For example: airport security.
It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two.
Before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed and for a stronger buzz, I moved on to ecstasy.
It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff, like cocaine and heroin.
I was a complete mess.
I was broke and my body was ruined.
But fuck me, what a night.
I had no idea he was a barber.
For example, border security.
I've been a customer of his for 15 years and I didn't even know he cut hair.
It's called the Tour de France.
I've been his customer for 6 years. I had no idea he was a barber
Son: Well would you talk to someone who is stupid, uses drugs and is an alchocolic?
Mom: Of course not.
Son: Well neither would he.
So I got a dog, a new motorbike, shagged 2 women and blew a grand on drugs and alcohol.
She's going to go fucking nuts when she gets back from work.
Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.
The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."
The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the man's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
1) legalize all drugs.
2) require that all drugs be purchased through Comcast customer service.
Dad: Drugs, usually.
he sits down and immediately mauls to death and devours the woman on the stool next to him.
he then calmly orders a beer
bartender: "sorry, we don't serve drug users in here"
bear: "but I don't do drugs"
bartender: "what about that barbitchyouate"
specifically the DEA and US Customs.
Especially police and customs.
We had been his customers for 8 years. We had no idea he was a barber.
1. They need money for drugs
2. I need money for drugs
I mean, if you're talking to drugs then it's already too late to say NO.
Don't believe me? Check my stash
Son: Well, would you be friends with someone who was stupid, took drugs and was drunk all the time?
Mom: No, Never!
Son: Well neither would he!
A pharmacist, you racist.
Never knew he was a barber
"Drugs, normally."
High definition.
The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."
The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the man's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
Blew my mind. I've been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.
"No," she said, taking a sip of her water.
I said, "Well, you have now."
He had no drugs on him and no weapons were found in the car. The car was NOT linked to any drive by shootings or any drive off petrol thefts.
In the end they arrested him for "wasting police time".
Methed Up
Man: Doctor, how can I live to be 100 years old?
Doctor: Well, do you smoke cigarettes or do any type of drugs?
Man: Nope
Doctor: Do you eat a lot of junk food?
Man: Nope
Doctor: Do you sleep around without using protection?
Man: Nope
Doctor: Then why the hell do you want to live to be 100 years old?
I struggle just to tie my shoelaces on drugs.
It blew my mind because I've been his customer for years! I had NO IDEA he was a barber!
Because no one questions you if you spend 45 minutes in a Chipotle bathroom.
Son: Well, would you talk to someone who is stupid, does drugs, and is an alcoholic?
Mom: Of course not!
Son: Well, neither would he.
A barber got arrested in my area for dealing drugs and I'm totally shook. I've been his customer for years and never knew he was a barber.
Mainly customs officers
When my wife left me, it hurt. I was so upset and lonely.
Since then, I've got a dog, purchased a new motorcycle, had sex with two beautiful women, and spent thousands of dollars on alcohol and drugs.
She'll go fucking nuts when she gets home from work.
I'm an only child.
Except for my lamp. It won't talk to me anymore.
Doctor responds: "Heavy drug use, ma'am"
Widow: "But doctor, my husband didn't use drugs!"
Doctor: "I know, but I did"
He hasn't talked to me since the last time I dropped acid.
Cop: "Any drugs or alcohol today?"
Man: "No but I vape"
Cop: "Look pal, I don't give a shit if you're gay, just answer the question."
Drug tests do
I thought, This'll be wasted on drugs and booze. So I just gave it to the homeless guy.
So the other day I went to the doctors for an annual checkup, before we started he asked "have you been doing any drugs?", I replied with "does love count as a drug?", he said "love is the strongest drug out there!", I then said "that's good cause I'm in love with cocaine!".
In the 60's and 70's America was fighting a war, on drugs
Atmospheric Pressure.
Everybody says that you should say no to drugs, but I'm thinking that if you're talking to drugs, it's too late
-"Every time I say something, you say the word addicted"
-"ok"
-"Drugs"
-"Addicted"
-"Alcohol"
-"Addicted"
-"What slapped you across the face last night? "
" Addicted"
"You won't find any drugs," I told him.
He said, "You don't sound sure about that."
I said, "Trust me, I looked earlier."
In pharmacology, all drugs have a generic name.
Tylenol is Acetaminophen;
Advil is Ibuprofen;
Rogaine is Monoxidil; and so on.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra, and
announced today that they have settled on:
Mycoxafloppin
Especially U.S. Customs and the D.E.A.
In pharmacology, all drugs have two names--a trade name and a generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol is acetaminophen. Aleve is known as naproxen, and Advil is ibuprofen.
The Industry has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced the generic name of mycoxafloppin. Also considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud, dixafix, and of course, ibepokin.
It's basically the same thing: a bunch of people on drugs riding bikes.
Son: "You're talking to birds, and I'm the one doing drugs?"
Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.
Like cops, DEA agents...
And I didn't even know he was a barber.
I had no idea he was a barber
......an Audi Q7 & his own house by the age of 20.
"Will you drink any alcohol?" Asks his dad.
"No, dad."
"Will you use any drugs?"
"No, dad"
"Will you have sex?"
"No, dad"
"Then why would you even go?"
Man: "What do you need 5 bucks for?". Beggar: "I need it to buy drugs". Man: "Oh yeah? And how do i know you won't spend it on food?"
But I don't think they're listening
A pharmacist, you racist ass.
Say "addicted" after everything I say.
What is someone who takes drugs?
What is someone who drinks?
What hit you in the face last night?
Officer: You want to tell me why you approached my car just to tell me that?
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