Dump Jokes
136 dump jokes and hilarious dump puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dump that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dump Short Jokes
Short dump jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dump humour may include short dispose jokes also.
- I dumped my last girlfriend because she was a communist. I should've known sooner. There were red flag everywhere.
- My girlfriend dumped me today saying I was too childish But today is opposite day so it's all good
- My girlfriend dumped me on 9/11. That's one way of making sure I'll never forget.
^^^This ^^^isn't ^^^a ^^^joke, ^^^I'm ^^^actually ^^^broken ^^^inside. - What does the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend Flush
I heard this from my 11 year old cousin, the look on his mom's face after he told me this made my day. - My new girlfriend dumped me when she found out I was missing a toe Apparently she's lactose intolerant.
- A Scrabble game got dumped all over the interstate highway. That's the word on the street at least.
- What's the difference between a woman and a laundry machine? When I dump a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around after
- A median and a mode walk into a bar. The bartender says, I'm glad you dumped your buddy. He's mean.
- Why did Washington, D.C. get all the lawyers and New Jersey get all the toxic waste dumps? New Jersey had the first pick.
- I'm feeling sad because I went to the supermarket today for the sale they had on ginger ale but they were dumping all their stock into a hydraulic crusher out back. It was soda pressing.
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Dump One Liners
Which dump one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dump? I can suggest the ones about flush and drop.
- My girlfriend wanted me to be more like her ex. So I dumped her.
- My girlfriend dumped me because I'm unorganised. So she packed my suitcase and I left.
- I had to dump my cross eyed girlfriend I think she was seeing someone else
- I ate an entire feather pillow last week Since then I've been feeling down in the dumps.
- Got dumped because she said I was obsessed with boat puns Canoe believe that?
- Difference between Trump and a dump truck? Four Goodyears.
- My girlfriend dumped me over my love for pasta And now I'm feeling canaloni
- What did Tom hanks do in the woods? He took a forrest dump.
- How did Jared lose 30 pounds? He dumped his girlfriend.
- How did Jared lose 40lbs? He dumped his girlfriend.
- I just dumped a pair of conjoined twins. I said, "It's not you, it's you."
- Today, my girlfriend said she's dumping me for some geometric drawings Figures.
- Where did the cannibal dump his girlfriend? In the toilet
- I just got dumped. That's the last time I hide in her trash can.
- What do you call the feeling of relief after a good dump? Shatisfaction
Taking A Dump Jokes
Here is a list of funny taking a dump jokes and even better taking a dump puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife told me that if i buy another board game she will dump me Maybe i shouldn't take that risk
- I always leave a penny on the toilet lid after I take a dump Just so that a cent is covering the odor
- Modern art is easy to understand. If you take a dump on someone's door mat, ring the bell and run away - it's an installation. If you ring the bell and then take a dump - it's a performance.
- After she decided to dump me, my rich ex-girlfriend has been begging me to take her back. I explained that when her family pays the ransom she will be safely returned.
- How do IT guys take a dump? They log out.
- I got kicked out of the bar for taking a dump... Apparently they didn't need any more bar stools
- Want to know how to scare burglars off? First: Put pictures of a tiger all around your house.
Second: Put a cat litter tray in your hallway and take a dump in it. - I tried to take a dump on an airplane. TSA was none too please when they had to clean out the tray
- where did the lone ranger take his trash to? to the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
- Where does William Tell take his garbage? To the dump to the dump to the dump^dump^dump
Dump Truck Jokes
Here is a list of funny dump truck jokes and even better dump truck puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Ad in the local paper: 25 year old woman, very attractive, beautiful blonde hair, perfect measurements, intelligent, with good sense of humor and stable income - Selling dump truck.
- What has 8 wheels and flies? A dump truck
- What do you call a baby dump truck? A dumpling!
Made up by my 8 year old son. - I traded my wife in for a dump truck... I wanted something with a smaller box
Pump Dump Jokes
Here is a list of funny pump dump jokes and even better pump dump puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does the UK economy and dead pigs have in common? The Tories love using both for their pump and dump schemes
- I treat my men like I treat my bitcoin Pump and Dump
- What did the Japanese linguist say when he had pumped and dumped a girl? Here-a-Gone-a
- Last night, a brigade and I were pumping and dumping crypto. For whatever reason, who chose DEZ...
