Dublin Man Jokes
22 dublin man jokes and hilarious dublin man puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dublin man that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dublin Man Short Jokes
Short dublin man jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dublin man humour may include short dublin ireland jokes also.
- Irish historians have discovered the headstone of the oldest man to have lived. He was 193 and was called Miles from Dublin.
- Why did the rich Irish woman want to marry a Jewish man? Because she always dreamed of Dublin her money.
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Dublin Man One Liners
Which dublin man one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dublin man? I can suggest the ones about irish man and two irishmen.
- How can you tell that an Irish man is having a good time? He's Dublin over with laughter
- What do you call a man who rides his camel backwards? Lawrence of Dublin.
Dublin Man Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about dublin man you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean paddy irishman jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dublin man pranks.
David Beckham gets in a taxi at Dublin Airport and notices the driver keep looking in his rear view mirror at him.
After about 5 minutes the driver says "Go on then give me a clue!?"
Beckham replies, "I had a glittering career with Man Utd, played over 100 times for England and married a spice girl, is that enough?".
Driver says "No mate, I meant where are you going?"
Man arrested for selling eternal youth pills.
News has just come in about a man in the Dublin area has been arrested for selling pills that he claimed would give eternal youth.
Police records have shown that it is the fourth time this man has been arrested. The earlier arrests were made in 1799, 1852 and 1921.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Australian, Englishman and Irishman man are sitting in a Pub
Australian, Englishman and Irishman man are sitting in a Pub with cold beers and all are relaxed.
Aussie says "Great, but back home there is a bar where the barman buys you your 5th beer once you've bought your fourth"
Well, says the Englishman, "back in Manchester my local has a buy 2 and get one for free policy".
Aah! says the Irishman, "in Dublin there's a bar where you get free drinks as soon as you walk in and they keep them coming all evening.Then they take you upstairs and you get non stop s**... all night".
"What, youve actually experienced this yourself"? asks the Aussie.
Well "no" says the Irishman "but me sister has"!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Irish man in Dublin
An Irish man, enjoying a pint of Guiness in a pub in Dublin when he approaches a couple of very fat girls with british accent:
- Hi ladies! Are you from England?
- No! Wales!
- Hi whales! Are you from England?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Universities ...
Three Universities all done research into why a mans bell end is shaped the way it is.
Oxford Uni spent £100,000 in 6 months and came to the conclusion it is for the pleasure of the woman.
Cambridge Uni spent £250,000 in 18 months and came to the conclusion its for the pleasure of the man.
Dublin Uni spent 50 pence in 5 minutes and came to the conclusion its to stop your hand flying off the end.
an american tourist visits dublin.....
An American tourist was in Dublin for the first time. He was driving his rent-a-car through the north inner-city and wanting to walk into town to see some sites, he pulled up at the side of a kerb.
Being a tourist, he wasn't 100% sure if he was allowed to park there, so he got out of the car to see if he could spot any no-parking signs.
As he got out, a local man was walking by, so the American tourist caught his attention and asked "Hey man, I'm just wondering, if I park my car here for the day, will it still be here when I get back?"
To which the local man chuckled and responded, "listen bud, if you park your car anywhere in the city it will be here when you get back".
The Guinness Factory in Dublin Experiences a Workplace Fatality
The unhappy job of giving the news to the widow falls upon the deceased man's best friend, Gerald.
Gerald knocks on the door of his dead friend's house and Mary, the widow answers the door.
"Mary, I'm afraid there has been an accident at the factory, Tom was involved."
"My God." says Mary, "is he alright!?"
"Well, the fact is, no, he died. Drowned in one of the vats" Gerald tells Mary and she begins to cry.
"Was it at least a quick death?" Mary asked.
"As a matter of fact... no. He got out three times to pee."
An English man, Irish man and Scottish man...
Are on a plane and the pilot comes out and issues everyone a challange, "if you can guess where we are by sticking your hand out of the window ill give you 50 grand" the Scottish man quickly jumps up and sticks his hand out of the window "we are in Dundee" he guessed, the pilot shakes his head. Then the Irish man trys "we are in Dublin" he guesses, again the pilot shakes his head, then the English man steps up, "we are in Liverpool" he says, shocked the pilot answers "Yes! Thats right, but how did you know?" The English man replies "because my watch has been stolen"
Heard this in Dublin yesterday.
A church's bell ringer passed away. So they posted the position and a man came in with no arms wanting the job. The clergy weren't sure he could do it, but he convinced them to let him try it.
They climbed the bell tower and the guy ran toward the bell and hit it with his head. They gave him the job.
The next day he went to ring the bell, tripped, bounced off the bell and fell to the sidewalk below. Two guys were walking past.
One asked, "Do you know this guy?"
The second guy responded, "No, but his face rings a bell."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you ever seen a ghost?
