Dude Jokes
145 dude jokes and hilarious dude puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dude that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article covers so many different kinds of jokes about dudes! From suh dude to surfer dude, there's something for every type of bro. Learn all about the hilarious things bald dudes and lads can say to chill out a situation. You won't be disappointed!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Dude Short Jokes
Short dude jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dude humour may include short fella jokes also.
- Dude 1: Hey, bro? Dude 2: Yeah bro?
Dude 1: Can you pass me that pamphlet?
Dude 2: Brochure
- Dunno what this WiFi dude did But I've seen a ton of bars and restaurant demanding his freedom lately
- "How old is your girlfriend?" "She's52" "Haha, dude, she could be your mom!"
"Yeah, actually it's yours" - My British friend asked me, "Why do you Americans drive on the wrong side of the road?" I told him, "Dude, we literally drive on the right side."
- Two homeless dudes sit on a park bench One askes the other: Did you bring bread for the pigeon?
The other replies: No, I eat them without the bread. - Just saw a couple of dudes trying to grab an old lady's purse so I ran over to help. We got it off her eventually
- A blind man with a service dog walked into a bar The construction worker holding the bar said, "Dude, you need a new dog!"
- Did you hear about the bed bug band? They mostly play covers
(OC my dudes, read em and weep) - Today, I decided to donate all my worldly possessions and give myself up to Jesus It's pretty hard to say no to a Mexican dude with a knife.
- One atom says to another atom "Dude! I lost all my valence electrons!"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive!"
Share These Dude Jokes With Friends
Dude One Liners
Which dude one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dude? I can suggest the ones about buddy and bloke.
- I saw a homeless dude and gave him 1$ I saw a homeless woman and gave her 0.77$
- How many "sup dude"s does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, it's already lit fam.
- Dating a girl that has a child... ... it's like "Continuing" another dude's "Save File".
- I've found religion after meeting Mike Tyson Dude hit me right in the faith.
- What did P say to R? "Dude, tuck that back in!"
- Hey dude, do you have any sodium hypobromite? NaBrO
- How can you tell when a surfer dude just broke up with his girlfriend? He's homeless now.
- Jesus's greatest miracle.. A dude in his thirties with 12 friends
- My ex was just like my Netflix account Shared by five dudes
- Man, some dude just poured a gallon of milk all over me How dairy!
- The FCC is trying to take away Net Neutrality. This isn't a joke it's real my dudes
- Doctors seriously need to stop telling me I have Dementia Dude I don't remember asking
- Dude buys two dogs. Names them One and Two. One ran away but he's still got Two.
- I saw a fat dude with a Guess shirt on so I approached him and said " 380lbs?"
- Why do we call dead people 'late'? Dude, they aren't coming.
Hey Dude Jokes
Here is a list of funny hey dude jokes and even better hey dude puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- my mate rang me earlier.... My mate rang me earlier and says "Hey dude, what you up to?" "Probably failing my driving test" I say
- I saw a man fall on the ground and his wife yelled, "Someone call him an ambulance!" So I yelled back "Hey dude, you're an ambulance!" and left. Hope he's ok.
- HEY, HOW ARE YOU? - Dude, press the Caps Lock key on your keyboard!
- WOW, THIS IS MUCH BETTER, I DON'T HAVE TO HOLD DOWN SHIFT ANYMORE - The color black is out drinking with his friends. Black says to the bartender, "Hey, something isn't right. Where is all the color white?"
Bartender says, "dude, this is a gray bar. - A T-Rex and a Dude walk into a bar.... Dude says "Hey T-Rex, ya got the first round?"
T-Rex says "Sorry dude, I'm short handed" - Man: Hey Bolt! Get in the car, I'll drop you home! Usain Bolt: Sorry dude, I'm in a hurry.
- Sodium Person 1: "Hey dude do you know what the symbol for Sodium is?"
Person 2: "Na"
Person 1: "I'll ask someone else then thanks anyway" - I want to get one of those LA hats everyone has nowadays When people go to ask me "hey man, are you from Los Angeles?"
I'll be like "nah dude,I just really like the french feminine definite article" - Two atoms One atom says to the other, "you're a weird dude. You know that?" The other atom responds "hey man, we all have some quarks."
- Dude 1: hey, nice phone! Dude 2: thanks! I won it in a race. Dude 1: really? Wow! Who'd you race against? Dude 2: the owner and the cops.
Surfer Dude Jokes
Here is a list of funny surfer dude jokes and even better surfer dude puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two surfer dudes are sitting in church One turns to the other and says, "DUDE! Did you know God has a name?"
"Dude, NO WAY!!!"
"Yahweh!" - A Physicist Gets Into A Car Accident A surfer dude approaches the shattered driver's-side window and asks, "Are you hurt, man? The driver replies, "No, I'm Feynman".
- Wife was making Canneloni for dinner. I asked her why Canneloni is a surfers favourite dish? Because theyre tubular, dude.
I received such a satusfying groan. Thats why i do this job. - How does a surfer cut down a tree? With a sahhhh dude
- What are you doing when you Sentence almost a Dozen Surfers to death by the Gallows? You're Hanging Ten, Dudes!
- What's a surfer's favorite Spanish meal? Carne A-suh-dude
- So there was this surfer dude called Curl, but he died in a tsunami wave RIP Curl
Side Dude Jokes
Here is a list of funny side dude jokes and even better side dude puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- You guys know that dude Jesus? Yeah, I heard he was a real thorn in the Romans' side
Suh Dude Jokes
Here is a list of funny suh dude jokes and even better suh dude puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does a bro use to cut down a tree? A suh, dude.
- What did the skeleton say to the janitor? Suh dude
- What state are frat guys from? Arkan-suh dude!
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Dude Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about dude you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean desperate guy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dude pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A n**... man runs into a tailor's shop.
The tailor says "you can't be in here with no clothes on!"
The man says "aw come on dude, cut me some slacks?"
Two whales
Under the ocean there were these two whales. One whale walks up to another and says "OOOoooOOOOooooooOOOoooOooooooooooOOOOoOOoOOoooooohhhhh!"
And the other whale says Steve, dude, you are so drunk.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pregnant lady is sitting at a bus stop...
A guy walks up and asks, "what are you expecting?"
The girl replies the obvious, "the bus."
The man turns to his friend and whispers, "dude, I think she s**... a transformer!"
Yokel Logic
Two country types are sitting outside a university, when a man comes out. One of them stands up, and goes over to talk to this man.
He says ''Ello there, son. You look loike one of them clever university toipes. What is it that you're studyin' then?'
The man, slightly stunned, says, 'I study Mathematics, Physics and Logic'
The country dude says 'Oo- arr, logic, what's that then?'
The Student replies, 'I could teach you it.'
'Okay then.'
'So', says the student, 'you look like a country type. I'm going to guess that you have a tractor?'
'Yep'
'And if you have a tractor, then surely you have... a yard, to keep your tractor in?'
'Arr'
'So in turn, surely you have a house next to that yard?'
'Wow, incredible, go on!'
'And taking care of that big house must be awfully hard on your own- so you must have a wife to help out with it?'
'Moi god...'
'And because you live with your wife, I'm going to conclude that you're a heterosexual!'
'Oh lord...' says the farmer. 'How did you know all that?'
'That's logic, my friend', says the student, and he walks off with a cheerful wave.
The yokel runs over to his friend to show off his newfound learnings.
''Ere, Oi've got somethin' to show ya! It's called 'Logic'', he shouts.
'Alroight then', says the friend
'So, do you have a tract'r?'
'No'
'Then you're Gay!'
2 Poles are watching a Football game...
There is an attack by one team and the first Polish dude says:
-I bet you 20 bucks he will not score
-You are on - Replies the second one.
The attack goes through and the person scores. So the the first
pole reaches for his wallet, but the second one stops him saying:
-I cheated a little, this is a rerun I knew he'd score, keep your money.
-I also watched the game before, though I am still surprised the goalie let the same goal happen twice.
Two whales are swimming in the ocean. One whale opens his mouth and says "BEEEEEOOOOOOUUUUUUUGAA BOOOOOOUUUUAAAAAAAAEEEOOOOH"
The other whale turns to him and says "Dude you are so drunk."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My buddy has big news...
He comes to me one day and says "Dude, you'll never believe it, I'm b**... twins."
"That's awesome" I reply "but how can you tell them apart?"
"Easy" he says "Marys got long blonde hair and Steves got a moustache."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the super smart dude say to the m**...?
What did the super smart dude say to the m**...?
A nerd rides up to his friend on a new bike.
The friend asks "Wow! Where'd you get the cool bike?"
The guy replies "A beautiful blond woman rode up to me on it, then took off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted!"
The friend says "Good call, dude! The clothes would never have fit!"
