The Best 18 Drunk In Church Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Drunk In Church jokes. There are some drunk in church catholic jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these drunk in church church knock knock puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Drunk In Church Jokes and Puns

I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: Don't go in there! Don't go in the church, you moron."

She was watching our wedding video again.

Drunk in confession booth.

A drunk staggers into a church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to just sit there. Finally,the priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"

A drunk staggers into a church one evening, goes into the confessional box and sits down. He doesn't say a word.

The priest coughs to try and get his attention. There's no response so the priest coughs again. There's still no response from the drunk.

The priest coughs a couple of more times and still doesn't get any response, so finally he pounds on the wall.

The drunk slurs, "There's no use knocking. There's no paper this side either."

Confession

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confessional booth and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally,the drunk replies:"No use knockin' mate, there's no paper in this one either."

A drunk enters a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth sits down but says nothing

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there, not saying a word.

Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

To which the drunk mumbles, Sorry, can't help you. There's no paper on this side either.


A priest in church wanted to demonstrate the dangers of alcohol.

He took out a live worm, dipped it in a glass of water and pulled it out alive. 'See? The worm is alive and well'. He now dips the worm in a glass of whisky and pulls out the worm. He screams at the congregation 'look at this worm. It's dead now. What does that tell you? The drunk at the back says: if you drink whisky you won't get worms.

A drunk staggers into a Catholic church

He enters a confession booth and sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk just sits there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk man shouts, "Ain't no use knocking! There's no paper on this side either!"

A drunk walks into a church...

...during mass and sits down. The priest is bothered by his presence and says to everybody:

\-The drink is a terrible vice, so much so that a drunk man will never reach salvation. If any of you is inebriated, I ask you to stand up.

The drunk man does, looks around to everybody sitted and says:

\-Whelp, I guess it's just the two of us, father.

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church...

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin', there's *no* *paper on this side* either!"

A drunk guy enters a Catholic church

A drunk guy enters a Catholic church. He stumbles along, talks with the statues and finally enters the confessional where he sits down quietly on the chair. The priest patiently waits for him then coughs a bit but he gets no reaction. He waits a little while longer and knocks in the wall, finally drawing the drunk's attention:

-Stop the knocking, fool, there's no toilet paper in here either!

Did you hear that Jesus was a bit of a drunk?

One time He got so hammered that He fell asleep in a cave for three days before He woke up.

(heard in church today) :-) Happy Easter!

You can explore drunk in church times reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean drunk in church booth dad jokes. There are also drunk in church puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A drunk stumbles out of a bar...

...and meanders down the street. He makes his way into a church and enters the confessional booth. A priest is there and waits a minute, but the drunk says nothing. He waits 5 minutes, then 10, and still there's silence. Finally, the priest knocks loudly on the dividing wall, and the drunk pipes up, "Sorry, pal, I can't help you. I've got no paper over here, either."

Church lady

There was a church lady who always was dressed very properly and always carried her bible with her. She had a bad habit of judging people and letting them know what she thought of them.
One day, she was riding on the crosstown bus and a drunk guy got on. There was only one seat left which was right next to the church lady.
She said to the man, you're a disgusting and smelly drunk. You're going straight to hell.
The man said Excuse me ma'am. I think I'm on the wrong bus.

A drunk stumbled to a church to ask a priest a question. He drunkenly asked "Father, what causes arthritis?"

The priest, annoyed by the drunk, angrily replies:

"Arthritis? That's caused by drinking! Drinking too much!" The priest declared.

"Oh really father?" The drunk slurred.

However, the father wanted to really teach this man a lesson, and he said:

"Having un-wed sex also causes arthritis! And smoking! And gambling! All of it!" The priest shouted.

"Oh really father?" The drunk mumbled. "Because I read in the news that people in the clergy suffer from arthritis."

A drunk walks into a church.

Drunk: "I'm Jesus Christ!!!"

The pastor stops his sermon and just stares at him.

Drunk: "I'm Jesus Christ!!!"

Pastor: "Sir, you are not Jesus. Can you please leave?"

Drunk: "I am. And I can prove it. Follow me!"

The pastor and some church members follow him. He walks down the street a ways, crosses, and enters a bar. The pastor follows.

Drunk: "HEY EVERYBODY!!!"

Bartender: "Jesus Christ! Are you here again?!"

A drunk staggers into the confessional booth at church...

The priest enters the other side and asks: Can I help you my son?

In a strained grunting voice, the drunk says: Yeah, have you got any paper?

A guy goes in to a catholic church to confess his sins but Father is still sleeping up stairs half drunk so one of the altar boys tries taking the confession instead

but soon this altar boy is put in a situation where he does not know what to do.

"Euh, excuses me for one sec. I will be right back to let you know what the proper penance is for that sin"

"Psssht, hey danny. Danny!"

"Yeah"

"What does Father give for masturbation?"

"Two snickers and a marsbar"

Apparently I need to listen more in church.

Turns out the preacher wasn't talking about Jim Beam when he asked if anyone had been drunk on the Holy Spirit.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the drunk in church church deacon jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working drunk in church church humor and piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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