Dry Cleaning Jokes
30 dry cleaning jokes and hilarious dry cleaning puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dry cleaning that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Dry Cleaning Short Jokes
Short dry cleaning jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dry cleaning humour may include short carpet cleaning jokes also.
- A young woman walks into a dry cleaner She asks the elderly owner inspecting her blouse how long it would take to clean.
Hard of hearing the man asks, "come again?"
She responds, "No, it's yogurt" - What's the difference between Trump and Bill Clinton? Trump paid her $130k, Bill didn't even pay for dry-cleaning
- A man went to a laundry service He drop his set of pants for dry cleaning.
As he was leaving, the clerk says "come again"
He turns around and said "Nope, this time its mayonaisse" - My favourite jokes are one liners about launderettes What can I say, I love dry clean humour.
- Why did Mr. Potato Head's dry cleaning service go out of business? He always used too much starch.
- What is the funniest clean but sounds dirty joke that you know? Example:
What is pink, hard and dry when it goes in and soft and wet when it comes out?
Bubblegum - People are protesting for us to change the name of our company. I don't know why, we hang the colors is a good name for our dry-cleaning business.
- The owner of a dry cleaning business finds a $20 bill left in the pockets of a pair of pants that was dropped off. He now has a dilemma.... Does he tell his partner or not?
- The actor who played Pee Wee Herman, Paul Reubens, has decided to start his own dry cleaning service. It's called Drop Your Pants and Jacket Off
- Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains! Well don't have a shower because you might be dry clean only.
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Dry Cleaning One Liners
Which dry cleaning one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dry cleaning? I can suggest the ones about cleaning services and laundry.
- What becomes more wet the more it dries? Me after doing the dishes. I love cleaning.
- How do you wash a waterproof rain jacket? Dry clean it
- I tried to rob a dry cleaner place i thought i can get a clean get away there
Share Hilarious Dry Cleaning Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about dry cleaning you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean washing clothes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dry cleaning pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fred drank a lot and his wife said "If you ever come home drunk again, I'm gonna leave you"...
Inevitably, he went out to a pub, drank too much and threw-up all over himself. He turned to his friend and shared his dilemma "If I go home in this state my wife will leave me". His friend replied "I tell you what, go home and tell her somebody threw-up over you and gave you twenty-pounds. Show it to her and say he gave you this for the dry-cleaning bill". Fred goes home and his wife starts shouting at him. Quickly, he says "No, no, no, somebody threw-up over me, gave me twenty-pounds for the dry-cleaning bill", She looks at him and asks "Why have you got two twenty-pound notes in your hand, then?", Fred, smiling says "Oh the other is from the man who s**... in my underpants".
Hans Wolfgang
A man, (lets call him Adam) is walking through his new city neighborhood looking for a dry-cleaners. He goes on to find one cleaners called "Hals Wolfgang's Express Clean." Curious, he walks in the building to find it almost empty, exept for the manager, a small, old, asian man. Adam walks up to the old man and starts a conversation.
Adam: Are you the owner of this store?
Man: Yes I am.
Adam: So...you're Hans Wolfgang?
Man: Yes, why?
Adam: Nothing...it's just a very unusual name for an asian man.
Man: Well, there's a story behind it. When I was comming into America a long, long time ago, they sorted us into one long line where we told our names. The man before me in that line, his name was Hans Wolfgang. After he left, I went up, and said.."Saim Ting"
Newly Weds Morgan and Adam have just moved into their new house....
and Morgan looks out the window and sees the neighbor's laundry hanging up to dry. "They need some new detergent, that laundry is still dirty!" The next morning Morgan wakes up and notices that the laundry is still dirty. This happens for the next couple of months, until one day she wakes up and sees that the laundry is clean. "She finally got new detergent!" Adam walks up behind her and says "Oh no, I just woke up early and cleaned the windows."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Instructions for cleaning the toilet
**Instructions for cleaning the toilet:**
1. Lift the lid on the toilet and fill it with 1/8 cup of animal shampoo.
2. Take the cat in your arms and s**... it gently while slowly moving in the direction of the toilet.
3. At a suitable moment, throw the cat into the toilet bowl and close the lid quickly and either stand or sit on the lid.
4. The cat will now start the cleaning process and will produce generate plenty of foam. Do not be concerned about the loud noises coming from the toilet; your cat is enjoying herself.
5. After several minutes flush the toilet to start the Power-wash pre-wash and then flush again for the main wash cycle.
6. Ask someone to open the front door and ensure that no-one is between the toilet and the front door.
7. Get off the toilet seat and from a safe distance open the toilet lid quickly. The cat will dry off naturally due to the high speed she will be moving from the toilet to the front door.
8. The toilet and the cat are now both clean.
Dry cleaning
A drunk in a bar pukes all over his new shirt.
He says "I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she is gonna kill me."
"Not to worry",says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk's pocket. "Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill." So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him and gave him $20. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. "Why are there two twenties?" she asks. The drunk replies, "Oh, yeah, he crapped in my pants, too."
Lindsay Lohan got her blouse dirty...
..and had to take it to the dry cleaners. She says "I need to get this cleaned" to the man behind the counter. The man who was hard of hearing replies "come again?", Lindsay responds "No, mustard".
recently re-relevant
So Monica Lewinsy rushes into the dry cleaner with a blue dress clutched in her hand. Recognizing the man behind the counter, she says "I need this dress cleaned right away." Realizing that he has been spoken to, but not certain what was said, the dry cleaner responds "Come again?"
No, says Lewisnki. It's yogurt.
Getting Drunk
Two men are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself.
He says, "Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me."
His friend says, "Don't worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill."
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually he reels home and his wife starts to give him a bad time, "You reek of alcohol and you've thrown up all over yourself, you're disgusting..."
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says, "Wait. It's not what you think. I only had one drink, but this man was sick on me. He'd obviously had one too many, or else he just couldn't hold his liquor. He was very sorry and he gave me twenty dollars for the cleaning bill. Look in my breast pocket."
She looks in his breast pocket and says, "But this is forty dollars."
"Ah, yes," says the man. "He peed in my trousers too!!!"
A police officer arrives to a crime scene
Hello, captain. What's the situation?
A woman killed her husband. 12 stabs, 2 gunshot wounds, half burnt, and thrown down the stairs.
Oh my god, what was the reason?
She told us the husband intentionally started walking on the floor which she recently cleaned.
Did you arrest her?
No. We're waiting for the floor to dry.
Why couldn't the whistleblower pick up his dry-cleaning?
Because he was Snowden! (Snowed in)
A 30 year old jobless, homeless, broke guy went to a palm reading fortune teller to know when will his life be better.
Guy: How will my future be?
FT: Till you're 42, you'll suffer thinking about your life getting ruined, cleaned out, agonized, strapped, tortured, penniless, distressed, dirt poor, tormented, wasted, unproductive, exhausted, dried up and living a lifeless life.
Guy: So what happens after 42.
FT: You'll stop thinking about it.
Bill Clinton brings a dress to the dry cleaning
He asks "Anything you need to know?", but since it's loud from all the machines running, the worker doesn't understand him and asks "Come again?"
"No", said Clinton, "Tomato juice this time"
My wife decided to trim our household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand...
Proud of her savings, she boasted We're are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.
I replied, Good, wash it again!
A couple goes to therapy
A couple goes to therapy to discuss their issues.
The therapist asks. So, why are we here today?
The husband quickly try to explain.
So what happened was, that I was cleaning up in the kitchen, while putting something away I spilled a bunch of dried herbs all over the place. My wife then yells for help with folding the sheets in the bedroom and I simply replied.
"I can't right now, I have too much thyme on my hands"
