Dry Mouth Jokes
31 dry mouth jokes and hilarious dry mouth puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dry mouth that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dry Mouth Short Jokes
Short dry mouth jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dry mouth humour may include short mouth watering jokes also.
- I sneezed and I just ripped the blood cot out of my wisdom tooth hole. Mouth full of blood. Dry socket here we COME...joke iz on me
- "Do you like dry, salty peanuts in your mouth?" "I sure do. With ketchup."
"What are you, a gay starfish?!"
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Dry Mouth One Liners
Which dry mouth one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dry mouth? I can suggest the ones about bad breath and breathing mouth.
- What goes in mouth dry and hard and come out soft and sticky? Chewing gum
- My mouth so dry... Eli Whitney walk up on me while I'm yawning and invent the cotton gin.
- Cancer changes things. If you really love her.. You'll put up with dry-mouth blow jobs.
- What's hard and dry at first but once out in a mouth turns soft, wet and sticky? Gum
Ridiculous Dry Mouth Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about dry mouth you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mouth throat jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dry mouth pranks.
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint...
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey Hey! what are you doing? The monkey says Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so s**... that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the s**... lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, What's the matter with you?! The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says Hey, MONKEY! The Monkey looks down and says FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when
a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey Hey! what are you doing? The monkey says Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so s**... that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the s**... lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, What's the matter with you?! The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says Hey, MONKEY! The Monkey looks down and says FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?
As the teacher marked my quiz answers, she suddenly stopped, looked up at me and shook her head in utter disappointment. With cold, dead eyes, she muttered, "This is wrong." Mouth dry, I whispered, "Question 2?"
She snarled, "No, the way your hand is resting between my thighs."
Do you suffer from an addiction to water?
Can you not live without your water?
Do you try to quit, and come back to drinking water again?
Do you suffer from any of the following withdrawal symptoms when trying to quit?
* Headache?
* Fatigue?
* Dry t**...?
* Dry mouth?
* Darker u**...?
* Craving more water?
* Hunger?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, please call the water addiction hotline, 1-5-STOP-WATER.
A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth.
The rabbit is dead and the guy panics.
He takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house.
He gives it a bath, blow dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stammers and says, "Um... no... what happened?"
The neighbor replies, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"
The German Shepherd cover up...
I found my German Shepherd, Hondo, with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit was dead, and I panicked.. I took the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. I gave it a bath, blew dried its fur, and put it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they would think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asked me, "Don, did you hear that Fluffy died?"
I said, "Um... no... what happened?"
The neighbor replied, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath, and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"
I found my German Shepard with the neighbors rabbit in his mouth.
The rabbit was dead, and I panicked. I took the rabbit from his mouth, gave it a bath and blow dry, and placed him back in his cage hoping my neighbor would think he died of natural causes.
A few days later when I saw my neighbor he asked me if I had heard about fluffy dying.
What? I had no idea I replied.
Then my neighbor said, we found him dead in his cage a few days ago so we buried him but yesterday someone had dug him up, bathed him, and put him back in his cage! Some people are really sick.
I found my dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit was dead and I panicked
I took the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. I gave it a bath, blow dried its fur and put it back into the cage at the neighbor's house hoping they would think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asked me, "Don, did you hear that Fluffy died?"
I said, "Um... no... what happened?"
The neighbor replied, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"
Alas Fluffy, we knew him well.
I found my German Shepherd with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit was dead, and I panicked.. I took the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. I gave it a bath, blew dried its fur, and put it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they would think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asked me, " Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
I said, "Um... no... what happened?"
The neighbor replied, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath, and put him back into the cage.
There are some real sick people out there!"
A portrait painter is on his death bed when he asks his son to come close..
He says "Son, I'm dying. So listen closely." He sneezes on the boy's face. "I have a skin rash, dry cough, pink eye, diarrhea, headache, koplik's spots, sensitivity to light, sore t**..., and/or swollen lymph nodes." Then he coughs on the boy's mouth. "So I want you to make sure that your brother gets m'brushes." As he says this he spits in the boy's eye. "Make sure your sister gets m'paintings." He convulses, spilling his bed pan over the boy's chest, before speaking his last words, "I want you to get m'easels."
3 Vampires meet in a crossroad
The 1st vampire said "see that village over there? I'm gonna s**... their blood dry", 30 minutes later he come back with mouth full of bloodstain "Nobody's alive in that village anymore".
The 2nd vampire doesn't want to lose, he said "see that town over there? I'm gonna s**... their blood dry", 10 minutes later he come back with face covered in bloodstain, "That city is dead".
The 3rd vampire is so eager to compete he quickly go to the direction of a big city without saying anything. He come back 10 seconds later, all body covered in blood, the two vampires are impressed.
He say "You see that pole over there?"
"Yeah.."
"I didn't"
Three vampires are bragging to each other...
