The Best 12 Drunk Idiots Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Drunk Idiots jokes. There are some drunk idiots booze jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these drunk idiots dude you were so drunk last night puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Drunk Idiots Jokes and Puns

I was in a bar when...

I was in a bar in London throwing back brewski's when these two larger women walked in. They both had strong accents so I asked.

*"Are you two ladies from Scotland?"*

One of the ladies turned to me and said,

*"It's Wales you idiot"*

I must've been so drunk that I didn't notice so, I immediately apologized and said,

*"Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"*

Don't remember much else.

Drunk guy at a bar

So there's a drunk guy at a bar and all of a sudden he starts to vomit. Oh no, I vomited on my t-shirt, my wife is gonna kill me! Says the drunkard. Let me help you with that , says the bartender. The bartender goes to the drunk guy and says: tell your wife some idiot vomited on your t-shirt and gave you 10 dollar for the inconvenience. Off he goes, the drunk guy.. he tells his wife the story and hands her 20 dollar. But you said 10 dollar , replies his wife. Yes but the idiot also shat in my pants!

Marital Misunderstanding

It's 4.00am. A man comes stumbling home and bursts drunk into his bedroom. He's totally dishevelled, stinks of booze and has a goat tucked under his arm. His wife sits up with a shriek and shouts:

"How dare you come home in that condition! And what's that thing under your arm?"

Her husband looks at her and says:

"This is the pig I sleep with when you're having one of your headaches."

"You idiot. That's not a pig it's a goat!"

"Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to my goat."

Drunk Idiots joke, Marital Misunderstanding

I pointed towards two old drunks sitting across the table in the bar

and told my friend "We'll be like that in another 10 years"

He said "That's a mirror you idiot!"

A Russian drunk in a streetcar

Another Russian joke. A drunk boards a streetcar, and says out loud:

"All the women to the left of me are idiots, and all the women to the right are whores."

A woman to the right stands up and says, "I've been married for 15 years, and I've always been faithful to my husband, so there."

"Then move to the left."


A teacher arrives to work drunk.

"Alright class, today we're going to... I don't bloody know. Learn the alphabet"

"Are you okay sir?" enquires one of the pupils.

"It starts A, B, C, D you idiot!"

A drunk at a bar

A drunk at a bar stands in the middle of the bar a says out loud: Everyone to my left are stupid, and everyone to my right are idiots!
A guy to the drunks left got mad and said to him: Wait a minute, I am not stupid okay! Drunk looks at him and says: Then move to the right side of the bar you idiot!

Drunk Idiots joke, A drunk at a bar

Two drunk idiots are sitting on top of a building...

Staring at the moon, one of 'em says, "Give me your flashlight, I'll turn it on, aim it at the moon and then you go climb up to the moon using the beam."

"No! You idiot! What if you turn it off when I'm midway!"

(English, not my native language, apologies.)

A man, that gets drunk almost every night, sees his friend while walking.

This one notices that the drunk guy has both ears burned and very injured, so he asks:

"How did it happen?"

The other night my wife left the iron on, then someone called me, and I took accidentally the iron instead of the telephone.

Oh...That sucks. And the left ear?

The idiot called again.

Are you Drunk?

Husband came home drunk. To avoid wife's scolding, he took a laptop & started working.
Wife: Did u drink ??
Husband : No! I swear!
Wife: Idiot!!! Then why are you typing on your suitcase?

I pointed to 2 old drunks

sitting across from us and told my friend, "That's us in 10 years"
He said,"That's a mirror idiot"

You can explore drunk idiots drunken reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean drunk idiots slurs dad jokes. There are also drunk idiots puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


It's better to have business with a drunk professional than a sober idiot.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the drunk idiots drunk people jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working drunk idiots drunk women piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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