yelled back "do you think I wished for a 3 foot pianist!?!"

What do you call an Eskimo dwarf with a raging erection?

A frigid midget with a rigid digit

I was reading earlier about a dwarf who got pick pocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?

This has been seen before, but this is my favorite version.

I rear- ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Well, i couldnt believe it... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, " Well, then which one are you?"

And thats how the fight started....

Why did the dwarf chef leave the restaurant?

Because the steaks were too high.

A psychic dwarf escaped from prison

There's a small medium at large.

(NSFW) What's the difference between a clever dwarf and a blue waffle?

Well one's a cunning runt...

I really like white dwarf stars...

...My favorite is Peter Dinklage.

I was driving one day and I rear ended a car.

We pulled into a nearby parking lot and out of the car I had hit stepped a little person, a dwarf if you will. He said "I'm not happy",so I asked "Then which one are you?"

What do you call a dwarf who regularly rides the Paris Metro?

A Metrognome.

What's the most well-known dwarf star?

Peter Dinklage.

A female dwarf goes to a doctor......

........complaining of an embarrassing itch in the groin area.

The doctor looks her up and down, picks her up and stands her on his desk..

He lifts up her skirt and puts his head under. A little perplexed, she hears snip, snip, snip, snip.

The doctor emerges from under her skirt.

"How's that?" he asks

"Well, it's a lot better actually" she says, "but...........it's still there."

Undaunted, he dives back under her skirt.

Snip, snip, snip,snip..

Out he comes. "How's that?"

He asks again more confidently.

"That's wonderful! What did you do?" she asked.

"Oh nothing, I just trimmed the top of your Ugg boots"

I'll tell you what I know about dwarfs!

Very Little


Courtesy of Jimmy Carr

Why was the dwarfs mining business so successful?

Because his overheads were very low.

What does an academic dwarf call his axes?

x and y.

I got in a car wreck last week.

A dwarf got out the other car and said, "I'm not happy."
To which I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"

I drove into a car at some traffic lights whilst not really paying attention

The driver got out and he was a dwarf.

He looked up to me and said, I'm not happy,

Well, which one are you then? I replied.

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

What do you call...

What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?

A small arms dealer.

What do you call it when you have sex with a dwarf who has gender dysmorphia?

micro trans action

Times are hard right now. I've got a dwarf friend.

He's struggling to put food on the table.

A dwarf, that happens to be a mystic, escapes from prison.

The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

I have a friend who is a cross dressing dwarf. Does that mean he's gay?

I means he's a little gay.

What did the dwarf pimp say to the two prostitutes at the beginning of the night?

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go

I saw a dwarf escaping prison yesterday, and as he was climbing down the outer fence he turned and sneered at me.

I thought to myself, that's a little condescending.

What do you call an ice skating dwarf?

A midget spinner

My last boss was a dwarf

He was a real micromanager

My dwarf friend was permanently banned from the nudist colony.

He kept sticking his nose in other people's business.

What do you call a well dressed dwarf that keeps perfect time?

A Metro Gnome

A joke to tell at DnD. Why are Dwarf pubs so bad?

Because they set the bar so low.

A guy isn't paying attention and rear ends someone at the traffic lights...

...He gets out of his car to inspect the damage and a dwarf gets out of the other car. He says "I'm not happy, you know"!

The guy says "No? Well which one are you then"?

I met an urban dwarf who keeps perfect time.

He's a metronome.

'Police have announced that a psychic dwarf has escaped from custody.'

'They're looking for a small medium at large.'

Times are really hard for people with disabilities.

I have a dwarf friend and he really struggles with putting food on the table.

A lady was driving along the highway...

...when suddenly she is distracted and crashes into the car in front of her, causing a bit of damage. She immediately jumps out of her car to give her details to the person she's crashed into. She walks to the driver's door and out hops a dwarfed man. 'I'm very sorry for the accident I've caused,' the lady says, 'I'll pay for any damage.' To which the dwarf replies, 'I'm not happy...' The lady says, 'If you're not happy, then which one are you?'

What do you call a dwarf with ESP who escapes from prison?

A Small Medium at Large

I like to imagine my fingers as the races of Middle Earth...

The thumb is the dwarf because it's stout

The pinkie is the hobbit because it's diminutive

The index is the elf because it's the most dexterous

The ring is the human because they were given the most rings

And the middle is the orc... because it's the rudest

A dwarf walks up to a lady and says...

I'm three foot and 10 inches...

And those are two different measurements!

Why do dwarfs dislike the big city?

Because of Smaug

I was texting on my phone and accidentally rear ended someone this morning...

We Pulled into a residential area, the guy got out of his car and lo' and behold, he's a dwarf. He said, "I am NOT happy!!!" I said, "Well then which one are you?"

How to make Dwarf jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Dwarf to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Dwarf? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Dwarf pick up lines to share with friends.

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