The Best 34 Driving License Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Driving License jokes. There are some driving license jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these driving license puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Driving License Jokes and Puns

A 7 year old girl

A 7 year old girl was looking at her mother's driving license card. It was written " SEX: F", she then started laughing until the mother asked why she was laughing. The girl said " I can't believe you are so bad at sex that you got an F. Now i understand why daddy is always with the maid.

A drunk guy calls a radio station...

...and tells the RJ,"I found this purse outside Raven's club. It has 1500 dollars in cash, a credit card, an iPhone 6s, and a driving license with Rebecca's name on it."
The RJ asks in an impressed tone,"It was good of you to call us. Do you need my help contacting her so that you can return the purse?"

"No. I just wanted to request a sad song for Rebecca."

Joke translated to English from German

A blonde is driving home when she gets pulled over by a police officer.

"Mam, may i see you driving license?!"

"What's a driving license? "

"You know this thing in your purse with your face on..."

She starts digging through her purse, finds her cosmetic mirror, and hands it over to the policeman.

The policeman takes a look at the mirror and responds-

"Should have told me right away your a police officer too "

There is a sign in my town that reads "DRIVE SLOW AUTISTIC CHILD"

First of all, he has a name.
Secondly, if he has his license he should know good and well how to drive and there is no need to single him out like that.

Today i realised why my Dad divorced my mom

I saw her driving license. she has an F in sex


A police officer stops a driver...

A police officer stops a driver to give him a ticket. He looks at the guy's driver license and says, "This says here that you need to wear corrective lenses when you drive."

The guy replies, "I have contacts".

The cops says, "I dont care who you know you still need corrective lenses"

I was pulled over by a cop earlier today.

Do you know why I've pulled you over, sir?

"No officer.

Well" he said "this doesn't happen very often, but I've been following you for the last ten miles or so... and your driving is exemplary! Correct road positioning, perfect observation and due regard for other road users.

Thanks very much, officer!" I said. "Do you reckon it's worth me getting a license then?"

Reality vs LinkedIn

Reality:

I got my driving license

Linkedin:

I am honored and thrilled to announce that I have been selected among the top 5 applicants who participated in professional and the most-respected exam which evaluates the skills and ability to operate fuel-based vehicles. I cannot wait to see what the next chapter holds, and I cannot express my appreciation to the ministry of transportation, Wendy's, Google, NASA, my neighbors who supported me during this difficult journey.

LPT: NEVER hang your drivers license from your rearview mirror!

You risk being pulled over for driving with a suspended license.

Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......

.....waiting to pop drunk drivers.

A man comes out of the bar, and he is obviously in rough shape. He is weaving all over the place, and almost falls when he trips on a curb. He fumbles with his car keys for almost two minutes, dropping them several times before he finally unlocks his car. He gets in, starts the car, and drives off.

Needless to say, the cops follow him: for several miles. The man's driving was flawless, perfect and in accordance with all traffic laws.

Finally, they decide to pull him over anyway. They turn on their lights. He pulls over instantly. They ask him to step out of the car; he calmly complies. They check his license; it is valid, and clean. They give him several field sobriety tests, each harder than the last. He passes all with flying colors.

The two cops look at each other, then the man, and ask "Sir, you aren't drunk, are you?"

"No, I'm not," says the man.

"Then why were you acting drunk when you left the bar?"

"I'm tonight's DD."

"Designated Driver?"

"No, I'm the Designated Decoy. All of my drunk friends drove off the other way."

A police officer pulls over a driver...

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.

"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.

The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."

His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."

Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"

You can explore driving license reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean driving license dad jokes. There are also driving license puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist...

A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.

The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.

She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."

Another blonde joke...

A blonde was speeding on a highway when a policeman pulled her over.

The policeman walks up to the blonde and say "excuse me ma'am can I see your driving license and registration."

The blonde looks at the policeman angrily and says "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took my license away and then today you expect me to show it to you."

Life hack for driving

Always get your driver's license picture taken when your stoned. That way, the police will think you always look that way.

Did you hear about the guy whose license said he needed to wear glasses while driving?

He was pulled over by a cop one day and the cop tells him that he's going to jail for driving without his glasses.

"But officer I have contacts!"
"I don't care who you know buddy you're still going to jail!"

A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver

A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driving her car. The blonde cop says "You were going pretty fast back there. Can I see your license?"

The blonde driver looks confused.

The blonde cop says "Its a little square thing with your picture on it"

The blonde driver reaches in her bag and hands the cop her makeup mirror.

The cop takes the mirror, looks at it and exclaims "Well why didn't you tell me you were a cop? On you go. Have a great day".

The police officer inspected my drivers license carefully.

"Driver, I see you have a class 3 license that requires you to wear glasses whilst driving. I can't help but notice you are not wearing glasses."
"I've got contacts," I explained.
"I don't care who you know, driver," declared the officer. "You're under arrest."

:-P

A blonde gets pulled over by a blonde cop

Blonde cop: May I see your driving license?

Blonde driver: Driving license? What's that?

Blonde cop: The thing with your face on it

Blonde driver: Alright

Blonde driver: Reaches in her handbag and hands over her makeup mirror to the cop

Blonde Cop: Sorry, we didn't know you were a police woman as well. Carry on!

If you lose your license take all the shock absorbers off your car.

Then you won't be driving on a suspension.


I saw my ex get hit by a bus today,

and I thought wow, that could've been me.

Then I remembered I don't have a license to drive a bus!

GTA

While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him.

"Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!"

"OH NO! Did you try to stop him?"

"No, but dont worry. I got the license plate number!"

The first self driving commercial cars license plate should be...

'AFKBRB'

The sharp eye-witness

While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him. Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!

Dear God! Did your try to stop him?

No, said the clerk, but don't worry. I got the license plate number!

Why did Hitler lose his driving license?

He was too hard on the gas.

TIL: Hitler never had a driving license

No wonder he couldn't end a race

Driving License

Judge: Why did you steal the car?

Man: I had to get to work.

Judge: Why didn't you take the bus?

Man: I don't have a driver's license for the bus.

This DLC is getting out of hand...

The DVLA want me to pay £60 to add three points to my driving license, because I beat my high score!

A blonde was going for a driving test for her license but was nervous as she'd failed 8 times before. After talking with her blonde friends they came up with a sure-fire plan. She was to pick a man as the driving instructor, and to use sex as a bargaining tactic in exchange for passing her

She came back disappointed though, she failed.
What happened? her friends asked.
When I was sucking him off, I crashed

German guy is driving through France

He got stopped by a police officer.

Officer: License and registration please

Driver: Here you go officer

Officer: Occupation?

Driver: Nah, just holidays...

My children drive me to drinking...

As soon as they got their licenses I made them start bringing me to the bar.

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

I saw a blind lady driving the other day

Still can't believe they actually gave a license to a woman

Order real register Passport , Visa, Driving License, ID CARDS, marriage certificates, diplomas etc

Chuck Norris doesn't need a License to drive a car.

..

The car needs a special license to be driven by Chuck Norris.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the driving license jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working driving license piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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