Drove Jokes
130 drove jokes and hilarious drove puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about drove that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Drove Short Jokes
Short drove jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The drove humour may include short driven jokes also.
- The police just pulled me over, he came up to my window and said, papers? I said, Scissors, I win and drove off.
I think he wants a re-match he's been chasing me for 45 minutes. - I got pulled over by the police ... He came to the window and said papers ...
I said - scissors, I win - and drove off
He must be desperate for a rematch as he's been chasing me for ages! - Jesus drove a Honda, but never spoke of it. "For I speak not of my own Accord" - John 12:49
- What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christler. Oh no. Wait.. He drove a Honda.
But he didn't like talking about it.
John 12:49 :
> For I did not speak of my own Accord. - My mom laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.
- The police just pulled me over, and the officer came up to my window and said papers? I said scissors, I win! and drove off. He's been chasing me for 45 minutes now, I think he wants a rematch.
- My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. you should've seen the look on her face when i drove pasta
- My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti... You should have seen her face as I drove pasta
- A man runs into a bar and shouts, Quick! How tall is a penguin?! The bartender says, Depends. Less than 3 feet.
The man cries out, Oh my God! I just drove over a nun! - What did Saint Patrick say when he drove all the snakes out of Ireland? "Everyone got seat belts on back there?"
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Drove One Liners
Which drove one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with drove? I can suggest the ones about driving cars and driver ed.
- I drove my daughter's hamster to the vet this morning. I'm getting rather good at golf
- A cop pulled me over and said "papers" I said "scissors, I win!" and drove off.
- I hit the gym today... But I drove away because I don't have car insurance.
- I just drove in from a Transformers convention... ... and boy, are my arms tires!
- Why did the cow miss the bus? It drove right pasture.
- my 9 year old - A man drove his car into a tree. He found out how a Mercedes bends.
- What drove the conductor to commit his heinous crimes? His loco motives.
- Why did the mandalorian keep winning races? He drove the beskar
- What kind of country would we have if everybody drove a pink Chevrolet? A pink carnation.
- What would it be called if you drove a stolen Tesla? Edison.
- I drove to Vegas in a $25,000 Chevy and came home in a $250,000 vehicle A greyhound bus.
- Had to dump my Amish girlfriend.... she drove me buggy.
- I just drove by an abandoned Dairy Queen. I guess you could say it was *dessert*ed
- I drove my expensive car into a tree and found out how a Mercedes bends.
- My girlfriend told me to kiss her where it stinks..... So I drove her to New Jersey
Drove Cab Jokes
Here is a list of funny drove cab jokes and even better drove cab puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I got so drunk last night that I had to take a cab home... you know, it was exciting." "That was the first time I ever drove one."
Uplifting Drove Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about drove you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean driving down the road jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make drove pranks.
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake.
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake. Not knowing if it was poisonous, he quickly grabbed the creature by the head, bit it in half and drove me, himself and the snake's body to the hospital.
As soon as we got there, the doctor informed us that for future reference proper term was *venomous* and this particular snake was not.
Which would have been a relief, except by that point uncle Larry had died of a poisonous snake bite.
Arguing couple
A married couple drove down a country road for several miles, sitting in silence. An earlier discussion led to an argument in which neither would concede their position.
As they passed by a barnyard full of mules, pigs, and goats, the husband sarcastically asks: "Relatives of yours?"
'Yup,' the wife promptly replies. 'In-laws'
The police vs the senior citizen
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper
Jesus saved my life...
And before I could thank him he got in the car with Miguel and drove away.
Why did the snail paint an S on the back of his car?
So when he drove by people would say, "Hey, look at that S car go!"
One sunny Saturday morning...
Joe and his buddy Ryan decide to go golfing. Joe was setting up his tee when a f**... procession drove by on the nearby road. Joe immediately took off his hat, and stood perfectly still until the procession had passed. Ryan said "Joe, that's one of the most respectful things I've ever seen." Joe responds, "Well, we were married for 35 years after all."
Borrowed Car
One day Phil had to borrow a car, so he asked his friend Bob. Bob said that it was fine, so he gave Phil the keys and told him to return them by the end of the day. A week later, Phil hadn't returned the car. Bob called Phil angrily and asked why he hadn't given it back yet. Phil replied, "I drove by your house a bunch of times, but I didn't see your car in the driveway, so I thought you weren't home!"
A man and his wife drove past the beautiful countryside...
They saw a pig, rolling in the mud, so wife said: "Your relative?"
Man replied: "Yes, mother-in-law."
A priest and a taxi driver die and go to heaven.
St. Peter greets them. He takes the taxi driver to a large mansion. St. Peter than takes the priest to a slightly less nice house. "Wait," said the priest,"Why does the taxi driver get a nicer house than me?" St. Peter looked at his book and said,"It says here that when you preached, people slept, but when he drove, people prayed!"
