Duty Jokes
132 duty jokes and hilarious duty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about duty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Love to crack a few jokes? Check out this article for some of the funniest Duty Jokes around! We explore impost, burden, task, Call of Duty, Jury Duty, and Line of Duty and how to make jokes about them. Get ready for a good laugh!
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- Short Duty Jokes
- Duty One Liners
- Call Of Duty Jokes
- Jury Duty Jokes
- Line Of Duty Jokes
- More Duty Jokes
Funniest Duty Short Jokes
Short duty jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The duty humour may include short responsibility jokes also.
- I bought the new Call of Duty wwii in France. But for some reason, I can only be a spectator.
- The new Call of Duty just got released in Iraq They call it the Sims
Note: this technically a repost - It is my sad duty to report the death of my granddad, who was run over by a boat whilst swimming in a canal in Venice... Thank you to those of you who have already sent your gondolences...
- Call of Duty is the most environmentally friendly video game franchise. ... because each game is made from 90% recycled material.
- I heard that ' Call of Duty' has a different name in the Middle East. They call it "The Sims".
- I woke up in the police station this morning with no memory of the previous night. I really need to stop drinking on duty.
- My friend calls me James Bonds while I play Call Of Duty.... 0 - Kills
0 - Assists
7 - Deaths - I am thinking of buying a Honda directly from Japan and pay all the necessary tariffs. It'll be my Civic duty.
- I begged a judge to let me off jury duty because of my job, but he insisted that my company can do just fine without me for a few days. But that's exactly what I don't want them to figure out.
- Q: What happens if your dishwasher stops working?
A: You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
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Duty One Liners
Which duty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with duty? I can suggest the ones about burden and obliged.
- My friends call me 007 when i play call of duty with them. 0 Kills
0 Assist
7 Deaths - Why is call of duty infinite warfare set in space? Because nobody liked it on earth.
- Did you know? Call of duty has been released in iraq and Afgahnistan as "The Sims."
- "Plagiarism squad reporting for duty sir!" "Copy that"
- Once Chuck Norris threw a knife in Call of Duty And killed someone in Battlefield
- A man balks in a war He's charged for dereliction of duty and takes up drinking.
- What is Call of Duty called in Afghanistan? The Sims
- Call of Duty is like the Boy Scouts, everyone's gay, and there's a lot of camping.
- Why did the police officer smell? Because he was on duty.
- Where do mediaeval soldiers hang out when they're off duty? At the knight club
- How many Call Of Duty players does it take to change a light bulb? Both of them.
- Many are called, few are chosen..... .....thats right, I have jury duty
- What do you call a baby who just got his diaper changed inside an airport? Duty Free
- What do they call Jury Duty in Australia? Didgereedooty
- Why was the police officer on the toilet? He was doing his duty.
Call Of Duty Jokes
Here is a list of funny call of duty jokes and even better call of duty puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is the most environmentally friendly game company? The three that make Call of Duty; They've recycled their ONLY GAME, every year for the past 7 years.
- Did you hear about how realistic Call of Duty: WWII is? Sledgehammer Games rented servers from the 1940s to replicate WWII as accurately as possible
- Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is getting released for the second time in Iraq. They're renaming the game to The Sims 5.
- Kim Jong un would be great at call of duty If team kills counted twords the "nuke" scorestreak
- Black people play 2k, then go to them gym and start trying to be like Kobe. White people play Call of Duty, then go to school and try to go on a 25-kill streak.
- My mother's sister is on heavy duty medication for schizophrenia. I call her Aunty Psychotic.
- This guy on Call of Duty said he was going to own me just like he owned my mom last night... ... Joke's on him. I have two dads.
- What can be smelt and heard from twenty miles away? My son playing Call of Duty
- What's it called when the person delivering your baby suddenly becomes squeamish and can no longer fulfill his/her duties? A midwife crisis
- If World War 3 happens... At least we will finally get some more decent Call of Duty Games.
It's a silver lining in the clouds.
Jury Duty Jokes
Here is a list of funny jury duty jokes and even better jury duty puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I had a court date this month. I screamed about my innocence and begged them for mercy. I did not get picked for jury duty.
- I just got called for jury duty and the judge is a midget. I'm assuming it will be a short trial.
- What's the best part about going to jury duty? Everyone's legal.
- I got jury duty next week My duty is to convince the jury that I didn't do it.
- Whenever I get jury duty, I never make it through jury selection After all, no one wants a hung jury
- When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
- How do you get out of jury duty in the US? Be black. The prosecutors never let you remain on the jury.
- I've never had jury duty They say it is because I would make it a hung jury.
- Got a summons for jury duty. At least now I know it will be a hung jury.
- I got caled into jury duty today... That's going to result in a well hung jury.
Line Of Duty Jokes
Here is a list of funny line of duty jokes and even better line of duty puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Last night my father died in the line of duty. Haha... Line of dooty...
- What do you call motorcycle police men who get killed in the line of duty? kGWzToj4t4HMMbwxXS
Uproarious Duty Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about duty you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean guilt jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make duty pranks.
Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have s**...?"
He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."
Always on duty
A doctor has some trouble with the sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told it's his day off.
"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated, and the plumber relents.
The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying,
"Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, come and see me tomorrow."
Why did the janitor flush the toilet?
Because it was his duty.
Young boy and his grandpa
A young boy is sitting and talking with his grandpa. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, you ever play Call of Duty?" The grandfather looks at the boy and replies, "Every morning when I wake up."
My friend got jury duty
So I drove him down to the courthouse. He came out 5 minutes later and said we could go. I said "How did you do that?" He said it was easy, just pretend to be super racist and they let you go. So I tried it myself a couple weeks later.
Apparently it doesn't work if you're the defendant.
Prince Andrew has asked the Queen to relieve him of his royal duties. Perhaps his mum could s**... him of his royal title and his entitlements as well.
Did you hear prince andrew is stepping back from his Royal Duties?
I guess he just wants to spend more time with the children.
Need a dessert s**... joke to say to my girlfriend and I feel like id miss a hugely funny opportunity if I didnt nailed this joke.
Your help will make 2 people's lives very funny for a moment and what could be better than that? Its your civic duty to help out. And i promise she wont be made uncomfortable we are currently in the middle of a dirty exchange so I would definitely know by now naw meen?
Call of Duty should make a game about the greatest war of all time
the console war
What's a good motto for a sewage treatment plant?
Our duty is clear.
Cr
While on duty, a police officer comes across an injured baby horse.
The cause of the injury unknown, but the officer suspects foal play.
U.S male active duty and veterans...on this special day, make sure to call up all your old flames, current lovers. Wives and girlfriends as well as any others who helped you out during long deployments and say.....
"Thank you for your c**...!"
A woman walks into a police station and says "Help, Ive bee r**... by a consultant"
The policeman on duty says "Consultant? thats pretty specific. Do you know him?"
The woman replies "No I dont know him"
The policeman asks "Then how do you know he's a consultant?"
The woman answers "Because he kept his jacket on and made me do all the work"
Women are like the Call of Duty games.
If you play them for too long, you'll end up alone.
Why does Jesus s**... at Call of Duty?
Because it takes him 3 days to respawn.
"The search for the man who terrorises nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on....
Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow."
I wanted to make a joke about the new Call of Duty...
...but there are already infinite of them
So here's a Battlefield one instead
What is similar between the life of an Ethiopian kid and the hype of Call Of Duty: Infinite Warfare?
They're practically non existent.
I imported a Honda directly from Japan and was forced to pay a large tariff...
...that's OK though because it's my Civic duty.
What do you call a constipated paladin?
Duty bound
Why did the superhero flush the toilet?
It was his duty!!!!
told to me by my 7yo son
I wonder if they'll ever release Call of Duty Go in the UK
They've been playing it in America for years
Two East German guards were standing near the Berlin wall.
"What do you think of our regime?" asked the first.
"The same as you!" the second replied.
"In that case," said the first guard, "it is my duty to arrest you!"
My girlfriend suspected I was cheating...
but I swear, she just s**... at Call of Duty.
What do they call Call Of Duty in the middle east?
Tuesday
h**... must be the best Call of Duty player ever
He killed 6 million and only died once
Blondes..