Share Hilarious Dump Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about dump you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean withdraw jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dump pranks.
Dumping garbage
The Sheriff pulled up next to a guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up truck into a ditch. The Sheriff asks, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head?"
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'FINE FOR DUMPING GARBAGE.'"
A man goes to the doctor...
and he says to the doctor: "Doctor I take a dump every morning at exactly 7:30, and I hate that it happens that early every day.
The doctor replies: "Well, you should be happy. You are blessed with amazing intestines. Some people would kill for that!"
To which the man says: "Yeah, that's great and all but I don't wake up until 8."
Had to dump my Amish girlfriend....
she drove me buggy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Young Man Asks His Father About His Fiance
A young man from West Virginia goes up to his dad and says, "Pa, I am really concerned about my fiance."
His dad asks him to tell him what the problem is, he says, "Well Pa, I just don't know what to do, I just found out she is a v**...."
His dad says, "Dump her, if she ain't good enough fer her own kin, she ain't good enough fer ours."
I got dumped by the personal trainer I was dating.
When I asked why, she said we just weren't working out.
A man goes into the bathroom to take a dump.
When he's done, he realizes there's no toilet paper. Knocking on the stall next to him, he asks, "Hey, do have an extra roll of toilet paper?"
"I'm sorry, but I do not."
He knocks again. "Do you have a newspaper?"
"I'm sorry, but I do not."
He knocks again. "Do you have an old handkerchief?"
"I'm sorry, but I do not."
He knocks again. "Do you have change for a five?"
Got this one from my grandpa.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a toilet
The toilet doesn't want to cuddle after you dump a load in it.
What's the difference between a blonde and a washer?
When you dump your load in a washer, it doesn't follow you around for a week.
I dumped my girlfriend and started reading a geography book.
At least I know where I stand now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I dumped my boyfriend with a lazy eye.
Turns out he was seeing chicks on the side.
The other day I took a dump, then did some drugs, then went for a bike ride.
Then I saw an environmental poster that said "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" - so I did it all over again.
What does a programmer do in the toilet?
A log dump!
A man is taking his dog for a walk through a graveyard early one morning.
A man is taking his dog for a walk through a graveyard early one morning when he sees an elderly man crouched by a gravestone. Not wishing to appear rude the dog-walker greets the elderly man with a cheery:
"Morning!"
The elderly man replies:
"Oh no, just taking a dump."
Why did the girl reject the landfill owner?
His place is a dump
today, i learned that "Donald Trump" is an anagram of "Tan Dump Lord"
...it's like his parents knew all along
My street looks like a garbage dump...
...litter ally!
What's the difference between a laundry machine and a girl?
The washing machine doesn't get upset if I dump a load in it and never call back
What's the difference between Taylor Swift and a stale Pepsi?
The stale Pepsi won't write a song about me after I dump it.
Girlfriend: Would you dump me for someone more like a trophy wife?
Me: Honey, I already have someone like that!
Girlfriend: Aww, you're too sweet!
Me: Yeah, you should meet her!
I recently dated a girl with a lazy eye. Had to dump her after a week though,
I'm pretty sure she was seeing somebody on the side.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I once dumped a cross eyed girl...
...thought she was seeing someone else.
I got dumped by a woman that was a nutritionist.
She said, "Come back to me when you know what's good for you."
Son of chief: "Father, how are we named?"
Chief: "After you are born, your mother looks out of the teepee and names you the first thing she sees."
Son: "Oh wow, is that how you were named Soaring Eagle?"
Chief: "Yes, Horse Taking Dump"
A pastor was giving a sermon on the evils of alcohol.
After endless anecdotes about its evils and dozens of bible passages regarding its sinfulness he concludes quite passionately that if it were up to him he'd dump all the town's booze into the river.
Following this display the organist leads the congregation in a hymn. They sang Shall we gather at the river?
My girlfriend made me drive out more than 33 miles just so she could dump me on live tv.
