The Best 29 Dui Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dui jokes. There are some dui fines jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dui drunk puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Dui Jokes and Puns

If you're going to drink and drive, always carry a flask in your car

If you get pulled over for a DUI, put the flask in your lap, suspiciously​ insist that it's "water," and that's when the officer finds out that's it's chloroform.

Priest DUI

So a priest is driving along, swerving a bit and gets pulled over, the officer asks him 'have you had anything to drink tonight father' to which the priest replies 'only water' the officer then points out a empty bottle of wine in the passenger seat, the priest then shouts 'Jesus Christ! He's done it again!'

I went to a bar for a New Year's celebration and took a cab home.

I went to a bar for a New Year's celebration and took a cab home. Came upon a DUI checkpoint, and when they saw the cab, they just waved us pass. After a while I made it home safely, which is surprising because I've never driven a cab.

Dui joke, I went to a bar for a New Year's celebration and took a cab home.

I told the man: It's not how many times you fall down, but how many times you get back up that matters.

He said: That's not how DUI tests work, sir.

On the Sherrifs Wife's Death Bed

On her death bed, the Sheriff's wife confesses that she cheated on him three times, but swears it was always for a good reason. He asks what happened, and she says, "Well, the first time, remember when Dr. Smith said he we couldn't afford the operation, and then he changed his mind and did it for free?" He says yes, and forgives her. "And the second time, do you remember when our boy got a DUI, and the judge let him off with probation?" He says yes, and forgives her. "And last, do you remember when the polls had you about a hundred votes shy of winning the election for Sheriff?"

Tiger Woods was arrested for DUI...

he was three shots over.

I was pulled over by the police for a suspected DUI.

They ask me to get out of my car.

Officer: We are going to give you a sobriety test.Me: OK

Officer: Say the alphabet starting at L, backward.

Me: L at starting alphabet the.He let me go.

Dui joke, I was pulled over by the police for a suspected DUI.

What do librarians call breathalyzers?

The DUI decimal system

Not caving into peer pressure can be tough but i always walk away from it.

Which has been a lot easier since the DUI i got the night everyone tried to convince me to 'take a cab home'.

My brother got a DUI last night

He really blew it

Baby, are you a Caucasian teen with connected parents on trial for DUI manslaughter defended by a high powered attorney?

'Cause you got FINE written all over you.

You can explore dui patrolman reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dui roadblock dad jokes. There are also dui puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

BREAKING: Tiger kills worker in an enclosure at UK zoo park

Man he took that DUI hard

I'm not surprised Tiger Woods to get arrested for a DUI...

...he hasn't been driving straight since 2009.

Honesty Is Not Always the Best Policy (real news)

A Florida man arrested for speeding and DUI admitted to police that prior to getting in his car he'd been drinking beer and watching "The Fast & the Furious." Although, he admitted his favorite movie is "Dumb and Dumber."

Anything has the potential to become a DUI checkpoint...

if you crash your car into it.

What did Steve Urcle say when he got pulled over for Drunk driving?

DUI do that?

Dui joke, What did Steve Urcle say when he got pulled over for Drunk driving?

The guy who played Elliot in E.T. just got a DUI.

Probably wouldn't have gotten pulled over if he had taken the bicycle.

Why did the horse get a DUI?

She had too many maretinis

How do you tell if someone is riding a bicycle for fitness or because they have a DUI?

The cigarette.

A mathematician was charged with a DUI

That day, he learned an important lesson - to never drink and derive.

I just discovered the woman I'm dating is a triple threat

She has a UTI, an STI and a DUI.

Why has it taken so long for the cops to catch Tiger Woods for DUI?

He hasn't been able to drive straight for at least five years

Why did Tiger Woods get a DUI?

Because his driver was off.

My friend just got his fourth DUI

I don't think the term "liquor license" means what he thinks it does

Recent studies find that increasing the severity of DUI laws has little deterring effect on drunk drivers

More great work from the University of Kiefer Sutherland

What's the difference between a DUI and a OUI?

One's drunk driving and the other is yes in French.

My girlfriend went qto get an IUD but she had too much to drink.

She came back with a DUI.

A man has to go to court after getting a DUI

The amount of work he has to do now is unbearable. Going through many court papers and documents, he decides to take a break and head to his friends house.
When he gets there, his friend asks him "hey man, how come you seem all stressed out?"
The man says, "cortisol".

I know its lame, but I just thought of it randomly

Kindergarten Teacher

A kindergarten teacher was getting very frustrated with her student

"Stay in the lines. No Billy, you have to stay in the lines!"

Later they were both arrested at a nearby DUI Checkpoint.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dui alcoholics jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dui alcohol piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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