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Duck Duck Jokes

115 duck duck jokes and hilarious duck duck puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about duck duck that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Duck Duck Short Jokes

Short duck duck jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The duck duck humour may include short jokes also.

  1. I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.. Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog...
  2. My 7 year old daughter just told me this one. I'm so proud. What did the duck say when he bought chapstick? Put it on my bill
  3. What has 6 eyes, 16 tentacles and quacks like a duck? I don't know either but it's in my kitchen please help.
  4. For my cake day, I'd like to share my favorite joke of all time. Three guys were walking down the street.
    Two of them walked into a bar.
    The third guy ducked.
  5. Bill Withers Duck joke How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
    Leave it in the oven till it's Bill Withers.
  6. I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus... It's nothing flashy, but it fits the bill
  7. So Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery. Daffy turns to Elmer and says: Is this Whiskey? Elmer says: Yeth but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank!!
  8. A chicken saw a duck standing by the side of the road. The chicken called out to the duck: Don't do it pal. You'll never hear the end of it!
  9. My son is walking through the house, shouting Duck! Duck! Duck! I told him to stop using fowl language.
  10. What do you call a mouse on 2 legs Friend "i dont know"
    Me "mickey mouse"
    Me "what do you call a duck on 2 legs"
    Friend "donald duck"
    Me " all ducks idiot"

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Duck Duck One Liners

Which duck duck one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with duck duck? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. Two blondes walk into a bar You'd think the second one would have ducked
  2. Where do duck farts come from? Their buttquacks.
  3. What do ducks smoke? Qwack
  4. There is only one thing I don't like about ordering duck in a Chinese restaurant The bill
  5. How do you properly greet a very fancy duck as you walk by? M'lard
  6. Do you know why the duck went to narcotics anonymous? He had a quack addiction.
  7. I think I hit a duck. How do you know?
    There's a quack in the bumper.
  8. What do ducks smoke? Quack.
  9. What is a duck's favorite sea monster? A Quacken
  10. What happens when you call a duck? His phone wings
  11. What do you call a drug-addicted duck? A quackhead.
  12. 2 guys walk into a bar.... ...you'd think the second one would duck.
  13. Why did the duck become broke and homeless? Because he smoked to much quack
  14. How does a duck carry his school books? Bwack pwack
  15. I bought a muzzle for my pet duck.... Nothing flashy, but it fits the bill.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about duck duck can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of duck duck puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Duck Duck Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about duck duck you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make duck duck prank.

I was at a Chinese restaurant...

when I realized that a duckling is a small duck. So I decided to cancel my order of steamed dumplings.

Three women and ducks

Three women die in a car accident and go to heaven when they are at the gate god tells them that there is only one rule and that is that you may not step on a duck. They women enter and do their best to enjoy heaven while being cautious about where they step for there are ducks everywhere. After about a week one of the three women steps on a duck and suddenly this old, smelly, repulsive and hairy man is chained to her for life. This only makes the other women more careful and another month passes by when a second of the three women steps on a duck. Then chained to her is a man more repulsive then the first. The third woman becomes ever so cautious and make it a whole year without treading upon a duck. Chained to her is a handsom, muscular and wonderful gentleman. She says to him "What happened to you?" he replies " I stepped on a duck..."

What about the mad cow?

A man and his wife arrive from a business trip and
go to his favorite steakhouse unaware of the mad cow outbreak in his town. The waiter sits them and says, "Our special today is duck or shrimp."
The man replies, "I want a T-bone steak medium well."
The waiter, a bit miffed continues, "What about the mad cow?"
The man looks at the waiter and says, "She can order for herself."

There are 2 ducks. One duck pulls his pants down. What does the other duck see?

His but-quack.