How do you encourage a potter while he's glazing his bowl?
"Way to go dude, you're kiln it!"
The Unluckiest Guy in the world
A huge guy is drinking in a bar with his friend, when suddenly he sees a dude who looks really depressed. He looks at his friend and goes, 'You see the guy that seems to be having a really bad day? Well I'm gonna make his day even worse'. So he walks up to the dude and drinks the glass that was in front of him. The dude suddenly breaks into tears and starts crying hysterically. So the guy is surprised and tries to calm him down: ' Dude relax! I was just messing with you. I'll buy another drink'. The dude wipes off his tears and goes, 'I just had the worst day of my life. My car broke down on my way to work so I had to take a cab. I forgot my briefcase in the cab and cost my company millions of dollars. They fired me and I owe them their millions. When I got back from work, I found my wife in bed with my best friend. After all that I decided to end my life with a glass of poison, and you didn't even let me do that!'
A dude goes to the doctor , the doctor says "sir you have to stop masturbaiting "
the patient asks why?
The doctor goes "cause i'm trying to examine you"
Did you hear the one about the dude who married an exhibitionist?
He saw his wife flash before his eyes.
Halloween Joke
This guy goes to a Halloween costume party, but he's just wearing street clothes, and he has his girlfriend sitting on his shoulders.
The host says to him, Dude, this is a Halloween party! You're supposed to be wearing a costume?
The guy replies, I am wearing a costume! I'm a snail!
You're a snail?
Yeah, I'm a snail, says the guy. Then he points to his girlfriend and says, This is Michelle.
Why does Dr. Pepper come In cans?
He's a strange dude.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did one s**... bomber say to the other?
"Dude, I don't think it worked."
A guy meets his friend on the street
but his friend has a horribly swollen face, is missing teeth, has scratches on his arms, blood all over his shirt and he looks scared and disorientated. Of course his friend gets extremely worried and asks:
"Are you all right?! What happened dude?"
"I just buried my mother-in-law..."
"So?"
"Well she resisted".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
John and Peter
John: Dude my girlfriend is pregnant, but I use a c**... every time.
Peter: Come here my dear friend and I will explain it to you
John: Ok.
Peter: A man went into the jungle with an umbrella. He saw a tiger coming right at him. He touched the button of his umbrella and the tiger died.
John: Haha!But that's impossible. Maybe someone else shot the tiger.
Peter: Exactly..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven.
They ask God who did 911. God replies, "It was perpetrated by members of the Islamic t**... group Al Qaeda."
One whispers to the other, "Dude, this goes way higher than I thought."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man comes to the entrance of Heaven
A man comes to the entrance of Heaven and is told, "You haven't done anything good, but you haven't done anything bad either. If you can tell me of something amazing you have done, I will let you in."
The man replies, "Well, one time I was driving down the road and I saw some gang members threatening a young lady in an alleyway. I stopped and confronted them. I walked up to the biggest looking dude and slapped him and said, 'You need to leave this young lady alone, or I'm going to kick your a**...!'"
The man at the entrance to heaven asked him, "When did this happen?"
The guy replies, "About five minutes ago."
Two guys are delivering a piano...
.... on the 10th floor of a walk-up building. On the 9th floor they rest for one final time.
Guy in the front: "Dude, I got good news and bad news"
Guy in the back: "Tell me the bad news first."
Guy in the front: "We're in the wrong building."
Guy in the back: "And the good news?"
Guy in the front: "We only have one more floor to go."
Love him or hate him at least President Trump is raising awareness of one of the greatest challenges facing America.....
....Mental Health. 'Cause either that dude is crazy or I am and my best guess is before all this is said and done we're all going to need a little therapy.
Guy walks into a Mexican restaurant but he's not that hungry...
And they serve free tortilla chips. He asks for one chip and they give it to him. He swipes his credit card, and nothing happens. The employee looks at him and says, "Dude... it's a chip."
This dude from Florida got mad at me the other day.
Apparently people from Tampa aren't called tampons.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I was in the emergency room
and while I was waiting for the doctor to come back I overheard a couple nurses at the nurses' station discussing another ER patient's case.
Apparently this dude had come in complaining of r**... pain. They took an X-Ray and found at least 8 toy horses in his colon. It sounded serious, but they described his condition as stable.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
- "Dude, sarcasm will never get you anywhere in life"
+ "Well, it got me to the Sarcasm World Championship in peru back in 98"
- "Really?"