The first says "Watch this." leaves, and is back in an instant, mouth covered in blood. He points at a villager and says "You see that villager? s**... him dry."
The second, impressed, but not willing to be outdone, leaves and returns just as fast as the first, blood covering her mouth, neck and cheeks. She points and says "You see that town? Bone dry, no survivors."
The third shrugs and says "That's nothing, watch this." He's barely gone a fraction of a second before he's back with a face completely covered in blood. The first vampire asks "What did you do?" The third vampire replied "You see that pole?"
"Yeah?"
"I didn't"
A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint...
... when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they smoke a few doobies. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. The lizard is so s**... that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "what's the matter with you?"
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree, got too s**... and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "hey you!"
The Monkey looks down and says "fuuuuuuck dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"
The neighbor's pet rabbit
A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth.
The rabbit is dead and the guy panics.
He takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house.
He gives it a bath, blow dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stammers and says, "Um... no... what happened?"
The neighbor replies, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"
A sloth is hanging out in a tree getting s**...
when a lizard walks up and says "Hey sloth what's up?"
The sloth answers "Smoking a joint, you want to come up here and hit this?"
The lizard climbs up and the two share the joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is dry and excuses himself to a nearby river to get a drink.
The lizard, so s**..., leans over too far and falls in. A crocodile swims out to rescue him. When they get onto dry land, the croc asks, "What's wrong with you, lizard?"
The lizard tells him that he was smoking a joint with a sloth, and he got too s**... and fell in while taking a drink.
The croc has to see this for himself, so he asks the lizard to take him to the sloth. When they get back to the tree, the croc looks up at the sloth and says "Hey, you."
The sloth looks down and says "Shiiiit dude, how much water did you drink?"
An Australian joke...
A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'
The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'
So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so s**... that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too s**... and fell into the river while taking a drink..
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,
'Hey you!'
The koala looked down at him and said,
'FUCK ME! How much water did you drink!?'
A little Irish humor
p**... and m**... were walking along a street in London.
p**... looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye.
The sign read, "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per pair".
p**... said to his pal, "m**... look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of those and when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune. Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all da talking 'cause if they hear our accents, they might think we're thicko's from Ireland and try to screw us. I'll put on me best English accent."
"Roight y'are p**..., I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will. You do all da business" said m**....
They go in and p**... said in a posh voice, "Hello my good man. I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up me truck ready to load 'em on, so I will."
The owner of the shop said quietly, "You're from Ireland, aren't you?"
"Well yes," said a surprised p**.... "What gave it away?"
The owner replied, "This is a dry-cleaners."
2 Mexicans were walking through the desert...
It'd been more than a week since either of them had eaten anything, and their last bottle of water had just gone dry. They'd been walking for hours on end.
Suddenly on the horizon, one of the Mexican's spotted something. 'Look over there my friend, you see the green thing?'
His friend replies 'The thing with pink stuff on it'
Through the air a delicious salty, meaty aroma hit both their noses. They could see a large green, leafy shape in the distance, with pink slivers of what looked like greasy meat hanging from it.
'Yeah man, and you can smell it too!, amigo eetz a bacon tree!'
'AMIGO EETZ A BACON TREE! WE'RE SAVED!'
The Mexican who had first spotted the bacon tree on the horizon suddenly ran, as fast as his legs could carry him towards the plant in in the distance. When all of a sudden...
BANG! BANG! BANG! - Gunshots fired out, as if from nowhere
The other Mexican, who had not had the energy to run looked on to his friend, who lay bleeding and dying from his wounds
Barely able to mouth the words through lack of water the Mexican cried out to his dying friend. 'Amigo, what happened?'
With his last breath the dying Mexican warned his partner...
'Amigo, eetz no bacon tree, eetz a Ham Bush!'
A koala was sitting in a tree smoking a joint...
when a lizard walks up and says "Hey koala what are you doing?"
The koala answers "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
The lizard climbs up and the two share the joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is dry and excuses himself to a nearby river to have a drink.
The lizard, so s**..., leans over too far and falls in. A crocodile swims out to rescue him. When they get onto dry land, the croc asks, "What's wrong with you, lizard?"
The lizard tells him that he was smoking a joint with a koala, and he got too s**... and fell in while taking a drink.
The croc has to see this for himself, so he asks the lizard to take him to the koala. When they get back to the tree, the croc looks up at the koala and says "Hey, you."
The koala looks down and says "Shiiiit dude, how much water did you drink?"
A koala bear is smoking a joint...
A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint, When a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?' The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.' So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river. The little lizard was so s**... that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?' The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too s**... and fell into the river while taking a drink... The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said, 'Hey you!' So the koala looked down at him and said, 'Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude... How much water did you drink!?'
A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth.
The rabbit is dead and the guy panics.
He takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house.
He gives it a bath, blow dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stammers and says, "Um... no... what happened?"
The neighbor replies, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"