The Best 81 Dumb Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Dumb jokes. There are some dumb stupider jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dumb dumb and dumber puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Dumb Jokes and Puns
Yo momma is so dumb, she thought a kernel panic was a KFC that was out of chicken.
What did the deaf, dumb, blind, amputee kid get for Christmas?
Cancer.
My visit to the patent office
I went into a patent office and told the clerk how I had an idea for a folding bottle, it's called a fottle.
She said that it was ridiculous, so I told her about my idea for a folding carton, it's called a farton.
She said that too is a dumb idea. I said well then I am not even going to tell you about my idea for a folding bucket!
Once there were three fish who lived in a market.
Their names were Red Fish, Blue Fish, and Green Fish.
One day the Red Fish said to the Blue Fish: "Hey, I think that Green Fish is stinky."
The Blue Fish said: "You're right, that Green Fish is stinky."
And the Green Fish said: "Sorry guys, I farted."
Last week I had to put down my dog. It was sad.
I said, you are one dumb dog.
A blind man walks into a bar...
...and after managing to find himself an empty seat at the bar he orders a pint.
Bartender fills the pint and as it is being placed in front of the blind man says, "hey Bartender, wanna hear a dumb blonde girl joke?"
Bar goes silent.
"Hey man," the Bartender says, "you're blind so there is a few things you should know before you tell your joke. You are in a dike bar, the only one in town actually, and many of us are blonde. I am blonde. Sid the biker chick next to you is blonde and so is her girlfriend. The bouncer is also blonde along with the 2 chicks behind you playing pool. Do you really want to tell that joke?"
"Nah, you're right." says the blind man, "I would have to explain it too many times."
What do you call a dumb seal?
An imbeseal
Listen guys, I know this sub is all in good fun, but I don't think it's right to be making dumb jokes about obese people.
They already have enough on their plates.
An accordion player goes to a bar
After a long night at performing at a local restaurant, an accordion player goes to have a few late night drinks. He drives up to the bar and goes inside. After finishing his first drink, he realizes he left his car unlocked! He rushed outside, opened the trunk of his car.....but it was too late....a 2nd accordion was already there!
Little Johnny is at Toys R Us...
Little Johnny is at Toys R Us looking for a new toy to buy. He finally finds a toy car he really likes and decides to buy it. He goes up to the cashier to pay for the toy car and offers fake Monopoly money. The cashier says to Little Johnny, "are you dumb? this is not real money." Little Johnny responds, "You're stupid, neither is the car..."
A Polish joke
A Polish man named Wojciech was fed up with being called a dumb Polack by every one he met. So one day he decided to pretend to be German. Wearing Liederhosen, knee socks and a feathered cap, he walked into a shop and told the man behind the counter:
"Hello my name is Rolf and I would like to buy some schnitzel, some saurbraten, some pretzels and some beer."
The counterman said "Get outta here you dumb Polack!".
Wojciech cried, "No no no! I am German! Don't you see my Liederhosen? Why do you think I am Polish?"
The counterman says "This is a hardware store."
You can explore dumb smart reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dumb mindless dad jokes. There are also dumb puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Your momma so dumb
she tried to climb Mountain Dew
I've got a horrible memory.
I couldn't remember what onomatopoeia or metaphor meant and then BAM it hit me like lighting. It was like the time I remembered similes and realized I am dumb as a box of rocks.
What's the dumbest animal in the jungle?
The polar bear.
Three Blondes
Three blondes are hiking in the woods when they see some tracks.
1st blonde: Look guys, deer tracks!
2nd blonde: No, stupid, they're wolf tracks!
3rd blonde: You guys are both dumb, they're clearly bear tracks!
Then they got hit by a train.
A boy goes up to a girl and says "hey baby what's up"...
She says "I have a boyfriend", he says "I have a math test".
The girl says "What's that got to do with anything?", he replies "I thought we were just naming things we are going to cheat on."
A college professor asks all of his students to yell out stereotypes for a class project
For a class project, a college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.
"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back.
"Sony!" Yells the blonde girl in the front.
What do you call a stupid fish?
A dumb bass
I'll sea myself trout
A man asks god...
Man:"Why did you make women so beautiful?"
God:"So you would love her."
Man:"Then why did you make her so dumb?"
God:"So she would love you."
My mom dropped this one on me
Mom and I, her 27-year-old son, had had an argument about my clothes. She pointed to a hole in my shirt and said, "There's a big hole in your shirt!"
I responded, "Yeah? Well there's a big hole in your face and dumb things keep coming out of it," pointing to her mouth.
Without a pause, she snaps back, "Not nearly as dumb as the thing that fell out of my other hole 27 years ago."
There's only one group of people dumb enough to believe in astrology...
Scorpios
2 farmers sitting on a porch just passin the time, shootin the sh!t
when a marijuana plant yells out of no where:
"You big dumb dark cow!"
