The Best 45 Duct Tape Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Duct Tape jokes. There are some duct tape pipes jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these duct tape duck tape puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Duct Tape Jokes and Puns
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
I'm already visualising the duct tape across your mouth.
The fishing trip
So four high school friends have gone fishing together every year for the last two decades. That was until this year, when Jim had to inform the group he couldn't make it.
"Look, it's the wife. She's been saying I haven't been spending enough time with her."
Of course, the others were upset but told him they couldn't rearrange all the schedules to make it work out this year, so they stuck to the date.
The morning of trip, the guys are unloading on the dock when Jim comes running up with his stuff.
"What's the deal, Jim?" asked one of the fishermen.
"So I came home from work last night and I found my wife in the bedroom. She was laying down with a spool of rope, some duct tape and a ball-gag, and told me how she's been reading *50 Shades of Grey*. She told me to tie her up and do anything I want. So, uhh, here I am!"
What does duct tape and the Force have in common?
They have a light side and a dark side and they keep the universe together.
I heard Bill Cosby made a sex tape....
Twice as strong as duct tape.
Duct Tape Won't Fix Stupid.
But it will gag the sound.
Kid: Waaaahhhhh! MY TOY IS BROKEN!
Dad: Nothing a little duct tape can't fix.
Kid: mrnm... mmrm.. rnmr...
You'd be surprised how easy it is to pick up girls
All it takes is a respectful attitude, a low key vibe, a breezy sense of humour, a nice beard, duct tape, and a baseball bat.
Why I love duct tape?
It can turn "No, no no!" into "mmph, mmmph, mmmph"
Have you heard that duct tape can be used as an aphrodisiac?
It turns "NO! NO! NO!" into "MMM! MMM! MMM!"
You know what they say about duct tape...
It makes no..no..no sound like mh..mh..mh
Credit to my coworker for that one.
You can explore duct tape vhs reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean duct tape octave dad jokes. There are also duct tape puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Gorilla tape isn't stronger than duct tape anymore because...
... They shot and killed it.
I had a blind date last night
At least I think it was a date. The blindfold and duct tape was a bit different.
Duct Tape is like The Force...
It has a dark side, and a light side, and it holds the universe together.
Building in Antarctica is difficult!
No matter what I tried I couldn't get my house to stay together. I tried concrete, brick and mortar, even duct tape! I finally found something that worked though, it was quite simple, igloo'd it together.
My uncle always believed that "Between duct tape and WD-40 you can fix just about anything."
I still can't believe it took seven years before he lost his medical license.
What's the best thing to make her go Hmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Duct tape
One day a bunch of bullies came and duct taped me to a wall, but I had a good friend who tried and stop them.
He stuck by my side.
Whats the difference between Scientists and Engineers?
Scientists use complex formulas to solve the problem, and engineers use duct tape.
My dad was a stubborn man. He couldn't understand why you shouldn't install a ceiling fan with duct tape.
And then it hit him.
You Can use Duct Tape to Fix Any Thing
Except Depression
Consent is golden. Duct tape is sliver.
And sometimes, you gotta come in second place.
3 steps to fix anything
1. Try duct tape, if that doesn't work, see 2
2. Try gorilla glue, if that doesn't work, see 3
3. Try J.B. Weld, if that doesn't work, C4
Duct tape;
turning "no-no-no" into "mm-mm-mm" since 1942.
My mom asked me to paint her room for her.
Apparently duct taping spray paint cans to a roomba Is not helping and why we don't love you anymore
What makes a girl go "Mmmmmmmmmm"?
Duct Tape.
Duct Tape
Duct tape is the best sexual aid ever invented. I've never had a no when using it. It's like it's turn 'no no no' into 'mmmm mmm mm'
How low is my self esteem?
Well, I'm pretty sure the fbi guy who's responsible for watching me put duct tape on his screen.
Did you hear about the insect transport plane that crashed into the Duct factory?
Don't worry, it's all caught on tape
What's the best thing about a roll of duct tape?
It turns "no no no!" into "Mmm, mmm, mmmm"
My Wife was yelling at me last night.
Thank god she was! It reminded me we ran out of duct tape.
Why do wrap duct tape around a goose?
Silence is golden...
... duct tape is silver.
Today I repaired my laptop with camouflage duct tape.
Now all of my browsing will be incognito
Kid: Waahhh! Dad, my toy is broken! Dad: Nothing that a duct tape can't fix.
Kid: mmmph.. mmrr...
I like it when my wife makes Christmas shopping easy.
This year she said she wants a gun, Duct tape, some rope, and a large sturdy bag. Can't wait to see what she gets me
What turns "No, no, no" into "Mmmmmmm"?
Duct tape.
Dapper Laughs rape joke
I filmed six episodes, half an hour each, if it was a guide to rape, it would have done one five-minute episode, come on and go:
Oi Oi, I'm Dapper Laughs, go down the shops, get some rope, bit of duct tape, rape the bitch, well done, see you later !
Silence is golden
Duct tape is silver
Somebody said something that stuck with me
It might have just been the duct tape on his mouth, though
My attempt to translate joke from my language.
Two men are sitting on the river bank, fishing.
Hedgehog walks out of the woods.
-Hey, guys! Do you have a duct tape?
-Nope...
Hedgehog goes away.
Two hours later hedgehog emerges again.
-Hey, guys! I got a duct tape for you!
If duct taping a Matchbox Trans Am to one's ear and pretending it's a Bluetooth device is wrong, then maybe—
hang on... I've gotta take this.
Duct tape is like the force.
It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.
What is in the redneck's toolkit?
- Duct tape
- WD40
- Coathanger
These solve every problem around the house and in the family.
My doctor says I have antisocial personality disorder.
At least, I think that's what he said. It was a bit hard to hear him through the duct tape.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the duct tape ducts jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working duct tape hose piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.