The Best 66 Drivin Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Drivin jokes. There are some drivin ere jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these drivin barrymore puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Drivin Jokes and Puns
While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything.
They were pirates of the car I be in.
Driving Home Drunk
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
I was driving one day and I rear ended a car.
We pulled into a nearby parking lot and out of the car I had hit stepped a little person, a dwarf if you will. He said "I'm not happy",so I asked "Then which one are you?"
As I was driving home I saw a black man carrying a TV down the street...
Nervously, I had to wonder if it was mine, but then I remembered mine was at home shining my shoes
A Pirate Walks Into the Doctors Office
The pirate walks in and tells the doc he's having an issue down below.
He drops his pants and the doc says, "My god there's your problem! You have a steering wheel attached to your testicles!"
The pirate responds, "ARRR IT'S DRIVIN ME NUTS!"
A pirate walks into a bar...
A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.
He sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
As the bartender pours his drink he asks him why there's a steering wheel in his pants.
The prate replies, "Arrrr it's drivin me nuts."
So I was driving home from work tonight, I saw a woman texting whilst driving.
It infuriated me so much I threw my beer bottle at her car.
So I was driving down the road one day, and somebody threw a lump of cheese at me...
and I thought to myself, that's not very mature...
I was driving past the prison the other day...
with a friend of mine. All of a sudden he starts shouting and pointing, 'LOOK! There's a midget escaping! He's gone over the wall and is climbing down!'
I slammed on my brakes and said, 'woah, hang on. You can't say midget - it's a little con-descending.'
Driving through a blizzard with my dad
At the peak of the snow and ice he got out of the car and put two frozen snakes on the windshield. I asked him what he supposed that would do to help and he said "what's wrong son, Never heard of wind chilled vipers?"
Why don't they have driving classes and sex Ed on the same day in Saudi Arabia?
Because the camels can't handle it
You can explore drivin mornin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean drivin jed dad jokes. There are also drivin puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why don't they have driving lessons and sex ed on the same day in Saudi Arabia?
They don't want to overwork the camel.
I was driving down the motorway with my blonde girlfriend the other day and she said,
"I think those people in the car next to us are from another country"
"why is that?" I said
"Well, the kids are writing on the window and it says, 'stit rey su wohs'"
My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe.
Two minutes later he said, "Why haven't you pulled over yet?"
I said, "Because we're still in Manchester."
Driving high versus driving drunk: Drunks run stop signs.
Stoners stop and wait for them to turn green.
Buddy's been driving all night, sees a roadside bar and stops for a much-needed cold beer.
Bouncer says "sorry bud, gotta have a tie to get in".
Buddy goes to his car, roots thru the trunk and can't find a tie. Grabs his jumper cables and wraps them around his neck.
Bouncer says "cool man, come on in...just don't start anything".
....I'll see myself out now.
I've been driving for 20 years
And I still haven't seen any fast children at play
As I was driving I saw a black man running with a TV
I thought to myself ," that's mine." Then I remembered mine is at my house polishing my shoes.
Driving down the highway
So this senior citizen was driving down 93 when his wife called him on the phone. "Be careful! I just saw on the news there's a car driving the wrong way on the highway!"
"It's not just one car, it's hundreds of 'em!"
So I was driving down the street when I saw a couple guys trying to take an old lady's purse. I ran her over to help
We got it off her eventually
I was driving around in my tricycle all day
I worked it so hard, it lost a wheel. The tricycle is two tired now.
Driving today I kept seeing protest signs.
They all said "End Road Work."
We were driving past the graveyard and my dad asks:
"Do you know why I can't be buried there?"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm not dead yet, Son."
How is driving a Ford truck similar to visiting Thailand?
Either way, you're likely to blow a tranny
I was driving when something told me I was going the wrong way...
I think it was a sign.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel for a belt buckle
Bar tender says "I like the belt buckle"
Pirate replies "Arrgh, it's drivin me nuts"
We were driving through the Welsh countryside when my little girl said…
"Look at that strange animal daddy, man at the back, sheep at the front."
I was driving the other day
I was driving the other day when I saw this beautiful woman standing on the side of the road. I slowed down a little bit to get a better look at her when the guy behind me rear ended me.
As soon as we both got out of our vehicles, I noticed he was a midget. As he was walking over to me I could tell he was mad. He approached me and yelled, "I'm not happy!"
I replied, "Well, which one are you?"
Driving home earlier
I saw a young couple weaving all over the street. I told them 'Go get a loom'
Driving past a cemetery
"Do you know how many people in there are dead?"
"No"
"All of 'em"
I was once driving down the road..
..where I read a sign which said,
Speed limit 30km
I slowed down to 30km/h
A little further, another one
Speed limit 20km
I had to slow down even more,
Moving on, I saw another one
Speed limit 10km
My speedometer had come down to 10km/h
Not long after that, there was another
Speed limit 1km
I pulled over and started pushing my car to a point where I finally saw the last sign,
Welcome to Speed Limit
I was driving along the road and I saw a coffin on the curb with a sign that said "FREE"
I thought to myself, "this is the last thing I need."
