The Best 77 Drove Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Drove jokes. There are some drove wheeler jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these drove herd puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Drove Jokes and Puns
I got pulled over by the police ...
He came to the window and said papers ...
I said - scissors, I win - and drove off
He must be desperate for a rematch as he's been chasing me for ages!
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake.
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake. Not knowing if it was poisonous, he quickly grabbed the creature by the head, bit it in half and drove me, himself and the snake's body to the hospital.
As soon as we got there, the doctor informed us that for future reference proper term was *venomous* and this particular snake was not.
Which would have been a relief, except by that point uncle Larry had died of a poisonous snake bite.
The police vs the senior citizen
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper
Why did the snail paint an S on the back of his car?
So when he drove by people would say, "Hey, look at that S car go!"
Borrowed Car
One day Phil had to borrow a car, so he asked his friend Bob. Bob said that it was fine, so he gave Phil the keys and told him to return them by the end of the day. A week later, Phil hadn't returned the car. Bob called Phil angrily and asked why he hadn't given it back yet. Phil replied, "I drove by your house a bunch of times, but I didn't see your car in the driveway, so I thought you weren't home!"
My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta
A man and his wife drove past the beautiful countryside...
They saw a pig, rolling in the mud, so wife said: "Your relative?"
Man replied: "Yes, mother-in-law."
A priest and a taxi driver die and go to heaven.
St. Peter greets them. He takes the taxi driver to a large mansion. St. Peter than takes the priest to a slightly less nice house. "Wait," said the priest,"Why does the taxi driver get a nicer house than me?" St. Peter looked at his book and said,"It says here that when you preached, people slept, but when he drove, people prayed!"
Farmer tries to breed pigs
A farmer bought some breeding pigs, but after several weeks, not one was pregnant. He called the vet for help. "Why don't you try artificial insemination" said the vet.
The farmer didn't have an inkling of what artificial insemination was, but, not wanting to appear ignorant, he said, "Okay, Doc, but how will I know when the pigs are pregnant?"
"Easy. When they lie down and wallow in the mud." The farmer hung up and came to the conclusion that artificial insemination must mean that he has to impregnate those pigs himself.
So he loaded them onto his truck, drove them out into the woods, had sex with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and then went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs.
Since they were all still standing around, he concluded that his first attempt didn't take, so he loaded them into the truck again, drove them into the woods, had sex with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs. They are still just standing around.
"Once more," he told himself, and loaded them onto the truck, drove them into the woods, had sex with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed.
The next morning, he can't even lift himself off the bed. He asked his wife to see if the pigs are wallowing in the mud yet.
"Nope," she said. "They're all in the back of the truck and one of them is honking the horn!"
Old man driving alone
An old man is driving along the road humming to himself.
Suddenly he hears a police siren and a motorcycle cop pulls him over.
He can't imagine what could be wrong.
"Sir, do you realize that you left your wife behind in the gas station?"
"I did? I am so relieved."
"You're relieved you drove off without your wife?"
The gent nods.
"But didn't you sense something was wrong?"
"Yes, I thought I'd gone deaf."
What did Saint Patrick say when he drove all the snakes out of Ireland?
"Everyone got seat belts on back there?"
You can explore drove driver reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean drove ran dad jokes. There are also drove puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I just drove in from a Transformers convention...
... and boy, are my arms tires!
This morning some bloke drove up to my house in a huge lorry and dumped off a massive pile of lego blocks.
I'm so furious I don't know what to make of it.
My friend got jury duty
So I drove him down to the courthouse. He came out 5 minutes later and said we could go. I said "How did you do that?" He said it was easy, just pretend to be super racist and they let you go. So I tried it myself a couple weeks later.
Apparently it doesn't work if you're the defendant.
A motorist stopped at a country ford and asked an Irishman sitting nearby how deep the water was. "A couple of inches." replied the Irishman. So the motorist drove into the ford and his car promptly disappeared beneath the surface in a cauldron of bubbles.
"That's odd" thought the Irishman. "The water only goes halfway up on them ducks."
Met a Dwarf Today....
This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.
The driver got out and he was a dwarf.
