Drops Jokes
114 drops jokes and hilarious drops puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about drops that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Drops Short Jokes
Short drops jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The drops humour may include short splash jokes also.
- My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed. After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
- The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
- You can tell the gender of an ant by dropping it in water. If it sinks it's girl ant, If it floats it's boy ant.
- Did you hear that NYC paid hillary clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.
- A girl walks into a dry cleaner She drops off her dress and turns to leave. The owner says, "Come again!". She says, "No it was toothpaste this time."
- Taylor Swift is dropping albums like I'm dropping pounds Only two, but still more than anyone expected.
- My wife asked me, Why don't you treat me like you did when we were first dating? So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents' house.
- Why was the little ink drop crying? His mother was in the pen and he didn't know how long the sentence would be.
- A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners The lady says, "Come Again!"
The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time." - An old lady in front of me dropped $20 and I thought, "What would Jesus do?" So I turned it into wine. I bought wine.
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Drops One Liners
Which drops one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with drops? I can suggest the ones about spots and dots.
- The price of oil has dropped so far that... Exxon-Mobil had to lay off 25 Congressmen.
- Are You a gorilla Exhibit? Because I want to drop a baby in you.
- What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft? A flat minor
- Sometimes I miss my ex. So I drop it into reverse and try again.
- If I had a drop of beer for every time I made a bird pun.. I'd have toucans.
- What is the best thing about dating a homeless girl? You can just drop her off anywhere.
- I dropped my cactus the other day Worst part is, I caught it
- I dropped my laptop in the middle of the ocean A dell must be rolling in the deep
- The US just dropped a new single today It quickly became the number 1 hit in Afghanistan
- Dropped my phone in a load of mayo What the Hellmann
- Despite constantly dropping the ball... Gravity is pretty reliable
- What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat miner
- If you missed the ball drop last night.... Just watch FSU in the Rose Bowl
- I went fishing with Skrillex once It didn't end well, he kept dropping the bass
- I dropped my phone in the bath Now it's syncing.
Uproarious Drops Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about drops you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dice jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make drops pranks.
Little old lady goes to a dentist...
A little old lady goes to the dentist.
She walks in to the dentists office, sits down, drops her p**..., and lifts her legs.
Rather flustered the Dentist says, "I'm sorry madam, I'm not a gynaecologist!"
She says, "I know you're not, I just need my husband's teeth back!"
A Woman Who Reads
One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor and begins to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies.
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with s**... assault,"says the woman.
"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and left.
Moral of this story: Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.
What does Snoop Lion do when he forgets to wear oven mitts?
Drops it like it's hot.
A women steps out of the shower and drops her towel...
A women steps out of the shower and drops her towel. She stands in front of the mirror in her bedroom. "I hate my body, i'm too fat", she says sadly to her husband on their bed. "I'm feeling a little down after that, i could use a pick me up. Compliment me?" she says. He says back, "Well for one thing your eyesight is great!"
A man is getting into the shower...
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands n**... in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
A Pirate Walks Into the Doctors Office
The pirate walks in and tells the doc he's having an issue down below.
He drops his pants and the doc says, "My god there's your problem! You have a steering wheel attached to your t**...!"
The pirate responds, "ARRR IT'S DRIVIN ME NUTS!"
A physicist, a biologist and a statistician go hunting.
They are hiding together in the bushes and they see a deer 70ft ahead of them. The physicist makes some calculations, aims and fires at the deer. His shot ends up 5ft to the left of the deer. The biologist analyzes the deer's movement, aims and fires. His shot ends up 5ft to the right of the deer. The statistician drops his rifle and happily shouts, "WE GOT IT!!"
a priest and a rabi...
a priest and a rabi are eating lunch when a young waiter drops a tray of dishes. as the waiter bends over to pick up his mess the priest mumbles "man I would love to screw him!" to which the rabi says "out of what?"
My friend is getting a new car - a "tangerine" ford focus. Dad drops this one...
Tangerine focus... Isn't that the same as orange concentrate?
My 7 year old daughter drops this joke on me.
What kind of bee's make milk?
Boo-bee's
So a guy wants to marry a v**...
