The Best 35 Drunk Girl Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Drunk Girl jokes. There are some drunk girl jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these drunk girl puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Drunk Girl Jokes and Puns

The bro code

Jill didn't come home one night. When she got home the next morning, she said she'd slept over at a girl friend's house.

Jack called ten of her best friends, but none of them said she had been there.

A week later, Jack doesn't come home. The next day, he says he spent the night at a buddy's house after getting too drunk.

Jill called his ten best friends. 8 said he'd been there the night before, while 2 said he was still there.

I was at a party...

I was walking around when I realized I had left my watch on the bed in the master bedroom. I worked my way through the crowd of people and opened the bedroom door. There on the bed was a guy who was sexually assaulting a drunk girl. I walked right up to him and punched him square in the face. Nobody is going to sexually assault a girl...not on my watch.

Daddy, what's it like being drunk?

A little girl goes up to her dad and asks "Daddy, what does it feel like being drunk?" "Well," the father replies "You see those 2 telephone poles over there in the distance?" he says, pointing in the direction of the poles. "A drunk person would see 4 telephone poles there." The little girl, confused, replies "But daddy, there is only one telephone pole over there"

A girl is asking her dad if she can go to a party.

Are you going to get drunk? her dad asks.

No.

Are you going to have sex?

No.

Are you going to get high?

No.

Then why are you going?

Drunks

Drunk guy: "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before
the devil knows you're dead!"

Drunk girl: "What's that mean?"

Drunk guy: "It's an Irish toast."

Drunk girl: "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."

Drunk guy: "Huh?"

Drunk girl: "That's


A drunk is walking around downtown...

When he walks up to a cop to complain that his car has been stolen.
The cop asks, "Well, where was the last place you saw it?"
The drunk says, "It was right here at the end of this key."
The cop says, "Well, I suggest you go over to the station house and fill out a report."
The drunk starts to walk away when the cop says, "Hey, before you go, you might want to zip your fly."
The drunk looks down and says, "Aw, man, they got my girl, too."

An American girl goes on vacation to Berlin

While walking through town one night, she sees a drunk guy openly taking a leak up against a wall.

Disgusted, she loudly proclaims, "Gross!"

The man turns with a proud smile on his face and says, "Danke!"

Walking home after a girls' night out, two rather drunk women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!"

"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

So this drunk guy stumbles up to a cop...

And says, excuse me officer I lost my car and the officer says, well where did you see it last?
Guy: it was right here on the end of my key
Officer: Alright well head down to the station and they'll set you up with the proper paperwork, but before you go, you might want to zip up your fly
The man looks down and says, Awww man they got my girl too!

All the girls I date are unemployed, drunk, and are on drugs.

I'm starting to think this whole opposites attract thing is bullshit.

Two drunk men visit a brothel

The madame takes a look at them and tells her manager: Go and put inflatable dolls in their bedrooms.These guys are too drunk to notice.

After finishing their act ,on their way back ...

1st drunk: I think my girl was dead as she never made a noise or made a move. Upon this the 2nd drunk says: Mine was worse....... I think she was a witch!!!

1st drunk: Why would u say that???

2nd drunk: Well i gave a little love bite on her bum.....She farted in my face and flew out of the window.

You can explore drunk girl reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean drunk girl dad jokes. There are also drunk girl puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Having a threesome with a mom and daughter

So it was Saturday night and I had no date and decided to drop in at the bar to get drunk and hopefully a girl to get laid with. As I started downing a few shots I noticed this hot looking mature lady ( must be in her 50s) sitting all alone at a corner table getting drunk and this thought came to mind that if she looks so hot for her age then she must be having a hot looking daughter as well and wish I could have a threesome with them. So I went to her table and asked her if I could join and to my delight she said yes. I chatted her up and next thing I know we caught a taxi and proceeded to her home. In the taxi I told her about my fantasy of having a threesome with a mother daughter combo and to my delight she felt it was a great idea and so we reached her home and as we entered she let out a shout,"Mom you still awake?"

Two wives go out for girls night.

Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee.

They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with.

One used her panties the other grabbed a wreath off a grave.

The next morning one husband called the other and said, "no more girls night out! my wife came back with no panties."

The other husband said, "you think that's bad? mine came back with a card in her crack that read "from all of us at the fire station... we'll never forget you"!!

A drunk American was pissing on a street in Germany

When a German girl walks by and screams Ah Nein! The American guy says, I'm flattered but I think it's closer to 8.

