Following is our collection of funny Drugs jokes. There are some drugs heroin jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these drugs drug rehab puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
For example: airport security.
I thought, This'll be wasted on drugs and booze. So I just gave it to the homeless guy.
A pharmacist, you racist.
He had no drugs on him and no weapons were found in the car. The car was NOT linked to any drive by shootings or any drive off petrol thefts.
In the end they arrested him for "wasting police time".
but I'm thinking that if you're talking to drugs, it's too late
-"Every time I say something, you say the word addicted"
-"ok"
-"Drugs"
-"Addicted"
-"Alcohol"
-"Addicted"
-"What slapped you across the face last night? "
" Addicted"
I struggle just to tie my shoelaces on drugs.
"Drugs, normally."
Except for my lamp. It won't talk to me anymore.
Son: "You're talking to birds, and I'm the one doing drugs?"
1) legalize all drugs.
2) require that all drugs be purchased through Comcast customer service.
You can explore drugs drug reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean drugs opiates dad jokes. There are also drugs puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
he sits down and immediately mauls to death and devours the woman on the stool next to him.
he then calmly orders a beer
bartender: "sorry, we don't serve drug users in here"
bear: "but I don't do drugs"
bartender: "what about that barbitchyouate"
Dad: Drugs, usually.
High definition.
Son: Well would you talk to someone who is stupid, uses drugs and is an alchocolic?
Mom: Of course not.
Son: Well neither would he.
The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."
The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the man's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
Don't believe me? Check my stash
Methed Up
Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.
Doctor responds: "Heavy drug use, ma'am"
Widow: "But doctor, my husband didn't use drugs!"
Doctor: "I know, but I did"
specifically the DEA and US Customs.
Son: Well, would you be friends with someone who was stupid, took drugs and was drunk all the time?
Mom: No, Never!
Son: Well neither would he!
"No," she said, taking a sip of her water.
I said, "Well, you have now."
1. They need money for drugs
2. I need money for drugs
And I didn't even know he was a barber.
I had no idea he was a barber.
So the other day I went to the doctors for an annual checkup, before we started he asked "have you been doing any drugs?", I replied with "does love count as a drug?", he said "love is the strongest drug out there!", I then said "that's good cause I'm in love with cocaine!".
It's basically the same thing: a bunch of people on drugs riding bikes.
Atmospheric Pressure.
Blew my mind. I've been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.
Mainly customs officers
Especially police and customs.
It's called the Tour de France.
I've been a customer of his for 15 years and I didn't even know he cut hair.
I'm an only child.
In the 60's and 70's America was fighting a war, on drugs
A barber got arrested in my area for dealing drugs and I'm totally shook. I've been his customer for years and never knew he was a barber.
Because no one questions you if you spend 45 minutes in a Chipotle bathroom.
I mean, if you're talking to drugs then it's already too late to say NO.
"You won't find any drugs," I told him.
He said, "You don't sound sure about that."
I said, "Trust me, I looked earlier."
Drug tests do
He hasn't talked to me since the last time I dropped acid.
Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.
For example, border security.
Never knew he was a barber
Like cops, DEA agents...
My wife does most of them
I said, Yes, but I was part of the control group.
I hate those people who take drugs.
For example, airport security.
The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren't mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"
The cop, obviously in disbelief, tells the woman, "Show me."
So the woman tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the woman's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
You know, customs officers and policemen.
Especially border control.
Unfortunately I was part of the control group.
"Officer," he said, "I can explain."
-How? -the officer replied.
"Every time I throw those drugs in the toilet, they magicaly reappear in my pocket."
-Don't lie to me. -says the officer.
"Let me show you then."
So the officer allows him to show it. A man takes out drugs, throw it in the toilet and fushes the water.
-Let me see your pocket now. -says the officer.
"My pockets?"
-Yes, to see those drugs.
"What drugs?"
I visited a local news website this morning and saw a picture of a good friend of mine on the front page with a title above saying, "A 34-year-old mechanic arrested for dealing drugs". I really thought I knew the guy, but I guess I was wrong. I mean, I've been a loyal customer of his for almost 7 years, and I had no idea that he was a mechanic!
I gave this homeless guy $5 and an old lady behind me told me he's just going to use it for drugs, so I confronted him and asked where I could also get drugs for $5
...and said, "Stay away from him, he takes drugs."
That's sound advice, I thought to myself. I don't want him taking mine.
They decided to confess their biggest flaw to each other.
The first priest confesses that he spends most of the church money on booze.
The second priest explains that he blows the church collection betting on horses.
The third priest confesses that he spends the church takings on drugs.
They have opened their souls and revealed their deepest secrets. They look to the last priest and he says "I am a gossip and I can't wait to get off this train".
I looked in my pocket and all I had was a $20 bill. "Do I really want this money going to drugs?", I thought to myself. "Nah." So I gave him the $20.
I said, Fine, but I don't make any sense when I'm high.
I took it out and asked myself, Do I want this money to be spent on drugs?
I decided I did, so I put the money back in my wallet and kept walking.
I looked in my wallet and there was only a $20, so I asked myself "Do I really want this money going to drugs, booze, and the decline of society?"
I decided I didn't so I gave it to him.
They found over 300 pounds of dope in the back seat.
Now I don't care what the temperature is.
Honestly I'm proud of them, and what they can do. Last time I did drugs I could barely tie my shoe.
I've been his customer for 25 years and I never knew he was a barber.
Because they get them high
We all forgot to show up.
I have been a loyal customer for years. I honestly had no idea he was selling pizzas
High Steaks
The duck hold out his wing and says: "Quack?" The horse shakes his head and says: "Neigh!"
Join the CIA
when I was on drugs I couldn't even find my bike.
But I probably already said yes if I'm talking to my drugs
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the drugs drug dealer jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working drugs drug related piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.