He adopts a girl, and drops her off at a convent. 18 years later, he goes and picks her up and marries her. On their wedding night, he's getting ready and breaks out some K-Y. The girl says, "What's that for?" The man replies, "You know, so I don't hurt you."
The girl responds and asks, "Why don't you just spit on it like the monks do?"
Jesus, Moses and an Old Man go golfing
and they come up to the par 3. Moses steps up to take a swing and plop, right in the pond. So he steps up to the water, raises his hands and separates the water. He strolls up and chips it into the hole for a birdie. Jesus' turn and he plunks it in the drink, too. He walks on the water, takes a swing and chips it in for a birdie.
The old man steps up to the tee and takes a swing. And, you guessed it, he drops it into the water. Just then a fish swims up and gobbles the ball, a hawk comes flying in from the sky and swoops up the fish. Over the green, the bird lets go of the fish, who slams against the ground. letting the ball go... which rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one. Jesus turns to the old man and says, "Dad, quit showing off."
A man goes hunting...
He is an Atheist. He is in the woods when he trips and drops his rifle down a cliffs edge, and a Bear corners him. Knowing its his last line of life, but un willing to ask for god, he thinks of a witty idea, he says "If there is a god, please make this bear a christian!".The bear stands up and says "Dear lord, thank you for this meal im about to eat".
Hueh.
Two Inuits are out fishing on a kayak...
Two Inuits are out fishing on a kayak. They've been out all day, and the sun's setting. As the temperature drops, they decide to light a campfire on the watercraft, which, unsurprisingly sinks. This just goes to prove that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
What does a chemistry lesson and a night club have in common?
Someone drops the acid and someone drops the base.
I've heard the crime rate in the Philippines drops when Manny Pacquiao fights...
The crime rate also drops in Floyd Mayweather's home when Floyd Mayweather fights.
I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer c**...?
Because it had a bad driver!
*drops mic*
why is rain the best kind of music?
because it has amazing drops.
What chord does a piano make when it drops on a child?
...A-flat minor
Presidential clock
After dinner one night, Bill Clinton drops his pants and points at his manhood, telling Hillary if she is going to be President, she better get to know the Presidential clock. She yells, "That's not a clock", to which he responds, "If you put two hands and a face on it, it will be!"
A maid asks for a raise
A maid asks for a raise from the queen.
"Give me three good reasons to give you a raise." the queen demands.
"Well, I cook better than you." Astounded by the answer, the queen asks, "Who told you that?"
The maid replies with, "Your husband told me that.".
The queen is unhappy, but shrugs it off and asks for another reason.
"I'm a better cleaner than you are." The queen is unhappy again and asks who told the maid this. "Your husband told me that." The queen is now unhappy and asks for a final reason to give a raise.
The maid says, "I'm better in bed than you." The queen's jaw drops open and asks "DON'T TELL ME MY HUSBAND TOLD YOU THAT DID HE?".
The maid replies calmly with, "No, the driver did."
The queen curses quietly, "Shhh. Keep it down, its 25% okay?"
What's the difference between a raver and a chemist at a club?
One drops acid while the other drops the base.
Jesus Christ walks into a motel and drops a handful of nails on the counter. He asks
Can you put me up for the night ?
Bob and Jim are on the 18th hole...
And as Bob is about to pitch for the green they notice a f**... procession heading down the road adjacent to the course. Bob stops mid swing, drops his club, removes his hat, bows his head and stands for a moment of silence. "That's very respectful of you, Bob." says Jim. Bob puts his hat back on, picks up his club and says "Well, we were married for 35 years."
I always tell my kids to stay well clear of any Train tracks...
...except "Drops of Jupiter". That one's ok.
A blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners...
A blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners. On the way out of the door the lady at the counter says come again. The blonde says no, its toothpaste this time.
Why can't you go fishing with Skrillex?
Because he always drops the bass.
Two men are out hunting when one of them suddenly drops dead
Two men are out hunting when one of them suddenly drops dead. He calls 911 immediately. The operator says "Can I help you sir?"
The man replies "I think my friend is dead! Get an ambulance! What should I do?"
The operator replies "Okay, calm down sir. First we have to make sure he is dead."
There is silence, then a gun shot, then the man comes back on "Okay, what now?"
Dinner
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!"
The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"
A man took out a lemon in a crowd of people
and squeezed it dry. He said, 'If anyone can squeeze a drop out of this lemon, I'll give them 100 bucks.'
Many people tried and no one could get any juice out of the lemon. Finally, a man came up and squeezed out two drops of lemon juice. Handing him his $100, the first man asked in wonder, 'Who are you?'
The second man replied, 'Income tax officer.'
A girl is on a date at the town fair with a good looking guy.
He asks what do you want to do first. She replies "Get weighed". He says OK and they proceed to go to the scale. When they're done, he says "What do you want to do next?" She says "Get weighed". Once again she hops on the scale. Getting frustrated, the guy says one more time "What do you want to do next?" She replied "Get weighed" again. At this, the guy skips the rest of the fair and drops the girl off at her house. Her mom comes out and says "How was your date?" The girl replies "Wousy".
Two blonds are doing 180mph on a highway.
A cop pulls them over, gets out, and as he walks towards the blondes's car he drops his pants. One blonde says to the other: "Oh no, not another breathalyzer test."
An old lady goes to the dentist
Sits down, drops her pants, and lifts her legs. The dentist says "I'm not a gynecologist!" She says " l know, I just need my husbands teeth back!"
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a pint. Just then, a fly drops in each of their Guinness.
The Englishman says: "How dreadful. Barkeep, take this pint back at once, I couldn't possibly touch it, it has a fly in it!"
The Scotsman says: "Ach, it's nae so bad!" and flicks the fly out with the back of his hand and c**... his beer.
The Irishman gingerly picks up the fly by the wing, gives the fly a little wiggle and says: "You spit that out! You spit that out!"
Customer: "How much is a drop of gas?"
Gas station attendant: "A drop? Free."
Customer: "A tank of drops of gas, please."
What do you call an Arab rapper?
Someone who drops allahu akbars.
An American, a Russian and an Estonian are on a plane
The American opens the door and drops some hamburgers and then says: "I have too many of these". Then the Russian goes to the Door and throws down some bottles of v**... and says: "I have too many of them". Then the Estonia comes and throws down the Russian and says: "I have too many of them".
A little girl and boy are in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl starts to cry so the little boy asks her "What's wrong?"
The little girl responds "I have to get a blood test so they're going to cut open my finger."
The little boy's jaw drops and he says "Oh no! I'm getting a u**... test."
Two men are in the woods...
One man completely drops dead, eyes completely white, and his heart stops, the other man freaks out, and calls 911, they say to "Make sure he is dead." A gunshot is heard and the man asks:
"Okay, what now?"
My wife's pregnant
90yr man: My 18yr wife is pregnant,your opinion doc?
Dr: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry, grabs an umbrela instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, and sees a lion, lifts the umbrela, pulls the handle and BANG, The lion drops dead!
Old man: That's is impossible, sumone else must have shot the lion!
Dr: EXACTLY!!
John goes to the gas station
John goes to the gas station and asks the owner: What does a drop of gas cost? The owner answers that he could get a drop for free. So John goes on to say: Well then, I would like to have a tank full of drops.
Spam in the Middle Ages
A prince is awaiting a letter from his loved one for three days and three nights. On the fourth day, a pigeon flies in and drops a letter on his lap. When he opens it he reads:
"Get your sword forged for cheap"
What happens when William Shatner goes to the bathroom
He drops a captain's log
What does a woman do with her as#hole before she has s**...?
She drops him off at the golf course.
the bad joke
A man goes to his doctor for a checkup.
After the tests are done, the doctor asks the man to bend over for a prostate exam. The man drops his pants and bends over.
While the man is grunting due to the doctors fat finger, the doctor says
"Wanna see a magic trick?"
the man says "Ookay?"
The doctor says "Look NO HANDS" showing his hands to the patient
Why does Loki buy cough drops?
He doesn't want to get a Thor t**...
What's the difference between a Goldman Sachs executive and a blood-s**... leech?
The leech drops off when it's full.
Two hunters are in the woods, suddenly one of them drops to the ground.
The other one quickly decides to phone the emergency services.
"911, what is your emergency?"
"Help me! I'm in the forest and my friend just died!"
"Calm down sir, first, can you make sure he's dead?"
**Bang**
"Okay, what do I do now?"
