Dump Jokes

Dumping garbage

The Sheriff pulled up next to a guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up truck into a ditch. The Sheriff asks, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head?"
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'FINE FOR DUMPING GARBAGE.'"

I just got dumped.

That's the last time I hide in her trash can.

A man goes to the doctor...

and he says to the doctor: "Doctor I take a dump every morning at exactly 7:30, and I hate that it happens that early every day.
The doctor replies: "Well, you should be happy. You are blessed with amazing intestines. Some people would kill for that!"
To which the man says: "Yeah, that's great and all but I don't wake up until 8."

Had to dump my Amish girlfriend....

she drove me buggy.

A Young Man Asks His Father About His Fiance

A young man from West Virginia goes up to his dad and says, "Pa, I am really concerned about my fiance."

His dad asks him to tell him what the problem is, he says, "Well Pa, I just don't know what to do, I just found out she is a v**...."
His dad says, "Dump her, if she ain't good enough fer her own kin, she ain't good enough fer ours."

I got dumped by the personal trainer I was dating.

When I asked why, she said we just weren't working out.

A man goes into the bathroom to take a dump.

When he's done, he realizes there's no toilet paper. Knocking on the stall next to him, he asks, "Hey, do have an extra roll of toilet paper?"
"I'm sorry, but I do not."
He knocks again. "Do you have a newspaper?"
"I'm sorry, but I do not."
He knocks again. "Do you have an old handkerchief?"
"I'm sorry, but I do not."
He knocks again. "Do you have change for a five?"
Got this one from my grandpa.

My ex dumped me because of my constant Linkin Park references.

But in the end, it doesn't even matter.

I once had a girlfriend who had a lazy eye...

I had to dump her because she was seeing other people.

I dumped my girlfriend and started reading a geography book.

At least I know where I stand now.

What's the difference between a woman and a laundry machine?

When I dump a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around after

I dumped my boyfriend with a lazy eye.

Turns out he was seeing chicks on the side.

The other day I took a dump, then did some drugs, then went for a bike ride.

Then I saw an environmental poster that said "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" - so I did it all over again.

I just dumped a pair of conjoined twins.

I said, "It's not you, it's you."

today, i learned that "Donald Trump" is an anagram of "Tan Dump Lord"

...it's like his parents knew all along

My street looks like a garbage dump...

...litter ally!

Girlfriend: Would you dump me for someone more like a trophy wife?

Me: Honey, I already have someone like that!
Girlfriend: Aww, you're too sweet!
Me: Yeah, you should meet her!

I recently dated a girl with a lazy eye. Had to dump her after a week though,

I'm pretty sure she was seeing somebody on the side.

Where did the cannibal dump his girlfriend?

In the toilet

I dumped my girlfriend who had a lazy eye

I thought she was seeing someone on the side.

I got dumped by a woman that was a nutritionist.

She said, "Come back to me when you know what's good for you."

Son of chief: "Father, how are we named?"

Chief: "After you are born, your mother looks out of the teepee and names you the first thing she sees."
Son: "Oh wow, is that how you were named Soaring Eagle?"
Chief: "Yes, Horse Taking Dump"

A pastor was giving a sermon on the evils of alcohol.

After endless anecdotes about its evils and dozens of bible passages regarding its sinfulness he concludes quite passionately that if it were up to him he'd dump all the town's booze into the river.
Following this display the organist leads the congregation in a hymn. They sang Shall we gather at the river?

I was dating a girl with a lazy eye.

Had to dump her tho. She was seeing someone on the side.

I dumped my lazy eyed g/f

I think she was seeing someone else

My girlfriend made me drive out more than 33 miles just so she could dump me on live tv.

Then her bf Chris Hansen humiliated me.

Thought I had written something clever until i started telling this one and no one got it.

I made a trip to the local dump yesterday and while I was there, I noticed that one of the employees was coughing and struggling to breathe, trying to heft a bag into a dumpster. So I went over to him and asked "excuse me sir, are you alright? Do you need a hand?" And he just replies "Nah I'm used to it, it's just miasma."

Three old men are sitting on a porch relaxing...

The first old man complains about having trouble moving his bowels.
The second old ma complains about having trouble urinating.
The third old man says, every morning at 7am I relieve myself, then at 7:15 I take a huge dump.
The other two men look at him and say what's wrong with that?
The third old man says, I don't wake up until 7:30.

Kelloggs once had a cereal called s**...'

You open it up, dump out the cereal and eat the box.

Why did the girl dump the crossdresser?

He only wanted to get into her pants.

If you're down in the dumps and feeling really depressed, drink a gallon of water before going to bed.

It will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Got dumped on Halloween…

Well at least she didn't ghost me

True story:

I was bringing our cans in when a salt truck came down our block this afternoon, and was pretty jolted when, while driving past me, it proceeded to dump salt right on me.
My husband comforted me by saying, I'm so sorry… you were a-salted.

My girlfriend is a history teacher. It's a good job but I have to dump her.

She won't stop bringing up the past.

Names

A young native American goes to see the chief of his tribe.
"Chief", he asks, "how are the names of children of our tribe decided?"
"Ah", says the Chief. "Well. When a child is born, the mother brings it to me. I look outside my wigwam, and the first thing I see becomes the child's name. For instance, that is why your brother's name is "Rushing Stream", and your sister's name is "Majestic Tree".
"Does that answer your question, Dog Having A Dump?"

You want to know how to catch a bear?

First you dig a big hole, then you place peas all around the rim. After that you dump wood ash in the bottom of the hole.
Now, when a bear comes to take a pea you kick them in the ash hole.

A guy is camping and finds his buddy standing over an outhouse toilet about to drop a $50 bill down the hole.

What on earth are you doing? he asks his buddy.
His friend replies I was taking a dump and a $10 bill fell out of my pocket and went down the hole…… and I sure as h**... ain't going down there for ten bucks .

I'll never forget that time I took a dump in an elevator.

I took that s**... to a whole new level.

Bear and Rabbit

A bear and a rabbit were taking a dump in the forest, and the bear turned to the rabbit and said, we eat a lot of the same things, I'm curious, does s**... stick to your fur? The rabbit replied, the one good thing about being so fluffy is s**... never sticks to my fur. With that the bear promptly picked up the rabbit and wiped his a**... with him.

Memory problems

My dad's getting old. He has trouble remembering where he left his keys, sometimes stumbles over finding words.
But weirdly he can remember in graphic detail every dump he's ever taken.
He has a c**... memory.

Elon Musk has announced a new recipe for chicken soup

First you boil the chicken in water and then you dump the stock.

What do you call the feeling of relief after a good dump?

Shatisfaction

I accidentally ate all the dumplings, and now I feel dumplingoverished.

When I went to the dumpling eating contest, all I could think was, “How do you even gyoza fast?”

The dumpling chef always delivers, he’s truly aww-some.

My dumpling art is all about being on a roll.

I used to not like dumplings, but then I realized I was just going through a wonton phase.

The dumpling took a trip to Spain and came back feeling empanada.

I don’t mean to be so cheesy, but dumplings are just grate.

Every time I eat a dumpling, I feel bready for anything.

The dumpling put on a coat and said, “I’m feeling soup-er cozy!”

I asked my dumplings if they wanted to go dancing, but they said they were just can’ts.

A dumpling once won a Nobel Prize for being so wa-onderful.

I tried making dumplings out of bread, but they just weren’t roll-able.

The dumpling said to the chopstick, “You complete me rice away.

The dumpling became a fashion designer because it knew how to dress to impress.

The dumplings went on a date and said it was pea-perfect.

My family isn’t very big, but our love for dumplings knows no bao-unds.

The dumpling told such good jokes, it always left me in stitches.

I told my dumplings to be careful not to get burnt, but they said I was just trying to steam-roller them.

I’m not feeling well, so I picked up some dumplings to soup up my spirits.

I asked my dumplings why they were so good, and they just said, “It’s all dumplifying.”

Why did the dumpling break up with its dough? It wanted to be “dumplingle” again!