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Dumps Jokes

45 dumps jokes and hilarious dumps puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dumps that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud with these hilarious Tumblr dumps jokes, plus doses of additional puked out memes and funny fills. Don't miss out on the best landfill of funniest memes!

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Funniest Dumps Short Jokes

Short dumps jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dumps humour may include short dumped jokes also.

  1. I dumped my last girlfriend because she was a communist. I should've known sooner. There were red flag everywhere.
  2. Last week, My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her Wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back.
  3. My girlfriend dumped me today saying I was too childish But today is opposite day so it's all good
  4. My girlfriend just dumped me because of my gambling addiction. But I know I can win her back.
  5. My girlfriend told me if I didn't stop singing "I'm a believer" by smash mouth she would dump me... I thought she was joking
    But then i saw her face
  6. My girlfriend dumped me on 9/11. That's one way of making sure I'll never forget.
    ^^^This ^^^isn't ^^^a ^^^joke, ^^^I'm ^^^actually ^^^broken ^^^inside.
  7. I used to go out with an English teacher, but she dumped me. I used to go out with an English teacher, but she dumped me.
    She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon.
  8. I used to date a girl with a lazy eye... but I dumped her because she kept seeing people on the side.
  9. My girlfriend dumped me for an indian At least I know he's going to treat her good, I heard they worship cows
  10. What's the worst part about dumping a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

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Dumps One Liners

Which dumps one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dumps? I can suggest the ones about ditch and junk.

  1. My girlfriend wanted me to be more like her ex. So I dumped her.
  2. I accidently swallowed some scrabble tiles My next dump could spell disaster
  3. My girlfriend dumped me because I'm unorganised. So she packed my suitcase and I left.
  4. I had to dump my cross eyed girlfriend I think she was seeing someone else
  5. I ate an entire feather pillow last week Since then I've been feeling down in the dumps.
  6. Got dumped because she said I was obsessed with boat puns Canoe believe that?
  7. Difference between Trump and a dump truck? Four Goodyears.
  8. My girlfriend dumped me over my love for pasta And now I'm feeling canaloni
  9. I once dumped a cross eyed girl... ...thought she was seeing someone else.
  10. A cannibal dumped his girlfriend. And then flushed.
  11. Why did the banker dump his girlfriend? He lost interest.
  12. What do you call a musician who's been dumped by his girlfriend? Homeless!
  13. What did Tom hanks do in the woods? He took a forrest dump.
  14. My girlfriend lost a toe and i dumped her I'm lack-toes intolerant
  15. How did Jared lose 30 pounds? He dumped his girlfriend.

Dumps joke, How did Jared lose 30 pounds?

Hilarious Dumps Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about dumps you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dump truck jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dumps pranks.

Why did Washington, D.C. get all the lawyers and New Jersey get all the toxic waste dumps?

New Jersey had the first pick.

A young black boy walks int to kitchen ...

There he dumps a pound of flour on himself, he goes to his mother and says, " look! I'm a white boy!" His mother slaps him in the mouth and says, "go tell your Father what you jst said!" The boy goes to his fAther and says, " look! I'm a white boy!" His father takes him over his leg and spanks him hard. Then the father asked," okay son , now what have you learned?" The looks at him and says," I've only been a white boy for 8 minutes now an I already hate you black people!"

A runner walks into a bar

An ultra runner jogs into a bar and orders a beer. She reaches into her sweaty sports bra and pulls out a sweaty crumpled $5 bill to pay. The bartender gingerly picks up the damp bill with a pair of tongs and dumps it in a bucket. "You realize every time I get money with b**... fluids on them I have to report it to the government," the bartender grumbles. "It's g**... income."

An English Guy, A Scottish Guy, and An Irish Guy

An English guy, a Scottish Guy, and an Irish guy are in a bar. A fly comes over and lands in the English guy's beer, so he dumps it out. Another fly comes and lands in the Scottish guy's beer, so he takes it out and keeps drinking from it as if nothing happened. A third fly comes and lands in the Irish guy's beer. He takes the fly out, shakes it over his beer and yells "Spit it out, ya little blighter! Spit it out!"

Two men are chatting over a pint

Bob turns to John and says, "You're looking down in the dumps, what's wrong?"
"It's the wife. Since she's started this high-powered job, she's cut our s**... down to 3 times a week!"
"You're lucky" remarked Bob. "She's cut me out completely!"

