The Best 35 Driving Test Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Driving Test jokes. There are some driving test drive jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these driving test charged dui puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Driving Test Jokes and Puns
My friend text me 'what are you doing now?'
I replied 'Probably failing my driving test'.
My mate phoned me and asked what I was doing.
"Probably failing my driving test," I replied.
My mate just rang me and said "what are you doing at the moment?"
I said, "probably failing my driving test."
Why did Chewbacca fail his driving test?
He made a few Wookiee errors.
I was surprised to learn my kid failed the road driving test...
...she Tweeted three times that it seem to be going well.
A man is taking his son to buy his first car...
The son spots an old, used cop car at one of the lots. "Dad! I want that! It would be so cool! Can I test drive the cop car?" The father replies: "No, son. I want your car to have working turn signals and an accurate speedometer."
So I went to do my driving test high on lsd
I passed with flying colors!
A young man is taking a driving test
The instructor describes a situation: "You're driving along and suddenly there are two people in front of you. A bit to the left there's an old hag and a bit to the right there's a beautiful young woman. Your car can't make it between them. What do you do?"
The young man says: "Well I'll go for the old hag."
The instructor shakes his head and says: "Really? You won't hit the brakes?"
Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......
.....waiting to pop drunk drivers.
A man comes out of the bar, and he is obviously in rough shape. He is weaving all over the place, and almost falls when he trips on a curb. He fumbles with his car keys for almost two minutes, dropping them several times before he finally unlocks his car. He gets in, starts the car, and drives off.
Needless to say, the cops follow him: for several miles. The man's driving was flawless, perfect and in accordance with all traffic laws.
Finally, they decide to pull him over anyway. They turn on their lights. He pulls over instantly. They ask him to step out of the car; he calmly complies. They check his license; it is valid, and clean. They give him several field sobriety tests, each harder than the last. He passes all with flying colors.
The two cops look at each other, then the man, and ask "Sir, you aren't drunk, are you?"
"No, I'm not," says the man.
"Then why were you acting drunk when you left the bar?"
"I'm tonight's DD."
"Designated Driver?"
"No, I'm the Designated Decoy. All of my drunk friends drove off the other way."
Excuse for speeding
This Middle aged man was going through his mid-life crisis so he went out and bought him a new bright red BMW. So he decided to take his new BMW on a test drive down the interstate one day.
He got up to about 85 mph and all of a sudden he saw this highway patrolman with his blue lights and siren blaring coming toward him. He decided he and his new BMW would outrun the officer. So the man sped up to 95 mph,and then to 105 mph, but the patrolman was still coming.
The man finally came to his senses and said to himself, "This is crazy, I could go to jail for this," so he pulled over.
The patrolman came to the car and told the man, "It has been a long day and I am tired. If you can give me an excuse no one else has ever given me I will let you go."
So the man told the officer, "Last night my wife ran off with a patrolman and when I seen you chasing me I thought you were trying to bring her back."
The officer looked at the man and said, "Have a nice day."
A warning to be careful about drunk driving..
Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing led to another and I had a few too many pints before progressing on to Tequila. Not a good idea.
Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the car park and took a taxi home.
On the way home, I passed a police checkpoint on the freeway. The cops were pulling over cars and performing breath tests. Because I was in a taxi, they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as....
I've never driven a taxi before and I am not even sure where I got it from..
You can explore driving test testing reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean driving test car dad jokes. There are also driving test puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
An officer sees a man leave the bar at closing time and walk in a drunken fashion, trying to enter each car parked there.
The officer thinks to himself I have got an easy catch. Meanwhile while this is going in, the other patrons enter their own cars and drive off.
When the drunken man finally climbs in his own car and pulls out, the cop is waiting for him and gives a breath analyser test.
To his surprise, it shows a reading of 0.0. Confused, the cop asks the driver, how?
To which the driver replies - Tonight, I am the designated decoy.
my mate rang me earlier....
My mate rang me earlier and says "Hey dude, what you up to?" "Probably failing my driving test" I say
Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.
A man gets pulled over for drunk driving...
To test if he's really drunk, the police officer tells the man to recite the alphabet backwards.
The man does it perfectly.
Impressed, the police officer says, "Wow! I couldn't do that if I were sober!"
The man replies with "Me neither!"
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test?
He's an excellent parallel Parker.
