Following is our collection of funny Drove jokes. There are some drove wheeler jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these drove herd puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
He came to the window and said papers ...
I said - scissors, I win - and drove off
He must be desperate for a rematch as he's been chasing me for ages!
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake. Not knowing if it was poisonous, he quickly grabbed the creature by the head, bit it in half and drove me, himself and the snake's body to the hospital.
As soon as we got there, the doctor informed us that for future reference proper term was *venomous* and this particular snake was not.
Which would have been a relief, except by that point uncle Larry had died of a poisonous snake bite.
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper
So when he drove by people would say, "Hey, look at that S car go!"
One day Phil had to borrow a car, so he asked his friend Bob. Bob said that it was fine, so he gave Phil the keys and told him to return them by the end of the day. A week later, Phil hadn't returned the car. Bob called Phil angrily and asked why he hadn't given it back yet. Phil replied, "I drove by your house a bunch of times, but I didn't see your car in the driveway, so I thought you weren't home!"
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta
They saw a pig, rolling in the mud, so wife said: "Your relative?"
Man replied: "Yes, mother-in-law."
St. Peter greets them. He takes the taxi driver to a large mansion. St. Peter than takes the priest to a slightly less nice house. "Wait," said the priest,"Why does the taxi driver get a nicer house than me?" St. Peter looked at his book and said,"It says here that when you preached, people slept, but when he drove, people prayed!"
A farmer bought some breeding pigs, but after several weeks, not one was pregnant. He called the vet for help. "Why don't you try artificial insemination" said the vet.
The farmer didn't have an inkling of what artificial insemination was, but, not wanting to appear ignorant, he said, "Okay, Doc, but how will I know when the pigs are pregnant?"
"Easy. When they lie down and wallow in the mud." The farmer hung up and came to the conclusion that artificial insemination must mean that he has to impregnate those pigs himself.
So he loaded them onto his truck, drove them out into the woods, had sex with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and then went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs.
Since they were all still standing around, he concluded that his first attempt didn't take, so he loaded them into the truck again, drove them into the woods, had sex with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs. They are still just standing around.
"Once more," he told himself, and loaded them onto the truck, drove them into the woods, had sex with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed.
The next morning, he can't even lift himself off the bed. He asked his wife to see if the pigs are wallowing in the mud yet.
"Nope," she said. "They're all in the back of the truck and one of them is honking the horn!"
An old man is driving along the road humming to himself.
Suddenly he hears a police siren and a motorcycle cop pulls him over.
He can't imagine what could be wrong.
"Sir, do you realize that you left your wife behind in the gas station?"
"I did? I am so relieved."
"You're relieved you drove off without your wife?"
The gent nods.
"But didn't you sense something was wrong?"
"Yes, I thought I'd gone deaf."
"Everyone got seat belts on back there?"
You can explore drove driver reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean drove ran dad jokes. There are also drove puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
... and boy, are my arms tires!
I'm so furious I don't know what to make of it.
So I drove him down to the courthouse. He came out 5 minutes later and said we could go. I said "How did you do that?" He said it was easy, just pretend to be super racist and they let you go. So I tried it myself a couple weeks later.
Apparently it doesn't work if you're the defendant.
"That's odd" thought the Irishman. "The water only goes halfway up on them ducks."
This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.
The driver got out and he was a dwarf.
He said, "I'm not happy."
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"
She wasn't laughing when I drove pasta.
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.
You should've seen her face when I drove pasta!
One fine old day, Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'
Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
Chuck said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
Chuck said, 'Sure I can, watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with the dead donkey?'
Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00.'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'
Chuck now works on Wall Street.
...when they drove past a farm full of pigs. The husband then asked his wife, "Family of yours?" The wife looked at the pigs, then replied, "Yea, in-laws."
I said "scissors, I win!" and drove off.
A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked.
The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
.
.
.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.
A cop pulls him over and asks for his information.
"Sir, you just drove through that intersection without stopping."
"Aww come on, it's not a big deal..I slowed down!"
The officer steps back, looking down at his feet, all of a sudden he pulls out his night stick and starts beating the man.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!" The man screams.
"Would you like me to slow down, or stop?"