Genie with a flaw

A guy walks into a bar. He sets a bag onto the bar, orders three shots of whiskey, and slams them all back.
The bartender asks, "Hey buddy, what's the problem?"
The guy reaches into the bag, pulls out a little piano, then set it on the bar. He reaches back inside, pulls out a little stool, and sets it in front of the piano. He reaches in one more time, pulls out a little man, and sits him on the stool. The man then proceeds to play a wonderful sonata that fills the establishment and leaves the patrons in awe.
"Wow, that was great!" exclaimed the bartender. "Where'd you find this guy?"
The man reaches into the bag one last time and pulls out a lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says "Rub it."
The bartender rubs the lamp and a genie pops out. The genie says "I shall grant you one wish, whatever your heart desires."
"I want a million bucks!" the bartender shouts.
"It shall be done." And the genie disappears.
A minute later, a duck walks into the bar. And then another duck, and then another. Soon the bar is full of ducks.
"Hey buddy," the bartender says to the man. "I think your genie is a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
"Yeah," said the man. "Do you think I really asked for a twelve-inch pianist?"

How do you turn a duck into a blues singer?

Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers

Two cows are out grazing in a pasture.

One turns to the other and says, "Have you heard about this mad cow disease that's going around? Its pretty scary stuff."
The other cow nods and chews its cud thoughtfully. "I suppose it is pretty scary, but it doesn't affect us ducks."

Remember duck tape turns no no no...

In to mmm mmm mmm

A cute one I heard from a friend at work.

Three animals walk into a bar; A duck,a skunk and a deer. They go up to the bar and order 3 drinks. "5 dollars" Says the bartender. The deer looks at the duck and says "I don't have a buck to my name!" the skunk cries "I have no money, not even a scent!" but the duck says to the bartender "It's alright, just put it on my bill".

A farmer goes to the market to buy a rooster

He sees one he likes, so he asks the seller:"Is he any good for mating?"
"Oh, no problem there, he s**... every single chicken I had. He even tries to screw ducks, turkeys, even pigs!"
"Then why" asks the puzzled farmer "are you even selling him?"
"You see" answers the seller "lately he's been looking at me kinda funny."

Ducks

Three women die in an accident and go to Heaven. There Saint Peter says, 'We only have one rule - don't step on the ducks!' They enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks everywhere. In fact, it's almost impossible not to step on a duck, and the first woman accidently steps on one straight away. Saint Peter comes along with the ugliest man the woman has ever seen and chains them together saying, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!' The next day, the second woman steps on a duck and she too is chained to an incredibly ugly man. The third woman is very, very careful with the ducks and manages to avoid stepping on any of them. One day Saint Peter comes along and chains her to an incredibly handsome man. The woman is delighted but wonders why she's been blessed. She gets on her knees and prays aloud, 'Oh Lord, what have I done to deserve this bounty?' The man says, 'I don't know about you, lady, but I trod on a duck.'

A duck walks into a bar...

Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: No mate, this is a bar
Duck: Got any bread ?
Barman: No I've told you, we don't have bread here!
Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: Look, if you ask me that again I'm going to nail your beak to the bar.
Duck: Got any nails?
Barman: No.
Duck: Got any bread?

Little joke I thought of: What do you call a duck being kidnapped?

An abduction.
I'll quietly leave through this conveniently placed door.

What did the duck say to the p**...?

Put it on my bill.

A duck walks in to an alternative medicine practicioners office. Points a wing at him and says with a frown:

"Quack!"

So three ducks go to court...

The first duck goes up to the platform and the judge says, "Okay why are you here and tell me your name." The duck says, "My name is Quack and I was found blowing bubbles in the pond." The judge says, "Okay you're sentenced to six months."
A second duck walks up to the stand and the judge says, "Tell me your name and why you are here." The duck says, "My name is Quack Quack and I was caught blowing bubbles in the pond too." The judge says, "Alright you're sentenced to six months too just like the other guy."
The third duck walks up to the stand and the judge says, "Don't tell me your name is Quack Quack Quack." The duck goes, "No your honor, I'm Bubbles."

Three men die and go to heaven.

