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Dude Jokes

149 dude jokes and hilarious dude puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dude that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article covers so many different kinds of jokes about dudes! From suh dude to surfer dude, there's something for every type of bro. Learn all about the hilarious things bald dudes and lads can say to chill out a situation. You won't be disappointed!

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Funniest Dude Short Jokes

Short dude jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dude humour may include short fella jokes also.

  1. Dude 1: Hey, bro? Dude 2: Yeah bro?
    Dude 1: Can you pass me that pamphlet?
    Dude 2: Brochure
  2. A black guy in a library asked me where the colored printers were. I said, "Dude, it's 2021, you can use any printer you want."
  3. I work in a library and a black guy asked me if there are any coloured printers... I said, "Dude, it's 2016 you can use any printer you want."
  4. 8 dudes have as much wealth as 4 billion people. We need to start killing them But it will take a while to kill 4 billion people
  5. Dunno what this WiFi dude did But I've seen a ton of bars and restaurant demanding his freedom lately
  6. I was in the library the other day when a black man came up to me and asked me where the colored printers were? I replied, "Dude, it's 2018, you can use whatever printer you want."
  7. The other day I punched a white dude and got arrested for assault, Today I punched a black guy and got arrested for impersonating a police officer.
  8. "How old is your girlfriend?" "She's52" "Haha, dude, she could be your mom!"
    "Yeah, actually it's yours"
  9. "Say something positive about gay men" "Not only do they leave more girls for us, they take another dude with them"
  10. My British friend asked me, "Why do you Americans drive on the wrong side of the road?" I told him, "Dude, we literally drive on the right side."

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Dude One Liners

Which dude one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dude? I can suggest the ones about buddy and bloke.

  1. I saw a homeless dude and gave him 1$ I saw a homeless woman and gave her 0.77$
  2. How many "sup dude"s does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, it's already lit fam.
  3. Dentist: When was the last time you flossed? Shaking my head. Dude, you were there!
  4. Dating a girl that has a child... ... it's like "Continuing" another dude's "Save File".
  5. I've found religion after meeting Mike Tyson Dude hit me right in the faith.
  6. How many suh dudes does it take to change a light bulb? None. It's already lit fam
  7. What did P say to R? "Dude, tuck that back in!"
  8. Hey dude, do you have any sodium hypobromite? NaBrO
  9. How can you tell when a surfer dude just broke up with his girlfriend? He's homeless now.
  10. Jesus's greatest miracle.. A dude in his thirties with 12 friends
  11. My ex was just like my Netflix account Shared by five dudes
  12. Man, some dude just poured a gallon of milk all over me How dairy!
  13. The FCC is trying to take away Net Neutrality. This isn't a joke it's real my dudes
  14. What do you call a line up of dudes picking up mozzarella cheese A cheesy pickup line
  15. Doctors seriously need to stop telling me I have Dementia Dude I don't remember asking

Hey Dude Jokes

Here is a list of funny hey dude jokes and even better hey dude puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • my mate rang me earlier.... My mate rang me earlier and says "Hey dude, what you up to?" "Probably failing my driving test" I say
  • I saw a man fall on the ground and his wife yelled, "Someone call him an ambulance!" So I yelled back "Hey dude, you're an ambulance!" and left. Hope he's ok.
  • HEY, HOW ARE YOU? - Dude, press the Caps Lock key on your keyboard!
    - WOW, THIS IS MUCH BETTER, I DON'T HAVE TO HOLD DOWN SHIFT ANYMORE
  • An African American guy in College ... Asks a white dude:
    - Hey man where's the color printer?
    Dude replies:
    - Man, it's 2018, you can use any printer you want!
  • The color black is out drinking with his friends. Black says to the bartender, "Hey, something isn't right. Where is all the color white?"
    Bartender says, "dude, this is a gray bar.
  • A T-Rex and a Dude walk into a bar.... Dude says "Hey T-Rex, ya got the first round?"
    T-Rex says "Sorry dude, I'm short handed"
  • Free Speech Dude:I believe in freedom of speech
    Bro:So does everyone else you idiot.You don't get brownie points for believing in a basic right
    Dude:Hey you can't say that!
  • Man: Hey Bolt! Get in the car, I'll drop you home! Usain Bolt: Sorry dude, I'm in a hurry.
  • Sodium Person 1: "Hey dude do you know what the symbol for Sodium is?"
    Person 2: "Na"
    Person 1: "I'll ask someone else then thanks anyway"
  • What do you say when somebody cuts in front of you in line for Vietnamese noodles? Hey, pho queue, dude

Side Dude Jokes

Here is a list of funny side dude jokes and even better side dude puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend. We weren't seeing eye-to-eye and she was seeing some dude on the side.
  • A Physicist Gets Into A Car Accident A surfer dude approaches the shattered driver's-side window and asks, "Are you hurt, man? The driver replies, "No, I'm Feynman".
  • You guys know that dude Jesus? Yeah, I heard he was a real thorn in the Romans' side
Dude joke, You guys know that dude Jesus?

Surfer Dude Jokes

Here is a list of funny surfer dude jokes and even better surfer dude puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Two surfer dudes are sitting in church One turns to the other and says, "DUDE! Did you know God has a name?"
    "Dude, NO WAY!!!"
    "Yahweh!"
  • Wife was making Canneloni for dinner. I asked her why Canneloni is a surfers favourite dish? Because theyre tubular, dude.
    I received such a satusfying groan. Thats why i do this job.
  • How does a surfer cut down a tree? With a sahhhh dude
  • What are you doing when you Sentence almost a Dozen Surfers to death by the Gallows? You're Hanging Ten, Dudes!
  • Racist Surfer What did the racist surfer say when asked about hanging a black man?
    Hang ten dude!!
  • What's a surfer's favorite Spanish meal? Carne A-suh-dude
  • So there was this surfer dude called Curl, but he died in a tsunami wave RIP Curl
  • Yo yo hear me out... A surfer rooster that says "c**...-a-doodle-dude!!"

Suh Dude Jokes

Here is a list of funny suh dude jokes and even better suh dude puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What does a bro use to cut down a tree? A suh, dude.
  • What did the skeleton say to the janitor? Suh dude
  • What state are frat guys from? Arkan-suh dude!
Dude joke, What state are frat guys from?

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Dude Jokes with Friends.

What funny jokes about dude you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean desperate guy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dude pranks.

A n**... man runs into a tailor's shop.

The tailor says "you can't be in here with no clothes on!"
The man says "aw come on dude, cut me some slacks?"

So two condoms walk into a bar..

.. They quickly realize that it is a gay bar. One c**... turns to the other and says, "Dude. We are gonna get s**... tonight!"

A black dude walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

The bar tender goes "Awesome, Where'd you get that?"
The parrot replies "Africa, there's thousands of them there."

My wife isn't speaking to me.

A man walks into a bar,looking all bummed out, and orders a drink. After a few minutes he orders another. About thirty minutes later he orders a few more drinks.
The bartenders asks," Dude you look really depressed. Is everything okay?"
The man explains," My wife and I got into big fight. She says she won't speak to me for 31 days."
The bartender asks," Well isn' t that a good thing."
The man replies," Sadly, tonight's the last night."

Yokel Logic

Two country types are sitting outside a university, when a man comes out. One of them stands up, and goes over to talk to this man.
He says ''Ello there, son. You look loike one of them clever university toipes. What is it that you're studyin' then?'
The man, slightly stunned, says, 'I study Mathematics, Physics and Logic'
The country dude says 'Oo- arr, logic, what's that then?'
The Student replies, 'I could teach you it.'
'Okay then.'
'So', says the student, 'you look like a country type. I'm going to guess that you have a tractor?'
'Yep'
'And if you have a tractor, then surely you have... a yard, to keep your tractor in?'
'Arr'
'So in turn, surely you have a house next to that yard?'
'Wow, incredible, go on!'
'And taking care of that big house must be awfully hard on your own- so you must have a wife to help out with it?'
'Moi god...'
'And because you live with your wife, I'm going to conclude that you're a heterosexual!'
'Oh lord...' says the farmer. 'How did you know all that?'
'That's logic, my friend', says the student, and he walks off with a cheerful wave.
The yokel runs over to his friend to show off his newfound learnings.
''Ere, Oi've got somethin' to show ya! It's called 'Logic'', he shouts.
'Alroight then', says the friend
'So, do you have a tract'r?'
'No'
'Then you're Gay!'

Two whales are swimming in the ocean. One whale opens his mouth and says "BEEEEEOOOOOOUUUUUUUGAA BOOOOOOUUUUAAAAAAAAEEEOOOOH"

The other whale turns to him and says "Dude you are so drunk."

