drunk police call Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious drunk police call puns

A police officer pulls over a driver...

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.

"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.

The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."

His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."

Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"

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A Police officer pulled over a driver

and informs him that he has just won $1000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt. "What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks. The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license." His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart ass when he's drunk." The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car." Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"

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DRIVER WITH LUCK

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.

"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.

The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."

His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."

Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"

👍🏼

A hearty laugh after a long time.

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.

"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.

The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."

His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."

Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"

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Designated driver?

Yesterday I went out with a few friends. We got into a bar and had a few drinks.

I was over my limit and we call it a night after a few shots.

Surely it wasn't a good idea.

Knowing that I was completely drunk, I've done something that I never done before: I went home by Taxi.

On my way, there was a police operation, but since it was a Taxi they've not asked to stop.

I came home safe and sound, no incidents, no worries at all.

However, I've never drove a taxi before, and still don't know where the fuck I got this one.

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A police officer pulls over a driver...

and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt. "What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks. The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license." His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk." The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car." Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"

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A group of 8 year old kids mysteriously get drunk at a slumber party

A boy has 5 of his friends over for a slumber party. His friends mom buys the kids two 2 liter bottles of Root Beer and begins serving it to the kids. Before the kids get through the first bottle they begin to act drunk, and the parents begin to notice that they smell like alcohol. One of the kids then throws up and the parents confirm that the kid has thrown up an alcoholic beverage. The parents set aside the rest of the Root Beer and call the police. The police arrive and inspect the rest of the Root Beer in the bottle from which the kids were being served. They find absolutely no trace of alcohol in the Root Beer, and are at first stumped, until one of the officers notices the glasses in which the parents were serving the Root Beer. The officer then looks at the parents and says "Here's the problem right here." Both parents look at each other, baffled. The officer concludes: "You served the kids Root Beer in square glasses."

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Random Luck

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.

"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.

The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."

His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."

Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"

👍🏼

A police officer pulls over a driver...

A police officer pulls over a driver and
informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.

"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks. The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."

His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car." Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"

👍🏼

A man Walk in to a Bar

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.

The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.

The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.

A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely--but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.

The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.

A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.

The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.

The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man! How many bars do you work at?"

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A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed....

.....the offenders had drunk all of his beer before
also raping his wife. A moment of silence and the guy says
"I cant believe they shagged my wife after only having five
beers!"

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A drunk shoots a police officer

He calls 911 and asks:

Drunk: Is this 911?

Dispatcher: Yes.

Drunk: Well there's 910 of you now!

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If you have "that little voice on your shoulder" don't read this.

Few of the most fucked up jokes i've heard. Couple side notes. 1. If i spell something wrong or punctuate something wrong.. FUCK OFF.
2. If any of these jokes offend you.. FUCK OFF i warned you in the title.

1. What do you call a homosexual in a wheel chair?

- Rolaids

2. I was fucking this girl in the ass the other night and she told me "stop the pain is excruciating" and i was impressed, thats a hell of a vocabulary for a 7 year old.

3. Whats the difference between a pizza and a jew?

Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven.

4. What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

The wheel Chair.

5. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

It was dead.

Why did the bird fall out of the tree?

It was getting fucked by the monkey.

6. I'm piss drunk and don't feel like dealing with all of you grammar nazis and no fun police. So if this gets upvoted I'll post more.

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Townes Van Zandt joke

A police officer stops a drunk man on the street.

Officer: How are you doing this evening, sir?

Drunk: Officer, I think somebody stole my car.

Officer: Where did you last see it?

Drunk: Right at the end of this key.

Officer: Alright, buddy, why don't you just call a cab. And zip up your fly while you're at it.

Drunk: Ah, man, they got my girl too!

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A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."
Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"

👍🏼

What are the most funny Drunk Police Call jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Drunk Police Call? Well, here are the best Drunk Police Call dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Drunk Police Call pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes