Duct Tape Jokes
58 duct tape jokes and hilarious duct tape puns to laugh out loud. Read bar jokes about duct tape that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of hilarious duct tape jokes. From clever quips to silly one-liners, we've got something to tickle everyone's funny bone. So grab some duct tape and get ready to giggle!
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Funniest Duct Tape Short Jokes
Short duct tape jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The duct tape humour may include short duck tape jokes also.
- Kid: Waaaahhhhh! MY TOY IS BROKEN! Dad: Nothing a little duct tape can't fix.
Kid: mrnm... mmrm.. rnmr... - What's the best thing about a roll of duct tape? It turns "no no no!" into "Mmm, mmm, mmmm"
- 3 steps to fix anything 1. Try duct tape, if that doesn't work, see 2
2. Try gorilla glue, if that doesn't work, see 3
3. Try J.B. Weld, if that doesn't work, C4 - My uncle always believed that "Between duct tape and WD-40 you can fix just about anything." I still can't believe it took seven years before he lost his medical license.
- Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.
- One day a bunch of bullies came and duct taped me to a wall, but I had a good friend who tried and stop them. He stuck by my side.
- My dad was a stubborn man. He couldn't understand why you shouldn't install a ceiling fan with duct tape. And then it hit him.
- My doctor says I have antisocial personality disorder. At least, I think that's what he said. It was a bit hard to hear him through the duct tape.
- If duct taping a Matchbox Trans Am to one's ear and pretending it's a Bluetooth device is wrong, then maybe— hang on... I've gotta take this.
- Did you hear about the insect transport plane that crashed into the Duct factory? Don't worry, it's all caught on tape
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Duct Tape One Liners
Which duct tape one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with duct tape? I can suggest the ones about cable tie and tape measure.
- What makes a girl go "Mmmmmmmmmm"? Duct Tape.
- What turns "No, no, no" into "Mmmmmmm"? Duct tape.
- Duct tape; turning "no-no-no" into "mm-mm-mm" since 1942.
- Why I love duct tape? It can turn "No, no no!" into "mmph, mmmph, mmmph"
- Consent is golden. Duct tape is sliver. And sometimes, you gotta come in second place.
- You Can use Duct Tape to Fix Any Thing Except Depression
- Why do wrap duct tape around a goose?
- What's the best thing to make her go Hmmmmmmmmmmmm... Duct tape
- Why did they nail Christ to the cross? Because they had run out of duct tape.
- Why do people duct tape gerbils?
- Man: "Some duct tape can be useful in every situation" Woman: *quiet*
- Why do you wrap hamsters in duct tape?
- What do you call Quicksilver when he's duct taping people's mouths? A running gag.
- If GHB had a voice... it'd sound like duct tape.
- I heard Bill Cosby made a s**... tape.... Twice as strong as duct tape.
Gather Around for Heartwarming Duct Tape Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about duct tape you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean plastic wrap jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make duct tape pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
The fishing trip
So four high school friends have gone fishing together every year for the last two decades. That was until this year, when Jim had to inform the group he couldn't make it.
"Look, it's the wife. She's been saying I haven't been spending enough time with her."
Of course, the others were upset but told him they couldn't rearrange all the schedules to make it work out this year, so they stuck to the date.
The morning of trip, the guys are unloading on the dock when Jim comes running up with his stuff.
"What's the deal, Jim?" asked one of the fishermen.
"So I came home from work last night and I found my wife in the bedroom. She was laying down with a spool of rope, some duct tape and a ball-gag, and told me how she's been reading *50 Shades of Grey*. She told me to tie her up and do anything I want. So, uhh, here I am!"
AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES : THESE REALLY WORK!!
AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES : THESE REALLY WORK!!
1. TO AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES, GET SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2 TO AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT- USE THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. [REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.]
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES - YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE – OIL AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE OIL. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS.
Man....that could have been me!
I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business and patiently waiting for it to turn green. Suddenly, a carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting Anti-American slogans with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, pulled up next to me.
They had a wild-eyed look as they yelled "Allah HuAkbar! Praise Allah! Death to America" & waved their fists at me. Then they took off before the light changed.
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran right over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man....that could have been me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Duct Tape Won't Fix s**....
But it will gag the sound.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You'd be surprised how easy it is to pick up girls
All it takes is a respectful attitude, a low key v**..., a breezy sense of humour, a nice beard, duct tape, and a baseball bat.
Have you heard that duct tape can be used as an aphrodisiac?
It turns "NO! NO! NO!" into "MMM! MMM! MMM!"
You know what they say about duct tape...
It makes no..no..no sound like mh..mh..mh
Gorilla tape isn't stronger than duct tape anymore because...
... They shot and killed it.
I had a blind date last night
At least I think it was a date. The blindfold and duct tape was a bit different.
Building in Antarctica is difficult!
No matter what I tried I couldn't get my house to stay together. I tried concrete, brick and mortar, even duct tape! I finally found something that worked though, it was quite simple, igloo'd it together.
Whats the difference between Scientists and Engineers?
Scientists use complex formulas to solve the problem, and engineers use duct tape.
My mom asked me to paint her room for her.
Apparently duct taping spray paint cans to a roomba Is not helping and why we don't love you anymore
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Duct Tape
Duct tape is the best s**... aid ever invented. I've never had a no when using it. It's like it's turn 'no no no' into 'mmmm mmm mm'
How low is my self esteem?
Well, I'm pretty sure the fbi guy who's responsible for watching me put duct tape on his screen.
My Wife was yelling at me last night.
Thank god she was! It reminded me we ran out of duct tape.
Today I repaired my laptop with camouflage duct tape.
Now all of my browsing will be incognito
I like it when my wife makes Christmas shopping easy.
This year she said she wants a gun, Duct tape, some rope, and a large sturdy bag. Can't wait to see what she gets me
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dapper Laughs r**... joke
I filmed six episodes, half an hour each, if it was a guide to r**..., it would have done one five-minute episode, come on and go:
Oi Oi, I'm Dapper Laughs, go down the shops, get some rope, bit of duct tape, r**... the b**..., well done, see you later !
Somebody said something that stuck with me
It might have just been the duct tape on his mouth, though
My attempt to translate joke from my language.
Two men are sitting on the river bank, fishing.
Hedgehog walks out of the woods.
-Hey, guys! Do you have a duct tape?
-Nope...
Hedgehog goes away.
Two hours later hedgehog emerges again.
-Hey, guys! I got a duct tape for you!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A duck walks into a store
Got any duct tape?
The owner answers, no, and get out of here, you dumb duck!
The duck comes back in a little while later, wearing a fake mustache. Got any duct tape?
NO! And get out, I won't tell you again, the owner shouts.
A while later, the duck comes back with a hat and glasses. Got any duct tape?
No, you s**... duck!!! And if you ask me again, I'll staple your beak to the floor!
The duck pauses.
Got any staples?
Err... no...
Got any duct tape?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is in the r**...'s toolkit?
- Duct tape
- WD40
- Coathanger
These solve every problem around the house and in the family.