My buddy has big news...

He comes to me one day and says "Dude, you'll never believe it, I'm b**... twins."
"That's awesome" I reply "but how can you tell them apart?"
"Easy" he says "Marys got long blonde hair and Steves got a moustache."

What did the super smart dude say to the m**...?

What did the super smart dude say to the m**...?

A nerd rides up to his friend on a new bike.

The friend asks "Wow! Where'd you get the cool bike?"
The guy replies "A beautiful blond woman rode up to me on it, then took off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted!"
The friend says "Good call, dude! The clothes would never have fit!"

I was sitting in the library...

I was sitting in the library when a black guy came up to me, asking "Where are the colored printers?" I said "Dude... it's 2014, you can use whichever printer you want"

The Unluckiest Guy in the world

A huge guy is drinking in a bar with his friend, when suddenly he sees a dude who looks really depressed. He looks at his friend and goes, 'You see the guy that seems to be having a really bad day? Well I'm gonna make his day even worse'. So he walks up to the dude and drinks the glass that was in front of him. The dude suddenly breaks into tears and starts crying hysterically. So the guy is surprised and tries to calm him down: ' Dude relax! I was just messing with you. I'll buy another drink'. The dude wipes off his tears and goes, 'I just had the worst day of my life. My car broke down on my way to work so I had to take a cab. I forgot my briefcase in the cab and cost my company millions of dollars. They fired me and I owe them their millions. When I got back from work, I found my wife in bed with my best friend. After all that I decided to end my life with a glass of poison, and you didn't even let me do that!'

Halloween Joke

This guy goes to a Halloween costume party, but he's just wearing street clothes, and he has his girlfriend sitting on his shoulders.
The host says to him, Dude, this is a Halloween party! You're supposed to be wearing a costume?
The guy replies, I am wearing a costume! I'm a snail!
You're a snail?
Yeah, I'm a snail, says the guy. Then he points to his girlfriend and says, This is Michelle.

Dude walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling...

...He asked the bartender, "What are those for?" Bartender answers, "If you can slap a piece of meat, you get free drinks for an hour. If you can't, everyone's drinks are on you. Do you want to try it?"
He replies, "Nah, the steaks are too high."

What did one s**... bomber say to the other?

"Dude, I don't think it worked."

A guy meets his friend on the street

but his friend has a horribly swollen face, is missing teeth, has scratches on his arms, blood all over his shirt and he looks scared and disorientated. Of course his friend gets extremely worried and asks:
"Are you all right?! What happened dude?"
"I just buried my mother-in-law..."
"So?"
"Well she resisted".

What do crocs and getting a bj by a dude have in common?

They both feel fantastic till you look down and realize you're gay.

I lost my watch at a party...

Saw a guy stepping on it while bullying a smaller dude. I walked up to the guy, and punched him. It's not okay to bully... not on my watch.

Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven.

They ask God who did 911. God replies, "It was perpetrated by members of the Islamic t**... group Al Qaeda."
One whispers to the other, "Dude, this goes way higher than I thought."

A man claimed he could jump higher than his house...

A man was talking to his friend and he said, "Dude, I bet $20 that I can jump higher than my house." His friend replied, "Ok, deal."
They went outside and the man jumped a foot into the air. "Well, time to pay up!" said his friend. "Nope!", the man said, "You owe me $20!" "How?" "I jumped a foot in the air, and my house can't jump at all!"

Who's this Rorschach dude?

And why is he so good at drawing pictures of my mom beating me?

Putin lands at Helsinki airport...

...and the immigration officer says "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin". "Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia". "Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".
Credit goes to a dude in the Finland thread. Made me laugh.

A man comes to the entrance of Heaven

A man comes to the entrance of Heaven and is told, "You haven't done anything good, but you haven't done anything bad either. If you can tell me of something amazing you have done, I will let you in."
The man replies, "Well, one time I was driving down the road and I saw some gang members threatening a young lady in an alleyway. I stopped and confronted them. I walked up to the biggest looking dude and slapped him and said, 'You need to leave this young lady alone, or I'm going to kick your a**...!'"
The man at the entrance to heaven asked him, "When did this happen?"
The guy replies, "About five minutes ago."

Two guys are delivering a piano...