Farmer tries to breed pigs
A farmer bought some breeding pigs, but after several weeks, not one was pregnant. He called the vet for help. "Why don't you try artificial insemination" said the vet.
The farmer didn't have an inkling of what artificial insemination was, but, not wanting to appear ignorant, he said, "Okay, Doc, but how will I know when the pigs are pregnant?"
"Easy. When they lie down and wallow in the mud." The farmer hung up and came to the conclusion that artificial insemination must mean that he has to impregnate those pigs himself.
So he loaded them onto his truck, drove them out into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and then went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs.
Since they were all still standing around, he concluded that his first attempt didn't take, so he loaded them into the truck again, drove them into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs. They are still just standing around.
"Once more," he told himself, and loaded them onto the truck, drove them into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed.
The next morning, he can't even lift himself off the bed. He asked his wife to see if the pigs are wallowing in the mud yet.
"Nope," she said. "They're all in the back of the truck and one of them is honking the horn!"
I was walking home today...
...and a group of boys in a car drove past me and threw something out the window that just narrowly missed my head, I look down to find a block of cheese on the ground, and I just thought to myself... That's not very mature.
Old man driving alone
An old man is driving along the road humming to himself.
Suddenly he hears a police siren and a motorcycle cop pulls him over.
He can't imagine what could be wrong.
"Sir, do you realize that you left your wife behind in the gas station?"
"I did? I am so relieved."
"You're relieved you drove off without your wife?"
The gent nods.
"But didn't you sense something was wrong?"
"Yes, I thought I'd gone deaf."
About yesterdays Alabama vs. Auburn game…
I feel bad for all the Alabama fans who drove their houses to the game yesterday.
I told my mum I was goingto make a car out of spaghetti
She was really surprised when I drove pasta
While in Prague I drove by the maximum security prison. It made me feel uneasy...
I never like passing bad Czechs.
This morning some bloke drove up to my house in a huge lorry and dumped off a massive pile of lego blocks.
I'm so furious I don't know what to make of it.
My friend got jury duty
So I drove him down to the courthouse. He came out 5 minutes later and said we could go. I said "How did you do that?" He said it was easy, just pretend to be super racist and they let you go. So I tried it myself a couple weeks later.
Apparently it doesn't work if you're the defendant.
A motorist stopped at a country ford and asked an Irishman sitting nearby how deep the water was. "A couple of inches." replied the Irishman. So the motorist drove into the ford and his car promptly disappeared beneath the surface in a cauldron of bubbles.
"That's odd" thought the Irishman. "The water only goes halfway up on them ducks."
Met a Dwarf Today....
This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.
The driver got out and he was a dwarf.
He said, "I'm not happy."
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"
Three Muslim women are sitting talking...
The first one says, "I miss my eldest son Ahmed. He was martyred in Iraq last year."
"Oh I know," says the second women, "I miss little Hamza. He drove a car-bomb into a Syrian checkpoint six months ago."
The third woman nodded, "Me too. My Omar was a s**... bomber in Gaza, so sad."
The first woman shook her head sadly. "Kids these days. They blow up so fast."
My grandmother laughed when I said I was gonna build a car out of spaghetti.
She wasn't laughing when I drove pasta.
My sister didn't believe me when I said I could drive spaghetti.
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.
My girlfriend didn't believe me when I said I could build a car out of spaghetti.
You should've seen her face when I drove pasta!
Young Chuck
One fine old day, Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'
Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
Chuck said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
Chuck said, 'Sure I can, watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with the dead donkey?'
Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00.'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'
Chuck now works on Wall Street.
A married couple were fighting...
...when they drove past a farm full of pigs. The husband then asked his wife, "Family of yours?" The wife looked at the pigs, then replied, "Yea, in-laws."
Parking...
A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked.
The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
.
.
.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."
A man drives through a stop sign..
A cop pulls him over and asks for his information.
"Sir, you just drove through that intersection without stopping."
"Aww come on, it's not a big deal..I slowed down!"
The officer steps back, looking down at his feet, all of a sudden he pulls out his night stick and starts beating the man.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!" The man screams.
"Would you like me to slow down, or stop?"
When you get pulled over by a cop...
A cop pulled me over and said "Papers..." So I said "Scissors!" and drove off ; )
my wife laughed at me when i told her i was going to make a car out of spaghetti
She wasn't laughing when i drove pasta.
Jesus drove a Honda, but nobody knew about it.
For I did not speak of my own accord. - John 12:49
A man and his friend were playing golf one afternoon when a f**... drove by...
The man was about to swing but stopped and bowed his head and said a prayer, then aimed and let a beautiful swing rip.
His friend said, "Wow man, that was pretty respectful of you to say a prayer for who ever died."
