The Best 82 Dublin Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dublin jokes. There are some dublin aer jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dublin manchester puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Dublin Jokes and Puns

Ireland is the fastest growing country

Their population is Dublin every day.

Why was the Irish bank teller happy?

Because his capital's Dublin.

(hope this isn't a repost)

An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.

It is believed to be so offensive that St Mary's church in Dublin have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy O'Neill from Dinlge has written a strongly worded letter.

When will the madness end?

Dublin joke, An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and

What's the difference between Bono and God?

God doesn't walk around Dublin pretending he's Bono

A teacher asks her class

to use the word "contagious". Roland, the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland," says the teacher.

"Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."


Why are the Irish so rich?

Their capital is always Dublin. Hehe

What's the difference between Bono and Jesus?

Jesus didn't walk around Dublin acting like he's Bono.

Dublin joke, What's the difference between Bono and Jesus?

came from my uncle: Why is the capitol of Ireland growing so fast?

because the population is always Dublin.

Yo momma's so fat

...that the city of Dublin was named after her daily weight gain.

Why are there so many people in Ireland?

Cos' they keep Dublin and Dublin and Dublin...

Since their move to Ireland. Apple's profits have been Dublin.

As well as Google, Amazon, Facebook, Intel, IBM, Paypal, eBay, Twitter and many more...

You can explore dublin irishmen reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dublin clare dad jokes. There are also dublin puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Three Universities ...

Three Universities all done research into why a mans bell end is shaped the way it is.
Oxford Uni spent £100,000 in 6 months and came to the conclusion it is for the pleasure of the woman.
Cambridge Uni spent £250,000 in 18 months and came to the conclusion its for the pleasure of the man.
Dublin Uni spent 50 pence in 5 minutes and came to the conclusion its to stop your hand flying off the end.

Did you hear the joke about the Irish city?

You'll be Dublin over in laughter when you do.

Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.

Paddy says, "Are you on foot or in the car?"
Billy says, "In the car."
Paddy says, "That's the quickest way."

Why is Ireland so rich?

Because their capital is always Dublin.

Why did the rich Irish woman want to marry a Jewish man?

Because she always dreamed of Dublin her money.

Dublin joke, Why did the rich Irish woman want to marry a Jewish man?

DRINKING BUDDIES

Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City and both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and asks, "So where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland."
"Me too! I'll drink to that."
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin."
"Me too! I'll drink to that."
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where in Dublin are you from?"
"The East Side."
"The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! I'll drink to that!"
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where on the East Side are you from?"
"McDonagh Street."
"Me too! This is incredible! I'll drink to that."
As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar says to him, "That's amazing! I can't believe they're from the same street in Dublin. What's going on?"
"Oh, it's nothing amazing," says the bartender."It's just the Ferguson twins getting sloshed again."

A Cessna 172 crashed in a Dublin cemetary

So far they have recovered 120 bodies.

The gay marriage referendum was just passed in Ireland.

The number of married gay Irish couples will be Dublin.


So many Irish twins being born these days

the numbers just keep Dublin up.

Did you know that Dublin, CA has the fastest growing population of all time?

The populations always Dublin'. :D

What do you call an Irish threesome?

Dublin up.

In Dublin, a very nervous Liam brings his girlfriend to meet his father for the first time.

Liam (to father): This is Amanda

Father: A fooking WHAT!?

Did you know that Ireland is the richest country in the world?

It's capital has been Dublin for a long time.

I like to cut Irish people in half

I like Dublin.

Ireland's population is out of control

It keeps Dublin and Dublin

Why is it so expensive to live in Ireland?

Cause they keep *Dublin* the taxes.

A flight from Dublin to Boston

Shortly after I took off on an Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston a few weeks ago, the air hostess nervously announced that the catering department had made a terrible mistake. A big mix up she said. Although 226 passengers were on board they received only 80 dinners. She apologised, but said that anybody kind enough to give up their meal would receive unlimited free drinks for the remainder of the flight. The next announcement came 2 hours later when she said, "If anybody is hungry, we still have 80 dinners available".

Did you hear about that brilliant Irish investor?

His money just keeps Dublin

The largest city in the world is:

The largest city in the world is Dublin. That's because the size and population are always Dublin.

Why is everyone investing in Ireland?

... because the capital is always Dublin!

The population of Ireland keeps expanding exponentially

It just keeps Dublin and Dublin

Why is Ireland the richest country in the world?

...her capital has been Dublin for years

Did you guys hear that Ireland has the fastest growing economy in the world?

Yeah, their capital is always Dublin

Why do you really not want to get pulled over in Ireland?

Because the cops are Dublin the fines!

(It took me a three hour car ride to come up with this... I am not a clever person)

The largest city in the world is...

Dublin.

Because it keeps on Dublin and Dublin

What does an Irish terrorist attack and a gambling addiction have in common?

Dublin down

What's the Irishs favorite blackjack option?

Dublin down.

An Irishman walks into a bar.

An Irishman walks into a bar. The bartender says "Where you from?"

Irishman says "Dublin"

Bartender: "oh really?"

Irishman: "No, O'Reilly."

