Following is our collection of funny Duck jokes. There are some duck stepping on ducks jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these duck oregon duck puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Three women die in a car accident and go to heaven when they are at the gate god tells them that there is only one rule and that is that you may not step on a duck. They women enter and do their best to enjoy heaven while being cautious about where they step for there are ducks everywhere. After about a week one of the three women steps on a duck and suddenly this old, smelly, repulsive and hairy man is chained to her for life. This only makes the other women more careful and another month passes by when a second of the three women steps on a duck. Then chained to her is a man more repulsive then the first. The third woman becomes ever so cautious and make it a whole year without treading upon a duck. Chained to her is a handsom, muscular and wonderful gentleman. She says to him "What happened to you?" he replies " I stepped on a duck..."
His but-quack.
Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers
In to mmm mmm mmm
Three animals walk into a bar; A duck,a skunk and a deer. They go up to the bar and order 3 drinks. "5 dollars" Says the bartender. The deer looks at the duck and says "I don't have a buck to my name!" the skunk cries "I have no money, not even a scent!" but the duck says to the bartender "It's alright, just put it on my bill".
Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: No mate, this is a bar
Duck: Got any bread ?
Barman: No I've told you, we don't have bread here!
Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: Look, if you ask me that again I'm going to nail your beak to the bar.
Duck: Got any nails?
Barman: No.
Duck: Got any bread?
Qwack
An abduction.
I'll quietly leave through this conveniently placed door.
Put it on my bill.
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God tells the men that if they do not step on a duck, he will give them a hot wife. The first man goes and steps on a duck and is taken to his ugly wife.
The second man does the same and is also taken to an ugly wife.
The third man was determined not to do anything so he didn't move. Eventually God came back with a hot woman and the man asked, "What did I do to deserve this?"
God replied, "You did nothing, she just stepped on a duck."
You can explore duck geese reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean duck quackamole dad jokes. There are also duck puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
He crashes into the bedroom reeking of booze, with a duck under his arm.
"What the hell's going on, Steve?" asks the woman.
"What do you think of the pig?"
"That's not a pig, it's a duck."
"I wasn't talking to you."
Nothing flashy, but it fits the bill.
1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!
He became a quack head
Fired and blacklisted from the genetics industry.
If someone shoots at him, they will yell "Donald Duck, Donald Duck"
A quackhead.
The Secret Service will have to yell "Donald duck!"
Donald duck!
Now they're required to say "Donald, duck!"
Now they just say "Donald, duck"
Their buttquacks.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Leave it in the oven till it's Bill Withers.
Now they yell "Donald Duck!"
Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"
And orders a hundred bottles of scotch.
The bartender says, "That's gonna be pretty expensive. How are you gonna pay for all that liquor?"
The duck replies, "Just put it on my tab."
A nearby bar patron cheekily says, "Don't you mean 'put it on my bill'?"
The duck says to the bartender, "Okay, put it on his bill."
...a doctor, a lawyer and an accountant, a Brit, a German and an American, a priest, a rabbi, two camels and a duck walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them all and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
Friend "i dont know"
Me "mickey mouse"
Me "what do you call a duck on 2 legs"
Friend "donald duck"
Me " all ducks idiot"
They duck into an abandoned warehouse, each find a an empty sack, and climb into it.
Cops follow and poke the bag with the brunette. The brunette goes woof! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of dogs, and walks on.
They poke the bag with the redhead. The redhead goes meow! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of cats, and walks on.
They poke the bag with the blonde and the blonde goes Potato. Potato.
Now they yell Donald, duck
If anyone wants to come on down.
Now they have to yell, "Donald, duck!"
"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."
I don't know either but it's in my kitchen please help.
Are you thucking thupid I'll thuffocate.
...you'd think the second one would duck.
The man at the front desk asks, "Would you like me to put this on your bill, sir?"
The duck replies, "No, what sort of pervert do you think I am?!"
She's going for the ribs.
I might try a duck.
A chicken walks up to him and says Don't do it, you'll never hear the end of it.
The bartender says, "Hey! Get that pig out of here!"
The lady scoffs and tells the bartender, "This isn't a pig, it's a duck." To which the bartender replies, "I was talkin' to the duck!"
His phone wings
Quack.
Because he smoked to much quack
It's nothing flashy, but it fits the bill
If there is a crisis they have to say Donald, Duck!
I was contemplating the use of the comma when it hit me.
Donald, duck!
Quark!
It's a furry, cuz ducks shouldn't be talking
He had a quack addiction.
The bill
To Cover Their Butt Quack
I was walking past a farm and a sign said:
"Duck, Eggs"
I thought: That's an unnecessary comma - and then it hit me."
Have you got any bread
Barman: no sorry
Duck: have you got any bread
Barman: no
Duck: have you got any bread
Barman: look I haven't got any bread and if you ask again I'm gonna nail your beak to the bar
Duck: got any nails?
Barman: no
Duck: got any bread?
Teach a man to duck, and he'll avoid low-flying objects.
My wife went to the cinema with her friends last night and left me in charge of our two year old son.
She called me when she got there and said, "Is Jack ok?"
"He's absolutely fine," I replied, "He's in the bath at the moment, you've got nothing to worry about."
"Is he playing with his little yellow duck?" she asked.
I said, "I don't know, I can't see him from the pub."
His personal bodyguard sees him and shouts Mickey Mouse . This startles the assassin and he runs off in the other direction.
Trump turns to his bodyguard and says Thank you, but why did you yell Mickey Mouse The bodyguard replies Sorry Sir, I meant to say Donald, Duck.
Don't do it pal. You'll never hear the end of it!
The clerk looks at him and asks: 'Aren't you a vampire?'
The vampire says: 'Yes, I am.'
To that the clerk responds: 'Oh, then I have much better stuff for you than bread. I have bloody sausages, nice fresh liver, duck blood, pork blood - whatever you want!'
The vampire replies: 'No, thank you, I want just the bread.'
The clerk asks: 'OK, but tell me - why the bread? I never imagined vampires like bread so much.'
The vampire looks at him, leans closer and says: "There is a huge car crash at the intersection. I want to dip.'
Put it on my bill
To cover their butt quacks.
.....I'll gather your upvotes and see my way out.
When a chicken runs out to stop him screaming "Don't do it man - you'll never hear the end of it!"
Bill-able hours
A quack head
Put it in the microwave until its bill withers
One duck says "quack".
The other duck says "Hey, I was just going to say that!"
is called an abduction
Sir! What kind of a duck do you think I am?!
How do you know?
There's a quack in the bumper.
He was a quack dealer.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the duck duck hunting jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working duck lame duck piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.