A cop pulled me over and said "Papers..." So I said "Scissors!" and drove off ; )
She wasn't laughing when i drove pasta.
For I did not speak of my own accord. - John 12:49
But I drove away because I don't have car insurance.
I was concerned that it was mine so I quickly drove home, as I got home I was relieved to see that mine was cleaning my shoes on the front porch
He drove a Honda.
But he didn't like talking about it.
John 12:49 :
> For I did not speak of my own Accord.
Both appear at roughly the same time at the pearly gates. The priest is given some wine and cheese. The taxi driver is given a yacht, a boat, a mansion and a box of diamonds.
The priest looks at St. Peter and says: "I was a priest for many years but all I get is a little house and some food. This guy gets all this stuff and he drove a taxi."
St. Peter says "Yes, but we go by results. When you gave sermons people slept, when he drove people prayed."
I was worried it was mine so I drove home as fast as I could, when I got home I was relieved to find mine was still there...brushing the front porch.
He found out how a Mercedes bends.
So I said "I paid for dinner and drove her home".
So he flew me to Paris, got me drunk, and drove me into a tunnel pillar at 105 km/h.
and saw a midget prisoner climbing down the wall.
As he jumped down, he sneered at me and I thought, well, that's a little condescending.
So I put them in the back of a Mercedes and drove into a wall.
She was really mad when I drove pasta
you should've seen the look on her face when i drove pasta
The lady seemed very frazzled and the note said "help there are two armed men inside."
I drove off laughing, thinking "well yeah it would take forever to make tacos with one arm"
Turns out it was a Miss Steak.
Should've seen her face when I drove pasta
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologised and said he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied: "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
So I put her into the back of my Mercedes and drove it into a wall.
I think it was Farmer Geddon
"That was the first time I ever drove one."
I said, Scissors, I win and drove off.
I think he wants a re-match he's been chasing me for 45 minutes.
I'm getting rather good at golf
All that time wasted with nothing to chauffeur it.
I said, scissors, I win, and drove off.
He must have wanted a rematch because he has been chasing me for 45 minutes.
She came to an intersection and stopped, she saw a sign that read, 'Disneyland Left'. So she pulled a U-turn, cried and drove home.
I looked at him with a smile and said "Scissors, I win." and drove off.
I think he wants to do best out of 3 because he's been chasing me for an hour.
A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER $50.00.
Turns out it was falls advertising.
I thought, that's a little condescending.
"Pass me the ball, I'm free!"
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!
His loco motives.
I said "I don't care, it wasn't my car."
You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!
...he's really a big lyre.
She said theres no way i can make a car out of spaghetti. Shoulda seen the look on her face as i drove pasta.
Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices.
She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp.
Later, as the shopkeeper drove home, he spotted the blonde standing waist-deep in a bayou, shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in.
She took aim and shot the creature between the eyes.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement as she struggled to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators were lined up.
Oh, no! the blonde shouted in dismay.
This one isn't wearing any shoes either!
A geologist was driving down a country road when he saw this beautiful rock formation. He pulled over to get a closer look. As he was admiring the rock, an old farmer drove up. The geologist asked if he knew how long the rock had been here.
The farmer says "in fact, I do! It's a million and 7 years old"
The geologist stunned a bit says "that's oddly specific, how do you know that?"
The farmer goes "well, another feller like you came to look at this same rock and he said it was a million years old. And that was about 7 years ago"
The family wanted to be mad, but then another car drove by playing the same song, and another one does, and another one does, and another one drives a bus.
John 12:49: * For I did not speak of my own accord. *
"You know, people are just dying to get in there."
You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta
You should've seen her face when I drove pasta
It drove right pasture.
- my 9 year old
My co-worker just bought a new Kia Forte. We were heading to lunch one day and he drove. While in the car I say to him, Man this is a nice car, I was going to ask if I can drive it, but it's not my forte . He usually hates the dad jokes but I got him with that one.
She wasn't happy when I drove her to the gas station.
You should've seen the look on her face when I drove pasta
They had a big public awareness sign that read:
"Are your house numbers visible?"
I thought:
"Who cares? How about you just stop at the house that's on fire?"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the drove car jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working drove drive piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.