My friend was on duty in the main computer lab on a quiet afternoon he noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen.
After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently tapping her foot.
Finally, he approached her and asked if she needed help.
She replied, "It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!
A man was walking down a street in Moscow at night
A soviet soldier called out for the man to halt but the man started running, so the soldier shot him. The other soldier on duty asks the former, "Why'd you do that?"
"Why it's curfew," the soldier said.
"Well it's not curfew yet!" his partner said.
"I know- he's a friend of mine. I know where he lives and he couldn't have made it in time."
Black kids play NBA 2K...
and then go to the basketball court to be like their favorite player.
White kids play Call of Duty, then go to school to get the highest kill streak possible.
I like my car how I like my life.
Duty free.
Adolf h**... has never touched Call of Duty...
...and yet, he still has a better KDR than me.
I just found out my mom had an affair.
The worst part is I found out in the most blunt way possible. I was playing Call of Duty when I was informed by another player that he had carnal relations with my mother. The worst part is he sounded so young.
French Presidential bodyguard accidentally discharges weapon whilst on duty...
France & Italy have both offer their immediate unconditional surrender.
"I think, dear", a man says to his wife, "that you fib a little occasionally."
To which his wife replies "Well, I think it's a wife's duty to speak well of her husband occasionally"
Why was Jesus so bad at Call of Duty?
Because whenever he died, it would take him 3 days to respawn.
I really thought Activision understood that we're sick of modern-day shooters.
And yet in the new Call of Duty they're giving us n**... to shoot again.
Recently I've been watching videos of people running sideways in Call of Duty...
They're really D-Pressing!
How does a Call of Duty player like their ice cream?
With a 360 no scoop.
A cop gets shot while on duty
He goes into surgery, and falls into a coma.
His grieving wife is billed a few weeks later. She is confused to find part of her bill includes "a service from an ophthalmologist." She then decides to visit the hospital to see why they needed one.
Wife: Why did you need an ophthalmologist for my husband? Are you scamming me?!
Doctor: Ma'am, we suspected your husband was suffering from glockcoma.
A british tourist arrives to the Sydney airport.
The australian duty officer checks the tourist's passport before letting him enter the country, then asks:
"Have you ever been sentenced?"
"Wait, is this still a requirement?"
A soldier on sentry duty fell asleep while standing up,
And woke to find his commanding officer standing in front of him, looking furious. With great presence of mind, the soldier said, "amen"
A woman runs into a police station and shouts, "Help, I've been graped!"
The officer on duty replies, "Do you mean r**...?"
"No there were a bunch of them"
Credit to Ricky Gervais, his new special is brilliant.
Why was there a gardener on duty at Steven Hawking's burial?
They needed help planting the vegetable.
Childbirth
When my wife gave birth, I asked the doctor:
\- When can we have s**...?
\- I'm running out of duty in 10 minutes, we'll meet in the parking lot.
A women walks into a police station
She frantically tells the policeman on duty,
"Help, I've been graped!"
The policeman replied,
"Do you mean r**...?"
She shakes her head and says,
"No there was a bunch of them"
Why do the toilets at the border only have pissoirs?
Because they are duty free.
My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have s**...?"
He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."
What bust?
A young man went to the drug store and asked for a package of condoms.
"We have something new, colored condoms," said the clerk. "Special introductory price!"
So the young man bought a package of colored condoms.
Ten months later he was back at the drug store, and asked for a maternity bra.
The same clerk was on duty, and he asked, "What bust?"
"The yellow one."
An off duty soldier took a train.
When the train reach its first stop, a general walk in, and the soldier stood up, the general said. 'At ease soldier, sit down.'
The train reached its second stop, again the soldier stood up, the general once again said. 'At ease soldier, sit down.
When the train reach its third stop, again the soldier stood up, the general said.' You don't have to salute every time we reach a stop.' The soldier reply.
' I want to get off, I missed my stop 2 stations ago.'
One secret policeman asks another, What do you think of the regime? ...
Nervously, the second policeman replies, The same as you, comrade. At that point the first one pulls out handcuffs and says, In that case, it is my duty to arrest you.
