JokoJokes

Drunk Girl Jokes

65 drunk girl jokes and hilarious drunk girl puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about drunk girl that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Popular Drunk Girl Short Jokes

Short drunk girl jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The drunk girl humour may include short drunk guy jokes also.

  1. I was getting drunk with this cute girl and booze was going everywhere. Then suddenly I slipped in cider.
  2. This girl came up to me and said, "I really like your forearms." She must have been drunk though, I've only got two.
  3. What do a marine biologist and a drunk girl have in common? They're both worried about the seal!
  4. I realized I absolutely can't pick up girls at the bar... They're either too heavy or I'm too drunk...
  5. I had some drinks at the bar last night before stumbling on home. I walked in the house and my girl says to me Drunk again!! I said Me too!
  6. What does this joke mean? A friend of mine said this to a girl: Lucky the drunk because he gets to see you twice .
  7. Drunk girls are like COD campers when they go peeing... ...hiding behind a bush or tree and pressing circle...
  8. Hey girl, you must be called Pepsi You're cheap, drunk all day, and you ain't gonna carry yourself home...
  9. If I had a penny for each time I had to handle a mean drunk girl in college I would've dropped the penny.
  10. Why should girls be wary of getting drunk if they find honey next to them? Because it's actually bee-cider.

Share These Drunk Girl Jokes With Friends




Drunk Girl One Liners

Which drunk girl one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with drunk girl? I can suggest the ones about drunk man and drunk women.

  1. Around me, girls tend to lie when they're drunk... Especially on their back
  2. Big girls are like mopeds I'll get drunk and wreck them too.
  3. Know what goes by really fast? A drunk sorority girl.
  4. Drunk Girl Wrote Notes To Her Sober Self. It's As Funny As It Sounds
  5. What do you call a girl who's only attractive when you're blind drunk at 3am? Doner
  6. What's the mating call of a sorority girl? O My GOd! I am so drunk.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about drunk girl can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of drunk girl puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Giggle-Inducing Drunk Girl Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about drunk girl you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean drunk jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make drunk girl prank.

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party in a bar.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned: "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.
"And why not, darling?", the father asked.
You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

A drunk guy goes to a party...

A drunk goes to a party, he w**... standing for a long time before he spots a cute girl siting on a chair. He goes over to her and says: "do you want to dance?"
She blushes and says yes
He says:"good, I'm gonna sit on your chair"

So there is this bar on the 15th floor of a building in New York

And this dude walks in like he owns the place. He walks up to the bartender and orders 4 of his "Special Drinks". Then he jumps out the window and flys around the building 10 times.
When he jumps back in he goes to this girl at the bar and says "Did you see that?" She says no and he orders 4 more drinks and flys around the bar again. This time she was walking to the window while he was flying and she still didn't see it. He comes back in, orders 4 more drinks and tells the girl to wait at the window. Flys around the building and this time she sees it.
When he jumps back in she is ecstatic. "Oh my god! That is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. Bartender, give me 4 of those drinks."
She jumps out the window and falls to her death.
The bartender turns to the man and says "Superman, you're a mean drunk"

Two wives go out for girls night.

Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee.
They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with.
One used her p**... the other grabbed a wreath off a grave.
The next morning one husband called the other and said, "no more girls night out! my wife came back with no p**...."
The other husband said, "you think that's bad? mine came back with a card in her crack that read "from all of us at the fire station... we'll never forget you"!!

There was a Gay guy named Billy

Billy was dating a bisexual guy named Jordan. Recently, however, Jordan has started going to parties on Friday nights without inviting Billy. Billy, thinking that Jordan was ashamed of dating a guy, asks to go with him one day.
When they arrive at the bar, he notices that Jordan is not holding his hands like he usually does. When they walk in, a short, drunk blonde girl who wraps her arms around his waist. Jordan introduces the girl as Jean, who tells Billy that she's heard a lot about him. Billy wonders if he told her about their relationship and starts to get jealous. He tells Jordan that he's going to go home early.
Jordan follows him to the door and asks why he is leaving. Billy just says that he is not having fun and tells him to have fun with his "friend". Jordan realizes what this was all about and tells him that the girl was just someone he used to date. She recently had a child and he wanted to know whether the child was his or not.
Billy doesn't believe Jordan's story. He rolls his eyes and starts walking away again. However, Jordan stops him and looks him right in the eye. Then, he says, "Billy, Jean is not my lover. She's just some girl who said that I am the one. But the kid is not my son."

Three Woodcutters & The w**...

Three woodcutters were finishing up a hard, four-month stint in the forest. They had not seen or heard anything other than the trees and the sound of their axes that entire time. They packed up, and headed to the nearest town.
After getting sufficiently drunk, they decided to visit the town brothel. Upon entering, the madam became nervous at the sight of the three men because she had only two girls working that night. She thought on her feet, and decided to bed the drunkest looking woodcutter with a blow-up doll.
After all was done they met downstairs to compare notes. The drunkest woodcutter said: "She was okay at first, but a little too quiet. So I bit her n**..., then she let out a huge f**... and flew out the window."

