Duck Bill Jokes
101 duck bill jokes and hilarious duck bill puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about duck bill that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Duck Bill Short Jokes
Short duck bill jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The duck bill humour may include short duck drug jokes also.
- My 7 year old daughter just told me this one. I'm so proud. What did the duck say when he bought chapstick? Put it on my bill
- Bill Withers Duck joke How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Leave it in the oven till it's Bill Withers. - I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus... It's nothing flashy, but it fits the bill
- A skunk, a deer and a duck went out to dinner… When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent and the deer didn't have a buck, so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
- A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, "Gimme some Chapstick... ...and put it on my bill."
- I think stimulus checks should also extend to all waterfowl. Because ducks have bills too, you know.
- A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck. He finishes his drink and asks for his check.
Duck billed platypus. - A handsome duck walks into a bar [OC I hope] The bartender takes one look at the duck and says I'm sorry, but I can't serve you.
The duck asks Why not?
Because you have an outstanding bill. - What's the difference between a lawyer and a duck? People sometimes get upset if you shoot a duck. The duck is much less greasy. BUT MOST IMPORTANT Nobody ever complains about a duck's bill.
- Why do ducks hate going to social events with other animals? They always end up getting stuck with the bill.
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Duck Bill One Liners
Which duck bill one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with duck bill? I can suggest the ones about duck and duck hunting.
- There is only one thing I don't like about ordering duck in a Chinese restaurant The bill
- I bought a muzzle for my pet duck.... Nothing flashy, but it fits the bill.
- I ordered giant duck at a fancy restaurant the other day The bill was huge!
- Why didn't nasa send a duck into space? The bill would be astronomical.
- Did you hear about the duck who got a nose job? He didn't like the bill.
- Two Jewish duck hunters make a kill on the same waterfowl But who takes the bill?
- Why are ducks always sad? Because of their bills
- How do duck lawyers charge their fees? Bill-able hours
- What do you call a duck with no bill? A Noble duck :)
- I went to that restaurant that turns people into ducks. They left me with a bill.
- What did the duck say to the bartender put it on my bill
- So The Duck Says... "Put it on my bill."
- A duck eats through its Bill. It poops through its Hilary.
- Do you know the problem with ordering duck? It always comes with the bill.
- What happens when you put a whole duck in the oven? Its bill withers.
Duck Bill Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about duck bill you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean duck feather jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make duck bill pranks.
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money.
"I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it."
"I've spent my last buck," said the deer.
"Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk.
"Getting here cost me my last scent."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a duck and a skunk(offensive)
a mother duck and her baby are walking along with a mother skunk and her baby. they come upon a road and the mothers cross first, to make sure its safe. a car comes and the mothers are killed. the baby duck turns to the baby skunk and says"my mother is gone and I haven't learned anything from her, I don't even know what I am" the skunk says"you have a bill, feathers, and webbed feet. you must be a duck... but then what am I?" the duck says"well, you aren't quite black, and you aren't quite white, and you stink, you must be a mexican"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donald & Daisy
Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have s**... with Daisy.
The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a c**...?"
Donald frowned and said, "No."
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a c**..., they could not have s**....
"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.
"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"
"Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'd thuffocate!"
How did the duck pay for his groceries?
With his bills
A man walks into a bar...(note: better told than read)
A man (Bill) walks into a bar, and takes a ten-inch pianist out of his pocket, and puts it on the bar. The Pianist then starts to play Mozart's 7th perfectly. Another man (Jim) walks up to Bill and says, "Wow, that's amazing! where'd you get him?" Bill says, "There's this genie down the street that will grant you one wish, but just a warning, he's a little hard of hearing". Jim then goes to the genie and says, "I wish for a million bucks." suddenly a million ducks fall from the sky. Jim says to the genie, "I wished for a million BUCKS, not ducks!" The genie just shrugs, and walks back into his house. Jim then goes back to the bar, and says to Bill, "I wished for a million bucks, but all I got was a million ducks!" Bill says, "Well ya. Do you really think I wished for a ten-inch pianist."
3 Jokes about bars:
1.
A duck walks into a bar.
He says "Give me a beer. Put it on my bill."
2.
A typewriter walks into a bar.
He says "Give me a beer. Put it on my tab."
3.
A skeleton walks into a bar.
He says "Give me a beer. Uh, and a mop."
A cute one I heard from a friend at work.
Three animals walk into a bar; A duck,a skunk and a deer. They go up to the bar and order 3 drinks. "5 dollars" Says the bartender. The deer looks at the duck and says "I don't have a buck to my name!" the skunk cries "I have no money, not even a scent!" but the duck says to the bartender "It's alright, just put it on my bill".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Philandering Duck
This swinging philandering duck suddenly became conscious of the danger of acquiring AIDS through s**... promiscuity.
To put himself at ease he went to his local druggist and asked for a c**.... "How much will that be?" asked the duck. "1 dollar and 19 cents" replied the druggist. "Would you like me to put this on your bill"? "What kind of a duck to you think I am"? replied the duck.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a Hotel room...
...and Donald wanted to have s**... with Daisy.
The first thing Daisy asked was, 'Do you have a c**...?'
Donald frowned and said, 'No.'
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a c**..., they could not have s**....
'Maybe they sell them at the front desk,' she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.
'Yes, we do,' the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, 'Would you like me to put them on your bill?
'Thit No!' Donald quacked, I'll thuffocate
How can you tell if a duck has soul?
If it's bill withers!
A duck walks into a bar.
the bartender says, "what can I get you duck?"
the duck says, "you got any grapes?"
the bartender replies, "no this is a bar, we don't have any grapes."
the duck leaves and then comes back the next day.
the bartender sees the duck and he says, "allright duck, what'll you have?"
the duck says, "you got any grapes?"
The bartender says, "ok duck let's get something straight. we didn't have any grapes yesterday, we don't have any today and we're not gonna
have any grapes tomorrow. if you come in here one more time asking for grapes, I'm going to take your bill and nail it to the bar."
The duck says, "whoa, take it easy!" The duck gets up and leaves.
The next day, the 3rd day in a row, the duck walks into the bar. The bartender sees the duck, rests his hands on bar, leans forward, and says, "ok duck, what'll you have?"
The duck says, "you got any nails?"
Bartender says, "nope."
Duck says, "you got any grapes?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A duck walks into a bar, hops up on the bar, waddles down to the bartender, and asks...
... "Got any quackers?"
The barman looked at the duck for a second, then said "No, Besides, you're a duck. It's a health code violation for you to be in here, so get out before I call animal control."
The duck leaves, but comes back the next day. Same situation: "Got any quackers?"
"Look you s**... feathered, I told you yesterday that I don't have any, and you need to leave. If you come back again, I'm going to nail your bill to the bar."
The duck comes back the next day and approaches the bartender.
Duck: "Got any nails?"
Barkeep: "Uh, no."
Duck: "Got any quackers?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A c**... for Donald Duck
Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have s**... with Daisy.
The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a c**...?"
Donald frowned and said, "No."
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a c**..., they could not have s**....
"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.
"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"
"Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'll thuffocate!"
A duck walks into a pharmacy
grabs a tube of lipstick, puts it on the counter and the cashier says "that'll be $3.50. The duck says "just put it on my bill"
Dead duck
An old lady has a sick pet duck that she loves dearly, but she's broke so she takes him to a cheap veterinary clinic. The vet doc says your duck is dying there's nothing we can do. Devastated she pleads for him to try anything, so he says he'll be right back. He walks back in with a Labrador by his side, the dog places one paw on the duck, nothing. Vet doc says OK one moment. Leaves comes back with a cat, cat places one paw on the duck, nothing. The vet doc then tells the lady that's all he can do but her duck is still dying. Defeated and broken she leaves, upon receiving the bill on the way out its three times higher than she expected hud. She ask the secretary why and she says "it says here you requested additional LAB work and a CAT scan"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three ducks walk into a bar...
The first duck walks up to the bar and the bartender asks "What's your name, what's your drink, and how was your day?" the first duck replies "My name is Bill, I'll have a rye and coke, and I had a GREAT day! I was in and out of puddles all day! Splashing around, gettin' wet, having fun!"
The second duck walks in. The bartender asks the duck "What's your name, what's your drink, and how was your day?" The duck says, "My name's Joe, I'll have a gin and tonic, and I had a GREAT day! I was in and out of puddles all day! Splashing around, getting wet, having fun!"
The third duck walks into the bar, the barkeeper asks him "What's your name, what's your drink, and how was your day?" the duck looks him dead in the eyes and replies "My name is Puddles, I'll have three shots of tequila, and I don't want to talk about my f**king day."
