Following is our collection of funny Drivin jokes. There are some drivin ere jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these drivin barrymore puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
They were pirates of the car I be in.
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
We pulled into a nearby parking lot and out of the car I had hit stepped a little person, a dwarf if you will. He said "I'm not happy",so I asked "Then which one are you?"
Nervously, I had to wonder if it was mine, but then I remembered mine was at home shining my shoes
The pirate walks in and tells the doc he's having an issue down below.
He drops his pants and the doc says, "My god there's your problem! You have a steering wheel attached to your testicles!"
The pirate responds, "ARRR IT'S DRIVIN ME NUTS!"
A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.
He sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
As the bartender pours his drink he asks him why there's a steering wheel in his pants.
The prate replies, "Arrrr it's drivin me nuts."
It infuriated me so much I threw my beer bottle at her car.
and I thought to myself, that's not very mature...
with a friend of mine. All of a sudden he starts shouting and pointing, 'LOOK! There's a midget escaping! He's gone over the wall and is climbing down!'
I slammed on my brakes and said, 'woah, hang on. You can't say midget - it's a little con-descending.'
At the peak of the snow and ice he got out of the car and put two frozen snakes on the windshield. I asked him what he supposed that would do to help and he said "what's wrong son, Never heard of wind chilled vipers?"
Because the camels can't handle it
You can explore drivin mornin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean drivin jed dad jokes. There are also drivin puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
They don't want to overwork the camel.
"I think those people in the car next to us are from another country"
"why is that?" I said
"Well, the kids are writing on the window and it says, 'stit rey su wohs'"
Two minutes later he said, "Why haven't you pulled over yet?"
I said, "Because we're still in Manchester."
Stoners stop and wait for them to turn green.
Bouncer says "sorry bud, gotta have a tie to get in".
Buddy goes to his car, roots thru the trunk and can't find a tie. Grabs his jumper cables and wraps them around his neck.
Bouncer says "cool man, come on in...just don't start anything".
....I'll see myself out now.
And I still haven't seen any fast children at play
I thought to myself ," that's mine." Then I remembered mine is at my house polishing my shoes.
So this senior citizen was driving down 93 when his wife called him on the phone. "Be careful! I just saw on the news there's a car driving the wrong way on the highway!"
"It's not just one car, it's hundreds of 'em!"
We got it off her eventually
I worked it so hard, it lost a wheel. The tricycle is two tired now.
They all said "End Road Work."
"Do you know why I can't be buried there?"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm not dead yet, Son."
Either way, you're likely to blow a tranny
I think it was a sign.
Bar tender says "I like the belt buckle"
Pirate replies "Arrgh, it's drivin me nuts"
"Look at that strange animal daddy, man at the back, sheep at the front."
I was driving the other day when I saw this beautiful woman standing on the side of the road. I slowed down a little bit to get a better look at her when the guy behind me rear ended me.
As soon as we both got out of our vehicles, I noticed he was a midget. As he was walking over to me I could tell he was mad. He approached me and yelled, "I'm not happy!"
I replied, "Well, which one are you?"
I saw a young couple weaving all over the street. I told them 'Go get a loom'
"Do you know how many people in there are dead?"
"No"
"All of 'em"
..where I read a sign which said,
Speed limit 30km
I slowed down to 30km/h
A little further, another one
Speed limit 20km
I had to slow down even more,
Moving on, I saw another one
Speed limit 10km
My speedometer had come down to 10km/h
Not long after that, there was another
Speed limit 1km
I pulled over and started pushing my car to a point where I finally saw the last sign,
Welcome to Speed Limit
I thought to myself, "this is the last thing I need."
But I was arrested for trying to enter the country for illegal porpoises.
It always seems like I can never go too fast for too long and whenever a gap opens up in front of me another guy already filled it up.
In England they drive on the left side of the road, in New England we drive on what's left of the road.
dad: "did you know that all the people who live around here aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?"
me: "really? why not?"
dad: "because they're not dead yet."
Not too sure what to do in the Mean Time.
I would just drive it from time to time.
Easier done than said.
He rasped, "Cuz they're still alive!"
I turned at the next exit and found that there was a whole town around it. Shops, restaurants, even churches devoted to this pickle. When I finally found the museum holding this legendary pickle, I discovered it was closed. Dismayed, I went back to the interstate.
I just never saw what the big dill was.
Ba dum, Tsss.
And I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending."
Not sure what to do in the Mean Time.
It must be carpool tunnel syndrome
The last guy managed to jump out of the way
2 guys jumped out to safety.
He said 'No thanks, I'm in a rush.'
I got so mad I threw my beer at him.
I passed with flying colors!
Car's only registered in Queensland
Son: Herd of cows, dad.
Me: Well of course I've heard of cows, there's a whole flock of them over there!
So I can tear that ass up one last time.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
So I went home.
Not sure what to do in the Mean Time.
UCLA
I got so upset, I threw my beer at him.
Brakes...... The brakes.
I was driving from London to Paris and got off the ferry at Calais.
I got onto the D901, when my wife called me saying "careful dear, they are saying on the news that there is a lunatic driving on the wrong side of the road."
I said "the news is wrong honey. There are hundreds of these lunatics driving on the wrong side honking at me. Gotta go".
I was out driving on Halloween and I hit a cat, I think it was dressed like a cat. It could have been a piΓ±ata for all I know because there was candy everywhere.
So Pigeon Forge, Tennessee (US), is a HUGE tourist trap. We're talking zip lines, roller coasters, Ripley's Believe it or Not museum, Ferris wheels, life sized King Kong, etc.
Anywhoo, I was driving the family through this insanity when my wife pointed out a building to the kids and said look at that one with all the giraffes on top! I wonder what that is! Without missing a beat I said, Welcome, to Giraffic Park! And hummed the theme song while navigating through a left hand turn. I was proud and laughed out loud at my own joke. My 7 year old loved it.
She paused for a few seconds before replying, "(OP), those are vegetables, dummy."
So I turned my head and took a gander.
And over in the fast lane a concrete delivery truck went by and following behind was a contractor in his normal truck. So I pointed it out to the kids in backseat.
Kids asked where they were going.
I replied I don't know but bet when they get there they will have a concrete plan.
The groans were were like a symphony
I slowed down and rolled down the window. They told me to *mooooooooooooove* along.
(Corny as hell, I know. Thanks, Dad)
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the drivin sittin jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working drivin clyde piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.