The capital of Ireland is the world's fastest growing city..

It's Dublin every year.

Which country has the fastest growing capitol?

Ireland. It's Dublin every year.

Which country's capital has the fastest population growth?

Ireland, because it's always Dublin.

How can you tell that an Irish man is having a good time?

He's Dublin over with laughter

What do you call Irish James Bond?

Dublin O'Seven!

Why are the Irish getting exponentially richer?

Because their capital's Dublin.

Why did the bacterial colony overstay their visa in Ireland?

Because they had a really nice Dublin time.

Why does Ireland have the fastest growing economy in the world?

Because its capital is Dublin all the time!

Did you know that Dublin is the biggest city in the world?

It just keeps dublin and dublin

A large woman wearing a sleeveless sundress, walks into a bar in Dublin.

Have you heard about the population of Ireland?

It's Dub-lin!

By how much is the Irish GDP growing?

It's Dublin.

Donald Trump must be irish....

Because when he's president the national debt is Dublin

I'll show myself out

Just in time for St Patrick's Day a new gay bar opened in Dublin....

It's called "Sodom and Begorrah"

What do you call a secret agent from Ireland?

Dublin 07

What city grows twice its population?

Dublin

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

What's the wealthiest country in the world?

Ireland, because it's capital is always Dublin.

Why is Ireland so valuable?

Because it's capital is always Dublin!

Due to the hot weather and water shortage in Ireland

The Dublin swimming baths are closing lanes 7 & 8

Of which city does the number of refugees double in every year?

Dublin

Billy asks his mate Paddy what is quickest way from Dublin to Cork.

Paddy says: "Are you going on foot or in the car?"

Billy replies: "In the car."

"Well that's the quickest way," says Paddy.

Ireland's population is growing so fast

[spoilers] (#s)
It's Dublin every year

Did you hear about the country with the fastest growing capital?

It's Ireland - every day it's Dublin.

What is the biggest City in the world?

Dublin because it always Dublin and Dublin!

What country's Capital has the fastest growing population in the world?

Ireland. Everyday it's Dublin.

Man arrested for selling eternal youth pills.

News has just come in about a man in the Dublin area has been arrested for selling pills that he claimed would give eternal youth.

Police records have shown that it is the fourth time this man has been arrested. The earlier arrests were made in 1799, 1852 and 1921.

Why can't Dubliners identify aircraft?

Because they're in de skies.

Did you know that the capital of Ireland had the maximum growth of Europe?

It's Dublin every year

My friends Irish wife stayed with him after he cheated on her. Everyone told her she was a fool.

But I guess she was just Dublin down.

An Englishman stops Paddy for directions.....

An Englishman stops Paddy for directions... "Excuse me pal, what's the quickest way to Dublin?"

Paddy says "Are you on foot or in the car?"

The Englishman says "In the car."

Paddy replies "That's the quickest!"

With it being Saint Patrick's Day, I have an important question for all of you. You all know why there are two Irelands right?

Many people say it's because of religious and Political beliefs, but I always like to think it's because Ireland wanted to Dublin size.

*David Beckham* gets in a taxi at Dublin airport.

He notices the driver staring at him insistently in the rearview mirror.

After 5 minutes the taxi driver asks, Ok. At least give me a hint"

David Beckham sighs and says I had a brilliant career at Manchester United, married one of the Spice Girls and played for more than 100 times for England's national team. Enough?"

Driver replies: No, you eejit! Where are we going??

The Quickest Way

Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.

Paddy says, Are you on foot or in the car?

Billy says, In the car.

Paddy says, That's the quickest way.

Which country's capital has the fastest growing population?

Ireland. Everday it's Dublin.





\*Idk if this has been on here yet. My co worker told me this and I about had a stroke.\*

Bono and the Edge walk into a bar in Dublin

The barman exclaims, "Not U2 again!!!"

Which country has the fastest growing population?

Ireland

It's Dublin everyday.

What is the fastest growing country by population?

Ireland. it's Dublin every year.

Why is the population in Ireland so big ?

Because it keeps on Dublin and Dublin and Dublin.

A woman and her wealthy lover traveled across Europe

They started their tryst in Amsterdam, before traveling to Barcelona, then Cologne, and Dublin. After months of travel and steamy sex, they ended in Zurich.

It was a sorted affair.

I was sat at the bar in a pub in Dublin..

..when a Chinese man comes in, sits next to me and starts drinking. I asked him " do you know any of those martial arts like karate or kung fu?"
He says "NO - why the he'll you ask me that! Is it because I am Chinese!!?"
I said "No , it's because your drinking my Guiness"

David Beckham gets in a taxi at Dublin Airport and notices the driver keep looking in his rear view mirror at him.

After about 5 minutes the driver says "Go on then give me a clue!?"

Beckham replies, "I had a glittering career with Man Utd, played over 100 times for England and married a spice girl, is that enough?".

Driver says "No mate, I meant where are you going?"

[Original] Which country has the 2nd fastest growing capital?

Ireland, it's Dublin and Dublin every year. But which country has the fastest growing capital?





Libya, it's Tripoli every year.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dublin cork jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dublin irish piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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