Black Stereotype

A black man meets a pretty white girl at a bar. They hit it off through the night get a little drunk and decide to take a cab home together. When the white girl arrived at her stop she asked the black man to come inside. He does and the fun continues.
The white girl is sitting on her couch next to black man running her fingers along his pants and says in a s**... voice "so is it true what they about black men? I want you to prove it to me." the black man says "okay baby you sure your ready for this?" she says yeah excitedly.
He then stabs her and steals her purse.

A drunk is walking around downtown...

When he walks up to a cop to complain that his car has been stolen.
The cop asks, "Well, where was the last place you saw it?"
The drunk says, "It was right here at the end of this key."
The cop says, "Well, I suggest you go over to the station house and fill out a report."
The drunk starts to walk away when the cop says, "Hey, before you go, you might want to zip your fly."
The drunk looks down and says, "Aw, man, they got my girl, too."

A drunk walks up to a cop...

Drunk: "Man, somebody stole my car..."
Cop: "Where was your car when it got stolen?"
Drunk: "Right here on the end of this key."
Cop: "Well maybe you should go down to the precinct, and they'll fill out all the proper paper work. But before you go, you might want to zip up your fly."
The drunk looks down and replies: "Man, they got my girl too..."

The Scottsman

Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked the he'd drunk more than his share
He fumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet
And he stumbled off in to the grass to sleep beside the street
About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by
One says to the other, with a twinkle in her eye
"See yon sleeping Scotsman, so strong a handsome built?
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt."
They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there, behold, for them to view beneath his Scotish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
They marveled for a moment, then one said "We must be gone.
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along"
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied in to a bow
Around the bonnie star the Scot's kilt did lift and show
Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards the trees
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt, and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says, to what's before his eyes,
"Lad, I don't know where ya been, but I see you've won first prize"
The Irish Rovers, "The Scottsman"

A drunk gets his car stolen...

A police officer is walking his beat as a drunk stumbles towards him and engages:
Drunk: "Excuse me officer, somebody stole some my car."
Cop: "Well where was it?"
D (holding up his car key): "It was at the end of this key"
C: "Ah I see, well you should go downtown to the precinct and report it there. They can help you with the proper forms."
The drunk goes to leave as they Cop stops him and says, "Before you go, you should zip up your fly."
The drunk looks down and sighs, "oh no, they got my girl too."

A Drunk is Walking Down the Street

he walks up to a cop and says, "Man, somebody stole my car."
The cop asks, "well where was it?"
The drunk goes, "it was on the end of this key here."
The cop replies, "I dunno man. Why don't you go down to the station and file a report down there. You fill out all the proper forms and they'll help you."
The drunk says, "OK." And he starts to walk off.
The cop hollers at him, "Hey! Before you go downtown you might want to zip up your fly."
The Drunk looks down and says, "aww man, they got my girl too!"

french vs german , who won ?

a drunk old man was found crying inconsolably by his friend .

"what's wrong ? "

"i did something terribly bad that to this day I terribly regret"

"but what have you done ?!"

"do you remember when the germans came to tunisia for the french ? , i offered a french girl a place to hide from the germans "

" you are a gentleman ! , why do you regret it "

" it wasn't for free you know what i mean "

" that's so bad but it's better than being killed if she was ok with that"

" you don't understand , should i tell her that the war is over " haha

A drunk stumbles up to a police officer...

A drunk stumbles up to a police officer and says, "Officer, somebody stole my car!"
The police officer asks where he last saw it, to which he replies, "On the end of this key."
Shaking his head the officer replies "Yeah, why don't you go on down to the station and fill out a report."
The drunk agrees, and as he is walking away the officer stops him and says "Hey, just so you know, your fly is down."
The drunk looks and says "Ah, man, they got my girl too!"

Daddy, what's it like being drunk?

A little girl goes up to her dad and asks "Daddy, what does it feel like being drunk?" "Well," the father replies "You see those 2 telephone poles over there in the distance?" he says, pointing in the direction of the poles. "A drunk person would see 4 telephone poles there." The little girl, confused, replies "But daddy, there is only one telephone pole over there"

A cop sees a drunk stumbling down the street

He says, "Hey, Buddy, you look a little drunk, you ok?."
The drunk says, "Man, I sure am glad to see you officer. See, somebody just stole my car."
The cop says, "Stole your car? Where was the car when you last saw it?"
The guy says, "Right on the end of this key."
The cop looks at the key and looks at the drunk and says, "Well, go two blocks down to the Station and report it to the desk sergeant."
The drunk says, "Thanks, officer. You been a big help."
As the drunk start stumbling towards the station, the cop looks down at the guys pants and says, "Hey buddy, before you go, you better zip up your fly."
The guy looks down at his pants and says, "Aw man, they got my girl too."

