The Best 65 Dude Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dude jokes. There are some dude hey jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dude dude you were so drunk last night puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Dude Jokes and Puns

Dude 1: Hey, bro?

Dude 2: Yeah bro?
Dude 1: Can you pass me that pamphlet?
Dude 2: Brochure

So two condoms walk into a bar..

.. They quickly realize that it is a gay bar. One condom turns to the other and says, "Dude. We are gonna get shitfaced tonight!"

A black dude walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

The bar tender goes "Awesome, Where'd you get that?"

The parrot replies "Africa, there's thousands of them there."

Dude joke, A black dude walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

My wife isn't speaking to me.

A man walks into a bar,looking all bummed out, and orders a drink. After a few minutes he orders another. About thirty minutes later he orders a few more drinks.
The bartenders asks," Dude you look really depressed. Is everything okay?"
The man explains," My wife and I got into big fight. She says she won't speak to me for 31 days."
The bartender asks," Well isn' t that a good thing."
The man replies," Sadly, tonight's the last night."

Yokel Logic

Two country types are sitting outside a university, when a man comes out. One of them stands up, and goes over to talk to this man.

He says ''Ello there, son. You look loike one of them clever university toipes. What is it that you're studyin' then?'

The man, slightly stunned, says, 'I study Mathematics, Physics and Logic'

The country dude says 'Oo- arr, logic, what's that then?'

The Student replies, 'I could teach you it.'

'Okay then.'

'So', says the student, 'you look like a country type. I'm going to guess that you have a tractor?'

'Yep'

'And if you have a tractor, then surely you have... a yard, to keep your tractor in?'

'Arr'

'So in turn, surely you have a house next to that yard?'

'Wow, incredible, go on!'

'And taking care of that big house must be awfully hard on your own- so you must have a wife to help out with it?'

'Moi god...'

'And because you live with your wife, I'm going to conclude that you're a heterosexual!'

'Oh lord...' says the farmer. 'How did you know all that?'

'That's logic, my friend', says the student, and he walks off with a cheerful wave.

The yokel runs over to his friend to show off his newfound learnings.

''Ere, Oi've got somethin' to show ya! It's called 'Logic'', he shouts.

'Alroight then', says the friend

'So, do you have a tract'r?'

'No'

'Then you're Gay!'


My buddy has big news...

He comes to me one day and says "Dude, you'll never believe it, I'm banging twins."

"That's awesome" I reply "but how can you tell them apart?"

"Easy" he says "Marys got long blonde hair and Steves got a moustache."

Hey dude, do you have any sodium hypobromite?

NaBrO

Dude joke, Hey dude, do you have any sodium hypobromite?

I was sitting in the library...

I was sitting in the library when a black guy came up to me, asking "Where are the colored printers?" I said "Dude... it's 2014, you can use whichever printer you want"

The Unluckiest Guy in the world

A huge guy is drinking in a bar with his friend, when suddenly he sees a dude who looks really depressed. He looks at his friend and goes, 'You see the guy that seems to be having a really bad day? Well I'm gonna make his day even worse'. So he walks up to the dude and drinks the glass that was in front of him. The dude suddenly breaks into tears and starts crying hysterically. So the guy is surprised and tries to calm him down: ' Dude relax! I was just messing with you. I'll buy another drink'. The dude wipes off his tears and goes, 'I just had the worst day of my life. My car broke down on my way to work so I had to take a cab. I forgot my briefcase in the cab and cost my company millions of dollars. They fired me and I owe them their millions. When I got back from work, I found my wife in bed with my best friend. After all that I decided to end my life with a glass of poison, and you didn't even let me do that!'

Halloween Joke

This guy goes to a Halloween costume party, but he's just wearing street clothes, and he has his girlfriend sitting on his shoulders.

The host says to him, Dude, this is a Halloween party! You're supposed to be wearing a costume?

The guy replies, I am wearing a costume! I'm a snail!

You're a snail?

Yeah, I'm a snail, says the guy. Then he points to his girlfriend and says, This is Michelle.

My British friend asked me, "Why do you Americans drive on the wrong side of the road?"

I told him, "Dude, we literally drive on the right side."

You can explore dude bro reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dude man dad jokes. There are also dude puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Dude walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling...

...He asked the bartender, "What are those for?" Bartender answers, "If you can slap a piece of meat, you get free drinks for an hour. If you can't, everyone's drinks are on you. Do you want to try it?"

He replies, "Nah, the steaks are too high."

I work in a library and a black guy asked me if there are any coloured printers...

I said, "Dude, it's 2016 you can use any printer you want."

What did one suicide bomber say to the other?

"Dude, I don't think it worked."

What do Crocs and getting a bj by a dude have in common?

They both feel fantastic till you look down and realize you're gay.

How many "sup dude"s does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, it's already lit fam.

Dude joke, How many "sup dude"s does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I lost my watch at a party...

Saw a guy stepping on it while bullying a smaller dude. I walked up to the guy, and punched him. It's not okay to bully... not on my watch.

Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven.

They ask God who did 911. God replies, "It was perpetrated by members of the Islamic terrorist group Al Qaeda."

One whispers to the other, "Dude, this goes way higher than I thought."

A man claimed he could jump higher than his house...

A man was talking to his friend and he said, "Dude, I bet $20 that I can jump higher than my house." His friend replied, "Ok, deal."
They went outside and the man jumped a foot into the air. "Well, time to pay up!" said his friend. "Nope!", the man said, "You owe me $20!" "How?" "I jumped a foot in the air, and my house can't jump at all!"


I saw a homeless dude and gave him 1$

I saw a homeless woman and gave her 0.77$

Putin lands at Helsinki airport...

...and the immigration officer says "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin". "Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia". "Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".

Credit goes to a dude in the Finland thread. Made me laugh.

A man comes to the entrance of Heaven

A man comes to the entrance of Heaven and is told, "You haven't done anything good, but you haven't done anything bad either. If you can tell me of something amazing you have done, I will let you in."

The man replies, "Well, one time I was driving down the road and I saw some gang members threatening a young lady in an alleyway. I stopped and confronted them. I walked up to the biggest looking dude and slapped him and said, 'You need to leave this young lady alone, or I'm going to kick your ass!'"

The man at the entrance to heaven asked him, "When did this happen?"

The guy replies, "About five minutes ago."

"How old is your girlfriend?" "She's52"

"Haha, dude, she could be your mom!"

"Yeah, actually it's yours"

Two surfer dudes are sitting in church

One turns to the other and says, "DUDE! Did you know God has a name?"

"Dude, NO WAY!!!"

"Yahweh!"

One atom says to another atom

"Dude! I lost all my valence electrons!"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive!"

I went to a restaurant.

Every table was occupied with couples,
there was no seat vacant.
I took out my phone and said loudly
"Dude, your girlfriend is here with someone else. Come here fast."

9 girls left their seats for me.

I lost my watch

I lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the face. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.

8 dudes have as much wealth as 4 billion people. We need to start killing them

But it will take a while to kill 4 billion people

- "Dude, sarcasm will never get you anywhere in life"

+ "Well, it got me to the Sarcasm World Championship in Peru back in 98"

- "Really?"

+ "..."

If a dude has sex with 20 women he's a stud, but if a woman has sex with 20 men...

Somehow I'm never one of them.

Three engineers were discussing who could have been the architect of the human body.

The first said, "It definitely was a Mechanical Engineer, look at all the joints."

The second said, "Nah dude, it was an Electrical Engineer, look at all the electrical connections from the brain."

The third said, "Nope, only a Civil Engineer will run piping carrying sanitation waste right next to a recreational area."

A Bee on a Fly

(Disclaimer) this is a repost from something I saw a long time ago, so if someone could get a source that'd be very cool

A bee is riding on the back of a fly. The fly turns around, and asks, hey, are you a bee?
In which the bee replies, I might bee.

The fly then says, dude, that's the worst pun I have ever heard.

The bee responds, I know man, I made it up on the fly.

Dunno what this WiFi dude did

But I've seen a ton of bars and restaurants demanding his freedom lately

I was standing in a library

And a black dude walks up to me and asked if i knew where the colored printer was. I told him "dude, it's almost 2018, use any printer you want."

I was in the library the other day when a black man came up to me and asked me where the colored printers were?

I replied, "Dude, it's 2018, you can use whatever printer you want."

An attractive waitress approaches a table of two men and asks them what they would like to order.

How about a quickie? asks the one man. She immediately throws his water in his face and storms off to call the manager.

His friend leans across the table and says, Dude, it's pronounced quiche .

I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend.

We weren't seeing eye-to-eye and she was seeing some dude on the side.

One for $1, three for $4

A man is walking up to a coffee stand to get his daily cup of coffee for $1, when he notices their new special where you can buy three cups for $4.

I'd like a cup of coffee, said the man, handing in a dollar bill.

He realizes he can cheat the system by buying two more cups of coffee, and saving a dollar. I'd like two more cups, please, he said, handing in another $2.

Afterward, he asks the guy in the stand, Why are you selling three cups of coffee for $4 when you could buy three separate cups for $3?

To which the stand dude replied, you could've just bought one cup like you do every day.

Today, I decided to donate all my worldly possessions and give myself up to Jesus

It's pretty hard to say no to a Mexican dude with a knife.

"Say something positive about gay men"

"Not only do they leave more girls for us, they take another dude with them"

A drunk man goes into a restaurtant

A drunk man goes into a restaurtant. He tells the waiter: "I'll have one portion of Carbonara and 2 beers."