He said, "I'm not happy."
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"
My grandmother laughed when I said I was gonna build a car out of spaghetti.
She wasn't laughing when I drove pasta.
My sister didn't believe me when I said I could drive spaghetti.
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.
My girlfriend didn't believe me when I said I could build a car out of spaghetti.
You should've seen her face when I drove pasta!
Young Chuck
One fine old day, Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'
Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
Chuck said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
Chuck said, 'Sure I can, watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with the dead donkey?'
Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00.'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'
Chuck now works on Wall Street.
A married couple were fighting...
...when they drove past a farm full of pigs. The husband then asked his wife, "Family of yours?" The wife looked at the pigs, then replied, "Yea, in-laws."
A cop pulled me over and said "papers"
I said "scissors, I win!" and drove off.
Parking...
A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked.
The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
.
.
.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."
My mom laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti.
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.
A man drives through a stop sign..
A cop pulls him over and asks for his information.
"Sir, you just drove through that intersection without stopping."
"Aww come on, it's not a big deal..I slowed down!"
The officer steps back, looking down at his feet, all of a sudden he pulls out his night stick and starts beating the man.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!" The man screams.
"Would you like me to slow down, or stop?"
When you get pulled over by a cop...
A cop pulled me over and said "Papers..." So I said "Scissors!" and drove off ; )
my wife laughed at me when i told her i was going to make a car out of spaghetti
She wasn't laughing when i drove pasta.
Jesus drove a Honda, but nobody knew about it.
For I did not speak of my own accord. - John 12:49
I hit the gym today...
But I drove away because I don't have car insurance.
I saw a black man running down the street with a TV
I was concerned that it was mine so I quickly drove home, as I got home I was relieved to see that mine was cleaning my shoes on the front porch
What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christler. Oh no. Wait..
He drove a Honda.
But he didn't like talking about it.
John 12:49 :
> For I did not speak of my own Accord.
A taxi driver and a priest go to heaven.
Both appear at roughly the same time at the pearly gates. The priest is given some wine and cheese. The taxi driver is given a yacht, a boat, a mansion and a box of diamonds.
The priest looks at St. Peter and says: "I was a priest for many years but all I get is a little house and some food. This guy gets all this stuff and he drove a taxi."
St. Peter says "Yes, but we go by results. When you gave sermons people slept, when he drove people prayed."
I saw a black man running down the street with a TV
I was worried it was mine so I drove home as fast as I could, when I got home I was relieved to find mine was still there...brushing the front porch.
A man drove his car into a tree.
He found out how a Mercedes bends.
My girlfriends dad told me that he'll do to me whatever I do to her.
So I said "I paid for dinner and drove her home".
I told my boyfriend that he better start treating me like a princess
So he flew me to Paris, got me drunk, and drove me into a tunnel pillar at 105 km/h.
Today I drove by a prison...
and saw a midget prisoner climbing down the wall.
As he jumped down, he sneered at me and I thought, well, that's a little condescending.
Someone told me they wanted to be treated like a princess
So I put them in the back of a Mercedes and drove into a wall.
A friend bet me that I couldn't turn spaghetti into a motor vehicle
She was really mad when I drove pasta
My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti.
you should've seen the look on her face when i drove pasta
I got a strange note in my bag at the Taco Bell drive-thru last night...
The lady seemed very frazzled and the note said "help there are two armed men inside."
I drove off laughing, thinking "well yeah it would take forever to make tacos with one arm"
I drove four hours to attend a beauty pageant for meat products today.
Turns out it was a Miss Steak.
My wife didn't believe me when i said I'd made a car from spaghetti
Should've seen her face when I drove pasta
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologised and said he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied: "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess.
So I put her into the back of my Mercedes and drove it into a wall.
Somebody drove past me on a tractor yelling "the end of the world is nigh!"
I think it was Farmer Geddon
I got so drunk last night that I had to take a cab home... you know, it was exciting."
"That was the first time I ever drove one."
The police just pulled me over, he came up to my window and said, papers?
I said, Scissors, I win and drove off.
I think he wants a re-match he's been chasing me for 45 minutes.
