Duh Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
Two blondes are walking and one asks, which is closer, the moon or Florida? And the other responds, duh...
... can you see Florida?
This actually just happened...
*Wife: I wanna get into coding.
*Me: Oh, that sounds fun. You might even earn some
money on the side while you're at home. What language
did you wana code in ?
*Wife: English. Duh!
Who do ghosts worship?
Boo, DUH!!!
A father meets his son's teacher.
« Sir, I'm afraid your son is a cheater », says the teacher.
« What? No ! What makes you say that? » responds the father
« Well, in the last math test, he had the same answers as his neighbour. »
« Yeah, that's a math test, duh. There's only one good answer, right? »
« Indeed, but in one of the questions, your son's neighbour answered "I don't know" .»
« So what ? »
« Well, your d**... son wrote "yeah, me neither". »
One of the only jokes I know
What a cute bunch of cows!
It's not a bunch, it's a herd
Heard of what?
Herd of cows
Well, duh, of course I've heard of cows!
No, a cow herd
What do I care what a cow heard?
Sorry if it's lame
What do you call a sarcastic canine medical professional?
A dog, duh.
What do Chinese bears use to cook?
A pan. Duh!
What does a Chinese bear fry eggs in?
A pan, duh!
Two blondes are walking and one asks, which is closer, the moon or Mississippi? And the other responds, duh...
... can you see Mississippi?
I think our solar system is highly underrated ...
... Seriously, just one star? Duh.
A blonde, brunette, and redhead are talking about where they would go if they were astronauts.
The brunette says "the Moon. The Redhead says "Mars". The Blond says "The Sun." When the other two girls say she can't go to the sun as she'd get incinerated, she replies with "I'd go at night, duh!"
You can explore duh puerto reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean duh ehh dad jokes. There are also duh puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What's older Jimmy, the sun or the moon?
Jimmy: Well duh, the moon; because it's allowed to go out at night.
Bubba n' Buford
Bubba n' Buford were sittin' on their porch one afternoon drinkin' beer n' bein' entertained by the bug zapper when this semi haulin' sod comes over the hill n' passes in front of their trailer. Bubba declares, "When we get rich I'm gonna do that!". Buford, asks "Do what?". Bubba looks at Buford like he's a idiot n' says, "Well duh, send our grass out to get it cut like them folks!".
What's a panda's favorite cooking utensil?
A pan.. duh??
A blonde's house catches on fire..
She starts freaking out and finally calls 911. She exclaims, "my house is on fire come as fast as you can!" The operated says, "Okay, calm down and tell me how do we get to your house?", the blonde then replies arrogantly and annoyed, "Well duh, in the big red truck!"
There were three sisters
One named Lilly, one named Rose, and the other named Cinderblock. One day Lilly went to their mother and asked, "Mom, why did you name me Lilly?"
"Well, when you were a baby, a lilly petal fell on your head," mother replied.
So then Rose went to her mother and asked, "Mom, why did you name me Rose?"
"Because when you were a baby, a rose petal fell on your head," mother replied.
So then Cinderblock went to her mother and asked, "der der duh der duh"
What do you call an ion that also raps?
Fluoride, duh.
What's a wavelength's favorite animal?
A lamb, duh!
If a lesbian couple walks into a bar and the black bartender refuses to serve them, whose fault is it?
A white male. Duh.
Two blondes talking to each other...
One asks the other, "Which one do you think is closer, Florida or the Moon?"
The other blonde says, "Well duh! You can't see Florida from here."
I knew a guy who said he didn't marry his high school sweetheart until after he finished college.
I asked him, "How come?"
He said, "Well, duh. I was working on my bachelor's degree."
Blondes Find A Mirror
Two blondes finds a mirror on the sidewalk. The first blonde picks it up, looks into it, and says, "Hey, I know this person! I've seen her somewhere before." The second blonde takes the mirror, looks into it, and says, "Duh! Of course you have -- that's me!"
