Duh Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Two blondes are walking and one asks, which is closer, the moon or Florida? And the other responds, duh...

... can you see Florida?

This actually just happened...

*Wife: I wanna get into coding.

*Me: Oh, that sounds fun. You might even earn some
money on the side while you're at home. What language
did you wana code in ?

*Wife: English. Duh!

Who do ghosts worship?

Boo, DUH!!!

What do you call a sarcastic canine medical professional?

A dog, duh.

What do Chinese bears use to cook?

A pan. Duh!

What does a Chinese bear fry eggs in?

A pan, duh!

I think our solar system is highly underrated ...

... Seriously, just one star? Duh.

Three Daughters

One day, three daughters were spending time with their father when a question arised from the first daughter.

"Father, Why is my name, Rose?", she asked.
"When you were born, a Rose dropped on your head, and so we decided to name you Rose", explained the father.

The second daughter then approached her father:
"Father, Why is my name Daisy?" - she asked.
"When you were born, a Daisy fell on your head, and therefore we decided to name you Daisy."

Lastly, the third daughter then approached her father:
"duuuuh, uh, duh, bur bur, mur duh ah"

The father then replied: "Shut up Cinderblock."

What's older Jimmy, the sun or the moon?

Jimmy: Well duh, the moon; because it's allowed to go out at night.

A blonde's house catches on fire..

She starts freaking out and finally calls 911. She exclaims, "my house is on fire come as fast as you can!" The operated says, "Okay, calm down and tell me how do we get to your house?", the blonde then replies arrogantly and annoyed, "Well duh, in the big red truck!"

There were three sisters

One named Lilly, one named Rose, and the other named Cinderblock. One day Lilly went to their mother and asked, "Mom, why did you name me Lilly?"

"Well, when you were a baby, a lilly petal fell on your head," mother replied.

So then Rose went to her mother and asked, "Mom, why did you name me Rose?"

"Because when you were a baby, a rose petal fell on your head," mother replied.

So then Cinderblock went to her mother and asked, "der der duh der duh"

What do you call an ion that also raps?

Fluoride, duh.

What happens when you put an elephant in the refrigerator?

Answer:It becomes cold duh!

What happens you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

What people say:It becomes cold?

Correct Answer: You can't put it there, the elephant is already in there.


The Lion is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which animal does not attend?

Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there.

There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.

What's a wavelength's favorite animal?

A lamb, duh!

Bubba n' Buford

Bubba n' Buford were sittin' on their porch one afternoon drinkin' beer n' bein' entertained by the bug zapper when this semi haulin' sod comes over the hill n' passes in front of their trailer. Bubba declares, "When we get rich I'm gonna do that!". Buford, asks "Do what?". Bubba looks at Buford like he's a idiot n' says, "Well duh, send our grass out to get it cut like them folks!".

If a lesbian couple walks into a bar and the black bartender refuses to serve them, whose fault is it?

A white male. Duh.

Two blondes talking to each other...

One asks the other, "Which one do you think is closer, Florida or the Moon?"

The other blonde says, "Well duh! You can't see Florida from here."

Blondes Find A Mirror

Two blondes finds a mirror on the sidewalk. The first blonde picks it up, looks into it, and says, "Hey, I know this person! I've seen her somewhere before." The second blonde takes the mirror, looks into it, and says, "Duh! Of course you have -- that's me!"

A blind guy had to go to court

The Judge says Is everyone ready for the hearing?

The blind guys stands up and says Well duh, it's not like I'm going to be doing any seeing.

A blonde calls the fire department

"My house is on fire, my house is on fire!!"

Fire Chef: " Well how do we get there?"

Blonde: " Duh... big red truck..."

I took Blondie to the movies

Just as the movie was about to start, she got up to leave.
"Where are you going?" I whispered. "The movie is about to start."
"I have to go outside," she said.
"Why on Earth do you have to go outside right now?"
"The movie man said to silence my cell phone," she pointed at the screen.
"So why do you have to leave?" I asked again, as nicely as I could. "I left it in the car, duh."
"Okay. Go ahead. I'll save you some popcorn."