God tells the men that if they do not step on a duck, he will give them a hot wife. The first man goes and steps on a duck and is taken to his ugly wife.
The second man does the same and is also taken to an ugly wife.
The third man was determined not to do anything so he didn't move. Eventually God came back with a hot woman and the man asked, "What did I do to deserve this?"
God replied, "You did nothing, she just stepped on a duck."

A woman is woken up late one night to the sound of her husband coming home.

He crashes into the bedroom reeking of booze, with a duck under his arm.
"What the h**...'s going on, Steve?" asks the woman.
"What do you think of the pig?"
"That's not a pig, it's a duck."
"I wasn't talking to you."

I have adhd and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep...

1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!

What did the duck do after he lost his wife, his job, and his house?

He became a quack head

What do you get when you cross a duck with an octopus?

Fired and blacklisted from the genetics industry.

Trump's Secret Service is going to have a problem

If someone shoots at him, they will yell "Donald Duck, Donald Duck"

Micky Mouse isn't quick enough to avoid my punches.

But Donald ducks.

10-inch BIC

Two guys are out fishing on a boat when one of them wants to have a smoke.
1: You got a lighter?
2: Yes. *pulls out a 10 inch long BIC lighter*
1: Woah, where'd you get that!?
2: I have a personal genie.
1: Cool! Can I make a wish?
2: Sure, just be very clear, he's a bit hard of hearing. *Summons genie*
1: I wish for a million bucks!
*The genie snaps his fingers and a million ducks fly overhead.*
1: Wow, your genie really s**... at hearing.
2: I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC?

johnny in the math class

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is l**... her ice cream, one is s**... her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one s**... her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

A duck walks into a bar...

And orders a hundred bottles of scotch.
The bartender says, "That's gonna be pretty expensive. How are you gonna pay for all that liquor?"
The duck replies, "Just put it on my tab."
A nearby bar patron cheekily says, "Don't you mean 'put it on my bill'?"
The duck says to the bartender, "Okay, put it on his bill."

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead

...a doctor, a lawyer and an accountant, a Brit, a German and an American, a priest, a rabbi, two camels and a duck walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them all and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

A woman on her way home from market was carrying a duck...

...when a drunk staggered up to her and said, "Hey, where'd ja get the pig?" The woman replied, "You drunken fool, that's no pig -- it's a duck!" And the drunk said, "Quiet, woman , I was talking to the duck!"

I ordered giant duck at a fancy restaurant the other day

The bill was huge!

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the cops...

They duck into an abandoned warehouse, each find a an empty sack, and climb into it.
Cops follow and poke the bag with the brunette. The brunette goes woof! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of dogs, and walks on.
They poke the bag with the redhead. The redhead goes meow! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of cats, and walks on.
They poke the bag with the blonde and the blonde goes Potato. Potato.

Having a duck o**... at my house...

If anyone wants to come on down.

The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."

"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."

A duck was standing on the curb

Cars zoomed past the duck while he waited for a break in traffic. A chicken walked up to him and said "Don't do it, man. You'll never hear the end of it."

Daffy Duck was in a hotel room, he called room service and asks for a c**..., receptionist says shall we put it on your bill? Daffy replied.

Are you thucking thupid I'll thuffocate.

A duck orders a c**..., at a hotel...

The man at the front desk asks, "Would you like me to put this on your bill, sir?"
The duck replies, "No, what sort of pervert do you think I am?!"

A tourist in London was throwing bread to some ducks in a pond...

when a local woman approached him looking rather upset. She asked him how he could throw bread in the water for ducks when there were starving children in Africa? Wasn't it obvious that they could use that bread more than the ducks?
The man stood there for a short moment and responded to the woman saying, "I'm sorry ma'am, but I can't throw that far."

I'm currently on a restaurant date with a female boxer.

She's going for the ribs.
I might try a duck.

A Duck is standing on the side of the road waiting a for break in the traffic...

