Dug Jokes
68 dug jokes and hilarious dug puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dug that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dug Short Jokes
Short dug jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dug humour may include short ancestors jokes also.
- Did you hear the one about the non binary gold prospector They dug a fortune out of them/their hills.
- Did you hear about the non-binary gold prospector? They dug up a fortune in them/their hills.
- The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed The label says the expiry date is June 2018.
I'm so glad they dug it up just in time - I'm a poet and I know it I dug, you dug, he dug, she dug, we all dug.
It's not a great poem, but it's deep. - A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid. When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
- They dug up Mozart's grave. When they opened the casket he was madly erasing his music... Of course, he was de-composing.
- Sometimes I look out over the new construction in my city, old ground being dug up to make room for the new, and I think to myself: I really should have buried the bodies somewhere else.
- Remember when we dug Saddam up out of that hole? He looked like a Father Christmas who had been sacked from Debenhams for being drunk at work.
- From my 8 year old son: what did the mole say to himself when he dug too deep into the earth? Hole-y mole-y.
- [DJ] A man dug three holes and said.... Well, well, well...
Yes [DJ] = Dad Joke warning
It's honestly my dad's favorite joke.
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Dug One Liners
Which dug one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dug? I can suggest the ones about grave and dig.
- Ever heard of the undertaker who accidentally dug another body? He made a grave mistake.
- My first wife was too shallow for my liking so I dug a deeper hole.
- I dug my wife's grave today. Poor gal thinks I was digging a pond.
- Why is the archaeologist depressed? Some old stuff just got dug up
- Did you hear about the ditch dug in the early 20th century? It was a great depression.
- My friend dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water. He meant well.
- Hear about the body snatcher that dug up the wrong body? He made a grave mistake.
- Did you hear about the gravedigger that dug the wrong hole ? That was a grave mistake...
- Son: Can I play with Grandpa? Mom: No! You've already dug him up four times!
- Too soon? Looks like Josh Duggar dug himself a hole he cannot get out of.
- I dug a tunnel today. It was boring.
- What do you call a man with a s**... on his head? Dug
Humorous Dug Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about dug you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hole jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dug pranks.
A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop…
An old farmer wrote to his son in prison:
This year I wont be able to
plant potatoes because I cant dig the field. I know if you were here
you would help me The son wrote back: Dad don't even think of
digging the field because that's where I buried the money I stole
Police read the letter and the very next day the whole field was dug
by police looking for the money but nothing was found.
The next day the son wrote again:
Now plant your potatoes dad; it's the best I can do from here.
An old farmer wrote a letter to his innocent son in prison:
"This year I'm unable to plant potatoes because I can't dig the ground. I know if you were here you would've helped me."
His son replied: "You idiot, don't dig the ground, I have hidden guns there."
Pretty soon, the Police read the letter, and the very next day the ground was dug by the police, and searched for guns but nothing was found.
The son wrote again: "Now plant your potatoes dad, its the best I could do from here."
Farmer and Son
A farmer wrote a letter to his son in jail for robbing a bank
This year, I can't plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field."
The son wrote back, Papa, don't dare plow the field That is where I hid the money I stole.
The police intercepted the letter and by the next day they'd dug up the entire field but found nothing. The son wrote to his father, Now you can plant your potatoes.
I accidentally swallowed a small gold nugget
So I dug through my f**... to find it. My wife walked in and asked me what I was doing. I told her I was just mining my own business.
An American a Russian and an Indian meet in a Bar.
They start boasting about their countries.
The American said "We dug deep and found thick wires. So we had a telegraph system in the past too!"
The Russian said " That's nothing. We dug deep and found thin wires. That means we already had phones in the past!"
Then the Indian says "We dug deep and found nothing!"
So the other two started laughing and said "what's there to boast about?"
The Indian said "That means we always had wireless!"
A blonde woman was speeding
down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
A blonde gets pulled over for speeding
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.
The officer asked to see the lady's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The officer replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the officer. "Here it is," she said.
The officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
Three archaeologists met in a seminar.
The British said: we dug very deep and found sculpted animal bones. This proves that my ancestors invented art.
The German said: we dug very deep and found a plate-size disk showing the solar system. This proves that my ancestors invented astronomy.
The Italian said: we dug very deep and didn't find any wires. This proves that my ancestors invented wifi communication.
An old farmer writes his son...
An old farmer writes his son (who is in prison) a letter and he tells his son that he won't be planting potatoes this year because there is no way he can dig up the field by himself. His son writes back and tells his his dad that there's no way he can dig up the field cause that's where he hid all the money he stole. Well, the cops read that letter and the next day the cops sure dug up that field good and proper. The same day the cops got to digging, the son writes his dad again telling his dad to go ahead and plant his potatoes and that is the best he can do from in here.
Old Man VS KGB
An old man somewhere in the Soviet Union's has dug his vase. Early in the morning two KGB officers show up at his place and ask him about his vase. He swears to God that he hasn't got any food.
Then they give him a shovel and point at the place to dig.
He digs the vase.
"Huh you silly old man. What's this? What are you hiding in it?"
"I ain't hiding anything" says he and opens the vase. It is just as empty as he said.
"You old man, I don't understand this. Why did you dig this vase into the ground then?"
"Well..." starts the old man "I had a new neighbor moving in and I was curious if is he a snitch"
In the past
Russian scientists dug 1000 mtr deep and found a copper wire.
They concluded:
1000 yrs back our ancestors were using copper cable technology ..
American scientists dug 2000 mtr deep and found optic fibre.