I once tried driving to Mexico to steal a couple pet dolphins.
But I was arrested for trying to enter the country for illegal porpoises.
Driving in traffic in the city I moved into is a lot like having sex with my ex-girlfriend...
It always seems like I can never go too fast for too long and whenever a gap opens up in front of me another guy already filled it up.
Driving in England
In England they drive on the left side of the road, in New England we drive on what's left of the road.
Driving past a cemetery:
dad: "did you know that all the people who live around here aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?"
me: "really? why not?"
dad: "because they're not dead yet."
I am driving through England, and I'm supposed to be in Greenwich tomorrow.
Not too sure what to do in the Mean Time.
I saw someone driving a DeLorean to work today. If I had one I wouldn't use it for running about like that...
I would just drive it from time to time.
I'm driving up to Worcester this weekend
Easier done than said.
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don't. And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can't be buried here. I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they're still alive!"
I was driving down the interstate when I came across a sign for the world's largest pickle...
I turned at the next exit and found that there was a whole town around it. Shops, restaurants, even churches devoted to this pickle. When I finally found the museum holding this legendary pickle, I discovered it was closed. Dismayed, I went back to the interstate.
I just never saw what the big dill was.
While driving my car, I accidentally ran over a kid carrying a cymbal...
Ba dum, Tsss.
As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused , I stared up at him and he sneered back.
And I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending."
I am driving through England, and am staying in Greenwich for a few days.
Not sure what to do in the Mean Time.
As I was driving underground with strangers, my wrist began to hurt
It must be carpool tunnel syndrome
I had my driving exams today and scored 9 out of 10
The last guy managed to jump out of the way
I got 8 out of 10 in my driving test.
2 guys jumped out to safety.
I was driving to work yesterday, when I spotted Usain Bolt on the sidewalk. I rolled the window down and offered him a lift.
He said 'No thanks, I'm in a rush.'
While I was driving I saw a someone driving while talking on a cell phone.
I got so mad I threw my beer at him.
So I went to do my driving test high on lsd
I passed with flying colors!
I really shouldn't be driving in a state like this
Car's only registered in Queensland
Driving down a country road I pointed to a flock of cows...
Son: Herd of cows, dad.
Me: Well of course I've heard of cows, there's a whole flock of them over there!
I was driving with my wife recently and we were talking about what we wanted to happen to our bodies when we died. I want to be cremated and put in a pot of chili. She asked why.
So I can tear that ass up one last time.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
I went driving into the woods to go hunting. The sign said BEAR LEFT
So I went home.
I am driving through England, and my next stop is Greenwich.
Not sure what to do in the Mean Time.
What happens when you're driving on a highway in California and the smoke clears?
UCLA
While I was out driving, I saw another person driving while talking on their cell phone.
I got so upset, I threw my beer at him.
If you are driving really fast and suddenly you see your wife and your mother in law in front of you, what will you hit first?
Brakes...... The brakes.
Driving in France
I was driving from London to Paris and got off the ferry at Calais.
I got onto the D901, when my wife called me saying "careful dear, they are saying on the news that there is a lunatic driving on the wrong side of the road."
I said "the news is wrong honey. There are hundreds of these lunatics driving on the wrong side honking at me. Gotta go".
Driving
I was out driving on Halloween and I hit a cat, I think it was dressed like a cat. It could have been a piñata for all I know because there was candy everywhere.
Was driving through downtown Pigeon Forge and dropped this one…
So Pigeon Forge, Tennessee (US), is a HUGE tourist trap. We're talking zip lines, roller coasters, Ripley's Believe it or Not museum, Ferris wheels, life sized King Kong, etc.
Anywhoo, I was driving the family through this insanity when my wife pointed out a building to the kids and said look at that one with all the giraffes on top! I wonder what that is! Without missing a beat I said, Welcome, to Giraffic Park! And hummed the theme song while navigating through a left hand turn. I was proud and laughed out loud at my own joke. My 7 year old loved it.
Driving past a corn field I planted and told my wife how great it feels to see the fruits of my labor
She paused for a few seconds before replying, "(OP), those are vegetables, dummy."
I was driving with my friend when he pointed out a gaggle of geese in the field next to us.
So I turned my head and took a gander.
Was driving on the freeway
And over in the fast lane a concrete delivery truck went by and following behind was a contractor in his normal truck. So I pointed it out to the kids in backseat.
Kids asked where they were going.
I replied I don't know but bet when they get there they will have a concrete plan.
The groans were were like a symphony
I was driving down the road when I saw some cows in the road.
I slowed down and rolled down the window. They told me to *mooooooooooooove* along.
(Corny as hell, I know. Thanks, Dad)
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the drivin sittin jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working drivin clyde piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.