Duct Jokes
66 duct jokes and hilarious duct puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about duct that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Duct Short Jokes
Short duct jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The duct humour may include short dock jokes also.
- Kid: Waaaahhhhh! MY TOY IS BROKEN! Dad: Nothing a little duct tape can't fix.
Kid: mrnm... mmrm.. rnmr... - What's the best thing about a roll of duct tape? It turns "no no no!" into "Mmm, mmm, mmmm"
- 3 steps to fix anything 1. Try duct tape, if that doesn't work, see 2
2. Try gorilla glue, if that doesn't work, see 3
3. Try J.B. Weld, if that doesn't work, C4 - My uncle always believed that "Between duct tape and WD-40 you can fix just about anything." I still can't believe it took seven years before he lost his medical license.
- Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.
- My gf and I are removing old ducting from our house that contains asbestos. She asked if the workers will for sure be able to get rid of it all. I told her they'll do asbestos they can!
- One day a bunch of bullies came and duct taped me to a wall, but I had a good friend who tried and stop them. He stuck by my side.
- My dad was a stubborn man. He couldn't understand why you shouldn't install a ceiling fan with duct tape. And then it hit him.
- I just got a job cleaning air ducts and I don't like it very much, but at least I have a job. Thanks for letting me vent.
- My doctor says I have antisocial personality disorder. At least, I think that's what he said. It was a bit hard to hear him through the duct tape.
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Duct One Liners
Which duct one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with duct? I can suggest the ones about tube and vent.
- What makes a girl go "Mmmmmmmmmm"? Duct Tape.
- What turns "No, no, no" into "Mmmmmmm"? Duct tape.
- Duct tape; turning "no-no-no" into "mm-mm-mm" since 1942.
- What do you call a simian that lives inside a ventilation system? Duct-ape
- Why I love duct tape? It can turn "No, no no!" into "mmph, mmmph, mmmph"
- What did the motivational speaker say to the duct? You conduit!
- Consent is golden. Duct tape is sliver. And sometimes, you gotta come in second place.
- What happens if you incarcerate a man inside a duct? He gets inducted.
- You Can use Duct Tape to Fix Any Thing Except Depression
- Why do wrap duct tape around a goose?
- My job is to clean ducts.... It's not very aventful
- What's the best thing to make her go Hmmmmmmmmmmmm... Duct tape
- Why did they nail Christ to the cross? Because they had run out of duct tape.
- Why do people duct tape gerbils?
- Man: "Some duct tape can be useful in every situation" Woman: *quiet*
Duct Tape Jokes
Here is a list of funny duct tape jokes and even better duct tape puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If duct taping a Matchbox Trans Am to one's ear and pretending it's a Bluetooth device is wrong, then maybe— hang on... I've gotta take this.
- Did you hear about the insect transport plane that crashed into the Duct factory? Don't worry, it's all caught on tape
- My mom asked me to paint her room for her. Apparently duct taping spray paint cans to a roomba Is not helping and why we don't love you anymore
- My Wife was yelling at me last night. Thank god she was! It reminded me we ran out of duct tape.
- Have you heard that duct tape can be used as an aphrodisiac? It turns "NO! NO! NO!" into "MMM! MMM! MMM!"
- How low is my self esteem? Well, I'm pretty sure the fbi guy who's responsible for watching me put duct tape on his screen.
- I had a blind date last night At least I think it was a date. The blindfold and duct tape was a bit different.
- Whats the difference between Scientists and Engineers? Scientists use complex formulas to solve the problem, and engineers use duct tape.
- Gorilla tape isn't stronger than duct tape anymore because... ... They shot and killed it.
- Somebody said something that stuck with me It might have just been the duct tape on his mouth, though
Witty Duct Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about duct you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make duct pranks.
An old man is sitting on his porch...
And sees two younger boys walking by with cat tails under their arms
Curious the old man asked where they were going with the cat tails.
"We are going to catch some cats"
"You can't catch cats with cat tails that's not going to work" says the older man.
And the kids go on their way. About an hour later the boys walk by the old mans house with a bunch of cats under their arms
The next day the same 2 boys are walking by with duct tape under their arms and the older man asks again what they are doin.
"We are going to catch some ducks"
"You can't catch ducks with duct tape boys that's not going to work" says the older man.
And the kids go on their way. About 2 hours go by and sure enough the kids walk by the old mans house with ducks under their arms.
The next day the old mans sees the same 2 boys carrying a plant under each arm, the older man stands up and asked what they had this Time.
"These are pussywillows"
The old man then stands up "I'll go get my hat."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I heard Bill Cosby made a s**... tape....
Twice as strong as duct tape.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Duct Tape Won't Fix s**....
But it will gag the sound.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You'd be surprised how easy it is to pick up girls
All it takes is a respectful attitude, a low key v**..., a breezy sense of humour, a nice beard, duct tape, and a baseball bat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've come a long way
since attaching a big jet propeller to my s**... duct
You know what they say about duct tape...
It makes no..no..no sound like mh..mh..mh
Building in Antarctica is difficult!
No matter what I tried I couldn't get my house to stay together. I tried concrete, brick and mortar, even duct tape! I finally found something that worked though, it was quite simple, igloo'd it together.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Duct Tape
Duct tape is the best s**... aid ever invented. I've never had a no when using it. It's like it's turn 'no no no' into 'mmmm mmm mm'
Today I repaired my laptop with camouflage duct tape.
Now all of my browsing will be incognito
I like it when my wife makes Christmas shopping easy.
This year she said she wants a gun, Duct tape, some rope, and a large sturdy bag. Can't wait to see what she gets me
My attempt to translate joke from my language.
Two men are sitting on the river bank, fishing.
Hedgehog walks out of the woods.
-Hey, guys! Do you have a duct tape?
-Nope...
Hedgehog goes away.
Two hours later hedgehog emerges again.
-Hey, guys! I got a duct tape for you!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A duck walks into a store
Got any duct tape?
The owner answers, no, and get out of here, you dumb duck!
The duck comes back in a little while later, wearing a fake mustache. Got any duct tape?
NO! And get out, I won't tell you again, the owner shouts.
A while later, the duck comes back with a hat and glasses. Got any duct tape?
No, you s**... duck!!! And if you ask me again, I'll staple your beak to the floor!
The duck pauses.
Got any staples?
Err... no...
Got any duct tape?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is in the r**...'s toolkit?
- Duct tape
- WD40
- Coathanger
These solve every problem around the house and in the family.