What do Chinese bears fry dumplings in?

A Pan, Duh!

The anti-vaxx couple could not understand why their 2-year old was crying

Everyone cries when they go through a mid-life crisis, duh.

What is Link's favorite Final Fantasy character?

Zell, duh!

What's a 90's girl favorite drink?

It's like so duh

What type of phones do they use in jail?

Cell phones. Duh!

Why did the student take a ladder to school?

Because it was a High School duh

A waiter is working and sees Jesus come in

Waiter: Hello sir, welcome to our restaurant! What can I get for you?

Jesus: Hello Matthew. Today I would like a steak please.

Waiter: How did you... oh right, you're Jesus! Duh. Anyways, how would you like that?

Jesus: Well done, good and faithful servant

There are five cows on a farm, one mommy cow and four baby calves.

The first baby walks up to the mom and asks: "Mom, why is my name Rose?" The mom replies: "Well, honey, when you were born a rose petal fell on your head."

The second calf comes up. "Mom, why is my name Lily?" The mom replies: "When you were born, sweetheart, a lily petal fell on your head."

The third calf comes up to mom. "Mom, why is my name Daisy?" The mom replies: "When you were born, my baby, a daisy petal fell on your head."

The fourth calf comes up. It says: "Hurr duh buh gah." The mom replies: "Oh, shut up, Cinderblock!"

Dumb blonde

A dumb blonde calls the fire department because her home is on fire.

"Help me, help me! My house is on fire!" she says.

"Ok, how do we get to your home". replies the dispatcher.

"DUH! Big red truck!"

What do you call a young eigensheep?

A lamb, duh!

2 blondes are sitting on a bench in San Francisco...

One of the blondes says to the other. "Hey, which one is closer; New York or the moon?". The other blonde laughs at the stupidity of the joke.

"Well, duh! Can you see New York from here?"

One I made up.....

What do you call a cross between a dog and a turtle?
A cross. The animals around it have no effect on its name duh.

What's the oldest trick in the book?

Trick #1, duh. It's at the beginning of the contents.

A Dad and his 3 Daughters are eating dinner

One daughter turns to her dad and asks "Dad, why did you name me Rosie?". Her Dad looks at her and says "Well, when you were born, the first thing to touch your face was a rose petal, so we named you Rosie". The second daughter looks at him and asks "Dad, why'd you name me Lilly?". The Dad looks at her and says "Well, when you were born, the first thing to touch your face was a lilly petal, so we named you lilly". The third daughter looks at him and says " BLAH LA BLAH BLAH DUH BLAH LA BLAH BLAH BLAH" and the Dad screams "SHUT UP CINDERBLOCK".

A blonde's house is on fire...

so she calls 911 on her cell.

Blonde:"Come quick my house is on fire!"

911 op: "Ma'am I don't see you address coming up how do we get there?"

Blonde: "Well duh, a big red truck!"

3 Women In A Bar

A redhead asks the bartender for a ML:

Bartender - "what's a ML?"
redhead - " Miller Lite - DUH!"

The Brunette asks for a BL:

Bartender - "what's a BL?"
brunette - "Bud Lite - DUH!"

The Blonde asks for a "15"

Bartender - "what's a "15"?"
Blond - " Seven and seven - DUH!"

What do you call an eight-legged insect holding a magnifying glass?

A spy, duh.

Florida and the Moon

Two Blondes living in New York are stargazing.
One looks to the other and asks "Which do you think is farther, Florida or the Moon?"
Her friend responds "You can't see Florida from here, duh."

Adoption.

A kid was walking into the kitchen when he notices his parents sitting at the table looking upset. He asks,


"What's wrong?"


Dad: "There is something we need to tell you son."


