The Best 74 Duty Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Duty jokes. There are some duty rpg jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these duty jury duty puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Duty Jokes and Puns

Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"

He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."

Did you know?

Call of duty has been released in Iraq and Afgahnistan as "The Sims."

What is Call of Duty called in Afghanistan?

The Sims

Duty joke, What is Call of Duty called in Afghanistan?

Always on duty

A doctor has some trouble with the sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told it's his day off.

"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated, and the plumber relents.

The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying,

"Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, come and see me tomorrow."

Why did the police officer smell?

Because he was on duty.


Why did the janitor flush the toilet?

Because it was his duty.

"Plagiarism squad reporting for duty sir!"

"Copy that"

Duty joke, "Plagiarism squad reporting for duty sir!"

Young boy and his grandpa

A young boy is sitting and talking with his grandpa. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, you ever play Call of Duty?" The grandfather looks at the boy and replies, "Every morning when I wake up."

My friend got jury duty

So I drove him down to the courthouse. He came out 5 minutes later and said we could go. I said "How did you do that?" He said it was easy, just pretend to be super racist and they let you go. So I tried it myself a couple weeks later.

Apparently it doesn't work if you're the defendant.

What is the most environmentally friendly game company?

The three that make Call of Duty; They've recycled their ONLY GAME, every year for the past 7 years.

Call of Duty is like the Boy Scouts,

everyone's gay, and there's a lot of camping.

You can explore duty task reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean duty gameplay dad jokes. There are also duty puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


While on duty, a police officer comes across an injured baby horse.

The cause of the injury unknown, but the officer suspects foal play.

U.S male active duty and veterans...on this special day, make sure to call up all your old flames, current lovers. Wives and girlfriends as well as any others who helped you out during long deployments and say.....

"Thank you for your cervix!"

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is getting released for the second time in Iraq.

They're renaming the game to The Sims 5.

A woman walks into a police station and says "Help, Ive bee raped by a consultant"

The policeman on duty says "Consultant? thats pretty specific. Do you know him?"
The woman replies "No I dont know him"
The policeman asks "Then how do you know he's a consultant?"
The woman answers "Because he kept his jacket on and made me do all the work"

Women are like the Call of Duty games.

If you play them for too long, you'll end up alone.

Duty joke, Women are like the Call of Duty games.

I got jury duty next week

My duty is to convince the jury that I didn't do it.

Why does Jesus suck at Call of Duty?

Because it takes him 3 days to respawn.

"The search for the man who terrorises nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on....

Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow."


I wanted to make a joke about the new Call of Duty...

...but there are already infinite of them

So here's a Battlefield one instead

What is similar between the life of an Ethiopian kid and the hype of Call Of Duty: Infinite Warfare?

They're practically non existent.

I imported a Honda directly from Japan and was forced to pay a large tariff...

...that's OK though because it's my Civic duty.

Why did the superhero flush the toilet?

It was his duty!!!!

told to me by my 7yo son

Call of Duty is the most environmentally friendly video game franchise.

... because each game is made from 90% recycled material.

Why is call of duty infinite warfare set in space?

Because nobody liked it on earth.

Two East German guards were standing near the Berlin wall.

"What do you think of our regime?" asked the first.

"The same as you!" the second replied.

"In that case," said the first guard, "it is my duty to arrest you!"

What do they call Call Of Duty in the middle east?

Tuesday

Hitler must be the best Call of Duty player ever

He killed 6 million and only died once

Blondes..

My friend was on duty in the main computer lab on a quiet afternoon he noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen.

After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently tapping her foot.

Finally, he approached her and asked if she needed help.

She replied, "It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!

A man was walking down a street in Moscow at night

A soviet soldier called out for the man to halt but the man started running, so the soldier shot him. The other soldier on duty asks the former, "Why'd you do that?"

"Why it's curfew," the soldier said.

"Well it's not curfew yet!" his partner said.

"I know- he's a friend of mine. I know where he lives and he couldn't have made it in time."

Black people play 2k, then go to them gym and start trying to be like Kobe.

White people play Call of Duty, then go to school and try to go on a 25-kill streak.

Black kids play NBA 2K...

and then go to the basketball court to be like their favorite player.

White kids play Call of Duty, then go to school to get the highest kill streak possible.

Adolf Hitler has never touched Call of Duty...

...and yet, he still has a better KDR than me.

I just found out my mom had an affair.

The worst part is I found out in the most blunt way possible. I was playing Call of Duty when I was informed by another player that he had carnal relations with my mother. The worst part is he sounded so young.

Why was the police officer on the toilet?

He was doing his duty.

The new Call of Duty just got released in Iraq

They call it the Sims

Note: this technically a repost

French Presidential bodyguard accidentally discharges weapon whilst on duty...

France & Italy have both offer their immediate unconditional surrender.

If World War 3 happens...

At least we will finally get some more decent Call of Duty Games.

It's a silver lining in the clouds.

Why was Jesus so bad at Call of Duty?

Because whenever he died, it would take him 3 days to respawn.

What do they call Jury Duty in Australia?

Didgereedooty

This guy on Call of Duty said he was going to own me just like he owned my mom last night...

... Joke's on him. I have two dads.

What's the best part about going to jury duty?

Everyone's legal.

A man balks in a war

He's charged for dereliction of duty and takes up drinking.

I really thought Activision understood that we're sick of modern-day shooters.

And yet in the new Call of Duty they're giving us Nazis to shoot again.

Recently I've been watching videos of people running sideways in Call of Duty...

They're really D-Pressing!

I woke up in the Police station this morning with no memory of the previous night.

I really need to stop drinking on duty.

A cop gets shot while on duty

He goes into surgery, and falls into a coma.

His grieving wife is billed a few weeks later. She is confused to find part of her bill includes "a service from an ophthalmologist." She then decides to visit the hospital to see why they needed one.

Wife: Why did you need an ophthalmologist for my husband? Are you scamming me?!

Doctor: Ma'am, we suspected your husband was suffering from glockcoma.

It is my sad duty to report the death of my granddad, who was run over by a boat whilst swimming in a canal in Venice...

Thank you to those of you who have already sent your gondolences...

I bought the new Call of Duty WWII in France.

But for some reason, I can only be a spectator.

Did you hear about how realistic Call of Duty: WWII is?

Sledgehammer Games rented servers from the 1940s to replicate WWII as accurately as possible

A british tourist arrives to the Sydney airport.

The australian duty officer checks the tourist's passport before letting him enter the country, then asks:

"Have you ever been sentenced?"

"Wait, is this still a requirement?"

Kim Jong un would be great at call of duty

If team kills counted twords the "nuke" scorestreak

I just got called for jury duty and the judge is a midget.

I'm assuming it will be a short trial.

A soldier on sentry duty fell asleep while standing up,

And woke to find his commanding officer standing in front of him, looking furious. With great presence of mind, the soldier said, "amen"

I had a court date this month. I screamed about my innocence and begged them for mercy.

I did not get picked for jury duty.

A woman runs into a police station and shouts, "Help, I've been graped!"

The officer on duty replies, "Do you mean raped?"

"No there were a bunch of them"

Credit to Ricky Gervais, his new special is brilliant.

What can be smelt and heard from twenty miles away?

My son playing Call of Duty

Whenever I get jury duty, I never make it through jury selection

After all, no one wants a hung jury

Once Chuck Norris threw a knife in Call of Duty

And killed someone in Battlefield

My mother's sister is on heavy duty medication for schizophrenia.

I call her Aunty Psychotic.

A women walks into a police station

She frantically tells the policeman on duty,

"Help, I've been graped!"

The policeman replied,

"Do you mean raped?"

She shakes her head and says,

"No there was a bunch of them"

Why do the toilets at the border only have pissoirs?

Because they are duty free.

My friends call me 007 when i play call of duty with them.

0 Kills

0 Assist

7 Deaths

My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"

He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."

What bust?

A young man went to the drug store and asked for a package of condoms.

"We have something new, colored condoms," said the clerk. "Special introductory price!"

So the young man bought a package of colored condoms.

Ten months later he was back at the drug store, and asked for a maternity bra.

The same clerk was on duty, and he asked, "What bust?"

"The yellow one."

I am thinking of buying a Honda directly from Japan and pay all the necessary tariffs.

It'll be my Civic duty.

An off duty soldier took a train.

When the train reach its first stop, a general walk in, and the soldier stood up, the general said. 'At ease soldier, sit down.'

The train reached its second stop, again the soldier stood up, the general once again said. 'At ease soldier, sit down.

When the train reach its third stop, again the soldier stood up, the general said.' You don't have to salute every time we reach a stop.' The soldier reply.

' I want to get off, I missed my stop 2 stations ago.'

I begged a judge to let me off jury duty because of my job, but he insisted that my company can do just fine without me for a few days.

But that's exactly what I don't want them to figure out.

One secret policeman asks another, What do you think of the regime? ...

Nervously, the second policeman replies, The same as you, comrade. At that point the first one pulls out handcuffs and says, In that case, it is my duty to arrest you.

My friend calls me James Bonds while I play Call Of Duty....

0 - Kills

0 - Assists

7 - Deaths

A young man was drafted and sent to medical evaluation

The doctor asked him to read the first five letters on the poster. He quickly replied What poster? after which he was relieved of duty.

Unfortunately, as he went to the cinema that night, he was seated right next to the very same doctor. Without hesitation, he tapped the doctor on the shoulder and said:

Excuse me miss, is this bus destined for Dallas?

Who opens stuck jar lids in a lesbian relationship?

Usually, it's the male side who deals with stubborn jars in a straight relationship. But who to be charged with this sacred duty in a lesbian relationship?

The answer is no one, they eat out all the time.

A joke I made when I was a kid: Why do cops always smell?

Because they are always on duty!

Sue reports for jury duty as ordered.

She promptly asks to be excused because she believes she's prejudiced. "I took one look at those shifty eyes and that cheap polyester suit and I immediately knew that he was guilty as sin."

"Sit down," says the judge. "That's the prosecuting attorney."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the duty colonel jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working duty call of duty piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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