An expert in psychic phenomena is giving a conference to a group in Dublin. The speaker asks, "If I may be so bold, has anyone here ever seen a ghost?"
Some people raise their hands. "Good" he says. "Now, has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
Again, a few people raise their hands. "Excellent. I see we have an experienced group! But... Has anyone here ever had s**... with a ghost?"
One little man at the back raises his hand. Intrigued, the speaker says, "Good grief! Do you mean to say you've actually had s**... with a ghost?"
"Oh, a ghost?" says the man, "I thought you said a GOAT."
Texan in Ireland
A wealthy Texan is in a pub in Dublin and notices all the locals downing pint after pint of Guinness.
He makes an announcement."I'll gladly give $500 to any man who can drink 10 pints of that beer without stopping"
Everyone backs away from the bar and one man leaves the pub, altogether.
About 15 minutes later, the man who left the pub returns and says "I'll take you up on that challenge"
The bar keep lines up 10 pints of Guinness and everyone watches as the Irishman downs each one, hardly stopping to take a breath.
"Wow that was amazing!" exclaims the Texan "here's your money... but tell me one thing...why did you leave when I first made the offer?"
The Irishman wiped off his chin and said "I went to another pub to make sure I could do it."
Another Irish Joke
Two men are sitting at a bar in New York. Bartender walks up and says "What will ya have?" At the same time the two men say "A pint of Guinness." They look at each other and one says "You look familiar, are you from Ireland?" The man replies "Yes, Yes I am, from Dublin actually." The other man replies "Me too! What town!?"
The man says "I'm from Belcamp." The other man replies "Me too! What street?"
Man replies "Clonshaugh Road." The other man again replies "I grew up on Clonshaugh Road!"
So the two men carry on drinking and laughing and talking about the old country for a few hours and then go on their way. The evening manager eventually shows up and sees the bar empty. He asks the bartender if it has been slow. The bartender replies "We haven't had any customers yet except for the O'Brien twins."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Irishman walks into a bar...
An Irishman walks into a Dublin bar, orders three pints of Guinness, and drinks them down, taking a sip from one, then a sip from the next, until they're gone. He then orders three more. The bartender says, "You know, they'd be less likely to go flat if you bought them one at a time."
The man says, "Yeah, I know, but I have two brothers, one in the States, one in Australia. When we all went our separate ways, we promised each other that we'd drink this way in memory of the days when we drank together. Each of these is for one of my brothers and the third is for me."
The bartender is touched, and says, "What a great custom!"
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always orders the same way.
One day he comes in and orders two pints. The other regulars notice, and a silence falls over the bar. When he comes to the bar for his second round, the bartender says, "Please accept my condolences, pal."
The Irishman says, "Oh, no, everyone's fine. I just joined the m**... Church, and I had to quit drinking."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One night at a pub . . .
A Scottish man, an Englishman and an Irishman sit in a pub and discuss the best pubs around.
The Englishman says, "There's a pub in the West Midlands where the landlord buys you a drink for every one that you buy."
The Scot is not impressed and says, "That's nothing! In the Highlands, every time you buy a drink, the landlord buys you five."
The Irishman, totally unimpressed, says, "That's nothing. In Dublin there's this pub where the landlord buys your drinks all night, and then when the bar closes, he takes you into a room and makes love to you."
The Scot and Englishman are well impressed and ask if the Irishman goes there a lot. He replies "No, but my sister told me all about it."
Two men sitting at a bar...
Two men are sitting next to each other at the bar well into their drinking. The first man says to the bartender, in a thick Irish accent, Sir, another shot of your finest whiskey! The second man looks at the first and says, with an equally thick accent, Well I'll be, by chance do you come from Ireland?
I do sir! A round for me and my fellow countryman! The bartender pours the pair a shot each. The second man looks at the first and says, By chance, did you happen to live near Dublin?
Aye Sir, born and raised there! Another round Bartender! exclaimed the first. Downing the whiskey together, the first looks at the second and says, As unlikely as it seems, by chance you didn't go to St. John's College in Dublin did you?
Jesus Mary and Joseph I did sir! Another two for my friend and me! A regular walks into the bar and sits down next to the pair. The bartender pours him his usual beer and the man asks, How's the bar doing tonight, anything new going on? The bartender replies, Nothing new pal, just the O'Malley brothers drunk again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Helping The Doctor
A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work to go fishing, so he approached his assistant.
"Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients".
"Yes, sir!" answers Murphy.
The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: "So,Murphy, how was your day?"
Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so I gave him Paracetamol."
"Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?" asks the doctor.
"The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon," says Murphy.
"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.
"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in!
Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everything including her bra and her p**... and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!'"
"Tunderin' lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?" asks the doctor.
"I put drops in her eyes."