Townes Van Zandt joke

A police officer stops a drunk man on the street.
Officer: How are you doing this evening, sir?
Drunk: Officer, I think somebody stole my car.
Officer: Where did you last see it?
Drunk: Right at the end of this key.
Officer: Alright, buddy, why don't you just call a cab. And zip up your fly while you're at it.
Drunk: Ah, man, they got my girl too!

I was really drunk once and gave a girl a rim-job...

I'll always remember this as the night I got s**...-faced.

An American girl goes on vacation to Berlin

While walking through town one night, she sees a drunk guy openly taking a leak up against a wall.
Disgusted, she loudly proclaims, "g**...!"
The man turns with a proud smile on his face and says, "Danke!"

I hate double standards...

When a girl wears a thong she is called bold and s**.... But when I do it I'm just called drunk and asked to leave Denny's.

Having a t**... with a mom and daughter

So it was Saturday night and I had no date and decided to drop in at the bar to get drunk and hopefully a girl to get laid with. As I started downing a few shots I noticed this hot looking mature lady ( must be in her 50s) sitting all alone at a corner table getting drunk and this thought came to mind that if she looks so hot for her age then she must be having a hot looking daughter as well and wish I could have a t**... with them. So I went to her table and asked her if I could join and to my delight she said yes. I chatted her up and next thing I know we caught a taxi and proceeded to her home. In the taxi I told her about my fantasy of having a t**... with a mother daughter combo and to my delight she felt it was a great idea and so we reached her home and as we entered she let out a shout,"Mom you still awake?"

A father-to-be was waiting anxiously outside the labour ward where his wife was delivering a baby.

A nurse came up to the man and said, 'You have a girl, but there's another one on the way, so come back soon.'
'Twins,' he thought, a little shakily. He went away and came back an hour later to be told that the second baby had been born, but there was still another on the way.
'Good grief,' he thought.
He went to the pub down the street, and after a beer he phoned in and was told a fourth one was on the way. He started to drown his sorrows. A few stiff whiskies later he called the hospital again, but was so drunk he dialled the wrong number - and got the recorded cricket score. Crying in agony, he collapsed on the floor, a poor, devastated, shuddering and weeping mess.
As the barman struggled to pick him up, he heard the voice from the phone say, 'The score is 88 all out. And the last one was a duck.'

I was at a party...

I was walking around when I realized I had left my watch on the bed in the master bedroom. I worked my way through the crowd of people and opened the bedroom door. There on the bed was a guy who was s**... assaulting a drunk girl. I walked right up to him and punched him square in the face. Nobody is going to s**... assault a girl...not on my watch.

Two drunk men visit a brothel

The madame takes a look at them and tells her manager: Go and put inflatable dolls in their bedrooms.These guys are too drunk to notice.
After finishing their act ,on their way back ...
1st drunk: I think my girl was dead as she never made a noise or made a move. Upon this the 2nd drunk says: Mine was worse....... I think she was a witch!!!
1st drunk: Why would u say that???
2nd drunk: Well i gave a little love bite on her b**........She f**... in my face and flew out of the window.

My wife was happy today

I came home super drunk last night. She said that when she snuck in bed and was about to tell me off, I said "Go away I have a wife." I don't think she realises I only say that to the ugly girls.

Original joke. Hey! I tried.

I got this friend, he and I can't agree on anything. It's a constant battle.
We go on a trip together every year and this year, after much debate, we decided to take a trip to Las Vegas.
So, we're enjoying our first night in Vegas, we're both a little drunk and my buddy says, "Hey, let's get a h**...." I'm pretty drunk too, so I agree.
We go to a brothel and of course it takes us forever to agree on a girl, but we finally do. A nice young girl named Paige.
So, we go to the room, we all get undressed and start going at it. My buddy and I are both pounding away, I finally catch his eye and I say, "Hey! I'm glad to see we're finally on the same Paige!"

Scandanavian b**...

What did the Norse goddess say to Thor when he drunk dialed her?
"I aint no Valhalla back girl."

The bro code

Jill didn't come home one night. When she got home the next morning, she said she'd slept over at a girl friend's house.
Jack called ten of her best friends, but none of them said she had been there.
A week later, Jack doesn't come home. The next day, he says he spent the night at a buddy's house after getting too drunk.
Jill called his ten best friends. 8 said he'd been there the night before, while 2 said he was still there.

So this drunk guy stumbles up to a cop...

And says, excuse me officer I lost my car and the officer says, well where did you see it last?
Guy: it was right here on the end of my key
Officer: Alright well head down to the station and they'll set you up with the proper paperwork, but before you go, you might want to zip up your fly
The man looks down and says, Awww man they got my girl too!