A waiter is working and sees Jesus come in
Waiter: Hello sir, welcome to our restaurant! What can I get for you?
Jesus: Hello Matthew. Today I would like a steak please.
Waiter: How did you... oh right, you're Jesus! Duh. Anyways, how would you like that?
Jesus: Well done, good and faithful servant
How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Duh, one. That's light work for them.
A blind guy had to go to court
The Judge says Is everyone ready for the hearing?
The blind guys stands up and says Well duh, it's not like I'm going to be doing any seeing.
A Blonde in a Fire
One day a blonde woman is in her house and she smells smoke then her fire detector goes off. She quick runs to the phone to dial 911. She explains to the dispatcher her situation. The dispatcher asked her how do we get there? The blonde replies in a big red truck, duh.
A blonde calls the fire department
"My house is on fire, my house is on fire!!"
Fire Chef: " Well how do we get there?"
Blonde: " Duh... big red truck..."
I took Blondie to the movies
Just as the movie was about to start, she got up to leave.
"Where are you going?" I whispered. "The movie is about to start."
"I have to go outside," she said.
"Why on Earth do you have to go outside right now?"
"The movie man said to silence my cell phone," she pointed at the screen.
"So why do you have to leave?" I asked again, as nicely as I could. "I left it in the car, duh."
"Okay. Go ahead. I'll save you some popcorn."
Why do people from Poland keep their stuff super shiny?
Well duh, they're Polish
What do Chinese bears fry dumplings in?
A Pan, Duh!
Two blondes are sitting in a room...
The first one picks up a small mirror, looks into it and says :
"Hey ! I know that person !"
The second one takes the mirror from her friend, looks into it herself and says :
"Well DUH... It's me !"
The anti-vaxx couple could not understand why their 2-year old was crying
Everyone cries when they go through a mid-life crisis, duh.
What's a 90's girl favorite drink?
It's like so duh
Dumb blonde
A dumb blonde calls the fire department because her home is on fire.
"Help me, help me! My house is on fire!" she says.
"Ok, how do we get to your home". replies the dispatcher.
"DUH! Big red truck!"
What is Link's favorite Final Fantasy character?
Zell, duh!
From my 5 year old to her mother the other morning: My wife told my little girl that owls are nocturnal.
With a (well duh) face my daughter looked at my wife and said, " I know that mommy! Owls are not turtles! They're birds!"
My little girl got me to spit coffee with her snap back to my wife!
What type of phones do they use in jail?
Cell phones. Duh!
Why did the student take a ladder to school?
Because it was a High School duh
3 Women In A Bar
A redhead asks the bartender for a ML:
Bartender - "what's a ML?"
redhead - " Miller Lite - DUH!"
The Brunette asks for a BL:
Bartender - "what's a BL?"
brunette - "Bud Lite - DUH!"
The Blonde asks for a "15"
Bartender - "what's a "15"?"
Blond - " Seven and seven - DUH!"
2 blondes are sitting on a bench in San Francisco...
One of the blondes says to the other. "Hey, which one is closer; New York or the moon?". The other blonde laughs at the stupidity of the joke.
"Well, duh! Can you see New York from here?"
What do you call a young eigensheep?
A lamb, duh!
Adoption.
A kid was walking into the kitchen when he notices his parents sitting at the table looking upset. He asks,
"What's wrong?"
Dad: "There is something we need to tell you son."
Son: "What is it?"
Mother: " You're adopted."
Son: "Well duh I knew that, tell me something I don't know."
Mother: " I'm not a woman."
A blonde's house is on fire...
so she calls 911 on her cell.
Blonde:"Come quick my house is on fire!"
911 op: "Ma'am I don't see you address coming up how do we get there?"
Blonde: "Well duh, a big red truck!"
Florida and the Moon
Two Blondes living in New York are stargazing.
One looks to the other and asks "Which do you think is farther, Florida or the Moon?"
Her friend responds "You can't see Florida from here, duh."
What do you call an eight-legged insect holding a magnifying glass?
A spy, duh.
What's the oldest trick in the book?
Trick #1, duh. It's at the beginning of the contents.
One I made up.....
What do you call a cross between a dog and a turtle?
A cross. The animals around it have no effect on its name duh.
Why did the elephant stand on the marshmallow?
So it wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate, DUH!
I went down to the dock and I saw a boat with a for sale sign out front...
And I thought to myself "duh, what else would you use it for?"
My wife is so s**... she just asked me what's a Grecian urn...
duh, everyone knows it depends on what job he has.
What's the most obvious name you can give a Panda?
Pan, duh!
In this age of Teslas and other eco-conscious cars, what would Jesus drive?
Duh, a Christler.
What's a widows drug of choice?
A dab. Duh!
Why are Chinese Bears the best cooks?
The Pan Duh.
Why does Willem Dafoe play a villain in a lot of movies?
Duh. Cause he's da foe.
What has 4 legs but cant move?
A child born in Chernobyl, duh.
A five year old just made up this joke.
Q: Why do astronauts eat so fast?
A: Because they're on a rocket ship. Duh.
While getting ready to leave on trip, I was trying to get my wife to hurry up.
She says "Why are you rushin'?"
Too which I replied "Because my grandpa is from Moscow."
Duh..
A blonde
Is at her friend's house when the kitchen catches on fire, so she calls 911. "My friend's house is on fire!" she tells the operator. The operator asks for the address but she can't remember. The operator thinks for a moment then says, "Well, we are located in the center of town, how do we get to there?" The blonde replies, " Duh! A big red truck."
What do you do if you see a T-rex on your couch?
You run, duh
Exam results have improved since 2001.
Well duh. That's fifteen years ago.
Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors?
To see if they are being flanked, duh
What's a time travelers favorite meal?
Past duh
What's a car company's favorite star wars character?
Han duh.
What does a black and white bear use to cook it's dinner?
A pan, duh!
Why are so many racist jokes about black people?
Because black people can't read. Duh.
I'll show myself out.
Hey you! Over there!
Two blonde Karens were walking along opposite sides of a river. One shouted to the other Hey you, how do I get to the other side of this river ? Back came the answer Well DUH d**..., you ARE on the other side of the river !
Two scientist walk into a bar...
The first one says to the bartender:
I'll have an H2O
The other scientist says:
I'll have an H2O too
The second one dies.
The first scientist freaks out and asks the bartender what should they do, he replies:
Let's barium
*buh duh tssss*
What do you get when you remove the last two letters of Canada?
You get Cana. Duh.
Perhaps we should start throwing small potatoes at FCC Chairman Pai to express our displeasure and to annoy him.
It would make him Ajit-tatered.
(disclaimer, do not throw potatoes at people, duh)
Where do Floridians sleep?
On the floor, duh!
What should you call a female that wants to be a male?
A man, duh.
(Amanda)
Why do elephants have flat feet?
from jumpin' outta palm trees, duh
What do you call a man with a colander on his head?
COLIN! Duh!!!
Doctor, doctor! I'm scared of Santa!
after much analysis, the doctor responds: Duh! you're obviously suffering from Claus-trophobia!
Why should Caitlin Jenner's name be Amanda?
Because he's a man, duh
Why is "Amanda" the perfect name for a trans man?
Because she's a man, duh!
What is orange, about 70 years old, has caused enormous damage to the environment, and is a great embarrassment to the US?
Agent orange, duh.
What do you call anyone you meet on the buss
A passenger duh
What is Sabrina the Teenage Witch's Aunt's favorite kind of terrain?
Hill, duh
A study in the Daily Telegraph says that women have better verbal skills than men
I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh!
My board gamer friend said I love Settlers
Well duh, who else would marry him
Just rewatched LOTR, the line "You bow to no one" from Aragorn to the hobbits made me think of it in a different light then before
Well duh, you are 3'6
What do you call a male feminist who pees sitting down to protest gender roles?
A man, duh.
Verbal skills study
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh." --Conan O'Brien
