The Best 16 Drunkard Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Drunkard jokes. There are some drunkard drunker jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these drunkard belfast puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Drunkard Jokes and Puns

A drunkard was brought to court for dunkenis behavior

The Judge addressed the drunkard, "You have been brought here for drinking."

Drunkard, "Thank you very much your honour. Let's start."

All, present in the court, burst out laughing.

Banging the gavel, the Judge said, "Order."

Drunkard, "For me Whiskey with Soda please."

Drunk guy at a bar

So there's a drunk guy at a bar and all of a sudden he starts to vomit. Oh no, I vomited on my t-shirt, my wife is gonna kill me! Says the drunkard. Let me help you with that , says the bartender. The bartender goes to the drunk guy and says: tell your wife some idiot vomited on your t-shirt and gave you 10 dollar for the inconvenience. Off he goes, the drunk guy.. he tells his wife the story and hands her 20 dollar. But you said 10 dollar , replies his wife. Yes but the idiot also shat in my pants!

A woman with hairy armpits enters a bar..

She sits at the end of the bar and raises her arm to call the bartender and a drunkard would say, "Hey, bartender.. give the ballerina a beer on me.."

This happened two more times and the bartender finally asks, "Tell me, I'm curious.. What makes you say that the woman at the end of the bar is a ballerina? "

The drunkard shrugs and says, "Any woman that could lift her leg that high must be a ballerina."

Drunkard joke, A woman with hairy armpits enters a bar..

The Baptised beer

A drunkard was baptized and dipped in water 3 times.
After the third dip, the Priest said: "You are now baptized, you are a new creation. The old one is gone, no more drinking of alcohol for you. Your new name is Gomes."
Gomes went back home and headed straight for the fridge. He took a Beer bottle, dipped it in water 3 times and said: "You are now baptized, you are a new creation. The old one is gone. Your new name is Green Tea!"

Three drunk guys enter a Taxi

3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "we have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him the money and the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was very shocked thinking the 3rd drunkard knew what he did. But then he asked "what was that for?" The 3rd guy replied, " Control yourspeed next time, you nearly killed us!


What's the difference between Russian football fans and an old drunkard in a bar at closing time?

Kicking the old drunkard out won't start world war III.

What's the difference between a classy Brit and a nude drunkard?

One knows your teabags while the other...

Drunkard joke, What's the difference between a classy Brit and a nude drunkard?

The Two Drunkards

Two drunkards are from their usual drinking spree on their way home when they spot a mango fruit up the tree, they start tossing stones at the fruit to fell it, after what seems like a life time missing the target, one says to the other, ''Maybe it is not even ripe, let me scale up the tree and take a closer look" the other agrees.

He tediously scales up the tree and gently squeezes the fruit to feel if it is ripe, he comes down joyfully to his friend and say "yeap, the fruit is damn ripe, let's get it".

And they continue tossing the stones to the fruit

Automatic light.

HUSBAND: My dear, its like the light in the toilet is now automatic!
WIFE: Wat happened?
HUSBAND: When I open the door the light came on and after I urinated and closed the door the light went off!
WIFE: Drunkard! you have gone to urinate in the FRIDGE again!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

A Drunkard and The Priests

A drunkard stammers out of a bar and ran into 2 priests. He ran up to them and says, I'm Jesus Christ.

Β The priests reply No son, you are not.

The drunk says, Look, I can prove it~ and walk back into the bar with the priests. The bartender takes a look at the drunk and exclaim,

Β Jesus Christ, you are here again?Β 

How does a drunkard count?

One martini, two martini, three martini, floor!

You can explore drunkard booze reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean drunkard alcohol dad jokes. There are also drunkard puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What did one drunkard say to another?

Stop drinking already man... you're getting blurry.

Why did the drunkard ride the escalator

To lift his spirits

A priest, a drunkard, and an engineer are taken to the guillotine...

On a beautiful Sunday afternoon in the midst of the French Revolution the revolting citizens led a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says he would like to face up so he will be looking towards heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.

The drunkard comes to the guillotine next. He also decides to die face up, hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. Again, the authorities take this as a sign of divine intervention, and they release the drunkard as well.

Next is the engineer. He, too, decides to die facing up. As they slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, the engineer suddenly says, "Hey, I see what your problem is ..."

A drunkard wakes up on the floor...

What is your nationality?

I'm a drunkard.

Drunkard joke,  What is your nationality?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the drunkard alcoholic jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working drunkard peeks piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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