One of the farmer turns to his friend and says
"look at the pot calling the cattle black"
Did you hear they're doing a remake of Dumb and Dumber?
It's on tonight on every major network, tonight at 9.
My parents asked me if I wanted to watch Dumb and Dumber with them tonight..
When I went downstairs the debate was on.
Son: "I got expelled"
Dad: "How?"
Son: "I wrote 2 + 2 = 41 on the whiteboard."
Dad: "That's pretty dumb but-"
Son: "Then my teacher told me to go up to the board..."
Dad: "Ok?"
Son: "And rub 1 out."
A man asks god some questions.
A man asks, God, why did you make woman so beautiful? God responds, So you would love her. The man asks, But God, why did you make her so dumb? God replies, So she would love you.
A student asked me today if there was such a thing as a stupid question.
Of course not, I said. What a dumb thing to ask.
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday.
She said "she didn't see me enough", and I said, "well that's dumb, now you're never going to see me".
I got called pretty today...
well actually the full statement was "you're pretty dumb" but I'm only focusing on the positive things today
Adam asked God.....
"God, why did you make Eve so beautiful?"
"So that you would like her."
"But why you make her so dumb too?"
"So that she would like you too."
Today a woman called me "the most sexist man she'd ever met"
When will these dumb broads understand that "sexiest" is spelled with two E's and not one?
A woman was killed after walking in front of a street paver.
It was her own dumb asphalt.
Traditionally, orthopedic surgeons were strong and dumb.
But now they have power tools.
My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall
But it was his dumb asphalt
60% of people in the world are dumb
luckily I am in the 30%
When you have a pet rock
Friend: What are you doing?
Me: Training my pet rock
Friend: That's dumb
Pet Rock: *leaps from my hand & hits him in the face*
Me: No Rocky, No!
Look, dumbass, I've got your phone!
Owner looks at iPhone, iPhone unlocks, thief runs off with it.
The invitations that were sent for the wedding said to bring a date.
Boy, did my bride feel dumb when I brought one and she didn't.
People say Cows are Dumb
But I've never seen one that wasn't out standing in its field.
Why are Americans so dumb?
Because they shoot the ones that go to school
When you're trying to slingshot around Jupiter but you run out of fuel and end up on a collision course with one of Jupiter's moons...
Europa creek with no paddle.
I hope someone smiles at this dumb space joke.
An alien walks into a human brain shop
Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited on brains right now and there are only 2 available.
Alien: I'll take a look.
Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science. This is priced at $2. Here is the brain of someone who has watched every single "Keeping up with the Kardashians" episodes ever. It's listed at $200.
Alien: Woah, you're trying to rip me off. Why is the brain of someone that dumb worth so much?
Vendor: Simple, because this brain hasn't been used before.
Who is a "dumbass"
While at college, foreign students found an online English-to-English dictionary of American slang.
Awesome read, but almost all agreed there was no need to look up for the word "dumbass" as it was completely clear.
One student persisted.
And got the answer - the dictionary stated:
"Dumbass" - the person who looks up for the word "dumbass" in a dictionary.
Our joy was limitless.
My girlfriend left me because she said I talk about video games too much....
I told her that's a dumb reason to Fallout 4.
My teacher said our class was do dumb not even 80% of us would pass the test
She's the dumb one, we don't even have that much people in our class!
Schrodinger's cat was meant to prove how dumb quantum states are, yet it's widely used to advocate and explain it. I bet he's rolling in his grave...
and not
Another Blonde Joke
A blonde, an American, and a Russian are in a bar, bragging about why they're better. The Russian says, "We were the first into space!" The American says, "We were the first on the moon!" The blonde says,"Well we're going to be the first on the sun!"
The American says,"You know you can't do that, right? You'll burn up before you get there." The blonde says,"Well we're not dumb! We're going to go at night!"
ME: I trained this chicken to talk.
HER: Let's hear then.
ME: What's a male deer called?
CHICKEN: Buck
ME: How much is 200 pennies worth?
CHICKEN: Buck Buck
HER: This is dumb.
CHICKEN: It gets way better, Susan.
A group of blonde girls overhear a guy saying that all blondes are dumb
So one of the girls says: "no we're not, we'll prove it!"
The guy: "Ok what's 3 + 2?"
One of the blondes: "7"
After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.
The guy: "ok you get a second chance, what's 2+4?"
One of the blondes: "6"
After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.
Yo mama so dumb,
she tripped over the wireless network.
Since people are translating their native jokes, I hope no one has posted this yet
There were 3 boys who were being chased by the police. John the wise, Peter the smart, and Jose the dumb.
As the police were gaining on them, they each decided to hide in a box in an alley way.
The policeman ran up to John's Box and kicked it.
Thinking quickly, John said "Woof woof"
The policeman shrugged and said "Ohhh, its just a dog"
He then went up Peter's box, and kicked it.
Peter followed John's example, "Meow meow"
The Policeman shrugged again and said "Ohhh, its just a cat"
He then went to the last box, which hid Jose and kicked it
"Potato Potato"
A truck carrying cows and a truck carrying cannabis get into a car accident.
Neither party can agree on who's fault the accident was, so they hire a detective. This is the detective's first day on the job and his boss tells him, If you can solve this case you get a promotion, however if you fail you will be fired. The steaks are high.
You may not be the dumbest person on Earth,
but you better hope he doesn't die.
Dumb joke
What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam.
My roommate keeps stealing my food so I ground up Pepper and made cupcakes with it.
Pepper was a dumb thing to name his dog anyway.
My sister is so dumb, she tells everyone she is bipolar
Because she is working at two different strip clubs.
99.9% of people are dumb
Fortunately, I belong to 1% of smart people
99.9% of the population is dumb.
Fortunately I belong to the 1% of smart people.
What do you call a person with no body and no nose
Nobody knows
What did 0 say to 8?
Nice belt!
So I held a race between my farmhands. They ran equally fast, and demanded I determine the winner.
However, they both threatened to leave the farm if I declared the other the winner. I felt unable to make a decision. As a matter of fact, my hands were tied.
Some Yank had the audacity to say us Texans were dumb for not having Snow Tires. Bless their heart.
We may not have as much experience as y'all Yanks when it comes to snow, but after tinkering with it a couple minutes I think all of us Texans can agree to try and make a tire out of snow is a pretty dumb idea.
We'll keep our tires made of rubber, thanks.
One day, a husband said to his wife, I don't know how you got to be so beautiful and so dumb at the same time.
The wife responded, Allow me to explain…
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me. He made me dumb so I would be attracted to you.
God vs Satan
In contrast to popular beliefs, Heaven and Hell dont lie above each other, but next to each other.
Because God didnt want people be tempted to cross sides, he came to an agreement with Satan: they would have a wall build and split the bill afterwards.
Ofcourse as you could imagin when the wall was build, Satan plays deaf and dumb when it comes to the bill.
After some time God is fed up with Satan's behaviour and confronts him. "If you dont pay your share, i'll sue you!"
Satan shrugs and laughs: "what are you going to do? I got all the lawyers here"
Yo momma is so dumb
That she tried to drown herself on a pool table
I used to think that crystal girls where stupid.
All their talk about how crystals would "align their chakras and give them powers" made me think they were dumb.
How could a rock give them powers?
But then I tried crack.
What's the dumbest thing you did as a kid?
You wished you were an adult.
I wish I could be dumb for one day...
...being dumb everyday simply sucks!
I don't understand how so many people struggle to find basic words in the dictionary.
I had no less than 5 people tell me that "gullible" is not in the dictionary. The smug assholes just laughed when I proved their dumb asses wrong.
My dad accidentally ordered the wrong paving materials
Now That's his own dumb asphalt.
I'm sick of you guys posting dumb wordplay in here for awards and upvotes.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Yo momma is so dumb
It took her 9 months to come up with a joke.
I got ketchup on my eyes.
Ya know, in Heinzsight, that was a dumb move.
Blonde lady driving down a dirt road…
When she sees another blonde woman in a row boat out in the middle of a cotton field. She slams on her brakes, fuming, and yells out to the lady in the boat HEY!! IT'S DUMB BLONE BIMBOS LIKE YOU THAT GIVE BLONDES LIKE ME A BAD REPUTATION!! AND IF I COULD SWIM, I'D COME KICK YOUR ASS!!
How do you get a one-armed dumb guy out of a tree?
Wave to him.
Jesus died for you sins!
Dumb assholes ruining the story by giving away major plot points. I was gonna read that book.
A Dumb Blonde goes Ice Fishing
They head out onto the ice with their bucket, fishing gear, and a big drill. As they put the drill bit on the ice surface, a voice booms out from all around:
**DON'T DRILL INTO THE ICE!**
The Dumb Blonde looks around fearfully and says meekly, "G-G-God? Is...
The booming voice replies:
**NO. THIS IS THE RINK MANAGER!**
Yo Mama is so dumb she thinks there has been......
eleven World Wars
Your momma so dumb..
The brain eating amoeba she contracted starved to death
I hate it when people use "you're" and "your" incorrectly
There so dumb
A blonde girl sets out to prove blonde aren't dumb
A blonde girl rents out a stadium and invites as many blondes as she can and sure enough 80,000 blondes fill the stadium and she films it all on live television. She invites a little 4 year old girl out in front of everyone and asks her what's 2+2? The little girl shivers and squeaks out T-three? The crowd erupts yelling Give her another chance! So they do and ask her again what's 2+2? The girl stands there for a moment before answering is it 4? The crowd starts chanting once again Give her another chance!
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dumb blonde dumb jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working dumb dumb american piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.