.... on the 10th floor of a walk-up building. On the 9th floor they rest for one final time.
Guy in the front: "Dude, I got good news and bad news"
Guy in the back: "Tell me the bad news first."
Guy in the front: "We're in the wrong building."
Guy in the back: "And the good news?"
Guy in the front: "We only have one more floor to go."

Guy walks into a Mexican restaurant but he's not that hungry...

And they serve free tortilla chips. He asks for one chip and they give it to him. He swipes his credit card, and nothing happens. The employee looks at him and says, "Dude... it's a chip."

One atom says to another atom

"Dude! I lost all my valence electrons!"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive!"

I went to a restaurant.

Every table was occupied with couples,
there was no seat vacant.
I took out my phone and said loudly
"Dude, your girlfriend is here with someone else. Come here fast."
9 girls left their seats for me.

This dude from Florida got mad at me the other day.

Apparently people from Tampa aren't called tampons.

I lost my watch

I lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while s**... harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the face. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.

- "Dude, sarcasm will never get you anywhere in life"

+ "Well, it got me to the Sarcasm World Championship in peru back in 98"
- "Really?"
+ "..."

Two lumps of concrete walk into a busy bar...

They see some chairs next to a lump of tarmac, and the one goes over to sit when the other grabs him saying:
"Dude, don't sit next to him.. he's a cycle-path"

Wet phone solution.

Person 1: If you drop your phone into some water, fill a bag with rice and put the phone in the bag and sit it on the kitchen bench overnight.
During the night, the rice will attract asians who will fix your broken electronics.
Person 2: Dude, that's not how it works. They would eat the rice too.

If a dude has s**... with 20 women he's a stud, but if a woman has s**... with 20 men...

Somehow I'm never one of them.

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan dude

He was standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

Three engineers were discussing who could have been the architect of the human body.

The first said, "It definitely was a Mechanical Engineer, look at all the joints."
The second said, "Nah dude, it was an Electrical Engineer, look at all the electrical connections from the brain."
The third said, "Nope, only a Civil Engineer will run piping carrying sanitation waste right next to a recreational area."

A Bee on a Fly

(Disclaimer) this is a repost from something I saw a long time ago, so if someone could get a source that'd be very cool
A bee is riding on the back of a fly. The fly turns around, and asks, hey, are you a bee?
In which the bee replies, I might bee.
The fly then says, dude, that's the worst pun I have ever heard.
The bee responds, I know man, I made it up on the fly.

This dude went to Maccas and saw a lady wearing a burqa....

Went to Macca's & the girl serving was wearing a burqa. I noticed it was quite dirty and tattered and a bit smelly. It actually put me off so we walked out and went across the road to Hungry Jack's. Here was another girl wearing a burqa. I was happy to see that it was clean and it actually was nicely decorated with beads and sequins. That's when I realised - the Burqas are Better at Hungry Jack's....

It's the year 2295...

Dude: I'm a classically trained guitarist.
Neo-90s Kid: Radical!
Dude: So anyway, here's Wonderwall.

I was standing in a library

And a black dude walks up to me and asked if i knew where the colored printer was. I told him "dude, it's almost 2018, use any printer you want."

Oh man, I'm so scr*wed!

A guy says to his best friend "Oh man, I'm so scr*wed!"
His best friend asks him "Why are you scr*wed?"
The guy responds "Well my girlfriend took me out to dinner with her parents, and gave me a h*ndjob under the table..."
His friend says "DUDE Thats awesome! Why are you s**... though?"
The guy says "It was a glass table."

Some dude broke into my house and robbed me of my limbo stick.

Seriously how low could he go?

An attractive waitress approaches a table of two men and asks them what they would like to order.

How about a q**...? asks the one man. She immediately throws his water in his face and storms off to call the manager.
His friend leans across the table and says, Dude, it's pronounced quiche .

One for $1, three for $4

A man is walking up to a coffee stand to get his daily cup of coffee for $1, when he notices their new special where you can buy three cups for $4.
I'd like a cup of coffee, said the man, handing in a dollar bill.
He realizes he can cheat the system by buying two more cups of coffee, and saving a dollar. I'd like two more cups, please, he said, handing in another $2.
Afterward, he asks the guy in the stand, Why are you selling three cups of coffee for $4 when you could buy three separate cups for $3?
To which the stand dude replied, you could've just bought one cup like you do every day.

Today, I decided to donate all my worldly possessions and give myself up to Jesus

It's pretty hard to say no to a Mexican dude with a knife.

A drunk man goes into a restaurtant

A drunk man goes into a restaurtant. He tells the waiter: "I'll have one portion of Carbonara and 2 beers."
The waiter tells him: "Sorry, we don't serve drunk people. Please leave."
The man angrily leaves, comes back 15 minutes later and says: "I'll have one portion of Carbonara and 2 beers."
The waiter tells him again: "Sorry sir, I already told you. We don't serve drunk people. Please leave."
The man leaves again, comes back 20 minutes later and says: "I'll have one portion of Carbonara and 2 beers."
The waiter shouts at him: "Get out of here now! I told you 2 times already: WE DON'T SERVE DRUNK PEOPLE!"
The man asks him: "Dude, is there a restaurant you don't work at?"

I like to sleep completely n**...

I don't know why is it disgusting to some people. Dude, you can just take another bus.

A dude asked his father how much does it cost to get married?

The father answers I don't know exactly but I'm still paying for it.

Two cats are walking through a desert..

..after a long while one of them turns and says, "Dude, I don't get this litter box".

Two bodybuilders are having a conversation in h**....

Man 1: Hey dude, do you think there is anywhere down here where I could get a protein shake?
Man 2: Dude, there's no whey in h**....

Me: Dude, I can't believe that 2017 was 7 years ago.

Friend: What do you mean, 7 years ago is like 2013..
Me: That's why I ain't believing it.

Having a hot gay dude hit on you is like finding a million pesos

I can't do anything with it now but when I cross the line I'm set

300 gay guys walk into a bar...

Meanwhile the other dude says to the bartender
Ay I think I been drinking too much cause I ain't seein' straight

A guy says: "My great grandfather died in the concentration camps"

Then he laughs: "He fell from the guard tower"
"Stop telling jokes about this" His friend replies - "My great grandma also died in concentration camps"
"Oh I'm sorry"
"Yeah, some idiot d**... dude fell on top of her from the guard tower"

A dude is having a yard sale and is selling his TV

Customer: "Sweet I do need a new TV. How much?"
Seller: "5 dollars"
C: "What? Why is it so cheap?"
S: "Well it's stuck on full volume. The remote doesn't work"
C: "And you're just gonna sell it for $5 because you can't make it quieter?
S: "Yep"
C: "Wow. Can't turn that down"

Girls be crying over a dude with one outfit...

You should've known he was never gonna change

German tourist visits France.

Guy at the Airport: "Nationality?"
German Dude: "German".
Airport Guy: "Occupation?"
German Dude: "Nein, nein, Only Vacation".

A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."

Obvious repost
As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.
Turks: you come in our country and have the b**... to insult us.
Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.
Turks: Let's get him outside.
Russian: that's your second problem. you wanna solve everything with violence.
*They gets outside of the bar and Turks starts taking their knives out*
Russian: that's your third problem. you bring knives to a gunfight.

Two dudes are smoking p**...

One tells another:
-Dude, I think this p**... is making me s**..., I should quit.
Second guy responds:
-No, dude it's the other way round, you're becoming smarter and realising that you're an idiot.
The joke is originally in Georgian, this is a translation.

Two Roman gladiators are talking....

The o**... says, "Guess how many women I've slept with?"
The second guy goes, "Mmmm..."
The first dude goes, "Are you serious?! I'd be dead!"

A priest, a nun and some random dude walks into a bar

They ask for a few coronas, hurricanes, and fireballs.
The bartender says "that'll be 2020"

I was trying to sleep last night. Here's what happened.

Some dude has this bed right beside mine, and he randomly started saying this:
"I was born in 1892 in Bloemfontein. I wrote The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings..."
For f**...'s sake he was Tolkien in his sleep!

In high school, I was dared to play gay chicken , which is where two straight guys pretend to be gay and the first one to chicken out loses...

The other guy and I are really stubborn, and neither of us wanted to lose. We've been married 14 years and run a bed and breakfast in Vermont with our adopted daughter. If that dude doesn't chicken out soon, I'm going to start to suspect he is actually gay.

Elton John did so much l**... at a party one night, he tried to have s**... with a woman...

Dude was straight trippin'

Dude joke, Elton John did so much l**... at a party one night, he tried to have s**... with a woman...

jokes about dude