His friend slid his club into his bag and said, "Well, I was married to her for 40 years so I figured I owed her that."
I saw a black man running down the street with a TV
I was concerned that it was mine so I quickly drove home, as I got home I was relieved to see that mine was cleaning my shoes on the front porch
A taxi driver and a priest go to heaven.
Both appear at roughly the same time at the pearly gates. The priest is given some wine and cheese. The taxi driver is given a yacht, a boat, a mansion and a box of diamonds.
The priest looks at St. Peter and says: "I was a priest for many years but all I get is a little house and some food. This guy gets all this stuff and he drove a taxi."
St. Peter says "Yes, but we go by results. When you gave sermons people slept, when he drove people prayed."
Did you hear about that rich kid who got a car for his birthday?
He drove it into a tree to see how his Mercedes bends.
I saw a black man running down the street with a TV
I was worried it was mine so I drove home as fast as I could, when I got home I was relieved to find mine was still there...brushing the front porch.
Three blondes were driving to Disneyland...
Three blondes were driving to Disneyland. When they were close to the destination they saw a sign: Disneyland Left . They stopped, started to cry and finally turned around and drove back home.
My girlfriends dad told me that he'll do to me whatever I do to her.
So I said "I paid for dinner and drove her home".
When I was a kid my dad left without any indication
All I remember of him was that he drove a BMW
I told my boyfriend that he better start treating me like a princess
So he flew me to Paris, got me drunk, and drove me into a tunnel pillar at 105 km/h.
Today I drove by a prison...
and saw a midget prisoner climbing down the wall.
As he jumped down, he sneered at me and I thought, well, that's a little condescending.
Someone told me they wanted to be treated like a princess
So I put them in the back of a Mercedes and drove into a wall.
A friend bet me that I couldn't turn spaghetti into a motor vehicle
She was really mad when I drove pasta
Pulled over by the Five-O
A cop pulled me over the other day. Apparently I was speeding. He said: "Papers."
I said: "Scissors, I win!" and drove away.
I got a strange note in my bag at the taco bell drive-thru last night...
The lady seemed very frazzled and the note said "help there are two armed men inside."
I drove off laughing, thinking "well yeah it would take forever to make tacos with one arm"
I drove four hours to attend a beauty pageant for meat products today.
Turns out it was a Miss Steak.
Job Security
After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, Joe was hired by a warehouse.
One day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock.
Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he'd have to withhold 10 percent of Joe's wages to pay for the repairs.
"How much will it cost?" asked Joe.
"About $5,500," said the owner.
"What a relief!" exclaimed Joe. "I've finally got job security!"
My wife didn't believe me when i said I'd made a car from spaghetti
Should've seen her face when I drove pasta
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologised and said he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied: "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
My wife told me I could never make a car out of spaghetti...
Well, you should've seen her face as I drove pasta.
My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess.
So I put her into the back of my mercedes and drove it into a wall.
Somebody drove past me on a tractor yelling "the end of the world is nigh!"
I think it was Farmer Geddon
Did you hear about the limo driver who drove for 20 years but never found a client?
All that time wasted with nothing to chauffeur it.
A cop pulled me over and said, Papers?
I said, scissors, I win, and drove off.
He must have wanted a rematch because he has been chasing me for 45 minutes.
I got drunk last night wnd decided to be a responsible adult and take a bus home.
It was awesome, never drove a bus drunk before.
A blonde was driving on the way to disneyland.
She came to an intersection and stopped, she saw a sign that read, 'Disneyland Left'. So she pulled a U-turn, cried and drove home.
My wife told me I was crazy for trying to fix our car using spaghetti.
The look on her face when I drove pasta.
A police officer turned on his lights, pulled me over, walked to my window and said "papers?"
I looked at him with a smile and said "Scissors, I win." and drove off.
I think he wants to do best out of 3 because he's been chasing me for an hour.
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00."
A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER $50.00.
I drove past a billboard promoting Niagara Falls as the tallest waterfall in the world...
Turns out it was falls advertising.
I just drove past a prison and noticed a short fella escaping by sliding down a rope hung from the prison wall...
I thought, that's a little condescending.
I drove by the local jailhouse today. The inmates were out in the yard playing football. I slowed down and yelled,
"Pass me the ball, I'm free!"
My wife said it was "crazy and impossible" when I told her I wanted to make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!
I drove into a car at some traffic lights whilst not really paying attention
The driver got out and he was a dwarf.
He looked up to me and said, I'm not happy,
Well, which one are you then? I replied.
I told my friend that "Last night there was a rear-end collision in my parking lot. After that, the drunk guy that hit the car gave me $800 and drove away". My friend asked me "Is that enough to fix it?"
I said "I don't care, it wasn't my car."
My sister bet me a thousand dollars that I could not build a car out of noodles.
You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!