I got invited to test a new car made entirely of spare computer parts
It was a hard drive
A circus performer is stopped by the police for having a faulty brake light
As he approaches the car, the policeman spots a set of knives on the back seat.
He asks the man why he has them and doesn't he know it's against the law to carry knives?
The man explains that the knives are used in his act. He juggles them.
The policeman insists the man gets out to show him so he stands at the roadside performing his act.
Just then, another car drives by. The driver of the car turns to his wife and says, Thank goodness I gave up drinking, just look how the police do sobriety tests these days.
I took an AP Physics test today and finished early, so I wrote this joke in the test booklet out of boredom
Heisenberg and Schrodinger are driving along when they get pulled over.
The police officer asks them if they know how fast they were going.
Heisenberg says, "I'm uncertain."
The officer then asks for them to open the trunk, and they oblige.
"Did you know there is a dead cat in your trunk?" the officer asks incredulously.
"I do now!" Schrodinger replies.
I got 8 out of 10 in my driving test.
2 guys jumped out to safety.
A woman was being interviewed during a driving test
Officer: You are driving a car down the road, you see your husband and your brother crossing the road from opposite lanes.
What will you hit first?
Woman: Husband! My husband!
Officer: This is the third time I'm telling you madam, you hit the brakes first!
I'd been out drinking, and knew I'd had way too much to drive my car safely.
I knew there was a breath testing checkpoint between the bar and my place, so I decided to take a bus. Sure enough, when the bus reached the checkpoint we were waved through. This morning though when I woke up, hungover as balls, there was a damn bus on my lawn and I don't know what the hell is going on
An old Chinese lady goes to see the eye doctor...
The optometrist gives her the regular eye exam then proceeds to do a few more tests because of her advanced age. After peering through one of his instruments into her eyes, he says "Well ma'am, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you've got cataracts." To which the Chinese woman replied, "No cataracts, I drive a Rincoln."
Two truck driving brothers.
Two truck driving brothers are taking a driving test, and the instructor asks, "You're driving the truck and you're at the top of a mountain and your brakes go out. You notice an accident at the bottom of the mountain, what do you do?"
The trucker replies, "The first thing I do is wake up my brother."
"What good is that going to do?" the instructor asks.
The trucker replies, "In all of the years we've been driving he ain't never seen an accident like the one we're about to get in to."
I was in a car dealership.
"Can I take this one for a test drive?" I asked the salesman.
He said, "Sure, I'll come with you."
Ten minutes later I pulled up outside my university and said, "Thanks, buddy. I think I've made it in time for my exam."
My friend told me he'd failed his driving test for running over a rabbit
I said they couldn't fail you for that, he said they can when it's in the butcher's window.
So last week I had my driving test
Halfway through the test, we passed a primary school and unfortunately someone walked out into the road, took me completely by surprise. I was really upset that I'd failed my test, until the examiner assumed me that it was fine, it was only a minor.
My Asian eye doctor
Since I am half-Chinese and half-Filipino, and in recognition of AAPI month, I shall relate what happened visiting the eye doctor. I had been having trouble seeing while driving, so I went to my eye doctor, who happens to be Asian like me. He did the usual things, the eye charts, peering into my eyes, glaucoma test, etc. Finally, he sat back and said, "I know why you have trouble seeing while driving. You have a cataract."
"Bad guess, doc," I replied. "I have a Mercedes."
Gf just passed her driving test
My girlfriend had just passed her driving test so she drove me to town.
It was packed but we managed to find a space but she was nervous about doing a parallel park.
"I'm confident in you babe just do what you did in the test" I said
She slowly started unziping my flies.
A juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer. "I juggle them in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it."
So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"
I got to test the new self driving prototype, the Ford Dixie
But it crashed and I can't get the police to help. They hang up every time after I tell them "My Dixie wrecked"
Driving
I failed my driver's test today. The instructor asked me "What do you do at a red light?" I said "I usually check my emails and see what people are up to on Facebook."
An Asian man walks into an optometrist's office
AFter testing the mans vision the doctor says to him
"Sir i belive you have a cataract"
"Nonsense" the man says "I drive a Rincoln"
I reversed into someone during my driving test.
He probably would have survived if he was in a car.
I was out driving last night, when I started feeling a little bit horny…
I picked up a hooker and did her in the backseat and really enjoyed myself, but I think I failed my driving test…
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the driving test tractor trailer puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working driving test drivers piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.