My wife was happy today

I came home super drunk last night. She said that when she snuck in bed and was about to tell me off, I said "Go away I have a wife." I don't think she realises I only say that to the ugly girls.

I hate double standards...

When a girl wears a thong she is called bold and sexy. But when I do it I'm just called drunk and asked to leave Denny's.

I was really drunk once and gave a girl a rim-job...

I'll always remember this as the night I got shit-faced.

3 women meet for brunch after a wild night...

1st woman says "girls I got so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks".

2nd woman says "you think that's bad? After I dropped you two off, I drove home. I was so hammered I ended up driving through my garage door and kept going. Destroyed my garage, my husband says it's going to cost 5 grand to fix".

3rd woman goes "When I got home I decided to take a bath and light some candles. I was so drunk, I passed out, knocked over the candles and ended up burning down my whole house".

1st woman exclaims "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog!"

A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer.

The bartender informs him that he is not allowed to serve alcohol to drunken patrons. After a few harsh words, the bartender suggested that the drunk prove he isn't drunk by doing twenty push-ups on the floor.

As he was doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers into the bar and sees this guy on the floor doing push-ups.

He looks at him for a minute and then nudges him in the ribs saying, "Hey, Pal, I think your girl friend has gone home."


A drunk guy goes to a party...

A drunk goes to a party, he wad standing for a long time before he spots a cute girl siting on a chair. He goes over to her and says: "do you want to dance?"

She blushes and says yes

He says:"good, I'm gonna sit on your chair"

Drunk walks up to a beat cop

Says, "Ociffer, somebody stole my car!"

Cop says, "well where was it when you last saw it?"

Drunk holds up his keychain says, "it was right here on the end of this key!"

Cop looks the drunk up and down, points over the drunks shoulder says, " you'll need to go down to the precinct to fill out the paperwork, it's 4 blocks down that way."

Drunk says, "thanks ociffer." Starts to turn around to walk down there.

Cop says, "you'd better zip up your pants before you go in there."

Drunk looks down at his pants, says "oh man, they got my girl too!"

So today I smashed my van in to the side of this blonde lasses car...

It was totally my fault, the car was a write off and the girl was very shook up, you could tell she was in shock so I told her I had a few cans of beer in the back of my van if she wanted them to get over the shock ..... She accepted, drunk a few then asked me if I was having one, I told her I'd wait until the police had been.

A guy(M) went to the bar with a girl(F) that was way out of his league

F: So what do you want to drink?

M: I'll just be having water.

F: You've come to a bar just to have water? Don't you wanna get drunk?

M: One question. If I get drunk and extremely vulnerable, would you take advantage of this?

F: No. Absolutely not.

M: Then what's the point of drinking then.

I was getting drunk with this cute girl and booze was going everywhere.

Then suddenly I slipped in cider.

A drunk walks up to a cop...

Drunk: "Man, somebody stole my car..."

Cop: "Where was your car when it got stolen?"

Drunk: "Right here on the end of this key."

Cop: "Well maybe you should go down to the precinct, and they'll fill out all the proper paper work. But before you go, you might want to zip up your fly."

The drunk looks down and replies: "Man, they got my girl too..."

Around me, girls tend to lie when they're drunk...

Especially on their back

This girl came up to me and said, "I really like your forearms."

She must have been drunk though, I've only got two.

Big girls are like mopeds

I'll get drunk and wreck them too.

I realized I absolutely can't pick up girls at the bar...

They're either too heavy or I'm too drunk...

I had some drinks at the bar last night before stumbling on home. I walked in the house and my girl says to me Drunk again!!

I said Me too!

Scandanavian Booty Call

What did the Norse goddess say to Thor when he drunk dialed her?

"I aint no Valhalla back girl."

Townes Van Zandt joke

A police officer stops a drunk man on the street.

Officer: How are you doing this evening, sir?

Drunk: Officer, I think somebody stole my car.

Officer: Where did you last see it?

Drunk: Right at the end of this key.

Officer: Alright, buddy, why don't you just call a cab. And zip up your fly while you're at it.

Drunk: Ah, man, they got my girl too!

Know what goes by really fast?

A drunk sorority girl.

What does this joke mean?

A friend of mine said this to a girl: Lucky the drunk because he gets to see you twice .

Drunk girls are like COD campers when they go peeing...

...hiding behind a bush or tree and pressing circle...

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the drunk girl jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working drunk girl piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes