Laughable Drop Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
I dropped my knife and cut off a toe
After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.
Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.
Me: Tell me the bad news first doc.
Doctor: The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe.
Me: No way. Whats the good news?
Doctor: The good news is the surgery was successful.
Me: What are you trying to say?
Doctor: You now have a Tic-Tac toe.
I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend but she keeps calling me
Seems like I have to drop the bomb twice.
I broke up with a Japanese girl last week...
It s**..., because I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message.
Sometimes I miss my ex.
So I drop it into reverse and try again.
A chemistry lab is a lot like a party...
Some people drop acid while others drop the base.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet - it won't break for the first six.
LPT: How to pick up girls
Try this:
1. Acquire several dozen limes.
1. Go up to them and then drop all the limes.
1. Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look the better.
1. Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).
1. Finally gather up the limes. Try looking a bit sheepish.
1. Look them deeply in the eyes and say, "Sorry, I'm bad at Pickup Limes."
Why was the little drop of ink so sad?
Because his father was in the pen, and he didn't know how long the sentence was!
Told by a 7 year old boy: How do you drop on an egg on a concrete floor without cracking it.
Concrete floors are really hard to crack.
Then he said "you were thinking about the egg weren't you!"
What do you call a waffle you drop in the desert?
San Diego
^^San-dee-eygo
^^^^sandee-eygo
^^^^^sandy-eggo
^^^^^i'll ^^^^let^^^^myself^^^^out
My wife and I decided we don't want children...
...if anybody does, we can drop them off tomorrow.
You can explore drop pim reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean drop raindrop dad jokes. There are also drop puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What's the hardest part breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend?
You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.
If you missed the ball drop last night....
Just watch FSU in the Rose Bowl
Guy goes to the doctor
A guy goes to the doctor because his knee is swollen and very painful. After a brief chat, the doctor instructs the man to drop his pants so he can examine the knee.
The doctor examines the guy's knee for a moment, looking at it from all angles. He finally looks up at the guy and says, "Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you're going to have to stop m**...."
"What? Why?" asks the guy.
"Because I'm trying to examine your knee."
I was dropping my kids off at school when I saw a sign that said "Watch for Children."
I'm going to miss them, but man this is a nice Rolex.
What is the best thing about dating a homeless girl?
You can just drop her off anywhere.
Why was the little ink drop crying?
His mother was in the pen and he didn't know how long the sentence would be.
I work at a pharmaceutical research lab, and we managed to kill a rat with m**... today.
To be fair, it took around 20 lbs of it and we had to drop it on him a few times.
Where are you when you're eating an Eggo on the beach and you drop it in the sand?
San Diego
(thought of this myself, it's better spoken)
How can you a drop a egg on concrete without cracking it?
Anyway you want. Concrete doesn't break easily.
Are You a Gorilla Exhibit?
Because I want to drop a baby in you.
I'm going to go on a Brexit diet
The pounds will drop fast.
I used to be a telemarketer
I phone up one of my usual numbers and a little boy answers the phone.
"Are you parents home, young man?" I ask.
I hear him drop the phone and burst into tears. I wait a few seconds until someone pick up the phone. An elderly voice at the end of the line barks back at me:
"For the last time, this is an orphanage. PLEASE stop calling."
What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat miner
What's the worst part about dumping a Japanese girl?
You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
Dating a homeless girl
I can just drop her off anywhere after the date right?
From how high can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?
Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.
I dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
I dropped my laptop in the middle of the ocean
A dell must be rolling in the deep
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese Girl?
You have to drop the Bomb twice before she gets the Message.
Dropped my phone in a load of mayo
What the Hellmann
What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?
A flat minor
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
How do you make a baby cry?
Drop it.
How do you make a baby stop crying?
Drop it again.
The US just dropped a new single today
It quickly became the number 1 hit in Afghanistan
A girl walks into a dry cleaner
She goes inside to drop off her blouse. Before she leaves the owner says, "Come again!". The girl replied, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
Everything I pick up, I drop.
The situation is getting out of hand.
I saw a guy drop a 100 dollar bill, I picked it up and asked myself: "what would Jesus do?"
......So I turned it into wine
If I had a drop of beer for every time I made a bird pun..
I'd have toucans.
Brought a girl home from a bar last night and after we went down on each other for a while I slipped on a c**.... Suddenly, she looked me dead in the eyes and demanded either forty more minutes of foreplay, or that I drop down and give her 100 pushups. When I asked why she said
"The idea is to provide you with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different holes."
What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese chick?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
Students are smart
Chemistry Professor: Now, class, here I have a beaker of H2SO4, and here I have a gold ring. Suppose I drop the ring into the sulphuric acid. Will the gold dissolve?
Student: No
Professor: Good. And will you please tell us why not?
Student: If it would dissolve, you wouldn't put it in.
The worst part about breaking up with my Japanese girlfriend?
Having to drop the bomb twice for her to get the message.
I took my wife to the beach today and now she's mad at me. I thought she wanted to watch me drop frozen waffles along the shore and trick a bunch of communists into eating them.
After all, I could've sworn she said her dream was to see the sandy Eggo c**... con.
How do you tell the difference between a boy ant and a girl ant?
Drop the ant in a glass of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant.
If it floats, it's buoyant.
A married couple is getting ready to go out for the evening. The husband is in the shower and the wife is just getting out of the bathtub when the doorbell rings.