Three men meet a genie and are given a single wish.
The first man wishes to be invisible, p**...! he turns invisible but gets run over by a truck and drops down dead.
The second man wishes for 100 million dollars, p**...! he gets the money but is robbed and shot and drops down dead.
The third man sees this and figures out that the other men were selfish and that's what got them killed so he wishes for world peace, p**...! and 7.3 billion people drop down dead.
Polio is a lot like how Japan was in World War 2.
Two drops and you'll be able to get rid of it.
A man walks into a watchmakers shop, walks up to the assistant and drops his trousers in front of her.
She looks at him for a moment, sighs, and says "sir, we only service watches and clocks, please put THAT away."
The man replies "It IS a clock, but it's missing a few things, so would you mind putting two hands and a face on it?"
A man goes to the doctor for an annual checkup
When the doctor walks in he looks at the man's chart and says although it is awkward, I believe you are the right age for a prostate exam.
The man sighs, bends over the table and drops his drawers.
Now just to let you know this may cause an e**..., warns the doctor.
I think I'll be fine, the man replied
I wasn't talking about you.
When my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I winked.
She bought me eye drops.
A blonde drops off her dress at the dry cleaners,
The dry cleaner says come again
The blonde says it's toothpaste this time
A doctor comes out to the maternity ward waiting room holding a newborn baby and suddenly drops him to the floor.
Seeing the father's shocked face, he laughs and says: "Haha, got you. Don't worry, he was born dead".
Donald Trump is convicted of treason
His punishment is hanging. On the day of his execution, the rope is tied around his neck as thousands watch. The floor drops, but Trump is unharmed. The noose was fake.
An Army Captain is assigned to a remote desert post in Iraq
During inspection, he notices a camel t**... outside the barracks. He asks the soldier, "why is that camel there?"
The soldier says: "There are 250 men here and no women. Sometimes men get urges."
A month later the Captian has urges himself. He puts the ladder behind the camel, drops his trousers and has s**... with the camel. He asks the soldier: "Is that how the men do it?"
"No sir, they usually ride it to the brothel!"
A Catholic, a Jew, and a Buddhist are on a plane that is about to c**....
The Jew says a prayer and jumps off, survives the landing but dies in the hospital. The Catholic says a prayer, jumps off, and becomes paralyzed for the rest of his life, but survives the fall. The Buddhist says a prayer, jumps off, and is caught by a giant Buddha hand, and says,"Thank God." The hand then proceeds drops him.
A man walks into a bar
A man walks in a bar and orders a beer. After taking a few sips, he notices a gorilla in the corner. He asks hey what's with the gorilla?
The bartender says watch this. He walks up to the gorilla and smacks him in the head and the gorilla immediately drops down and gives him a b**....
The man shocked says, wow that's incredible!.
The bartender asks him if he'd like to try.
The man replies, yeah sure just dont hit me so hard!
A young salesman walks up to a house and knocks on the door. The most beautiful woman he has ever seen answers, dressed in only a slinky negligee. She asks "Do you like what you see?" Slack jawed, the man finally manages to stutter "uh... yes, very much!"
She says "Quickly, step inside, I think I hear someone coming."
Once inside the beautiful woman drops her negligee and is completely n**.... With a smile she asks "What do you think is the most sensitive part of my body?"
The salesman says "I guess that would have to be your ears."
"My ears? On this luscious body, you think my ears are the most sensitive?"
"Well, yes. When you said you heard somebody coming, that was me!"
A wife wants a fancy Porsche for her fiftieth birthday
She drops hints to her husband:
"You know we've had a really good year, heck, good decade, fiscally. For my birthday, I'm really hoping for something sleek, maybe baby blue. Something you can really step on and it'll go from 0 to 200 in like .2 seconds..."
The husband nods knowingly. So for her birthday, he buys her a scale.
And that's when the fight started...
A doctor made a mistake and unknowingly prescribed his patient a powerful laxative instead of cough drops.
At the end of the week the patient comes back for a check-up. The doctor asks him: *So how's it going, Mr. Kowalski? Do you still cough a lot ?*''
The patient, who's been sitting there very rigidly, looks at him with wide eyes, *No. I'm afraid to*.