Then her bf Chris Hansen humiliated me.
Thought I had written something clever until i started telling this one and no one got it.
I made a trip to the local dump yesterday and while I was there, I noticed that one of the employees was coughing and struggling to breathe, trying to heft a bag into a dumpster. So I went over to him and asked "excuse me sir, are you alright? Do you need a hand?" And he just replies "Nah I'm used to it, it's just miasma."
Three old men are sitting on a porch relaxing...
The first old man complains about having trouble moving his bowels.
The second old ma complains about having trouble urinating.
The third old man says, every morning at 7am I relieve myself, then at 7:15 I take a huge dump.
The other two men look at him and say what's wrong with that?
The third old man says, I don't wake up until 7:30.
I dumped my blonde girlfriend after she tried to poke holes in one of the condoms.
She might have gotten away with it had I not been wearing it at the time.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kelloggs once had a cereal called s**...'
You open it up, dump out the cereal and eat the box.
Why did the girl dump the crossdresser?
He only wanted to get into her pants.
A woman goes to dump her dads ashes in the ocean to fulfill his wishes.
When she tries to pour the ashes into the ocean, the wind blows the ash back into her eyes.
She hears her dad say "Whats wrong, you cant sea?"
What do you call an all male identifying, church choir?
The He/Hymns
Ba dump
Got dumped on Halloween…
Well at least she didn't ghost me
Reddit is definitely not the dump of the internet
Everyone here recycles. :)
My ex dumped me because I never repaid her for the deodorant she bought me.
I odour a lot of money.
True story:
I was bringing our cans in when a salt truck came down our block this afternoon, and was pretty jolted when, while driving past me, it proceeded to dump salt right on me.
My husband comforted me by saying, I'm so sorry… you were a-salted.
My girlfriend is a history teacher. It's a good job but I have to dump her.
She won't stop bringing up the past.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy is camping and finds his buddy standing over an outhouse toilet about to drop a $50 bill down the hole.
What on earth are you doing? he asks his buddy.
His friend replies I was taking a dump and a $10 bill fell out of my pocket and went down the hole…… and I sure as h**... ain't going down there for ten bucks .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bear and Rabbit
A bear and a rabbit were taking a dump in the forest, and the bear turned to the rabbit and said, we eat a lot of the same things, I'm curious, does s**... stick to your fur? The rabbit replied, the one good thing about being so fluffy is s**... never sticks to my fur. With that the bear promptly picked up the rabbit and wiped his a**... with him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Memory problems
My dad's getting old. He has trouble remembering where he left his keys, sometimes stumbles over finding words.
But weirdly he can remember in graphic detail every dump he's ever taken.
He has a c**... memory.
Elon Musk has announced a new recipe for chicken soup
First you boil the chicken in water and then you dump the stock.
I accidentally ate all the dumplings, and now I feel dumplingoverished.
When I went to the dumpling eating contest, all I could think was, “How do you even gyoza fast?”
The dumpling chef always delivers, he’s truly aww-some.
My dumpling art is all about being on a roll.
I used to not like dumplings, but then I realized I was just going through a wonton phase.
The dumpling took a trip to Spain and came back feeling empanada.
I don’t mean to be so cheesy, but dumplings are just grate.
Every time I eat a dumpling, I feel bready for anything.
The dumpling put on a coat and said, “I’m feeling soup-er cozy!”
I asked my dumplings if they wanted to go dancing, but they said they were just can’ts.
A dumpling once won a Nobel Prize for being so wa-onderful.
I tried making dumplings out of bread, but they just weren’t roll-able.
The dumpling said to the chopstick, “You complete me rice away.
The dumpling became a fashion designer because it knew how to dress to impress.
The dumplings went on a date and said it was pea-perfect.
My family isn’t very big, but our love for dumplings knows no bao-unds.
The dumpling told such good jokes, it always left me in stitches.
I told my dumplings to be careful not to get burnt, but they said I was just trying to steam-roller them.
I’m not feeling well, so I picked up some dumplings to soup up my spirits.
I asked my dumplings why they were so good, and they just said, “It’s all dumplifying.”