How do you turn a duck into an R&B singer?
Leave it out in the hot sun until it's Bill Withers.
Birds
A duck walks into a restaurant.
After eating a whole meal, he says to the waiter "Just put is on my bill"
Why do honest ducks dip their heads under the water?
To liquidate their bills.
A duck and a laptop go to a bar and, after a while, the bartender asks the duck if he'd like the drinks on his bill
The laptop scolds the bartender for making such an assumption and insists that the drinks be put on his tab
How do ducks pay off loans?
With their bills!
Why did the duck cross the road?
Waiter:"I don't know and I don't care, how exactly do you plan to pay for the meal you just bought Mr.Chicken?"
Chicken:"Just put it on my bill."
Waiter:"You don't have a bill..."
Chicken:"No bill? oh you shouldn't have, I'll see myself out!"
Why is it great to date a duck?
Whenever you go out to eat they always have the bill.
Duck Joke
A duck walks into a bar. The ducks say, "1 beer please. And put it on my bill."
I'll be here all week
So a duck walks into an apothecary
He buys some chapstick and tells the clerk to put it on his bill
A duck, a deer, a skunk and an elephant are sitting in a bar
The end of the night rolls around and the waitress asks who is going to pay the tab.
The duck says that he can't pay because he only has one bill.
The deer says that she had a buck on her last night, but won't have any doe until spring.
The skunk says he can't pay because he only has one scent.
Finally, the elephant says "It's okay boys, the highballs are on me!"
what do you get when you cross a bison with a duck?
buffalo bill
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A duck walks into a bar...
...and asked the bar tender:
Duck: Hey, got any grapes?
Bartender: No.
The duck leaves. Next day he goes back.
Duck: Hey, got any grapes?
Bartender: No.
Duck leaves. Comes back the next day.
Duck: Hey, got any grapes!?
Bartender(slightly annoyed): No.
The duck leaves. Sure enough a day later he comes back.
Duck: Hey! Got any grapes!?
Bartender(finally has had enough): No! I don't have any grapes for you. And if you keep asking me I'm going to nail your bill to my counter.
The duck leaves. Then the next day he comes on in the bar and asks.
Duck: Hey! Got any nails?
Bartender: No.
Duck: GOT ANY GRAPES!?!?
Today I overheard a duck arguing with a plastic surgeon about money
Apparently he was trying to get his bill reduced.
A giraffe wearing a duck-billed platypus costume.
Why are back-to-front jokes confusing?
A duck waddles into a store, asks for some snails.
The woman behind the counter asks, "Wait, ducks don't carry cash, do they?"
The duck replies, "No, but you can put them on my bill."
What kind of pets do accountants own?
Ducks because they are good with bills.
Why didn't the duck ask his date out to dinner again?
She wouldn't touch the bill on the first date.
What do taxidermists say when you don't have enough money to pay for a whole duck?
"I'll send you the bill"
Did you hear about the duck who went to the store to get lipstick?
The cashier asked him if he was paying cash or charge. He said just to put it on his bill.
A duck walks into a bar...
And orders a hundred bottles of scotch.
The bartender says, "That's gonna be pretty expensive. How are you gonna pay for all that liquor?"
The duck replies, "Just put it on my tab."
A nearby bar patron cheekily says, "Don't you mean 'put it on my bill'?"
The duck says to the bartender, "Okay, put it on his bill."
So a duck goes to a karaoke bar and sings soul music.
Till his Bill Withers
A frog, a duck, and a skunk want to go to the movies together
A frog, a duck, and a skunk want to go to the movies together. But, when they go up to the ticket booth, the man working there tells them that only the frog and the duck can watch the movie.
"What?! Why can't I?" asks the skunk.
"Well, the movie tickets cost $1 each. The duck has a bill and the frog has a greenback, but you've only got a scent!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had to visit a doctor today...
I hit my head really hard and gave myself a n**... bump. The doctor was a real quack though, all he told me was to duck next time. Plus I left with a huge bill!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Daffy Duck was in a hotel room, he called room service and asks for a c**..., receptionist says shall we put it on your bill? Daffy replied.
Are you thucking thupid I'll thuffocate.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A duck walks into a bar...
He asks the bartender, "Hey, bartender. Got any duck food?"