+ "..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Man, I got so drunk last night I blew chunks..."
"Don't worry, dude; we've all done that at some point"
"You don't understand, Chunks is my dog..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wet phone solution.
Person 1: If you drop your phone into some water, fill a bag with rice and put the phone in the bag and sit it on the kitchen bench overnight.
During the night, the rice will attract asians who will fix your broken electronics.
Person 2: Dude, that's not how it works. They would eat the rice too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A dude goes out on a date with his new Chinese girlfriend...
It goes so well that she invites him back to her place. "I had a wonderful time," she purrs at him. "I'm pretty much up for anything you want after a night like that."
The young guy thinks for a moment and says, "Well, to be honest, I've always wanted to try a 69."
"Forget that!" she says. "There's no way I'm cooking chicken chow mein at this time of night!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If a dude has s**... with 20 women he's a stud, but if a woman has s**... with 20 men...
Somehow I'm never one of them.
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan dude
He was standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
A Bee on a Fly
(Disclaimer) this is a repost from something I saw a long time ago, so if someone could get a source that'd be very cool
A bee is riding on the back of a fly. The fly turns around, and asks, hey, are you a bee?
In which the bee replies, I might bee.
The fly then says, dude, that's the worst pun I have ever heard.
The bee responds, I know man, I made it up on the fly.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bob was late to come to see his friend John at the bar
John: Dude, you're so late!
Bob: You won't believe what just happened to me. On my way here, I saw a girl tied to a train track. I untied her and we had s**... time together.
John: That sounds awesome dude!
Bob: Yeah, I know right. We did m**..., doggy, c**... etc. you name it.
John: Did you receive head?
Bob: Nah, couldn't find it.
It's the year 2295...
Dude: I'm a classically trained guitarist.
Neo-90s Kid: Radical!
Dude: So anyway, here's Wonderwall.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Oh man, I'm so scr*wed!
A guy says to his best friend "Oh man, I'm so scr*wed!"
His best friend asks him "Why are you scr*wed?"
The guy responds "Well my girlfriend took me out to dinner with her parents, and gave me a h*ndjob under the table..."
His friend says "DUDE Thats awesome! Why are you s**... though?"
The guy says "It was a glass table."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An attractive waitress approaches a table of two men and asks them what they would like to order.
How about a q**...? asks the one man. She immediately throws his water in his face and storms off to call the manager.
His friend leans across the table and says, Dude, it's pronounced quiche .
One for $1, three for $4
A man is walking up to a coffee stand to get his daily cup of coffee for $1, when he notices their new special where you can buy three cups for $4.
I'd like a cup of coffee, said the man, handing in a dollar bill.
He realizes he can cheat the system by buying two more cups of coffee, and saving a dollar. I'd like two more cups, please, he said, handing in another $2.
Afterward, he asks the guy in the stand, Why are you selling three cups of coffee for $4 when you could buy three separate cups for $3?
To which the stand dude replied, you could've just bought one cup like you do every day.
Dude bet me he could convince me to give him my wallet... and it worked.
I had to hand it to him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Scottish dude giving another dude a r**...?
A gaelic
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two hunters are in a forest when, all of sudden, a venomous snake jumps and bites one of them in the groin.
His friend, desperate, calls 911.
"Help me! My friend got bitten by a snake!"
"Calm down, sir! First of all, you must find the location of the bite and s**... the poison out. Can you do that?"
"Gotcha."
The bitten friend asks: "So? What did they say?"
"They said you'll die, dude."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three d**... people were sleeping on a bed.
There wasn't enough space for the three of them. One of them moved to sleep on the floor. When he went, one of the dumb guys called him and said "dude come back! There's suddenly a lot of space here!"
Two terrorists are in a car, driving to bomb some place.
One had a bomb on his lap, the other was driving. The car went over a speed bumper too fast.
"Hey, watch it, Joe! You are gonna set this bomb off!"
"Relax, dude, we have a spare one in the trunk."
A drunk man goes into a restaurtant
A drunk man goes into a restaurtant. He tells the waiter: "I'll have one portion of Carbonara and 2 beers."
The waiter tells him: "Sorry, we don't serve drunk people. Please leave."
The man angrily leaves, comes back 15 minutes later and says: "I'll have one portion of Carbonara and 2 beers."
The waiter tells him again: "Sorry sir, I already told you. We don't serve drunk people. Please leave."
The man leaves again, comes back 20 minutes later and says: "I'll have one portion of Carbonara and 2 beers."