If you're down in the dumps and feeling really depressed, drink a gallon of water before going to bed.

It will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

An American goes to a restaurant in Italy for breakfast.

After the meal he looks at the coffee menu and orders an Espresso Ristretto, because the name sounds good. The server brings him a tiny coffee cup with a little coffee at the bottom. The American takes the cup, dumps the content in his mouth, makes few slushing sounds with his tongue and says to the server: "Yes, it's good. I'll have this".

The Covid 19 Toilet Paper craze was a lot like the Stock Market c**... of 1929

But this time, instead of everyone dumping their stocks, they're stocking for dumps

A guy named Dave is hanging out with his friend Steve at a bar

Dave is really down in the dumps so Steve asks him what's up.
Dave: My wife has been making me pay for s**...!
Steve: Really? How much does she charge you?
Dave: $50 every time!
Steve: Wow, you're lucky!
Dave: Lucky!? How could you say that!?
Steve: That's cheap!! She charges me $300!!!!!!!

Two older male dolphins notice their hairlines are starting to recede.

Dolphins go bald, too. Tough for humans to notice, but dolphins notice... Anyway...
Understandably, they start getting a little down in the dumps recognizing the loss of their youth and feeling a profound sense of their own mortality.
In a moment of clarity, one dolphin says to his buddy, Hey compadre, we don't have to just *accept* this as our new normal, ya know? What with modern fashion and technology these days… we can *do* something about this!
So they went out and bought matching hairpieces. They were toupees in a pod.

Why does California have more lawyers and New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps?

New Jersey got to choose first

To those who feel like eating whenever they're down in the dumps..

Don't eat there.

A Spanish pirate walks into a bar... [OC]

A Spanish pirate walks into a bar, and he appears down in the dumps. The bartender notices this and asks,
"Aye, what'll ye be havin'?"
"Agua, por favor."
"Hm, whatever floats yer boat, lad."
"...Sí."

I need jokes!!!

I come here needing all of your help!!!
I have a close friend who recently discovered he has cancer. He has been down in the dumps the last few days, so i cracked a cancer joke and it instantly made his day. I told him i will have a cancer joke everyday for him.
So i need you all to load me up with some cancer jokes!
Thanks all!

Another from my 25+ year old joke book...

Girl 1: Whenever I'm down in the dumps I get a new hat.
Girl 2: Oh, that's where you get them!

Guy walks into a bar, orders 2 shots. Dumps one on the ground.

Bartender asks who it was for. Guy replies "my unborn child"
"Sorry to hear man, what happened?" Asked the bartender.
Guy looked him square in the eye "dried up in a sock."

I'm dating a girl called Ruth..

.. once she dumps me, I'll be Ruthless! HAAAA!!

I love animals, but I'm thinking of getting rid of my pet anaconda. It keeps taking horse sized dumps.

Also, all my horses have gone missing.

The vacuum salesman is patrolling the streets for another house to sell to.

He finds a good looking house and knocks on the door.
"Hello?" A lady replies.
He goes inside, dumps a bag of cowdung on the ground and says, "Ma'am, if this vacuum cleaner doesn't leave the floor spotless, I'll eat it!"
"Ye want some ketchup with that?"
"What do you mean?" asks the salesman.
"We just moved in and we got no electricity."

Why is garbage so sad?

It's down in the dumps.

I tried this new laxative with goose feathers

But now I'm feeling down in the dumps.

What do you call her when St. Nick's wife dumps him to join a biker gang?

A rebel without a Claus.

You ever wonder why Sewage workers are so depressed?

They're always down in the dumps

A salt truck accidentally dumps salt on a man's car

When the man arrived at work late due to the incident his boss asked, "Why are you late?"
The man replies, "I was as**salt**ed."

Was feeling pretty down in the dumps earlier and tried hanging myself with bungee cords

Kept almost dying

What do you call a urologist who accidentally dumps his entire practice's supply of Flomax down the drain?

In trouble with his peers.

Why does New York have all the lawyers while New Jersey got all the garbage dumps?

New Jersey got to pick first

Why does New York have so many Lawyers and New Jersey have so many toxic waste dumps?

New Jersey got first choice.

Why does California have the most lawyers and New Jersey have the most toxic dumps?

New Jersey got to pick first.
- from Law and Order

Dumps joke, Why does California have the most lawyers and New Jersey have the most toxic dumps?