A chicken walks up to him and says Don't do it, you'll never hear the end of it.

Why did the duck need to sell himself?

He got hooked on the quack.

A lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm

The bartender says, "Hey! Get that pig out of here!"
The lady scoffs and tells the bartender, "This isn't a pig, it's a duck." To which the bartender replies, "I was talkin' to the duck!"

A chicken walks up to a duck that's considering crossing the road.

Don't do it, pal, the chicken says, you'll never hear the end of it.

Conspiracy theorists are like, If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

It's a government surveillance drone.

I realized that I can't take my dog to the park anymore. He keeps getting attacked by ducks.

I guess that's the last time I buy a pure bread dog.

The Secret Sevice is not allowed to tell the president to get down

If there is a crisis they have to say Donald, Duck!

Saw a sign at a farm that said, "duck, eggs."

I was contemplating the use of the comma when it hit me.

I can't take my dog to the park anymore. He keeps getting attacked by ducks.

I guess that's the last time I buy a pure bread dog.

What does a subatomic duck say?

Quark!

Autocorrect walks into a bar

DUCK!

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck...

It's a furry, cuz ducks shouldn't be talking

Why Do Ducks Have Tails

To Cover Their b**... Quack

I can't wait to move out of this ducking ghetto.

... we have too many quack addicts out here.

I ordered from this Chinese restaurant recently

(won't name them) went to pick it up and as I was driving back home heard the bags rustling and moving. I thought what on earth is that? Has something gotten into the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out.
Because I was driving at the time, I pulled over, leaned forward picked the bag up put it on the passenger seat and there it was again more rustling and little eyes looking out from the bag. I thought it's got to be a rat or mouse or something so I carefully pulled the bag open....And there it was ...
A peeking duck.

Punctuation Matters!

I was walking past a farm and a sign said:
"Duck, Eggs"
I thought: That's an unnecessary comma - and then it hit me."

A duck walks into a bar and asks the barman

Have you got any bread
Barman: no sorry
Duck: have you got any bread
Barman: no
Duck: have you got any bread
Barman: look I haven't got any bread and if you ask again I'm gonna nail your beak to the bar
Duck: got any nails?
Barman: no
Duck: got any bread?

Give a man a duck, and he'll eat for a night.

Teach a man to duck, and he'll avoid low-flying objects.

My wife went to the cinema with her friends

My wife went to the cinema with her friends last night and left me in charge of our two year old son.
She called me when she got there and said, "Is Jack ok?"
"He's absolutely fine," I replied, "He's in the bath at the moment, you've got nothing to worry about."
"Is he playing with his little yellow duck?" she asked.
I said, "I don't know, I can't see him from the pub."

An assassin is running towards Trump

His personal bodyguard sees him and shouts Mickey Mouse . This startles the assassin and he runs off in the other direction.
Trump turns to his bodyguard and says Thank you, but why did you yell Mickey Mouse The bodyguard replies Sorry Sir, I meant to say Donald, Duck.

A vampire walks into a grocery shop and asks for a bread.

The clerk looks at him and asks: 'Aren't you a vampire?'
The vampire says: 'Yes, I am.'
To that the clerk responds: 'Oh, then I have much better stuff for you than bread. I have b**... sausages, nice fresh liver, duck blood, pork blood - whatever you want!'
The vampire replies: 'No, thank you, I want just the bread.'
The clerk asks: 'OK, but tell me - why the bread? I never imagined vampires like bread so much.'
The vampire looks at him, leans closer and says: "There is a huge car c**... at the intersection. I want to dip.'

Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their b**... quacks.
.....I'll gather your upvotes and see my way out.

A Duck is about to cross the road

When a chicken runs out to stop him screaming "Don't do it man - you'll never hear the end of it!"

Don't worry if your phone corrects f**...' to 'duck'

You're still using fowl language.

What kind of duck uses drugs?

A quack head

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these duck duck jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.