The waiter tells him: "Sorry, we don't serve drunk people. Please leave."

The man angrily leaves, comes back 15 minutes later and says: "I'll have one portion of Carbonara and 2 beers."

The waiter tells him again: "Sorry sir, I already told you. We don't serve drunk people. Please leave."

The man leaves again, comes back 20 minutes later and says: "I'll have one portion of Carbonara and 2 beers."

The waiter shouts at him: "Get out of here now! I told you 2 times already: WE DON'T SERVE DRUNK PEOPLE!"

The man asks him: "Dude, is there a restaurant you don't work at?"

I like to sleep completely naked

I don't know why is it disgusting to some people. Dude, you can just take another bus.

What did P say to R?

"Dude, tuck that back in!"

The other day I punched a white dude and got arrested for assault,

Today I punched a black guy and got arrested for impersonating a police officer.

Girls be crying over a dude with one outfit...

You should've known he was never gonna change

German tourist visits France.

Guy at the Airport: "Nationality?"

German Dude: "German".

Airport Guy: "Occupation?"

German Dude: "Nein, nein, Only Vacation".

A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."

Obvious repost

As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.

Turks: you come in our country and have the balls to insult us.

Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.

Turks: Let's get him outside.

Russian: that's your second problem. you wanna solve everything with violence.

*They gets outside of the bar and Turks starts taking their knives out*

Russian: that's your third problem. you bring knives to a gunfight.

Two Roman gladiators are talking....

The one guy says, "Guess how many women I've slept with?"

The second guy goes, "Mmmm..."

The first dude goes, "Are you serious?! I'd be dead!"

A priest, a nun and some random dude walks into a bar

They ask for a few coronas, hurricanes, and fireballs.

The bartender says "that'll be 2020"

I was trying to sleep last night. Here's what happened.

Some dude has this bed right beside mine, and he randomly started saying this:

"I was born in 1892 in Bloemfontein. I wrote The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings..."

For fuck's sake he was Tolkien in his sleep!

In high school, I was dared to play gay chicken , which is where two straight guys pretend to be gay and the first one to chicken out loses...

The other guy and I are really stubborn, and neither of us wanted to lose. We've been married 14 years and run a bed and breakfast in Vermont with our adopted daughter. If that dude doesn't chicken out soon, I'm going to start to suspect he is actually gay.

My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas.

The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.

He told her one had a horn and one didn't.

She replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic."

A black guy in a library asked me where the colored printers were.

I said, "Dude, it's 2021, you can use any printer you want."

Lost my watch on the floor of a party

Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl... Not on my watch.

Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven...

God: welcome to the St. Peter's Gates. With my omniscient knowledge, I can tell you anything you wish to know.

Conspiracy Theorist 1: Who won the 2020 US Presidential Election?

God: Joseph R. Biden

Conspiracy Theorist 2: \*Looks at his friend\* shit dude, this goes even deeper than we thought

Two policemen are walking down the street and they find a mirror.

First one picks it up, looks at it and says: "Holy shit man, this dude looks so familiar."
Other one looks at it and says: "Man you're right! We better take this to the captain!"
When they come to the police station they show the mirror to the captain and ask him if he knows this man. Captain: "Of course i know him! He always sits opposite of me at the barber shop."

Some dude on the street starts thrusting his hips in the air. I asked what are you doing. He replied...

Fukin nothing.

What do you call a dyselxic, amateur wizard?

Dude who can barely spell.

Doctors seriously need to stop telling me I have Dementia

Dude I don't remember asking

A lot of guys struggle to add muscle

Take my cousin, for example. He has a very strict diet and always sticks to his regimen. He never skips a day. The dude is still a skeleton, basically. Some people just struggle to add weight. Granted, his regimen mostly includes heroin, but still.

Two dyslexic kids

Two dyslexic kids were sitting on a sofa. One asks the other "can you smell gas?" The other replies "Seriously dude? I can't even smell my own name".

a joke we tell in Ukraine

A russian, a Ukrainian and an African American guys are sitting in the waiting room while their wives give birth.


The nurse comes out with 3 babies and says "sorry guys, they've got mixed up..let's see whose is whose".
The Ukrainian takes a black kid and runs.
They yell "hold on dude!!! That kid is obviously not yours!"
the Ukrainian replied "I don't care I dont want a russian!!!"

I was in a bar last night and this dude said to me, I'm going to attack you with the neck of a guitar!" I growled back...

Is that a fret?

dude, can you pass me that pamphlet?

bro, sure!

Wife was making Canneloni for dinner. I asked her why Canneloni is a surfers favourite dish?

Because theyre tubular, dude.

I received such a satusfying groan. Thats why i do this job.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dude vato jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dude dude perfect piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes