He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.
My drug dealer has some explaining to do.
I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
Credit to my friend Chris
Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.
he sits down and immediately mauls to death and devours the woman on the stool next to him.
he then calmly orders a beer
bartender: "sorry, we don't serve drug users in here"
bear: "but I don't do drugs"
bartender: "what about that barbitchyouate"
He said OK, Dan, you're going off to college. You're going to be living away from home, in a dorm, surrounded by beautiful girls. So I got you something from the drug store.
I said It's ok, Dad- I already know about condoms.
He's said No - anti-depressants.
I mean, if you're talking to drugs then it's already too late to say NO.
... And I dunno what he laced them with but I've been trippin ever since
I don't know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day
I've taken several.
It's called Trycoxagain.
A crystal methodist.
The pcp was my favourite.
69p964IMkW4LC8CTaGEu39vtjH6ldFvlhy3KDsFFcpPoeZT8X1vyheWrANInWE69p964IMkW4LC8CTaGEu39vtjH6ldFvlhy3KDsFFcpPoeZT8X1vyheWrANInWE69p964IMkW4LC8CTaGEu39vtjH6ldFvlhy3KDsFFcpPoeZT8X1vyheWrANInWE69p964IMkW4LC8CTaGEu39vtjH6ldFvlhy3KDsFFcpPoeZT8X1vyheWrANInWE69p964IMk
And I don't know what he laced them with.. But I've been tripping all day
My dealer has some serious explaining to do
The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."
The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"
Birth control.
Because no one questions you if you spend 45 minutes in a Chipotle bathroom.
It makes sense if you think about it. It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it...
I said "No mom that's racist...and put your money away"
So I was at the doctor's office and he decided to prescribe a drug for an illness. But when he reached into his pocket to grab a pen so he could write the prescription, he instead pulled out a thermometer. He looked at it, then turned to me and said "Great, some asshole's got my pen."
Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms.
"I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms."
"Yeah, I went to a dozen drug stores, but have you ever tried asking for aspirin with a tic in your eye?"
Doctor responds: "Heavy drug use, ma'am"
Widow: "But doctor, my husband didn't use drugs!"
Doctor: "I know, but I did"
Because they can wash their crack and sell it again
4/20 is national weed day, 4/21 is national surprise drug test day and 4/22 is national unemployment day
He was on crack, she was on blow.
Drug tests do
Boss: There's no such thing as a problem. There are only opportunities.
Man: Oh ok. Then I have a serious drug opportunity.
*Giggles* "coke isn't available, is Pepsi ok?"
*gets stabbed*
So the other day I went to the doctors for an annual checkup, before we started he asked "have you been doing any drugs?", I replied with "does love count as a drug?", he said "love is the strongest drug out there!", I then said "that's good cause I'm in love with cocaine!".
We all forgot about it
I dont know what they were laced with, but I've been tripping ever since
White powder!
"Stay off the grass."
He eventually got arrested after the police saw that people actually let him in
I've heard of a lot of people injecting it but I've started taking it orally.
I'd never take the lords name in vein
But I don't think they're listening
To which the man responds, "I'm on drugs?!? You're the only talking to a dog!"
I don't know what he laced them with, but I'm still tripping.
Until you mix them with water
and I said "Great, I know all about drugs."
Remember kids, say no to drugs because if the drugs are talking to you, you've had the right amount.
Because good drug dealers don't use their own product.
Addictionary
I dont know what he laced them with but i have been tripping like crazy
I'm not sure what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.
Probably killed.
All it did was make me tired. I wasn't able to get any of my raping done.
A couple of days ago I had to do a drug test and it came up negative. Now, I have to have a serious talk with my dealer...
Codeine.
Ok, so it's not a 'joke' joke, but that's what you say. Maybe at work, at the bar with friends. Say it in a lull in the conversation. If you're really good, say it while scanning the paper or a news site.
Some people go, "oh!" And some people say, "wait, the Colombian coffee merchant?" and some people say, "oh my god, he *did?*" People always say something.
And then *you* say, "he did, he was assassinated. Someone from a drug cartel shot him with a golf gun. Bizarre story."
And you leave it there.
And if someone presses further, perhaps mention how terrible it must be to get shot by a golf gun.
And you'll eventually be asked, "what's a golf gun?"
To which you say, "don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan!"
A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again....
To Generiquai and everybody reading this, I would just like you to know I obviously didn't make this up. Just remembered it from a few years back and thought it was funny. Whoever made it up I give you all the credit.
Thanks for checking it out!
It was all just smoke and mirrors.
A woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices a group of tampons stacked on a table in the corner with a sign on them saying, "5 boxes for a dollar."
Well, the woman just can't believe this price so she asks the clerk if it was correct.
He replies, "Oh yes, 5 for a dollar."
She says, "That can't be right!"
The clerk responds, "Oh yes, it's right!! 5 boxes for a dollar, no strings attached."
It's the ultimate getaway drug.
A drug addict found a lamp. Genie appeared.
"Now I will fullfill your 3 wishes" - he said.
"I wish two lines of the best stuff on the world. Let's take it together, it will be great."
"Ok, that was your first wish. Don't waste all of them on drugs" - genie said and two lines of the best stuff appeared. They both had a great party but suddenly the effect of these drugs ended.
"What is your second wish?" - genie asked
"I want another two lines of the best stuff on the world."
Another two lines appeared and they both were on high again. When the effect ended, Genie asked: "And your third wish?".
"Two lines of the best stuff on the world again."
Two lines appeared again and they were on high. When the effect ended, the genie appeared again:
"So, my friend, what is your fourth wish?"
One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only cost you $10.00."
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:
1. Your tap water is too hard.
2. Get a water softener.
3. Your dog has ringworm.
4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
5. Your daughter is using cocaine.
6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
8. And if you don't stop masturbating, your elbow will never get better.
But then they asked about the THC, meth amphetamines, cocaine, and hallucinogens. Told them it was an everything bagel.
It depends on who has the best crack.
It's called Crystal Meh.
An old man finds a condom in his grandson's apartment and asks what it is.
"It's a condom," replies the grandson, sheepishly.
"What do you use it for?" asks Grandpa.
The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain."
Grandpa says, "That's a great idea." He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a condom.
"What size would you like?" asks the pharmacist.
"Big enough to fit a Camel."
...you should probably be more concerned about confronting your horse concerning his drug problem
He He
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drug store and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant! Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning; your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be two factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they each will receive a factory and $2,000,000.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You f*** her again."
The only side effect is you feel Spacey.
A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!" Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want... On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!"The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs......"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!"
Cause they do a lot of codeine.
A drug peddler
Me: "Sweet dog you got there"
Policeman: "Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog."
Me: "still in training, huh?"
Policeman: "What do you mean?"
Me: "nevermind"
Doctor: Heavy drug use, ma'am.
Widow: But he never used drugs in his life!
Doctor: But I do.
"Sorry we don't serve bears in here" the barman says
"But I'm a big brown bear"
"Sorry we don't serve big brown bears"
Bear is angry and hits the bar with his claw "give me a beer now!"
"Sorry we don't serve bar bashing big brown bears!"
The bear picks up a barstool and smashes it against the ground "I want a beer!"
"Sorry we don't serve barstool breaking bar bashing big brown bears here"
The bear is getting angry and takes a bite from the counter "Give me a beer!"
"Sorry we dont serve drug addicts here either"
The bear is confused "I've never touched a drug in my life!!"
"What about that barbiturate"
One is mind-bendingly insane, and the other is a drug.
How are you supposed to eat if there's a dragon guarding the fridge?
Because she was a stoner.
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Drug? Well, here are the best Drug puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Drug pick up lines to share with friends.