Dry Cleaning Jokes
45 dry cleaning jokes and hilarious dry cleaning puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dry cleaning that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dry Cleaning Short Jokes
Short dry cleaning jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dry cleaning humour may include short carpet cleaning jokes also.
- A young woman walks into a dry cleaner She asks the elderly owner inspecting her blouse how long it would take to clean.
Hard of hearing the man asks, "come again?"
She responds, "No, it's yogurt" - A man goes to the dry cleaner's and says, Hey buddy, can I get this dress cleaned? Dry cleaner guy, taking off his earphones: Come again?
Man: No, mustard. - What's the difference between Trump and Bill Clinton? Trump paid her $130k, Bill didn't even pay for dry-cleaning
- A man went to a laundry service He drop his set of pants for dry cleaning.
As he was leaving, the clerk says "come again"
He turns around and said "Nope, this time its mayonaisse" - My favourite jokes are one liners about launderettes What can I say, I love dry clean humour.
- Why did Mr. Potato Head's dry cleaning service go out of business? He always used too much starch.
- Woman goes to dry cleaners to clean her clothes, the lady at the counter says come again Woman: No its toothpaste this time.
- Monica Lewinski walks into the dry cleaners She says, "I have another dress for you to clean."
The owner who is slightly hard of hearing replies, "Come again?"
"Oh no, it's just mustard" - What is the funniest clean but sounds dirty joke that you know? Example:
What is pink, hard and dry when it goes in and soft and wet when it comes out?
Bubblegum - People are protesting for us to change the name of our company. I don't know why, we hang the colors is a good name for our dry-cleaning business.
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Dry Cleaning One Liners
Which dry cleaning one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dry cleaning? I can suggest the ones about cleaning services and laundry.
- What becomes more wet the more it dries? Me after doing the dishes. I love cleaning.
- Chinese brothers opened a dry cleaning service in town... Two Wongs *can* make it white.
- How do you wash a waterproof rain jacket? Dry clean it
- I tried to rob a dry cleaner place i thought i can get a clean get away there
Share Hilarious Dry Cleaning Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about dry cleaning you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean washing clothes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dry cleaning pranks.
Fred drank a lot and his wife said "If you ever come home drunk again, I'm gonna leave you"...
Inevitably, he went out to a pub, drank too much and threw-up all over himself. He turned to his friend and shared his dilemma "If I go home in this state my wife will leave me". His friend replied "I tell you what, go home and tell her somebody threw-up over you and gave you twenty-pounds. Show it to her and say he gave you this for the dry-cleaning bill". Fred goes home and his wife starts shouting at him. Quickly, he says "No, no, no, somebody threw-up over me, gave me twenty-pounds for the dry-cleaning bill", She looks at him and asks "Why have you got two twenty-pound notes in your hand, then?", Fred, smiling says "Oh the other is from the man who s**... in my underpants".
Hans Wolfgang
A man, (lets call him Adam) is walking through his new city neighborhood looking for a dry-cleaners. He goes on to find one cleaners called "Hals Wolfgang's Express Clean." Curious, he walks in the building to find it almost empty, exept for the manager, a small, old, asian man. Adam walks up to the old man and starts a conversation.
Adam: Are you the owner of this store?
Man: Yes I am.
Adam: So...you're Hans Wolfgang?
Man: Yes, why?
Adam: Nothing...it's just a very unusual name for an asian man.
Man: Well, there's a story behind it. When I was comming into America a long, long time ago, they sorted us into one long line where we told our names. The man before me in that line, his name was Hans Wolfgang. After he left, I went up, and said.."Saim Ting"
Dry Cleaning
Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy, "I've got another dress for you to clean."
Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, "Come again?"
"No," says Monica. "Mustard this time."
Newly Weds Morgan and Adam have just moved into their new house....
and Morgan looks out the window and sees the neighbor's laundry hanging up to dry. "They need some new detergent, that laundry is still dirty!" The next morning Morgan wakes up and notices that the laundry is still dirty. This happens for the next couple of months, until one day she wakes up and sees that the laundry is clean. "She finally got new detergent!" Adam walks up behind her and says "Oh no, I just woke up early and cleaned the windows."
Instructions for cleaning the toilet
**Instructions for cleaning the toilet:**
1. Lift the lid on the toilet and fill it with 1/8 cup of animal shampoo.
2. Take the cat in your arms and s**... it gently while slowly moving in the direction of the toilet.
3. At a suitable moment, throw the cat into the toilet bowl and close the lid quickly and either stand or sit on the lid.
4. The cat will now start the cleaning process and will produce generate plenty of foam. Do not be concerned about the loud noises coming from the toilet; your cat is enjoying herself.
5. After several minutes flush the toilet to start the Power-wash pre-wash and then flush again for the main wash cycle.
6. Ask someone to open the front door and ensure that no-one is between the toilet and the front door.
7. Get off the toilet seat and from a safe distance open the toilet lid quickly. The cat will dry off naturally due to the high speed she will be moving from the toilet to the front door.
8. The toilet and the cat are now both clean.
Monica Lewinsky walks into a cleaners....
with a dress and yells at the old owner who is hard of hearing
"I need to dry clean my dress"
The owner cups his hand next to his ear
"come again"
"No it's ketchup this time"
Dry cleaning
A drunk in a bar pukes all over his new shirt.
He says "I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she is gonna kill me."
"Not to worry",says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk's pocket. "Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill." So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him and gave him $20. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. "Why are there two twenties?" she asks. The drunk replies, "Oh, yeah, he crapped in my pants, too."
