Duck Hunting Jokes
22 duck hunting jokes and hilarious duck hunting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about duck hunting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Duck Hunting Short Jokes
Short duck hunting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The duck hunting humour may include short duck hunt jokes also.
- After a long day of duck hunting I was famished... so I decided to sit down, put my feet up, and have my favorite snack... Cheese and quackers.
- 3 Texas men missing while duck hunting found dead. The incident is under investigation, but officials do not expect fowl play.
- I saw a good friend shot in the head today we were at a popular hunting spot and he asked me what i liked to hunt. I said duck. In retrospect, i should have said 'duck'!
- So my friend went duck hunting the other day, but didn't get anything I told him it was alright. No harm no fowl.
- Two r**... are duck hunting 1: M R Ducks
2: A R Not
1: O S A R, C M E T B T Wangs?
2: L I B, M R Ducks!
Share These Duck Hunting Jokes With Friends
Duck Hunting One Liners
Which duck hunting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with duck hunting? I can suggest the ones about deer hunting and bear hunting.
- Why did the Duck flying in the sky get Shot? Michael J Fox was hunting rabbits.
- Hey, do you like Duck Hunt? What are you, a lesbian duck?
Great Duck Hunting Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about duck hunting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hunting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make duck hunting pranks.
Two statisticians are out hunting...
Two statisticians are out hunting when one of them sees a duck. The first takes aim and shoots, but the bullet goes sailing pass 6in too high. The second statistician also takes aim and shoots, but this time the bullet goes sailing past 6in too low. The two statisticians then give one another high fives and exclaim "Got him!"
I was out duck hunting with Olivia Wilde.
After a while, Olivia spotted a massive duck in the distance and insisted that I hunt it down.
I started to follow it, through bushes and brambles, woods and fields, over hills and through valleys, until finally, I caught up with it. The huge duck turned in my direction, honked and started running after me...
It was at that moment I realised, I wasn't pursuing a duck for Olivia, I was on a Wilde goose chase.
Two r**... went out duck hunting
After several hours one said to the other "Hey man; this s**...! How come we aint gettin' any ducks?"
And the second said "I 'unno man, maybe we aint throwin' the dog high enough!"
Four doctors are sitting in a boat in the reeds, duck hunting.
The family practitioner spots a flock of fowl flying overhead, turns to the specialist and says: "I think those are ducks. I need a second opinion."
The specialist says: "I can schedule you in for a consult in two months."
The surgeon picks up his shotgun. BLAM-BLAM-BLAM!!! Three of the birds fall down into the water. He turns to the pathologist and says: "Run a test on them, will you, and see if they're ducks."
A blonde comes back home from hunting
\- Have you hunted a lot?
\- Nope! Not a single duck!
\- But... There's plenty of ducks out there. How could it be?
\- Well, I don't know. Maybe I'm not throwing the dog high enough...
Buddy Hackett duck joke
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded,
"I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer Peter replied,
"This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said,
"I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said,
"Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alberta. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said,
"Okay, you old f**.... Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
My 6yo burned me....
I came home from hunting the other day to my family eating breakfast. As I came up to the table my daughter looks at me,
Hadley: Daddy I know where you've been.....
Me: You do? Did your momma tell you?
Hadley: Nope, but I can tell you've been hunting cause your wearing all camo
Me: Yep, you sure are smart. But it wasn't that great today I only shot two ducks......
Hadley: Well maybe if you didn't dress like a hunter you could get more animals (then rolls her eyes)......
......I've been doing it wrong for years
an oldie but a goodie
This farmer buys a dog to go duck hunting with. The first day out he shoots a duck and it falls in the lake. To his amazement the dog walks on the water over to the duck, picks it up and brings it back to the farmer.
To test his disbelief he shoots another one. Once again the dog walks over and retrieves the duck.
The next day the farmer takes his friend duck hunting. The farmer shoots one duck and his dog retrieves it in his unique way. His friend says nothing.
So the farmer shoots another duck and the dog retrieves it. Still his friend hasn't said a thing. So the farmer asks "Have you noticed anything unusual about my dog?"
"Yes" answered his friend, "he can't swim can he?"
Three doctors go on a duck hunt
One is family practice, the other is a radiologist, and the third is a surgeon. They see some birds way off in the distance.
The family practice doctor says, "They may be birds. They may be airplanes. We can't be sure, let's wait a bit and see if they look a little clearer later."
The radiologist says, "we can see in their shadows that they have two wings and two legs. Maybe it's ducks. Could be geese, or maybe quails."
The surgeon shoulders his rifle and shoots one out of the sky. He says, "I don't know what it is, but we got it. Now let's call the pathologist."
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog.
His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."
A lawyer hunting in the country shoots a duck...
...and it falls on the other side of a tall picket fence surrounding a rickety old house. As the lawyer is climbing over the fence, an old man comes scrambling out of the house yelling "That duck is on my property and it belongs to me!" The lawyer quickly retorts "I shot that duck! and if you make any move to take it from me I'll sue you for everything you own!" The old man says "Well hold on mister, down in this country we settle arguments with the old three kick rule. I kick you three times and you kick me three times until someone gives up." The lawyer, thinking he could easily take the old man, agrees. Immediately the old man kicks the lawyer once in the mouth, once in the stomach, and once in the groin, knocking him to the ground. The lawyer, after moaning for some time and still in quite a bit of pain, gets up and says "Alright old man, now it's my turn!" And the old man says "No I give up, you can have the duck."
A farmer and a hunter
A man is out hunting in the woods when he shoots a massive duck. The duck falls into a field owned by a local farmer. The farmer retrieves the duck but refuses to hand over the duck saying "Around here we have a little game to solve problems like this. Each person gets to kick the other is the c**... as hard as possible; the person who makes the least noise wins. Since the duck fell on my land I get to go first." The hunter eager to get his prize duck, accepts. The farmer proceeds to kick him with all of his might. The hunter collapses on the ground in agony but manages not to utter the tiniest whimper. After recovering he approaches the farmer and says "Now it's my turn, let's see if you can beat that!" To which the farmer replies "Nah it's okay you can have the duck."
The duck hunter
Grandpa was a keen country sportsman and one day he decided to take his grandson shooting with him. Togged up in all his hunting gear, shotgun broken across his forearm, he proudly led little Jimmy down to the lake side. After waiting patiently for a while a lone duck came into view flying over the lake. "Now watch this Jimmy," says Grandpa. He takes careful aim and fires. The duck flies serenely on. "My boy," exclaims Grandpa, "you are witnessing a miracle. There flies a dead duck."