Driving Lesson Jokes
10 driving lesson jokes and hilarious driving lesson puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about driving lesson that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Driving Lesson Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good driving lesson joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Dad takes his son for a driving lesson
Son: Dad, I'm so nervous, I can't stop shaking, what are we going to do?
Dad: Parkinson.
Paternal Payback
On the day I received my learner's permit, my father agreed to take me out for a driving lesson. With a big grin, he hopped in behind the driver's seat. Why aren't you sitting up front on the passenger's side? I asked.
Kirsten, I've been waiting for this ever since you were a little girl, Dad replied. Now it's my turn to sit back here and kick the seat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 Blondes drive past corn field
They see another blonde, in the middle of the field in a row boat, rowing away.
"It's blondes like that that give the rest of us a bad name!" one complains to the other. "Yeah! If I could swim, I'd teach her a lesson!" replied the other
When Chuck Norris went to his first driving lesson
He got in the car and said Ok. This is lesson number 1.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife keeps saying how she's 'addicted' to things...
Every now and then she says things like "Oh my god, I'm so addicted to shoes" or "You won't believe how addicted to candy I am".
One day, I was driving with her on the way home from work and thought that I should teach her a valuable lesson. So I started to drive through the bad side of town, and stopped in front of a decrepit apartment building where there was a j**... sitting down on the stoop in front, staring into space. I rolled down my window and pointed at the frail drugged-up man and said "Honey, *THAT* is what an addict looks like... Thin."
Blonde gets lost in a snowstorm...
She didn't panic however because when she was younger her dad taught her to wait for a snow plow and then just follow the snow plow to safety. Sure enough a snow plow drives by and she follows behind it for 45 minutes. Finally the driver of the snow plow stops and gets out and asks her if she needed anything, she says no and tells the man the lesson her father had taught her, to follow a snow plow if she was ever lost. The snow plow driver nodded and said "ok well I am done plowing the Walmart parking lot, would you like to follow me over to target now?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pearly Gates
A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafing through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. Saint Peter goes through the book several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did anything really good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in."
The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and I saw a giant group of k**... Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of them torturing this girl. Infuriated, I got out
of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang, a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the k**... Biker Gang Rapists formed a circle around me. So, I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"
St. Peter, impressed, says "Really? When did this happen?"
"Oh, about two minutes ago."
The Lumberjack Joke
Two lumberjacks, Bob and Screwball, are working in a mill. All is well until Screwball accidentally leans too far forward and gets his arm chopped off. Bob says "Oh no!", puts the decapitated arm in a plastic grocery bag and drives to the nearest hospital.
The next day, Bob shows up for work at the mill as usual, expecting to have to work twice as hard since Screwball is gone. But when he opens the door, Screwball's right there, arm totally healed, working away as if nothing happened. Bob keeps his confusion to himself and the day goes on as normal.
Screwball, the idiot he is, hasn't learned his lesson, and carelessly leans too forward again. This time, his leg gets chopped off. Bob quickly puts the dismembered leg in a bag and rushes off to the hospital.
Bob goes into work the next morning not knowing what to think. Trusty old Screwball is working away, as if his leg was never gone. Bob is no longer worried. Screwball does the same thing he did the two previous days, leans too far forward, and gets his head chopped off. Bob does what is fairly standard procedure by now - he puts his head in a bag and drives to the hospital.
After a little while, Bob decides to visit his friend. He asks a nurse about him, and the nurse says, "Oh, that guy? He would have made it, but some idiot put his head in a bag and he suffocated to death."
A blonde shows up to her first driving lesson and says
"Oh, there's a *front* seat, too?
Three high school jocks are constantly annoyed
by a mentally challenged classmate. Since he has no concept of coolness, he's always talking to them as if they're his friends and laughing heartily at their attempted putdowns.
Finally they decide to really stick it to him. His father has bought him a new BMW, which only increases their ire. One day as he is cheerfully driving home from school, three cars are blocking the road. It's the bullies, eager to teach him a lesson and get him out of their hair for once and for all.
As he stops, they get out of their cars, all holding a baseball bat. One of them draws a circle in chalk on the road away from the BMW. "Get in the circle," he growls to the poor confused fellow, "and don't let me see you step out of it until we're done."
"OK," he chirps, and steps into the circle.
The bullies start swinging away at his car, busting a few windows and badly denting every side of it. "Now," one of them says, turning to him, "you understand what we think of you. Stay away from us, please!"
The victim hasn't fully comprehended the extent of the damage. In fact, as they turn to him, he's collapsing in laughter. He's snorting and nearly falling over.
"And what's so funny about it?" the angriest guy asks.
"Because while you guys were all busy with that, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
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