I am so good a using eye drops
I can do it with my eyes closed.
A scientist drops a bar of gold on his foot by mistake...
"Au!", he exclaimed.
Two atoms go on a date...when suddenly, one of them drops an electron and gasps. The other atom asks...are you sure?
I'm positive! Replies the other atom.
Isaac Newton: "Gravity exists"
*drops mic*
An alien drops by the White House and exclaims: "take me to your leader". The alien is introduced to Donald Trump, who ushers it into the oval office to chat. 30 seconds later, the alien exits the room and walks back towards his ship.....
"Where are you going?! Our worlds have so much to discuss and learn from one another!" calls a Senator.
"You are right!" responds the alien.
"See you on Thursday!"
Where does a lizard go after it drops its tail?
To the retail store
Moses, Jesus and an old man are playing golf together.
Moses swings and the ball rolls towards a river. The river splits and the ball goes through. Jesus shrugs, and hits the ball straight onto the river. It rolls straight over. The old man smiles and hits the ball into the river. A fish swallows the ball, an eagle swoops down, grabs the fish and flies off. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, it drops the fish, the ball falls into the hole. Moses turns to Jesus "I hate playing with your dad."
Two friends were out golfing one morning.
One of them is just getting ready to tee off when he notices a f**... processing passing on the street adjacent to the golf course.
He stops mid swing, drops his club and takes off his hat, then begins to say a prayer. Once the procession passes, he puts his hat back on, picks up his club and is ready to continue.
That was the sweetest thing I've ever witnessed. It was incredibly touching on your part to take the time to say a prayer for the deceased. Says his friend.
Well, it's the least I can do. After all, we were married for 35 years.
I went to see the doctor about my hearing loss and he gave me some medicine and told me to take two drops a day in my beer.
I've been doing it for 5 days now and I still haven't noticed any improvement.
Racing a bear
Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guy says, 'What are you doing? Sneakers won't help you outrun that bear.' 'I don't need to outrun the bear,' the first guy says. 'I just need to outrun you.'
inflation
There's the story of an old lady selling pretzels for 25 cents on a corner in New York. Every day a young man passes her at lunchtime and drops a quarter in the cup but doesn't take a pretzel. She never says a word. He does this for three years, until one day he drops the quarter in her cup and she finally speaks. They're 35 cents now.
A hearse is traveling up an icy hill when the back doors fly open.
The coffin drops on the street. It slides down the hill, and goes through a house. It keeps going through a school, then a church, then a grocery store, and then through a gas station. It busts through an arcade, and then through an office building. It breaks through the front door of a pharmacy and finally stops at the pharmacy counter, the lid opens, and the man inside sits up. He looks at the pharmacist and asks, "Do you have anything to stop this coffin?"
The inventor of Halls Cough Drops died last night.
There will be no coffin at his f**....
A game warden sees an old man going out fishing alone and asks if he can go along.
The old man relents and rows out to the middle of the lake. Then he opens his tackle box, pulls out a stick of dynamite, lights it and drops it into the lake. After it goes off the boat is surrounded with dead fish and the old guy starts scooping up the bodies. The warden is incensed and says 'That's i**... and a thousand dollar fine when we get to shore!' So the old guy pulls out another stick of dynamite, lights it and hands it to the warden saying..
'You want to just talk all day or are you going to start fishing?'
What does a stripper do to her a**hole before going to work?
Drops him off at band practice
Come Again They said as the woman drops off her stained dress at the drycleaners
No, it's actually a yogurt stain this time. She replied
Five Hundred Bucks
A trucker who has been on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!" The madam is astonished. "But, sir, for that kind of money, you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."
The trucker replies, "Listen sweetheart, I ain't h**..., I'm homesick."
Hunting Fun
Two guys go hunting one day and they come across a sheep with it's head stuck in the fence. The first guy says to his buddy, "Man I'm not gonna lie. It's been a while. This sheep is looking pretty good."
Second guy says, "sure dude. Go for it. I won't tell anyone."
So the 1st guy pulls his pants down and has his way with the sheep.
2nd guy says, "I'm not gonna lie, that looked pretty fun. Mind if I have a turn?"
1st guy says, " Sure, go for it."
So the 2nd guy goes up, drops his pants, and sticks his head in the fence.
