Drunk Idiots Jokes
9 drunk idiots jokes and hilarious drunk idiots puns to laugh out loud. Read bar jokes about drunk idiots that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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What is a good drunk idiots joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
I was in a bar when...
I was in a bar in London throwing back brewski's when these two larger women walked in. They both had strong accents so I asked.
*"Are you two ladies from Scotland?"*
One of the ladies turned to me and said,
*"It's Wales you idiot"*
I must've been so drunk that I didn't notice so, I immediately apologized and said,
*"Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"*
Don't remember much else.
Drunk guy at a bar
So there's a drunk guy at a bar and all of a sudden he starts to v**.... Oh no, I vomited on my t-shirt, my wife is gonna kill me! Says the drunkard. Let me help you with that , says the bartender. The bartender goes to the drunk guy and says: tell your wife some idiot vomited on your t-shirt and gave you 10 dollar for the inconvenience. Off he goes, the drunk guy.. he tells his wife the story and hands her 20 dollar. But you said 10 dollar , replies his wife. Yes but the idiot also s**... in my pants!
Marital Misunderstanding
It's 4.00am. A man comes stumbling home and bursts drunk into his bedroom. He's totally dishevelled, stinks of booze and has a goat tucked under his arm. His wife sits up with a shriek and shouts:
"How dare you come home in that condition! And what's that thing under your arm?"
Her husband looks at her and says:
"This is the pig I sleep with when you're having one of your headaches."
"You idiot. That's not a pig it's a goat!"
"Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to my goat."
I pointed towards two old drunks sitting across the table in the bar
and told my friend "We'll be like that in another 10 years"
He said "That's a mirror you idiot!"
A Russian drunk in a streetcar
Another Russian joke. A drunk boards a streetcar, and says out loud:
"All the women to the left of me are idiots, and all the women to the right are w**...."
A woman to the right stands up and says, "I've been married for 15 years, and I've always been faithful to my husband, so there."
"Then move to the left."
A teacher arrives to work drunk.
"Alright class, today we're going to... I don't b**... know. Learn the alphabet"
"Are you okay sir?" enquires one of the pupils.
"It starts A, B, C, D you idiot!"
A drunk at a bar
A drunk at a bar stands in the middle of the bar a says out loud: Everyone to my left are s**..., and everyone to my right are idiots!
A guy to the drunks left got mad and said to him: Wait a minute, I am not s**... okay! Drunk looks at him and says: Then move to the right side of the bar you idiot!
Two drunk idiots are sitting on top of a building...
Staring at the moon, one of 'em says, "Give me your flashlight, I'll turn it on, aim it at the moon and then you go climb up to the moon using the beam."
"No! You idiot! What if you turn it off when I'm midway!"
(English, not my native language, apologies.)
"I'm not serving you," said the bartender. "Too drunk."
"Sober up then you idiot," I slurred.
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