They concluded:
2000 yrs back our ancestors were using optic fibre technolgy ..
Indian scientist dug and found nothing. They concluded our ancestors were using Wireless Technology.!
Two kids talking about their dads achievements
Kid1: have you heard of panama canal?
Kid2: yes.
Kid1: you know my dad dug it.
Kid2: ok, thats it. Have you heard about the dead sea?
Kid1: yes
Kid2: My dad killed it.
There were 5 guys and a g**... a deserted island
After a week, the girl was so ashamed with what she had been doing to the guys, she killed herself. A week later, the guys felt so ashamed with what they had been doing to her, they buried her. After another week, the guys felt so ashamed with what they had been doing to each other, they dug her back up.
My Grandmother got involved with a younger man
So my grand mother got involved with a younger man.
27 years old.
My family was outraged; they couldn't digest it.
But I don't think it's fair. I mean, love is blind...
So what if he dug her out?
So I was checking out at the store the other day.....
....and the cashier told me my total was $12.47. So I gave her a ten and two ones. She said it wasn't enough so I dug around and gave her a quarter. Still not right she says, so I just grab everything in my pocket and put it on the counter hoping she could help.
As a white man in America, I don't understand change.
I dug a trench around my desk at work today, complete with running water, but the boss got really angry and made me fill it in…
Can't believe I've been demoated…
Ever hear about the miner who wouldn't shut up?
He dug himself into a hole he couldn't get out of.
Holmes, someone has put miracle grow on this freshly dug grave.
The plot thickens, my dear Watson.
Did you hear about the tunnel the escaped prisoners dug under the jail?
It was a runaway success.
I gave up on fitness and angrily buried my juicer. I was livid when my friend dug it up again and told me to man up.
Did you just exhume my blender?
Grave robber
grave robber: oh no i dug up the wrong grave
me, rising from my coffin: you should have said you made a grave mistake
A Poem
I dug.
Alice dug.
Vincent dug.
Dad dug.
My sister dug.
I know its not a good poem, but it rhymes and its really deep.
(A friend just texted me this. I thought it was funny.)
My shovel had a gambling addiction.
I had to stop him before he dug himself a deeper hole.
What was the headline when a former Ghostbuster's family dug a really long ditch in his home country?
A Dan, A Clan, A Canal, Canada
What did the f**... director say
To the labourer after he dug the hole in the wrong spot?
"You've made a grave mistake"
So they dug up Mozart's Grave...
They found him erasing all of his music, "What are you doing?" "I'm Decomposing"
A woman and three men c**... land on an island.
After a week the woman was so disgusted with what she'd been doing she killed herself.
A week later three men were so disgusted with what they'd been doing they buried her.
A week later the three men were so disgusted they dug her back up.
Did you hear about the Irish guy with a metal detector?
He dug 25 meters down where he discovered he was wearing steel toe cap boots
There once was a man named Dave
Dave dug up a chick from the grave.
She looked kinda gritty...
Was missing a t**......
But think of the money he saved!
This h**... at the harbor said that she really dug the way that I ate those Oysters.
All I could say was "Shucks."
this is what we call religious heat.
when you walk out side you say "jesus christ it's hot!!!
it got so hot our fat pig melted, the lard ran down into our potato patch and we dug up french fries
A drunk man is walking home through a graveyard at the end of an evening
and in the dark, he falls into an unfinished grave that's still being dug.
He tries and tries to climb the dirt walls and fails, so he yells and yells for help, but no one is nearby. So finally he lies down and goes to sleep.
A little while, another drunk man comes along and falls in the same hole. He too tries and tries to climb out, and fails.
The he hears a hoarse voice behind him in the dark say, "You'll never get out of here."
_Voom_ He did.
Three legged pig.
A farmer had a three legged pig, his friend asked him why the pig only had three legs. The farmer told him that he was a remarkable pig. One time when I was plowing the back forty, the tractor fell on me and the pig dug me out with his snout. Not only that, another time the farmhouse caught on fire and the pig broke the bedroom window, woke my wife and me up and saved our life! His friend was impressed, but asked him what that had to do with the pig only having three legs. The farmer told him, well, when you have a remarkable pig like that, you just can't eat him all at once
There was a man that was completely infatuated with Beethoven.
This man had heard a rumor that Beethoven was buried with his final masterpiece that nobody had ever seen or heard. In a fit of madness he went to the great masters grave and dug it up. When he finally reached the lid of Beethovens coffin he pried it open and to his amazement Beethoven was busily erasing the music the man had sought.
"What are you doing?" cried the man.
Beethoven glanced up at him and said, "Hey, shut the lid and leave me alone. Can't you see that I'm decomposing".
Two men were going around the park.
One of them dug holes into the ground, then the other would fill them in, they did this for hours, went to a break for lunch, then, as they were about to get back at it, a boy walked up to them and asked why they were doing this.
One of them told the boy "We're planting trees."
"But you don't actually plant trees in the holes" the boy said.
"Oh, that's true! I dig holes, Steve plants a tree, and Bill fills them in." said one of them.
The other then replied "Yeah, but Steve called in sick today."
Mary walked into HR
Mary: I need to file a s**... harassment against Jim.
HR: why what did he do?
M: on Monday he walked up behind me in the kitchen and sniffed my hair. Saying I smelled good.
On Tuesday he did it again but that time he got closer.
And then today he dug his nose into my hair for at lease 10 seconds and said I smell sooo good
HR: well that is creepy, but that is really not him s**... harassment. Just invading person space.
M: you know Jim is a midget right!
HR: ohhhhhh