Lindsay Lohan got her blouse dirty...
..and had to take it to the dry cleaners. She says "I need to get this cleaned" to the man behind the counter. The man who was hard of hearing replies "come again?", Lindsay responds "No, mustard".
Another day at the White House
After returning from the White House after a forum on s**... in the workplace, Monica Lewinsky takes her dress to the dry cleaner.
The dry cleaner has an ear infection and is having trouble hearing.
Monica says to the dry cleaner, I need my dress cleaned. The dry cleaner does not hear her well and says "come again", and Monica replies, "No, mustard"
recently re-relevant
So Monica Lewinsy rushes into the dry cleaner with a blue dress clutched in her hand. Recognizing the man behind the counter, she says "I need this dress cleaned right away." Realizing that he has been spoken to, but not certain what was said, the dry cleaner responds "Come again?"
No, says Lewisnki. It's yogurt.
Police talking on the radio...
* Sergeant, we've arrived at the scene.
* So, what's the situation?
* A woman killed her husband. There were 35 stab wounds, two gunshot wounds, and after decapitating him, she finally burned his body.
* Wow, what was the reason she gave for the crime?
* He stepped where she was cleaning the floor.
* Did you manage to capture the woman?
* No, Sergeant. We are waiting for the floor to dry ...
Getting Drunk
Two men are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself.
He says, "Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me."
His friend says, "Don't worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill."
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually he reels home and his wife starts to give him a bad time, "You reek of alcohol and you've thrown up all over yourself, you're disgusting..."
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says, "Wait. It's not what you think. I only had one drink, but this man was sick on me. He'd obviously had one too many, or else he just couldn't hold his liquor. He was very sorry and he gave me twenty dollars for the cleaning bill. Look in my breast pocket."
She looks in his breast pocket and says, "But this is forty dollars."
"Ah, yes," says the man. "He peed in my trousers too!!!"
A blonde goes to the dry cleaners
She hands him her dress which has a huge stain in the front. She pays him and says "I need this dress for a party. So can you please get it cleaned by Thursday?" Now the dry cleaner was very old and couldn't hear properly so he asks her "Come again?"
The blonde blushes furiously and says "No, it is mayonnaise this time"
A police officer arrives to a crime scene
Hello, captain. What's the situation?
A woman killed her husband. 12 stabs, 2 gunshot wounds, half burnt, and thrown down the stairs.
Oh my god, what was the reason?
She told us the husband intentionally started walking on the floor which she recently cleaned.
Did you arrest her?
No. We're waiting for the floor to dry.
Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaners
Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaners, the guy is a little old and hard of hearing. Monica says "i need to get this dress cleaned, no starch, use the same hanger."
The dry cleaner responds "come again?"
Monica says "nope, this time it's mustard."
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains!
Well don't have a shower because you might be dry clean only.
Why couldn't the whistleblower pick up his dry-cleaning?
Because he was Snowden! (Snowed in)
A blonde goes to the dry cleaners.
She tells the attendant that she needs to have her dress cleaned.
However, the attendant wasn't paying attention. Snapping out of his day dream, he asked, "Come again?"
Giggling, the blonde replied, "No, just mustard this time."
Three chinese men named Hu, Fu and Chu come to the USA to live the American Dream
Chu calls himself Chuck and opens a dry cleaning business.
Hu calls himself Huck and opens a dollar store.
Just Fu goes back to China disappointedly.
A blonde walk into the dry clean
She put her dress on the counter and asked for it to be cleaned. The guy behind the counter said as she was leaving "come again" she turned around and replied "no, it's toothpaste this time"
The policemen were talking over the radio:
- Mr. Sargeant, we arrived at the crime location
*- What's the situation over there?* - asked the sargeant over the radio
- A woman just killed its husband. He was stabbed 35 times, shot twice, asphixiated, decapitated and then burned.
*- And what was the reason for such an atrocious crime? *- Asked the sargeant
- He stepped right on the wet floor which she had just cleaned.
*- And did you capture the woman?*
- No sire, we are still waiting for the floor to dry!
The actor who played Pee Wee Herman, Paul Reubens, has decided to start his own dry cleaning service.
It's called Drop Your Pants and Jacket Off
The owner of a dry cleaning business finds a $20 bill left in the pockets of a pair of pants that was dropped off. He now has a dilemma....
Does he tell his partner or not?
A 30 year old jobless, homeless, broke guy went to a palm reading fortune teller to know when will his life be better.
Guy: How will my future be?
FT: Till you're 42, you'll suffer thinking about your life getting ruined, cleaned out, agonized, strapped, tortured, penniless, distressed, dirt poor, tormented, wasted, unproductive, exhausted, dried up and living a lifeless life.
Guy: So what happens after 42.
FT: You'll stop thinking about it.
Bill Clinton brings a dress to the dry cleaning
He asks "Anything you need to know?", but since it's loud from all the machines running, the worker doesn't understand him and asks "Come again?"
"No", said Clinton, "Tomato juice this time"
My wife decided to trim our household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand...
Proud of her savings, she boasted We're are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.
I replied, Good, wash it again!
A couple goes to therapy
A couple goes to therapy to discuss their issues.
The therapist asks. So, why are we here today?
The husband quickly try to explain.
So what happened was, that I was cleaning up in the kitchen, while putting something away I spilled a bunch of dried herbs all over the place. My wife then yells for help with folding the sheets in the bedroom and I simply replied.
"I can't right now, I have too much thyme on my hands"
