Duct Tape Jokes
58 duct tape jokes and hilarious duct tape puns to laugh out loud. Read bar jokes about duct tape that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of hilarious duct tape jokes. From clever quips to silly one-liners, we've got something to tickle everyone's funny bone. So grab some duct tape and get ready to giggle!
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Funniest Duct Tape Short Jokes
Short duct tape jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The duct tape humour may include short duck tape jokes also.
- Kid: Waaaahhhhh! MY TOY IS BROKEN! Dad: Nothing a little duct tape can't fix.
Kid: mrnm... mmrm.. rnmr... - What's the best thing about a roll of duct tape? It turns "no no no!" into "Mmm, mmm, mmmm"
- 3 steps to fix anything 1. Try duct tape, if that doesn't work, see 2
2. Try gorilla glue, if that doesn't work, see 3
3. Try J.B. Weld, if that doesn't work, C4 - My uncle always believed that "Between duct tape and WD-40 you can fix just about anything." I still can't believe it took seven years before he lost his medical license.
- Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.
- One day a bunch of bullies came and duct taped me to a wall, but I had a good friend who tried and stop them. He stuck by my side.
- My dad was a stubborn man. He couldn't understand why you shouldn't install a ceiling fan with duct tape. And then it hit him.
- Duct Tape is like The Force... It has a dark side, and a light side, and it holds the universe together.
- My doctor says I have antisocial personality disorder. At least, I think that's what he said. It was a bit hard to hear him through the duct tape.
- What"s the best thing about duct tape? It makes them go from "NO, NO, NO!" To "Mmmmmm, Mmmmm, Mmmmm" -Super Dave Osborn
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Duct Tape One Liners
Which duct tape one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with duct tape? I can suggest the ones about tapes and cable tie.
- What makes a girl go "Mmmmmmmmmm"? Duct Tape.
- What turns "No, no, no" into "Mmmmmmm"? Duct tape.
- Duct tape; turning "no-no-no" into "mm-mm-mm" since 1942.
- Why I love duct tape? It can turn "No, no no!" into "mmph, mmmph, mmmph"
- Silence is golden... ... duct tape is silver.
- Silence is golden Duct tape is silver
- Consent is golden. Duct tape is sliver. And sometimes, you gotta come in second place.
- You Can use Duct Tape to Fix Any Thing Except Depression
- I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
- I'm already visualising the duct tape across your mouth.
- Why do wrap duct tape around a goose?
- What's the best thing to make her go Hmmmmmmmmmmmm... Duct tape
- Why did they nail Christ to the cross? Because they had run out of duct tape.
- Why do people duct tape gerbils?
- Man: "Some duct tape can be useful in every situation" Woman: *quiet*
Gather Around for Heartwarming Duct Tape Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about duct tape you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tape measure jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make duct tape pranks.
The fishing trip
So four high school friends have gone fishing together every year for the last two decades. That was until this year, when Jim had to inform the group he couldn't make it.
"Look, it's the wife. She's been saying I haven't been spending enough time with her."
Of course, the others were upset but told him they couldn't rearrange all the schedules to make it work out this year, so they stuck to the date.
The morning of trip, the guys are unloading on the dock when Jim comes running up with his stuff.
"What's the deal, Jim?" asked one of the fishermen.
"So I came home from work last night and I found my wife in the bedroom. She was laying down with a spool of rope, some duct tape and a ball-gag, and told me how she's been reading *50 Shades of Grey*. She told me to tie her up and do anything I want. So, uhh, here I am!"
What does duct tape and the Force have in common?
They have a light side and a dark side and they keep the universe together.
I heard Bill Cosby made a s**... tape....
Twice as strong as duct tape.
Duct Tape Won't Fix s**....
But it will gag the sound.
You'd be surprised how easy it is to pick up girls
All it takes is a respectful attitude, a low key v**..., a breezy sense of humour, a nice beard, duct tape, and a baseball bat.
Have you heard that duct tape can be used as an aphrodisiac?
It turns "NO! NO! NO!" into "MMM! MMM! MMM!"
You know what they say about duct tape...
It makes no..no..no sound like mh..mh..mh
Credit to my coworker for that one.
Gorilla tape isn't stronger than duct tape anymore because...
... They shot and killed it.
I had a blind date last night
At least I think it was a date. The blindfold and duct tape was a bit different.
Building in Antarctica is difficult!
No matter what I tried I couldn't get my house to stay together. I tried concrete, brick and mortar, even duct tape! I finally found something that worked though, it was quite simple, igloo'd it together.
Whats the difference between Scientists and Engineers?
Scientists use complex formulas to solve the problem, and engineers use duct tape.
My mom asked me to paint her room for her.
Apparently duct taping spray paint cans to a roomba Is not helping and why we don't love you anymore
How low is my self esteem?
Well, I'm pretty sure the fbi guy who's responsible for watching me put duct tape on his screen.
Did you hear about the insect transport plane that crashed into the Duct factory?
Don't worry, it's all caught on tape
My Wife was yelling at me last night.
Thank god she was! It reminded me we ran out of duct tape.
Today I repaired my laptop with camouflage duct tape.
Now all of my browsing will be incognito
Dapper Laughs r**... joke
I filmed six episodes, half an hour each, if it was a guide to r**..., it would have done one five-minute episode, come on and go:
Oi Oi, I'm Dapper Laughs, go down the shops, get some rope, bit of duct tape, r**... the b**..., well done, see you later !
Somebody said something that stuck with me
It might have just been the duct tape on his mouth, though
My attempt to translate joke from my language.
Two men are sitting on the river bank, fishing.
Hedgehog walks out of the woods.
-Hey, guys! Do you have a duct tape?
-Nope...
Hedgehog goes away.
Two hours later hedgehog emerges again.
-Hey, guys! I got a duct tape for you!
If duct taping a Matchbox Trans Am to one's ear and pretending it's a Bluetooth device is wrong, then maybe—
hang on... I've gotta take this.
A duck walks into a store
Got any duct tape?
The owner answers, no, and get out of here, you dumb duck!
The duck comes back in a little while later, wearing a fake mustache. Got any duct tape?
NO! And get out, I won't tell you again, the owner shouts.
A while later, the duck comes back with a hat and glasses. Got any duct tape?
No, you s**... duck!!! And if you ask me again, I'll staple your beak to the floor!
The duck pauses.
Got any staples?
Err... no...
Got any duct tape?
What is in the r**...'s toolkit?
- Duct tape
- WD40
- Coathanger
These solve every problem around the house and in the family.
