Dumb Husband Jokes
14 dumb husband jokes and hilarious dumb husband puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dumb husband that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Dumb Husband Short Jokes
Short dumb husband jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dumb husband humour may include short dumb wife jokes also.
- A wife comes downstairs before a dinner date with her husband She asks, "Do I look fat in this dress?"
He replies, "Do I look dumb in this shirt?" - How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? One.
Blondes may be dumb but they still know how to use their husband~ - Don't Do It! A slightly tipsy woman is watching TV and yells: "Don't go to the church you dumb b**...! Don't do it!"
Her husband askes: "What are you watching?"
She replies: "Our wedding video!"
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Dumb Husband One Liners
Which dumb husband one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dumb husband? I can suggest the ones about dumb dad and poor husband.
- What did the dumb wife say when asked to describe her husband in 2 words..?? Beats me.
Uplifting Dumb Husband Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about dumb husband you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sick husband jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dumb husband pranks.
One day, a husband said to his wife, I don't know how you got to be so beautiful and so dumb at the same time.
The wife responded, Allow me to explain…
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me. He made me dumb so I would be attracted to you.
The dumb blonde
A dumb blonde comes home to her husband having s**... with another woman.
She finds her husbands gun and points it to her head and says " I can"t live after what you've done to me!!"
The husband says "No hunny don't kill yourself, we can work this out.
The blonde replies "don't worry you're next!"
The clear coast
A married couple is in bed asleep when the phone rings at 2AM.
The blonde wife answers and listens for a second and then shouts into the phone, "How should I know that's 150 miles from here!!!"
At that the husband rolls over and asks "who was that?"
The wife replied, "I don't know, some dumb woman wanting to know if the coast is clear!"
A rich, dumb Husband and wife are taking their first trip on their new Yacht.
They have sailed far from the shore, and the two are sitting in chairs, looking out towards the water.
"Gee, I just love this new Yakt!" The man says.
"Erm... Honey, the "c" is silent." His wife responds.
The man takes a sip from a tall glass, before responding "you're right, it's very tranquil."
A joke about heaven
A woman died and arrived at the gates of heaven. St. Peter said Yes?
I want to come in please ..... Name? ...... Smith. .... Know anyone here who will vouch for you ? .... Mmmm, my husband maybe ? Have you any idea how many men named Smith we have up here, is there any way to help identify him? Was he tall or short? No - average Smart or dumb . No - Average . Oh! This is getting us nowhere did he say anything just before he died? Yes! He said that if I was unfaithful to his memory he would turn in his grave At last! I know who you mean, we call him revolving Smith
Blonde painting a living room
While her husband was at work, a blonde decided to paint their living room.
After her husband arrives home, he finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat while wearing a parka and a mink. He asked her what she was doing.
She said, "I wanted to prove to you that not all blonde women are dumb, and I wanted to do it by painting the living room."
He says that he was impressed at the good job she had done, but asked, "Why are you wearing two coats?
She replied, "I read the directions on the paint can, and they said, ''For best results, put on two coats!'"
Today I woke up early
I quietly put on my clothes, made coffee. I took my golf clubs and went slowly into the garage. I put the clubs in the car and pulled the car out of the garage under torrential rain.
The road was totally flooded and the icy wind blew at 50 km per hour. I went back to the garage, turned on the radio, and heard that the weather would have lasted all day.
So I went back home, took off my clothes and quietly slipped back to bed. Slowly I approached my wife and, holding her, I whispered in her ear: "the weather outside is horrible!"
Half asleep she replied: "Yes I know …Can you believe my dumb husband went out to play golf!"
Department Store Shopping
A department store in town opened a building, 6 stories high, each floor offering progressively improving quality husbands.
They offered a range of men for sale to women at their discretion.
A woman walked into the store head the banner above the first floor reading, "Nice Guy," impressed as she was, she moved to the second floor.
The second floor's banner read, "Nice guys that love kids." Dumb-founded as she was, she continued on to see what else this store had to offer.
The third floor offered, "Cute guys that loved kids and cuddles." The woman was definitely getting impressed but she was interested to see what else she could find.
The fourth floor of the department store read, "Hot guys, love kids and have money". The girl, in her element, couldn't help but go to the next floor.
The fifth floor read, "Hot guys, love kids, have money, have a nice house and love family." She couldnt help but look at the next floor, where the banner read, "This floor only proves that women can't be pleased, and there is no men for sale on this floor."
For the point of proving points, the same department opened a shop across the road for men, same amount of levels. The first floor read, "Loves s**...," and the 2nd floor read, "Pretty and loves s**...." Levels 3, 4, 5, and 6 were never visited.
A blonde woman decides that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as s**..., so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, "For best results, put on two coats."