The bartender responded, " No, I don't have duck food. I don't serve ducks. Get out of here."
So, the duck leaves.
The duck comes in the next night, "Hey, bartender. Got any duck food?"
The agitated bartender yells, " No! We don't serve ducks so we don't have duck food. If you ask me for duck food again I'll nail your bill to the bar!"
So, the duck leaves.
The duck comes in the next night.
"Hey, bartender. Ya got any nails?"
"NO!"
"Got any duck food?"
A duck walks into a store
A duck walks into a store, picks up a tube of Chapstick and places it on the counter. The clerk asks him, "Will that be cash or credit?" The duck replies, "Just put it on my bill."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a duck sing the blues?
Stick it in an oven at 500 degrees until its bill withers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A duck enters a bar...
The bartender says "what'll ya have?"
"Scotch. Put it on my bill", it replies
"Sure thing", the bartender says, "so how's your day been going?"
"Pretty good" says the duck, "I've been in and out of puddles all day"
A second duck enters and orders a beer
Bartender asks "hey there! How are you mr duck?"
"Great!" he says, "I've been in and out of puddles all day!!"
Third duck enters the bar
"I'll have 3 shots of v**...."
"Wow," says the bartender, "that's a lot for a duck like you. Having a rough one?"
"Yeah," says the third duck, "my name is Puddles"
A duck walks in to a bar
And asks the bartender if he has any bread. Go away duck! We don't have any bread said the bartender.
The duck waddles off.
The next day the duck returns to the bar and asks the bartender if he has any bread. Go away duck! I told you we don't have any bread!
The duck again waffles off.
The following day the duck returns and before he can ask the bartender a question, the Batman flies in to a tirade, if you ask me if I have any bread I'm going to nail your bill to the bar!
The duck asks do you have any nails?
The Bartender says no.
The ducks asks do you have any bread?
From my 7 year old son: Why did the duck have to fix his bill?
Because it had a quack in it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A duck and a beautiful woman
A duck and a beautiful woman are sitting on a hotel room bed when the duck realizes he has no c**... not wanting to take any chances he calls room service. Room service arrives he asks "Do you want me to put this on your bill?" "No what do you think I am some kind of pervert?"
What did the doctor say to the duck?
I can do the plastic surgery, but your bill is going to be huge.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So... What does the tax man/IRS and a duck have in common?
They can both stick their bills up their arseholes.
My uncle's chicken farm business didn't take off so he switched to ducks...
The it was all bills, bills, bills.
How do you tell if a duck has a soul?
Put it in an oven. Set it to 200 degrees. Wait and see if it's bill withers.
A woman walks into a restaurant...
...and says "Waiter, what is the meal of the day?".
The waiter says "We have the duck today, madam. But the whole thing is very expensive."
The woman says "Fine, just send me the bill".
I can't afford this
A man was buying a duck one day and went to have someone ring it up and the cashier said the bill is 25 dollars the man looks at her and says how much is the whole thing
A duck walks into a bar...
And orders the fish dinner. The bartender brings the meal and goes on to serve other customers, when he notices the duck hasn't touched his meal, so he asks "is everything all right with the food?"
"Check please" said the duck
"Is everything all right?" asked the bartender "You haven't touched your fish"
And the duck replied "I cant eat without a bill"
Q: What do you get when you drag a $1000 bill in the housing projects?
A: An Oregon Ducks recruiting trip.
Q: What do you get when you drag a $1000 bill in the housing projects?
A: So they can park in the handicap spaces.
A Duck with two broken wings walks into a bar and orders a big take out of beer and wine. The Barman, puzzled, said " How are supposed to carry this load and pay for it ? " The Duck said..
...Put them on my Bill.
Two ducks check into a hotel for their honeymoon. The we're making out and the male duck said I forgot to bring any condoms! So he phones reception to see if they can help out. Condoms? Of course sir. Should I put them on your bill? ...
No way! If you did that I'd suffocate!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donald Duck calls concierge
and says can you thend up thome condomths to my room" and concierge said "want me to put it on your bill?" and Donald said "are you thucking thtupid I'll thuffocate"
How do you turn a duck into a musical icon...
Put it in the microwave until its bill withers
A duck walks into the drug store
A duck walks into the drug store and asks for a pack of condoms.
Druggist says: "would you like me to put that on your bill?"
Duck says: "nah, I'm not into that weird stuff".