The waiter shouts at him: "Get out of here now! I told you 2 times already: WE DON'T SERVE DRUNK PEOPLE!"
The man asks him: "Dude, is there a restaurant you don't work at?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like to sleep completely n**...
I don't know why is it disgusting to some people. Dude, you can just take another bus.
Two cats are walking through a desert..
..after a long while one of them turns and says, "Dude, I don't get this litter box".
After many faithful years as a Christian, John's dedication finally paid off as he found himself the girl of his dreams.
At the wedding he walks over to his best friend for advice.
"Hey man! What is it that I'm supposed to do when I get her all alone after the wedding?"
"Ah, that's simple. You just take your most prized-possession and stick it in where she pees."
"Ah! Thanks dude!"
"No problem!"
Later that night, John took his bowling ball and put it in the toilet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A seductive man walks into a bar and sees a pretty woman.
"Waiter, offer a drink to that girl", the gallant gentleman asked.
"Dude, it's a waste of time. She's a lesbian", the waiter replied.
"Lesbian? But from what region of Lesbia?"
As the robber was standing in my house I begged once more, "Please, I have three children and a wife!"
He answered: "For the last time dude i'm not going to shoot you"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two bodybuilders are having a conversation in h**....
Man 1: Hey dude, do you think there is anywhere down here where I could get a protein shake?
Man 2: Dude, there's no whey in h**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy calls his buddy and says, "Hey man, I'm throwing a party this weekend!"
"Gonna get a case of beer; what are you thinking?"
Buddy responds, "Anything but Heineken is cool with me. Drank a case of Heineken last weekend, and I blew chunks."
Guy says, "Dude, drinking a whole case of anything is going to make you p**...."
Buddy responds, "No, man, you don't understand... Chunks is my dog."
Me: Dude, I can't believe that 2017 was 7 years ago.
Friend: What do you mean, 7 years ago is like 2013..
Me: That's why I ain't believing it.
Having a hot gay dude hit on you is like finding a million pesos
I can't do anything with it now but when I cross the line I'm set
300 gay guys walk into a bar...
Meanwhile the other dude says to the bartender
Ay I think I been drinking too much cause I ain't seein' straight
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy says: "My great grandfather died in the concentration camps"
Then he laughs: "He fell from the guard tower"
"Stop telling jokes about this" His friend replies - "My great grandma also died in concentration camps"
"Oh I'm sorry"
"Yeah, some idiot d**... dude fell on top of her from the guard tower"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."
Obvious repost
As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.
Turks: you come in our country and have the b**... to insult us.
Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.
Turks: Let's get him outside.
Russian: that's your second problem. you wanna solve everything with violence.
*They gets outside of the bar and Turks starts taking their knives out*
Russian: that's your third problem. you bring knives to a gunfight.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two dudes are smoking p**...
One tells another:
-Dude, I think this p**... is making me s**..., I should quit.
Second guy responds:
-No, dude it's the other way round, you're becoming smarter and realising that you're an idiot.
The joke is originally in Georgian, this is a translation.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Roman gladiators are talking....
The o**... says, "Guess how many women I've slept with?"
The second guy goes, "Mmmm..."
The first dude goes, "Are you serious?! I'd be dead!"
A priest, a nun and some random dude walks into a bar
They ask for a few coronas, hurricanes, and fireballs.
The bartender says "that'll be 2020"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was trying to sleep last night. Here's what happened.
Some dude has this bed right beside mine, and he randomly started saying this:
"I was born in 1892 in Bloemfontein. I wrote The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings..."
For f**...'s sake he was Tolkien in his sleep!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
elton John did so much l**... at a party one night, he tried to have s**... with a woman...
Dude was straight trippin'
I've worked with that dude for six weeks, but saw him with his mask off and thought he was a stranger!
It was a simple case of mask-staken identity.
So this dude dies and goes to heaven...
... as he's approaching the pearly gates, St Peter says to him. "Ok, it's like this. You don't get into heaven just for being good anymore. You have to have done something really great. Can you think of anything that might qualify you?"
The man says. "Well, I once saw a group of really mean bikies harassing a little old lady. So I went up to the leader, I spat in his face, I kicked over his bike and I insulted his girlfriend!"
St Peter says, "That's terrific! When did you do that?"
"Oh, about 30 seconds ago."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm getting old.
A dude stuck two fingers up my a**... last week.
And insurance paid for it.