I drove my daughter's hamster to the vet this morning.
I'm getting rather good at golf
Did you hear about the limo driver who drove for 20 years but never found a client?
All that time wasted with nothing to chauffeur it.
A cop pulled me over and said, Papers?
I said, scissors, I win, and drove off.
He must have wanted a rematch because he has been chasing me for 45 minutes.
A blonde was driving on the way to disneyland.
She came to an intersection and stopped, she saw a sign that read, 'Disneyland Left'. So she pulled a U-turn, cried and drove home.
A police officer turned on his lights, pulled me over, walked to my window and said "papers?"
I looked at him with a smile and said "Scissors, I win." and drove off.
I think he wants to do best out of 3 because he's been chasing me for an hour.
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00."
A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER $50.00.
I drove past a billboard promoting Niagara Falls as the tallest waterfall in the world...
Turns out it was falls advertising.
I just drove past a prison and noticed a short fella escaping by sliding down a rope hung from the prison wall...
I thought, that's a little condescending.
I drove by the local jailhouse today. The inmates were out in the yard playing football. I slowed down and yelled,
"Pass me the ball, I'm free!"
My wife said it was "crazy and impossible" when I told her I wanted to make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!
What drove the conductor to commit his heinous crimes?
His loco motives.
I told my friend that "Last night there was a rear-end collision in my parking lot. After that, the drunk guy that hit the car gave me $800 and drove away". My friend asked me "Is that enough to fix it?"
I said "I don't care, it wasn't my car."
My sister bet me a thousand dollars that I could not build a car out of noodles.
You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!
My friend called me in a panic and shouted, An evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don't know what to do! Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...
...he's really a big lyre.
My girlfriend made a bet with me
She said theres no way i can make a car out of spaghetti. Shoulda seen the look on her face as i drove pasta.
Why did the art thief's van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?
Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
A young blonde, on vacation in Louisiana, wanted a pair of alligator shoes...
but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices.
She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp.
Later, as the shopkeeper drove home, he spotted the blonde standing waist-deep in a bayou, shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in.
She took aim and shot the creature between the eyes.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement as she struggled to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators were lined up.
Oh, no! the blonde shouted in dismay.
This one isn't wearing any shoes either!
A geologist was driving down a country road
A geologist was driving down a country road when he saw this beautiful rock formation. He pulled over to get a closer look. As he was admiring the rock, an old farmer drove up. The geologist asked if he knew how long the rock had been here.
The farmer says "in fact, I do! It's a million and 7 years old"
The geologist stunned a bit says "that's oddly specific, how do you know that?"
The farmer goes "well, another feller like you came to look at this same rock and he said it was a million years old. And that was about 7 years ago"
No one is allowed to congregate for funerals; instead people drive by the cemetery and honk their horns in respect. One man drives by blasting Another One Bites The Dust
The family wanted to be mad, but then another car drove by playing the same song, and another one does, and another one does, and another one drives a bus.
Did you know Jesus drove a Honda but just didn't talk about it?
John 12:49: * For I did not speak of my own accord. *
My dad used to always say the same thing to us every single time we drove past a cemetery
"You know, people are just dying to get in there."
When I was your age your mother told me that I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta
My girlfriend bet me I couldn't make a racing car out of spaghetti…
You should've seen her face when I drove pasta
Why did the cow miss the bus?
It drove right pasture.
- my 9 year old
My co-worker told me to retire after this one
My co-worker just bought a new Kia Forte. We were heading to lunch one day and he drove. While in the car I say to him, Man this is a nice car, I was going to ask if I can drive it, but it's not my forte . He usually hates the dad jokes but I got him with that one.
I told my wife I was taking her somewhere expensive this weekend.
She wasn't happy when I drove her to the gas station.
I got into an argument with my sister the other day. She said it was impossible to make a car out of spaghetti.
You should've seen the look on her face when I drove pasta
I drove past the fire department the other day.
They had a big public awareness sign that read:
"Are your house numbers visible?"
I thought:
"Who cares? How about you just stop at the house that's on fire?"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the drove car jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working drove drive piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.