Son: "What is it?"


Mother: " You're adopted."


Son: "Well duh I knew that, tell me something I don't know."


Mother: " I'm not a woman."

My moms favourite joke

A man comes to a gas station to refuel his car (duh).
He pays and comes back outside only to find his car filled with penguins.
Baffled, he asks the cahshier what to do now and the man tells him to take them to the Zoo. The man agrees and drives away.

The next day the man comes back and his car is still full off penguins, only this time they all have towels and sunglasses. The cashier looks confused and the man says "The Zoo was a great tip, today we are going to the beach!"

What's the most obvious name you can give a Panda?

Pan, duh!

I went down to the dock and I saw a boat with a for sale sign out front...

And I thought to myself "duh, what else would you use it for?"

Why did the elephant stand on the marshmallow?

So it wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate, DUH!

Why does Willem Dafoe play a villain in a lot of movies?

Duh. Cause he's da foe.

My wife is so stupid she just asked me what's a Grecian urn...

duh, everyone knows it depends on what job he has.

Was Mussolini a fan of spices?

Well, duh. I mean, he even made the fucking trains run on thyme!

John Cena

Bum buh duh dum.

Bum buh duh dum.

A five year old just made up this joke.

Q: Why do astronauts eat so fast?

A: Because they're on a rocket ship. Duh.

While getting ready to leave on trip, I was trying to get my wife to hurry up.

She says "Why are you rushin'?"

Too which I replied "Because my grandpa is from Moscow."




Duh..

A blonde

Is at her friend's house when the kitchen catches on fire, so she calls 911. "My friend's house is on fire!" she tells the operator. The operator asks for the address but she can't remember. The operator thinks for a moment then says, "Well, we are located in the center of town, how do we get to there?" The blonde replies, " Duh! A big red truck."

What has 4 legs but cant move?

A child born in Chernobyl, duh.

Why are Chinese Bears the best cooks?

The Pan Duh.

What's a widows drug of choice?

A dab. Duh!

In this age of Teslas and other eco-conscious cars, what would Jesus drive?

Duh, a Christler.

Why are so many racist jokes about black people?

Because black people can't read. Duh.

I'll show myself out.

Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors?

To see if they are being flanked, duh

What's a car company's favorite star wars character?

Han duh.

What's a time travelers favorite meal?

Past duh

What does a black and white bear use to cook it's dinner?

A pan, duh!

...Think Smart!

Little Timmy decides that he doesn't want to pay attention in class. The teacher, frustrated with Timmy asks him, "Timmy! If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many ducks are left?"

Timmy says, "None, obviously!"

The teacher, puzzled, asks "Why none??"

Timmy says, "Duh! Because the shot scared them all off!"

The teacher politely says, "Well.. No, there are two left. But I like the way you're thinking!"

Then little Timmy decides he wants to ask the teacher a question. "Teacher, if you saw three women walking out of an ice cream parlor: One is licking on her ice cream, one is sucking on her ice cream, and one is biting on her ice cream. Which one is most likely to be married?"

The teacher, entirely confused, asks "The one sucking on her ice cream?"

Little Timmy quickly says, "Nope! The one with the wedding ring! But I also like the way YOU'RE thinking! *wink*

Where do Floridians sleep?

On the floor, duh!

Perhaps we should start throwing small potatoes at FCC Chairman Pai to express our displeasure and to annoy him.

It would make him Ajit-tatered.

(disclaimer, do not throw potatoes at people, duh)

Why do elephants have flat feet?

from jumpin' outta palm trees, duh

What do you get when you remove the last two letters of Canada?

You get Cana. Duh.

What do you call a man with a colander on his head?

COLIN! Duh!!!

Do you know why there are no banjos in Star Trek?

Because it's the future... Duh!

What are the funniest duh jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Duh? Well, here are the best Duh puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Duh pick up lines to share with friends.

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