The Best 25 Drunk Talk Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Drunk Talk jokes. There are some drunk talk drunkenly jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these drunk talk dude you were so drunk last night puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Drunk Talk Jokes and Puns

There is a drunk guy in a bar and a big, fat woman with a parrot on her shoulder.

She sits by the drunk guy and he looks over at her and says, "Where'd you get that hog?" She looks at him and frowns. He takes a few more drinks, then he says, "Where'd you get that hog?" She looks and says, "I'll have you know, this is not a hog, this is a parrot!" The dude says, "Well I'll have you know, I was talking to the hog."

A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See.

.. here is the a monkey of the jungle."

His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..."

He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!"

Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks.

(TKZS = a state-run commie collective farm.)

A man walks in the TKZS' boss office and says: "Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks."

The boss laughs straight at his face: "Comrade, the average salary here is 150 bucks. I don't make 500. Why would I pay you 5000?"

β€žCuz I can talk to animals. Don't believe me? Let's walk around the farm.

They reach the cow, she says "Moo!" and boss asks cockily "What'd she say?"

β€žShe said she gives 30 litres of milk daily. She also says you and the mayor split 10 litres between you and book only 20. The boss looks a bit worried now and says β€žCome with me, I wanna show you the pigsty. They get there, the sow says β€žOink! and boss waits for our guy's answer.

β€žPiggy says she gave birth to 6 piglets, but you and the mayor got one each, and booked only 4.
TKZS boss sizes up our guy and then says β€žWelcome aboard, let's go sign the papers.
They make their way to the office building and while they pass the goat, the goat goes β€žMeeh!

Boss says β€žDon't listen to her. Me and the mayor were a bit drunk.

Drunk Talk joke, Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks.

A drunk guy enters a Catholic church

A drunk guy enters a Catholic church. He stumbles along, talks with the statues and finally enters the confessional where he sits down quietly on the chair. The priest patiently waits for him then coughs a bit but he gets no reaction. He waits a little while longer and knocks in the wall, finally drawing the drunk's attention:

-Stop the knocking, fool, there's no toilet paper in here either!

Translating the German joke Germans only tell Germans.

I don't like to talk about the Holocaust either. My grandfather died in a concentration camp.

He got drunk and fell off the guard tower.


The Drunk Driver and The Cop

A drunk driver was caught while driving and the officer came to talk to him

Officer: Sir, How HIGH are You ?

Driver: Officer, I think you are DRUNK, its not How HI are you, its HI, How Are You.. :)

Two Irish men were talking one morning..

"You were so drunk yesterday!", said Callum.

"Why, What did I do?", said David.

"You took a taxi home!"

"So what, it means i don't wan't to get caught for drunk drivin'!"

"The party was at your OWN HOUSE!"

Drunk Talk joke, Two Irish men were talking one morning..

Mom: Why don't you talk to John anymore, you used to be best friends?

Son: Well, would you be friends with someone who was stupid, took drugs and was drunk all the time?

Mom: No, Never!

Son: Well neither would he!

I told myself I should stop drinking...

But I'm not about to listen to some drunk who talks to himself.

I tell myself I should cut back on my drinking

but I am not gonna listen to a drunk who talks to his self

A woman on her way home from market was carrying a duck...

...when a drunk staggered up to her and said, "Hey, where'd ja get the pig?" The woman replied, "You drunken fool, that's no pig -- it's a duck!" And the drunk said, "Quiet, woman , I was talking to the duck!"

You can explore drunk talk guy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean drunk talk bar dad jokes. There are also drunk talk puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Two men are sitting in a bar...

...one of them is drinking quite heavily.

The other asks, What's the problem friend?

The drunk replies, I just found out my mother is a prostitute.

The other stands up, retorting, What?! I need to find that woman and talk to her!

The drunk responds, Sit down, it's not worth it. She doesn't even offer a 'family and friends' discount.

Apparently I need to listen more in church.

Turns out the preacher wasn't talking about Jim Beam when he asked if anyone had been drunk on the Holy Spirit.

A woman carrying a duck gets on a bus....

When she takes her seat, a drunk man next to her exclaims, "That's the ugliest pig I've ever seen!"

The woman replied, indignantly, "That shows what you know. This is a duck."

The drunk says, "I know, I was talking to the duck."

I was talking to my best friend last night.

Me: IM NOT DRUNK! YOUR DRUNK!

Best friend: dude... I'm your reflection.

Me: (cries) I know...

Two drunk friends are talking:

The first says: Hhey bro, how wasted are you??

The second replies: I'm so wasted that my life and opportunities feel jealous...

Drunk Talk joke, Two drunk friends are talking:

I'm not drunk officer..

I'm just talking in cursive.

Two drunk friends were talking in a bar.

Men 1: Yesterday my wife ran away with my best friend Mike.

Man 2: Since when was Mike your best friend?

Man 1: Since yesterday.

Two drunk men are talking in a bar

- You know? my uncle is now resting in peace
- I had no clue your uncle had died
- No, the one who died was my aunt


I met a drunk ventriloquist who said she wanted to sleep with me...

I didn't know whether it was her or the beer talking...

I met a drunk ventriloquist at the bar last night.

She said I was the most handsome man she had ever seen. I wasn't sure if it was her or the beer talking.

I was in my kitchen

Drinking a beer, when suddenly it said "hey hiya, how's it going!" I was stunned. "Wow, you can talk?" I asked the beer.

"Sure!" It said, "All beers can talk."

"Oh really?" I asked. I picked up an empty bottle and said "Can you talk?"

"Mmrrphrrgaaaa!" Is all the empty bottle said.

"What's the deal?" I asked the first bottle, "why can't I understand the empty bottle?"

"Oh," it said, "he's drunk."

Marital Misunderstanding

It's 4.00am. A man comes stumbling home and bursts drunk into his bedroom. He's totally dishevelled, stinks of booze and has a goat tucked under his arm. His wife sits up with a shriek and shouts:

"How dare you come home in that condition! And what's that thing under your arm?"

Her husband looks at her and says:

"This is the pig I sleep with when you're having one of your headaches."

"You idiot. That's not a pig it's a goat!"

"Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to my goat."

Two drunks are in a bar

First one says to the other: do you know they have golden toilets here?

Second drunk says: no way! You're drunk and making stuff up.

Drunk 1: I swear, go check it out. End of the hallway, second door on the left.

Drunk 2 comes back from checking it out and says: I knew you were pulling my leg. It's just a regular toilet.

Drunk 1: hey bartender, tell this guy I'm not making it up. I was here yesterday and I swear to god you had a golden toilet.

Bartender talking to his boss at the other end of the bar: hey boss, I think I found the guy who took a dump in your tuba.

A couple gets pulled over by a cop

Wife: Why are you lying, you were going 70km/h.

Man: What the hell? Shut up.

Policeman: You don't even have your safety belt on.

Man: I just removed it, because you stopped me.

Wife: You are lying, you didn't have the belt on.

Man: SHUT UP!!!!

Policeman: Does he always talk like this to you?

Wife: No officer, only when he is drunk.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the drunk talk drunk people jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working drunk talk drunk women piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes