Drugstore Jokes

A Blonde and Condoms

The most beautiful blonde woman you've ever seen walks into the drugstore. She walks to the pharmacy and asks if they sell Extra-Large condoms, the cashier says yes and points her down aisle 11. About 30 minutes go by and the pharmacist notices that the blonde is still looking at the condoms. He decides to see if she needs any help. He says, "Did you find the extra large condoms?" She responds, "Yes, now I'm just waiting for someone to buy some."

A guy walks into a drugstore and sees a guy leaning heavily against the wall

He asks the clerk, 'What's with that guy?'
Clerk says, 'He came in with a bad cough and asked me for cough medicine. We were out of cough medicine, so I gave him a whole bottle of laxative instead.'
The guy says, 'What?! You can't treat a cough with laxative!'
The clerk replies, 'Of course you can! Look at him. He's afraid to cough!'

A Woman Walks Into A Drugstore And Asks...

the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

Date

A drunk walks into a drugstore and asks for a bottle of mouthwash.
"I'm not selling you that," says the druggist. "You'll drink it for the alcohol and get sick outside my door!"
"Not true!" insists the drunk. "I have my first date in over a year, and I want to make a good impression."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Here." The druggist takes a bottle of mouthwash off the shelf and puts it on the counter.
The drunk stares at it. "Got one that's been refrigerated?"

Laughter

A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store. The next day, the guy comes in again, buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back. Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later. "So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist. "Sure did," replies the assistant.
"Where did he go?" asks the curious pharmacist. "Your house."

Pharmacy

The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what? s up. "He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the cough syrup," the clerk explains. "So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once. " "Laxatives won't cure a cough, you idiot," the owner shouts angrily. "Sure it will," the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. "Look at him. He's afraid to cough. "

Waiting for... eeeeeer... someone?

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies:
- "Yes, we do. Would you like to buy some?"
She responds:
- "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

A duck walks into a drugstore, looking for a c**....

The druggist says, "It will be $5. Would you like to pay now, or should I put it on your bill?"
The duck responds, "What kind of duck do you think I am!?!?"

Once when I was a teenager

...I stopped at the drugstore to purchase some of those "necessary supplies." I told the pharmacist, "Better give me a dozen, I've got a hot date tonight with the school t**...!" When I got to her house, her mother insisted I join them for dinner. I offered to say grace, and I prayed and prayed and prayed. When I finished, my date leaned over to me and said, "Why, Paul! I had no idea you were so religious!" I replied, "And I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

A blonde, worried about the h**... crisis, walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms.

"That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk.
"What's the 8 cents for?" asks the blonde.
"It says one dollar right here on the packaging."
"Tax," replies the clerk.
"Gee", says the blonde, "I thought you just rolled them on
and they stayed there.
Tacking them could be painful."

A husband's new wife really wants...

A husband's new wife really wants to go on a cruise for their honeymoon. The husband agrees, even though he tends to get horribly seasick on the water.
So the day before the wedding, he goes to a drugstore. He gets a jumbo pack of condoms, and the largest bottle of dramamine in the store.
At the checkout counter, the cashier looks at his condoms and dramamine and asks, If it makes you so sick, why do you do it?

A curvy blonde walks into a drugstore

She asks the clerk, "Can you show me where the flashlight batteries are?".
The clerk says, "Sure." and wiggled his fingers at her in a come-hither gesture. "Come this way", he continued.
She replied "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need the flashlight batteries."

Penguin

A penguin is driving his car into town when it starts to smoke. He brings it to the local garage and asks the mechanic to look at it.
"I'll be across the street at the drug store." he tells him. He goes to the drugstore and orders a dish of vanilla ice cream which he has to eat with his beak because of his short arms.
He finishes up and goes back to the garage. The mechanic comes out and says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says "That's just a little ice cream."

Tax on Condoms

A woman walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms.
"That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk.
"What's the 8 cents for?" asks the woman. "It says one dollar right here on the packaging."
"Tax," replies the clerk.
"Gee", says the woman, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put."

99¢ c**...

A young guy walks into a drugstore to buy a c**.... He sees they are on sale for 99¢ each and luckily he has $1 on him. He gives the c**... to the clerk.
Clerk: That'll be $1.04
Guy: I thought they were on sale for 99¢. What's the extra 5¢ for?
Clerk: Tax
Guy: Tacks!? I thought you rolled them on!!

A man goes into a drugstore

and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face.
"What did you do that for?" the man asks.
"Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?"
The man says, "No, but my wife out in the car still does!"

Duck walks into a drugstore, asks for some Chap Stick.

Guy behind the counter says "That'll be fifty-nine cents"
Duck says "Put it on my bill.'
Next day, duck walks into a drugstore again. Asks for a package of condoms.
Guy behind the counter says "That's three bucks; you want I should put them on your bill?"
Duck says "Sorry, I'm not that kind of duck"

So, a man walks into a drugstore...

...goes up to the counter and asks the clerk for two boxes of condoms. The clerk retrieves the rubbers and while she's ringing them up she asks, "Would you like a paper bag?" To which the man says, "Nah, she's pretty good lookin'."

An aching back sent me stumbling to the drugstore for relief.

After a search, I found what I was looking for: a selection of heating pads specifically for people with back pain—all on the bottom shelf.

This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card.

She asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards — something unusual.
The clerk points her to a new card just in that day — “Happy Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry.”
The blonde replied, “How cool! I’ll take the whole box!”

A blonde gets her first period, so she goes to the drugstore to get some pads.
The wide selection and huge variety confuse her, so she asks the clerk for some help.
"What kind of pads should I get?" she says. "This is all new to me."
"Well," says the clerk, "that depends on the flow."
She says, "It's ceramic tile."