Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"
I don't know either but it's in my kitchen please help.
Now they yell Donald, duck
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Leave it in the oven till it's Bill Withers.
Their buttquacks.
Qwack
The Secret Service will have to yell "Donald duck!"
Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: No mate, this is a bar
Duck: Got any bread ?
Barman: No I've told you, we don't have bread here!
Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: Look, if you ask me that again I'm going to nail your beak to the bar.
Duck: Got any nails?
Barman: No.
Duck: Got any bread?
And orders a hundred bottles of scotch.
The bartender says, "That's gonna be pretty expensive. How are you gonna pay for all that liquor?"
The duck replies, "Just put it on my tab."
A nearby bar patron cheekily says, "Don't you mean 'put it on my bill'?"
The duck says to the bartender, "Okay, put it on his bill."
Donald duck!
69p964IMkW4LC8CTaGEu39vtjH6ldFvlhy3KDsFFcpPoeZT8X1vyheWrANInWE69p964IMkW4LC8CTaGEu39vtjH6ldFvlhy3KDsFFcpPoeZT8X1vyheWrANInWE69p964IMkW4LC8CTaGEu39vtjH6ldFvlhy3KDsFFcpPoeZT8X1vyheWrANInWE69p964IMkW4LC8CTaGEu39vtjH6ldFvlhy3KDsFFcpPoeZT8X1vyheWrANInWE69p964IMk
If anyone wants to come on down.
Friend "i dont know"
Me "mickey mouse"
Me "what do you call a duck on 2 legs"
Friend "donald duck"
Me " all ducks idiot"
Now they're required to say "Donald, duck!"
Put it on my bill.
Three animals walk into a bar; A duck,a skunk and a deer. They go up to the bar and order 3 drinks. "5 dollars" Says the bartender. The deer looks at the duck and says "I don't have a buck to my name!" the skunk cries "I have no money, not even a scent!" but the duck says to the bartender "It's alright, just put it on my bill".
His but-quack.
The man at the front desk asks, "Would you like me to put this on your bill, sir?"
The duck replies, "No, what sort of pervert do you think I am?!"
Quack.
Now they just say "Donald, duck"
His phone wings
"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."
The bartender says, "Hey! Get that pig out of here!"
The lady scoffs and tells the bartender, "This isn't a pig, it's a duck." To which the bartender replies, "I was talkin' to the duck!"
Now they yell "Donald Duck!"
An abduction.
I'll quietly leave through this conveniently placed door.
1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!
Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers
Fired and blacklisted from the genetics industry.
A quackhead.
She's going for the ribs.
I might try a duck.
He became a quack head
He crashes into the bedroom reeking of booze, with a duck under his arm.
"What the hell's going on, Steve?" asks the woman.
"What do you think of the pig?"
"That's not a pig, it's a duck."
"I wasn't talking to you."
...you'd think the second one would duck.
God tells the men that if they do not step on a duck, he will give them a hot wife. The first man goes and steps on a duck and is taken to his ugly wife.
The second man does the same and is also taken to an ugly wife.
The third man was determined not to do anything so he didn't move. Eventually God came back with a hot woman and the man asked, "What did I do to deserve this?"
God replied, "You did nothing, she just stepped on a duck."
Now they have to yell, "Donald, duck!"
A chicken walks up to him and says Don't do it, you'll never hear the end of it.
Are you thucking thupid I'll thuffocate.
Nothing flashy, but it fits the bill.
Three women die in a car accident and go to heaven when they are at the gate god tells them that there is only one rule and that is that you may not step on a duck. They women enter and do their best to enjoy heaven while being cautious about where they step for there are ducks everywhere. After about a week one of the three women steps on a duck and suddenly this old, smelly, repulsive and hairy man is chained to her for life. This only makes the other women more careful and another month passes by when a second of the three women steps on a duck. Then chained to her is a man more repulsive then the first. The third woman becomes ever so cautious and make it a whole year without treading upon a duck. Chained to her is a handsom, muscular and wonderful gentleman. She says to him "What happened to you?" he replies " I stepped on a duck..."
...a doctor, a lawyer and an accountant, a Brit, a German and an American, a priest, a rabbi, two camels and a duck walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them all and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
They duck into an abandoned warehouse, each find a an empty sack, and climb into it.
Cops follow and poke the bag with the brunette. The brunette goes woof! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of dogs, and walks on.
They poke the bag with the redhead. The redhead goes meow! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of cats, and walks on.
They poke the bag with the blonde and the blonde goes Potato. Potato.
In to mmm mmm mmm
If someone shoots at him, they will yell "Donald Duck, Donald Duck"
Instead of yelling "Get down!" they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
He got hooked on the quack.
when I realized that a duckling is a small duck. So I decided to cancel my order of steamed dumplings.
Three women die in an accident and go to Heaven. There Saint Peter says, 'We only have one rule - don't step on the ducks!' They enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks everywhere. In fact, it's almost impossible not to step on a duck, and the first woman accidently steps on one straight away. Saint Peter comes along with the ugliest man the woman has ever seen and chains them together saying, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!' The next day, the second woman steps on a duck and she too is chained to an incredibly ugly man. The third woman is very, very careful with the ducks and manages to avoid stepping on any of them. One day Saint Peter comes along and chains her to an incredibly handsome man. The woman is delighted but wonders why she's been blessed. She gets on her knees and prays aloud, 'Oh Lord, what have I done to deserve this bounty?' The man says, 'I don't know about you, lady, but I trod on a duck.'
"Quack!"
The bill was huge!
The first duck goes up to the platform and the judge says, "Okay why are you here and tell me your name." The duck says, "My name is Quack and I was found blowing bubbles in the pond." The judge says, "Okay you're sentenced to six months."
A second duck walks up to the stand and the judge says, "Tell me your name and why you are here." The duck says, "My name is Quack Quack and I was caught blowing bubbles in the pond too." The judge says, "Alright you're sentenced to six months too just like the other guy."
The third duck walks up to the stand and the judge says, "Don't tell me your name is Quack Quack Quack." The duck goes, "No your honor, I'm Bubbles."
...when a drunk staggered up to her and said, "Hey, where'd ja get the pig?" The woman replied, "You drunken fool, that's no pig -- it's a duck!" And the drunk said, "Quiet, woman , I was talking to the duck!"
A man and his wife arrive from a business trip and
go to his favorite steakhouse unaware of the mad cow outbreak in his town. The waiter sits them and says, "Our special today is duck or shrimp."
The man replies, "I want a T-bone steak medium well."
The waiter, a bit miffed continues, "What about the mad cow?"
The man looks at the waiter and says, "She can order for herself."
Don't do it, pal, the chicken says, you'll never hear the end of it.
Grandpa was a keen country sportsman and one day he decided to take his grandson shooting with him. Togged up in all his hunting gear, shotgun broken across his forearm, he proudly led little Jimmy down to the lake side. After waiting patiently for a while a lone duck came into view flying over the lake. "Now watch this Jimmy," says Grandpa. He takes careful aim and fires. The duck flies serenely on. "My boy," exclaims Grandpa, "you are witnessing a miracle. There flies a dead duck."
They are greeted by st. Peter at the pearly gates. He welcomes them and then says "But be careful, there are lots of ducks in heaven. If you step on any you will be punished". The girls go in and the first one steps on a duck right away and the ugliest man in existence gets chained to her for eternity. The second girl steps on a duck after about a week and the second ugliest man is chained to her for eternity. The third girl, however, never steps on a duck and the most beautiful man she had ever seen was chained to her. "What did I do to deserve such a nice thing?" she asks God. God looks at her and says, "He stepped on a duck."
An old man is sitting on his front porch when a young boy comes walking by with several rolls of tape in his arms.
"Now son, whatcha doin' with that tape?" asks the old man.
"Well sir, it's duck tape. I'm going to go catch some ducks." replies the boy.
Old man laughs and watches the boy continue down the road.
Several hours later the boy walks back by the old mans house with tape strung out behind him. Stuck to the tape are several ducks.
"I'll be damned," thinks the old man.
The next day the same boy walks back by the old mans house carrying rolls of wire.
"Hey son, what's with the wire?"
"Well sir, it's chicken wire. Imma catch me some chickens."
Kid continues on and returns several hours later dragging the wire behind him. Stuck in the wire were several chickens.
"Kid is something else," thinks the old man.
Next day kid comes walking up the road carrying a bundle of sticks.
"Hey son, what's with the sticks?"
"Well sir, it's pussywillow..."
Old man interrupts, "Hold on, I'll get my hat."
Quark Quark
Cars zoomed past the duck while he waited for a break in traffic. A chicken walked up to him and said "Don't do it, man. You'll never hear the end of it."
The first duck gets up on the stand, the judge says "Tell me your name and what you did wrong." The first duck says "my name is Quack, and I got busted for blowing bubbles in the pond." Judge says "Ok, you go to jail for 3 days."
The second duck gets on the stand and the judge asks the same thing. The duck says "My name is Quack Quack, and I got caught blowing bubbles in the pond." The judge sends him to jail for 3 days.
The third duck gets up on the stand and the judge says "Let me guess, your name is Quack Quack Quack?" The duck says "Nah, I'm Bubbles."
Two statisticians are out hunting when one of them sees a duck. The first takes aim and shoots, but the bullet goes sailing pass 6in too high. The second statistician also takes aim and shoots, but this time the bullet goes sailing past 6in too low. The two statisticians then give one another high fives and exclaim "Got him!"
a duck walks into a bar wearing a shoe. the bartender says, "so you lost a shoe?" and the duck says, "no, i found one"
He swoops down and picks up a loon. "I'm a loon, I'm a loon, I love to spoon."
The eagle realizes this will not work, so he kicks the loon out and finds a hawk. "I'm a hawk, I'm a hawk, I just want to talk."
Realizing that that will not work, he kicks out the hawk and finds a dove. "I'm a dove, I'm a dove, I don't make love."
Frustrated now at three failed attempts, the eagle kicks out the dove and picks up a duck. "I'm a drake, I'm a drake, you made a mistake!"
Donald!! Duck!!!
The Judge calls up the first duck
Judge: "state your name and your offense."
Duck 1: "My name is Quack and I blew bubbles at the pond."
Judge: "okay 1 week community service and off you go."
Judge calls up the second duck
Judge: "State your name and your offense."
Duck 2: "My name is Quack Quack and I blew bubbles at the pond."
Judge: "okay, same sentence. Now, off you go."
Judge calls up the third duck
Judge: "Dont tell me your name is Quack Quack Quack and you blew bubbles at the pond too"
Duck 3: "Nope! My name is Bubbles."
We have collected gags and puns about Duck to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Duck? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Duck pick up lines to share with friends.