Drugstore Jokes
36 drugstore jokes and hilarious drugstore puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about drugstore that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Drugstore Short Jokes
Short drugstore jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The drugstore humour may include short drug store jokes also.
- A man buys condoms at a drugstore ... The cashier asks "You need a bag with this?"
and the man answers "No! She's not *that* ugly!". - A financial fraudster, a reformed whoremonger, an alcoholic, and a motivational speaker walk into a drugstore. The guy at the counter then says, Back to your old habits, eh, Mr. Belfort?
- Didja hear about the magician who was walking down the street and suddenly... ...turned into a drugstore?
- Why did all drugstores in Ethiopia bankrupted? Because most remedies were to be taken after meals
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Drugstore One Liners
Which drugstore one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with drugstore? I can suggest the ones about pharmacy and department store.
- We must pay for the mistakes of our youth… at the drugstore.
- When you go to the drugstore, why are the condoms not in with the other party supplies?
- How do you spot a dwarf in a drugstore? He's the smallest one
Playful Drugstore Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about drugstore you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean target store jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make drugstore pranks.
A Blonde and Condoms
The most beautiful blonde woman you've ever seen walks into the drugstore. She walks to the pharmacy and asks if they sell Extra-Large condoms, the cashier says yes and points her down aisle 11. About 30 minutes go by and the pharmacist notices that the blonde is still looking at the condoms. He decides to see if she needs any help. He says, "Did you find the extra large condoms?" She responds, "Yes, now I'm just waiting for someone to buy some."
The pharmacist
Peter walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store.
The next day he comes in again, buys condoms, and walks out laughing.
Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back.
Sure enough, Peter comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.
So did you follow him? asks pharmacist
Yup.
Where did he go?
Your house.
A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parent's. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
Date
A drunk walks into a drugstore and asks for a bottle of mouthwash.
"I'm not selling you that," says the druggist. "You'll drink it for the alcohol and get sick outside my door!"
"Not true!" insists the drunk. "I have my first date in over a year, and I want to make a good impression."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Here." The druggist takes a bottle of mouthwash off the shelf and puts it on the counter.
The drunk stares at it. "Got one that's been refrigerated?"
Laughter
A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store. The next day, the guy comes in again, buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back. Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later. "So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist. "Sure did," replies the assistant.
"Where did he go?" asks the curious pharmacist. "Your house."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pharmacy
The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what? s up. "He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the cough syrup," the clerk explains. "So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once. " "Laxatives won't cure a cough, you idiot," the owner shouts angrily. "Sure it will," the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. "Look at him. He's afraid to cough. "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Once when I was a teenager
...I stopped at the drugstore to purchase some of those "necessary supplies." I told the pharmacist, "Better give me a dozen, I've got a hot date tonight with the school t**...!" When I got to her house, her mother insisted I join them for dinner. I offered to say grace, and I prayed and prayed and prayed. When I finished, my date leaned over to me and said, "Why, Paul! I had no idea you were so religious!" I replied, "And I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"
A husband's new wife really wants...
A husband's new wife really wants to go on a cruise for their honeymoon. The husband agrees, even though he tends to get horribly seasick on the water.
So the day before the wedding, he goes to a drugstore. He gets a jumbo pack of condoms, and the largest bottle of dramamine in the store.
At the checkout counter, the cashier looks at his condoms and dramamine and asks, If it makes you so sick, why do you do it?
A curvy blonde walks into a drugstore
She asks the clerk, "Can you show me where the flashlight batteries are?".
The clerk says, "Sure." and wiggled his fingers at her in a come-hither gesture. "Come this way", he continued.
She replied "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need the flashlight batteries."
A man goes into a drugstore
and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face.
"What did you do that for?" the man asks.
"Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?"
The man says, "No, but my wife out in the car still does!"
So, a man walks into a drugstore...
...goes up to the counter and asks the clerk for two boxes of condoms. The clerk retrieves the rubbers and while she's ringing them up she asks, "Would you like a paper bag?" To which the man says, "Nah, she's pretty good lookin'."
An aching back sent me stumbling to the drugstore for relief.
After a search, I found what I was looking for: a selection of heating pads specifically for people with back pain—all on the bottom shelf.
This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card.
She asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards — something unusual.
The clerk points her to a new card just in that day — “Happy Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry.”
The blonde replied, “How cool! I’ll take the whole box!”
A blonde gets her first period, so she goes to the drugstore to get some pads.
The wide selection and huge variety confuse her, so she asks the clerk for some help.
"What kind of pads should I get?" she says. "This is all new to me."
"Well," says the clerk, "that depends on the flow."
She says, "It's ceramic tile."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A walks into a drug store in London
A man walks into a drugstore in London and ask the pharmacist for some American razor blades. The pharmacist asks if he is sure, because England makes the finest razor blades in the world. But the man insists on American razor blades.
"Have it your way" says the pharmacist, "but I can assure you that ours are the best. Just last week my wife accidentally swallowed one. It gave her a tonsillectomy, a hysterectomy, an appendectomy, circumcised the gardner, emasculated the chauffeur, cut two of the butler's fingers off, and I still got ten shaves out of it"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
she wants a box of condoms
Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a c**..., cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.
Lady 1: "What's that?"
Lady 2: "A c**.... This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."
Lady 1: "Where did you get it?"
Lady 2: "You can get them at any drugstore."
The next day ... Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: "It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy goes into a drugstore
A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The clerk says, What size? The guy says, Gee, I don't know. The clerk says, Go see Sophie in aisle 4. He goes over to see Sophie; she grabs him in the c**..., and yells, Medium.
The guy is mortified, he hurries over to pay and get out of the store. Another guy comes in to buy condoms, the clerks asks the size, and again sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, Large. The guy struts over to the register, pays and leaves.
A high school kid comes in to buy condoms. The clerk says, What size? The kid feeling embarrassed says, I've never done this before. I don't know what size. The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him and yells, Clean up in aisle 4!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Doesn't matter"
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the ladies pulls out a c**..., cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette and continues smoking.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A c**.... This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get that?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a camel
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A father and son are having the talk about s**...
After a few minutes, the son says, "Dad, I know all that stuff. We went over it in Health class."
Dad says, "Well, do you have any questions?"
"Yeah, I have one about condoms."
"What do you need to know?"
"When I was in the drugstore, I saw that they sell them by the dozen. Who needs that many at once?"
"That's an easy one, son. You saw that they sell packages of three. High schoolers buy those. One for Friday, one for Saturday, one for the rest of the week. They also sell packages of six. College students buy those. Two for Friday, two for Saturday, two for the rest of the week."
"OK dad, but what about the dozen?"
"Married people buy those. One for January, one for February..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Camel
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the ladies pulls out a c**..., cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette and continues smoking.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A c**.... This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get that?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a camel.
The Polish Divorce
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.
One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could
arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and this conversation ensued:
"Have you any grounds?"
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
"No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
It's made of concrete.
"I don' think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?"
No, we have carport, and not need one.
"I mean what are your relations like?"
All my relations still in Poland .
" Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
"Does your wife beat you up?"
No, I'm always up before her each morning.
"Is your wife a nagger?"
No, she white.
"Why do you want this divorce?"
She going to kill me.
"What makes you think that?"
I got proof.
"What kind of proof?"
She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read English pretty good, and it say:
POLISH REMOVER
Cyanide please
A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide right away. The pharmacist naturally was concerned by such a request and asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license. They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not! You cannot have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Old Ladies
There were once two old Jewish ladies on a vacation in Israel. They are floating together out in the dead sea when one says to the other, "want a smoke?"
She replies, "Here? How?" The first lady reaches in to her bathing suit and pulls out a balloon with two cigarettes and a lighter in it. The second one asks, "What's that?"
"Oh? You don't know? It's a c**...!" They smoke, relax, and enjoy themselves. After they've been floating for a while, the second old lady says,
"And where can I get this c**...?"
"Just over at the drugstore, easy."
Later that day, the second old lady walks into the nearest pharmacy, goes up to the teller, and asks for a c**.... The teller is a young man who is quite bemused at this bent old lady coming in to buy a c**..., so he decides to y**... her chain a bit.
"And what size c**... would you like?"
"Oh, I dunno, big enough for a camel."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms...
A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
"What size?" asks the clerk.
"Gee, I don't know."
"Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the c**..., and yells, "Medium!"
The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.
Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large!"
The guy struts over to the register, pays, and leaves.
A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.
"What size?" The kid embarrassedly says "I've never done this before. I don't know what size." The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4.
She grabs him and yells "Clean up in aisle 4!"
A woman takes her dog for a walk in the snow...
A woman takes her dog for a walk in the snow. When she gets home, she sees that his paws are frozen solid, and caked with ice! The next day she takes her dog to the vet, and asks
"can you shave my dog's paws so that snow doesn't get stuck in his fur?" The vet responds
"Shaving isn't the best option for dog paws, you should go to the drugstore and use some Nair shampoo instead." At the drugstore, the woman goes to check out with her bottle of Nair. Upon seeing this, the pharmacist says
"If you're using this on your legs, be sure not to shave for three days to avoid irritation." The woman responds
"No, it's not for my legs" The pharmacist says
"Well, if you're using this on your underarms, don't use deodorant for three days to avoid irritation there." The woman says
"Oh, no, it's for my Schnauzer." The pharmacist responds
"In that case, when you're done, don't ride your bike for a while."
-My barber told this one, today.
Italian Pregnancy
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says,
'Who wasa the pig that did this to you? I want to know!'
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.
A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:
'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.
I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse,
a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account...
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each..
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'
At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shotgun, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder, looks him directly in the eyes and tells him
"You a gonna try again!"