The wife hurriedly wraps herself in a towel and answers the door. It's their neighbor, Bob. Bob looks at the wife, who is quite beautiful, and says, I'll give you $800 to let that towel drop. The wife thinks about if for a bit, then lets the towel fall. Bob gives her a thorough visual inspection, then reaches into his wallet and hands her $800. She goes back inside. Who was at the door, honey? asks the husband. Oh, it was our neighbor Bob, she says. Great, says the husband. Did he happen to mention the $800 he owes me?
Whats the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl
You have to drop the bomb twice before she finally gets it
What do you get if you drop a piano on a military base?
A flat major.
A mother had three kids called Drop, Feather, and Brick
A mother had three kids called Drop, Feather, and Brick.
Perplexed, the first kid asks his mother "Mom, why did you named me Drop?"
And she says: "Because when you were born, a little drop fell in your head..."
The second kid asks: "Mom, why did you named me Feather?"
She answers: "Because when you were born, a feather fell in your head..."
Finally, the third kid says: "GUhhhGaahh \*loud noises\* HUEHUE"
Sorry guys
A woman had three daughters getting married the same day. Naturally she was worried about their s**... life. It was agreed that they would send a discrete message.
Two weeks after the triple wedding the first message arrives. An ad for Maxwell House with the slogan "Good till the last drop." She's happy for her girl.
A month passes and a second message arrives with a Marlboro ad. "Marlboro: Extra long, extra strong." She's a little embarrassed, but happy.
Three months pass. She's really worried about her youngest when finally a message arrives. It's addressed in shaky handwriting and contains an ad for British Airways. "London to Paris: Seven days a week, three times a day, both ways."
She fainted.
A prisoner slipped on the stairs 5 years into his 14 year sentence.
He suffered some minor injuries but he decided to pretend to be in a coma for rest of his sentence.
When he finally decided to drop the act on the last day of his sentence, the warden arrested him again, because you aren't supposed to end a sentence with a coma.
Trump and his family are traveling in a plane.
Trump decides to drop a 100 dollar note from the plane. His wife asks what he is doing. His reply is I want to make an American happy
His wife replies back Why don't you drop ten 10 dollar notes and make ten Americans happy?
Their daughter gives a suggestion Why don't you drop hundred 1 dollar notes and make hundred Americans happy?
The pilot overhears their conversation and gives his own suggestion on the matter.
Why don't you three drop yourselves from the plane and make all Americans happy?
A couple of tourists are taking a tour of Moscow.
As they are walking, the husband feels a drop of water fall on his face. He turns to his wife and says I think it's raining. No, it is definitely snowing. Replies his wife. They started to argue, and the husband says let's not bicker, let's ask our tour guide Rudolph whether it is officially snowing or raining. They walked up to their tour guide, and ask Comrade Rudolph, would you kindly tell us if it is snowing or raining? It is raining of course! He replies. The husband turns to the wife and says See? Rudolph the red knows rain, dear!
I dropped a huge bottle of ketchup on my foot yesterday....
It caused severe pain To-ma-toes.
In University I was doing a 'Degree In Communism' . . . but had to drop out after the first year . . .
. . . lousy Marx
I saw a woman drop her purse in the high street this morning, so…
I quickly followed her. As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus. So I ran after her shouting, "You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!"
She didn't hear me and proceeded to get onto the bus, so I got on the bus too. As I walked to the back of the bus I breathlessly said, "You dropped your purse on the floor outside McDonald's."
"Thank you so much" she said, "Where is it?"
I said, "I've just told you, on the floor outside McDonald's."
Dropped my best ever dad joke & no one was around to hear it
I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
An old man in a nursing home says to a woman I bet you can't guess how old I am. The woman responds I bet I can, drop your pants.
He does and the woman says you're 96 years old. Amazed, the old man asked her how she knew that and she told him you told me at breakfast.
My daughter came home from her first day at school and announced that she "learned how to make babies"
You drop the "y" and add "ies".
I have a friend who always subtly mentions that he went to MIT
I simply hate his behavior. He'd somehow figure out a way to drop it into a conversation just to let people know he's an MIT alumni.
He's always been like this. Even when we were in college together.
How many ska musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three. One to drop the bulb and two to yell "pick it up, pick it up, pick it up!!!"
Someone keeps dropping off random Lego blocks in front of my door every morning.
I …don't know what to make of it.
A guy is camping and finds his buddy standing over an outhouse toilet about to drop a $50 bill down the hole.
What on earth are you doing? he asks his buddy.
His friend replies I was taking a dump and a $10 bill fell out of my pocket and went down the hole…… and I sure as h**... ain't going down there for ten bucks .
As companies continue to cut ties with Kanye West...
Compass maker INMARK has also decided to drop West from their product line, leaving users lost and confused.
One day in August, Julius Caesar was standing on the balcony in his palace, watching the leaves drop silently from the trees.
He was witnessing….The Fall of the Roman Empire.
I saw a woman drop a can of Pringles in the store. I picked it up for her and she thanked me.
I told her that I like to help out when the chips are down.
Christmas trees are bad at sewing
They always drop their needles.
The Vienna Boys Choir is having a special New Year's Eve concert. At midnight there will be a ball drop and…
…all the Sopranos will become Altos.
What do being mad at the world and watching the ball drop have in common?
Both involve yelling at a big blue ball.
P.S: Happy New Year! 10 more minutes!
I started a new job today doing parcel delivery, at my first drop the homeowner had left a note saying we're out so please hide in the bin.
I'm still hiding, I'm hungry and it's dark, help!
