The Best 16 Drunk Women Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Drunk Women jokes. There are some drunk women jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these drunk women puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Drunk Women Jokes and Puns

My son wanted me to buy him GTA

When I got to the store, I couldn't remember the title. So I told the guy "it's the game where the black guy drives cars round drunk, and shags loads of women"

He gave me a copy of tiger woods PGA golf

What do you call a drunk women?

An uber so she can get home safe

I was in a bar when...

I was in a bar in London throwing back brewski's when these two larger women walked in. They both had strong accents so I asked.

*"Are you two ladies from Scotland?"*

One of the ladies turned to me and said,

*"It's Wales you idiot"*

I must've been so drunk that I didn't notice so, I immediately apologized and said,

*"Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"*

Don't remember much else.

A drunk man approaches two overweight women after overhearing their conversation...

and says to them:

"Hey! I recognize that accent! Which part of England are you two lovely women from?"

Annoyed at the man's ignorance, they exclaim: "It's Wales!"

"Oh I'm so sorry! Which part of England are you two lovely *whales* from?"

Walking home after a girls' night out, two rather drunk women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!"

"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"


Father, what causes arthritis?

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, ''Father, what causes arthritis?''
''Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man,'' the priest replied. ''Imagine that,'' the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: ''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'' ''I don't have arthritis, Father,'' the drunk said, ''but I just read in the paper that the Pope does.''

In a shelter for abused women.

My husband used to beat me on regular basis. Sometimes, he would get his drinking mates and they would stand one after another to beat me. But one day I said to myself: get a grip woman, enough is enough. So when my husband and his mates collapsed drunk, I run away to this shelter. After 6 months I feel much better. The thing I like the most about this place is that there is no punchline.

A Russian drunk in a streetcar

Another Russian joke. A drunk boards a streetcar, and says out loud:

"All the women to the left of me are idiots, and all the women to the right are whores."

A woman to the right stands up and says, "I've been married for 15 years, and I've always been faithful to my husband, so there."

"Then move to the left."

3 women meet for brunch after a wild night...

1st woman says "girls I got so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks".

2nd woman says "you think that's bad? After I dropped you two off, I drove home. I was so hammered I ended up driving through my garage door and kept going. Destroyed my garage, my husband says it's going to cost 5 grand to fix".

3rd woman goes "When I got home I decided to take a bath and light some candles. I was so drunk, I passed out, knocked over the candles and ended up burning down my whole house".

1st woman exclaims "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog!"

Not your typical response

Some guy was having fun with another woman in her house. He finished up and as he was ready to leave, he realizes he smells like her perfume. So he had a great idea. He went to a local bar, drank a few good ones and went home.

His wife smelled him and said:
"Do you think I'm stupid, huh? You can bathe yourself in a women's perfume all you want, I can still guess you went to a bar, you drunk!".

Drunk Welsh man walks into a bar

A drunk welsh man walks into a bar. How many women are pregnant at the end of the night? None, but I wouldn't eat the lamb!

You can explore drunk women reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean drunk women dad jokes. There are also drunk women puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


If two negatives make a positive.

Shouldn't that make drunk women the best drivers?

A women was drinking in a bar.

She blacked out and woke up with her clothes off in a strangers bed.

How did this occur?

Cause A : she got black out drunk and slept with someone.
Or Cosby?

Two drunk men walked into a bar...

A woman says, Why are you in the women's restroom?

One man says, We're not, why are you in the women's restroom?

What does a drunk use to turn on women?

Bud Lights!

I like all my women to be

I like all my women to be
Just the same as my morning coffee,
I.e. liquid and hot,
Often drunk on a yacht
And usually bought for a fee.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the drunk women jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working drunk women piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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