So today I smashed my van in to the side of this blonde lasses car...

It was totally my fault, the car was a write off and the girl was very shook up, you could tell she was in shock so I told her I had a few cans of beer in the back of my van if she wanted them to get over the shock ..... She accepted, drunk a few then asked me if I was having one, I told her I'd wait until the police had been.

All the girls I date are unemployed, drunk, and are on drugs.

I'm starting to think this whole opposites attract thing is b**....

A drunk American was p**... on a street in Germany

When a German girl walks by and screams Ah Nein! The American guy says, I'm flattered but I think it's closer to 8.

Drunks

Drunk guy: "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before
the devil knows you're dead!"
Drunk girl: "What's that mean?"
Drunk guy: "It's an Irish toast."
Drunk girl: "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."
Drunk guy: "Huh?"
Drunk girl: "That's

Heard in Townes Van Zandt's Live at the Old Quarter album

There's this drunk walking down the street, and he walks up to this cop and says, Man, somebody stole my car. The cop says, Well, where was it? And he says, It was right on the end of this key.
The cop says, There's not much I can do for you, but why don't you go down to the precinct house and report it down there. They'll fill out all the proper forms for you.
The guy says ok, and he starts to walk off, but the cop stops him and says, Before you go downtown, you better zip up your fly.
The guy looks down and he says, Aw man, they got my girl too.

A girl is asking her dad if she can go to a party.

Are you going to get drunk? her dad asks.
No.
Are you going to have s**...?
No.
Are you going to get high?
No.
Then why are you going?

A guy(M) went to the bar with a girl(F) that was way out of his league

F: So what do you want to drink?
M: I'll just be having water.
F: You've come to a bar just to have water? Don't you wanna get drunk?
M: One question. If I get drunk and extremely vulnerable, would you take advantage of this?
F: No. Absolutely not.
M: Then what's the point of drinking then.

Walking home after a girls' night out, two rather drunk women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her p**...!"
"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

So this drunk guy stumbles up to a police officer

He said, "Officer, someone stole my car!"
The officer in disbelief asked him "Oh yeah where was it last?" The drunk replied "right on the end of this key."
The officer, clearly unimpressed and wanting to move on with his day said to him "Okay buddy, why don't you just take yourself down to the station. They'll have the proper paperwork for you to fill out there. But before you go, zip up your fly." The drunk looked down at his fly, and then back up at the police officer.
"s**..., they got my girl too."

A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer.

The bartender informs him that he is not allowed to serve alcohol to drunken patrons. After a few harsh words, the bartender suggested that the drunk prove he isn't drunk by doing twenty push-ups on the floor.
As he was doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers into the bar and sees this guy on the floor doing push-ups.
He looks at him for a minute and then nudges him in the ribs saying, "Hey, Pal, I think your girl friend has gone home."

3 women meet for brunch after a wild night...

1st woman says "girls I got so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks".
2nd woman says "you think that's bad? After I dropped you two off, I drove home. I was so hammered I ended up driving through my garage door and kept going. Destroyed my garage, my husband says it's going to cost 5 grand to fix".
3rd woman goes "When I got home I decided to take a bath and light some candles. I was so drunk, I passed out, knocked over the candles and ended up burning down my whole house".
1st woman exclaims "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog!"

Drunk walks up to a beat cop

Says, "Ociffer, somebody stole my car!"
Cop says, "well where was it when you last saw it?"
Drunk holds up his keychain says, "it was right here on the end of this key!"
Cop looks the drunk up and down, points over the drunks shoulder says, " you'll need to go down to the precinct to fill out the paperwork, it's 4 blocks down that way."
Drunk says, "thanks ociffer." Starts to turn around to walk down there.
Cop says, "you'd better zip up your pants before you go in there."
Drunk looks down at his pants, says "oh man, they got my girl too!"

A drunk was walking down the street and bumped into a cop.

The drunk says to the cop, "Man, somebody stole my car."
Cop says, "Well, where was it?"
The drunk says, "It was right here on the end of this key."
Cop replies, "I dunno man, you better go down to the precinct and report it down there and they'll fill out all the proper paperwork."
The drunk turns around to leave but the cop stops him and says, "Whoa there, before you head downtown you better zip up your fly."
The drunk looks down and says, "Aw man, they got my girl too."

A Joke from the Late Great Townes Van Zandt

A drunk is walking down the street and bumps into a cop.
The drunk says, Man, they stole my car.
The cop says, Well where was it?
The drunk says, Right on the end of this key.
The cop says, You better to go down to the precinct and they'll fill out all the proper paperwork, but before you do that you better zip up your pants.
The drunk looks down and says, Ah man, they got my girl too.

jokes about drunk girl

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these drunk girl jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.