Drivin Jokes
112 drivin jokes and hilarious drivin puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about drivin that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Drivin Short Jokes
Short drivin jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The drivin humour may include short yer jokes also.
- A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender asks, "Hey, buddy, doesn't that bother you?"
The pirate says, "Yar, it's drivin' me nuts." - A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel stuck between his legs. Bartender: What's with the steering wheel?
Pirate: Arr, it's drivin' me nuts! - A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender says "You know you got a steering wheel in your pants"
The pirate says "Aye, and it's drivin' me nuts!" - Two beers sitting in a bar Full beer turns to the empty one and says, "come on, let's go home. You drivin'?"
"can't" the empty one replies, "Im drunk" - Pirate walks into bar. Barkeep notices a steering wheel attached to the pirate's groin, asks about it. "Aarrrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"
- A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel for a belt buckle Bar tender says "I like the belt buckle"
Pirate replies "Arrgh, it's drivin me nuts" - The other day I saw a pirate with a steering wheel on his belt When I asked him about it he said Arrgh, it's drivin' me nuts
- A pirate walks into a bar The bartender asks him, Hey, is that a steering wheel in your pants.
The pirate responds, Ayyyy, it's drivin' me nuts! - A Pirate Walks Into A Bar ...With the steering wheel to his ship crammed into his trousers.
Bartender: What is that steering wheel doing down your pants?
Pirate: Arrrgh... It's drivin' me nuts! - A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel jammed down the front of his pants. The bartender says, "Isn't that uncomfortable?"
The pirate responds, "Ar, it's drivin' me nuts."
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Drivin One Liners
Which drivin one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with drivin? I can suggest the ones about hail and drive.
- Doctor doctor I have a steering wheel in my pants It's drivin' me nuts!
- What did the pirate say about the steering wheel between his legs? It's drivin' me nuts.
- When you're drivin' in your Chevy and you feel somethin' heavy... Diarrhea, diarrhea.
Drivin Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about drivin you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean drunk jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make drivin pranks.
I was driving down the highway today and saw a woman in the lane next to me reading a novel while driving
I was so angry that I stopped texting and flipped her off
While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything.
They were pirates of the car I be in.
Driving Home Drunk
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
A pirate walks into a bar
The bar tender notices that he has a ships wheel sticking out of the front of his pants, he asks "doesn't that bother you". And the pirate says "arrrr it's drivin me nuts"
I was driving one day and I rear ended a car.
We pulled into a nearby parking lot and out of the car I had hit stepped a little person, a dwarf if you will. He said "I'm not happy",so I asked "Then which one are you?"
As I was driving home I saw a black man carrying a TV down the street...
Nervously, I had to wonder if it was mine, but then I remembered mine was at home shining my shoes
A Pirate Walks Into the Doctors Office
The pirate walks in and tells the doc he's having an issue down below.
He drops his pants and the doc says, "My god there's your problem! You have a steering wheel attached to your t**...!"
The pirate responds, "ARRR IT'S DRIVIN ME NUTS!"
A pirate walks into a bar...
A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.
He sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
As the bartender pours his drink he asks him why there's a steering wheel in his pants.
The prate replies, "Arrrr it's drivin me nuts."
So I was driving by a penitentiary this one time back home, and I saw a group of convicts at the perimeter fence trying to climb over.
The rest were hurrying on this one of them, who appeared to be a midget, and was having some difficulty scaling it.
All of a sudden, the biggest one just picked him up by an arm and a leg and tossed him right up & over!
And as he fell, I thought to myself,"Well, that's a little condescending."
So I was driving home from work tonight, I saw a woman texting whilst driving.
It infuriated me so much I threw my beer bottle at her car.
So I was driving down the road one day, and somebody threw a lump of cheese at me...
and I thought to myself, that's not very mature...
I was driving past the prison the other day...
with a friend of mine. All of a sudden he starts shouting and pointing, 'LOOK! There's a midget escaping! He's gone over the wall and is climbing down!'
I slammed on my brakes and said, 'woah, hang on. You can't say midget - it's a little con-descending.'
So I was driving home from work and I saw what looked like a giant weasel
It was humongoose.
Driving through a blizzard with my dad
At the peak of the snow and ice he got out of the car and put two frozen snakes on the windshield. I asked him what he supposed that would do to help and he said "what's wrong son, Never heard of wind chilled vipers?"
I've been driving for about seven years and haven't had an accident yet...
I guess you could call me a wreckless driver
Why don't they have driving classes and s**... Ed on the same day in Saudi Arabia?
Because the camels can't handle it
Why don't they have driving lessons and s**... ed on the same day in Saudi Arabia?
They don't want to overwork the camel.
Pirate Walks into a bar...
Bartender says - "Hey Pirate..." The Pirate walks over to the barkeep, and gives him a nod. The bartender says, "I don't mean to embarass you, but I noticed you've got a steering wheel attached to your c**...." The pirate looks down and says "ArrrH I know, and it be drivin me nuts!"
I was driving down the motorway with my blonde girlfriend the other day and she said,
"I think those people in the car next to us are from another country"
"why is that?" I said
"Well, the kids are writing on the window and it says, 'stit rey su wohs'"
My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe.
Two minutes later he said, "Why haven't you pulled over yet?"
I said, "Because we're still in Manchester."
I was driving down the road with my wife the other day...
And we saw her mother getting beaten up by five men.
"Oh my god, look, my mother's being attacked, aren't you gonna help?" pleaded my wife.
"nah, five'll do it".
Driving Down The Street
I was driving down the street when i saw a black man with a tv, i thought to myself hmm that looks just like mine but when i got home mine was still there washing my car like i told him to.
Driving high versus driving drunk: Drunks run stop signs.
Stoners stop and wait for them to turn green.
I was driving along the other day when suddenly a deer ran out.
I have no idea how it got in my car in the first place.
Buddy's been driving all night, sees a roadside bar and stops for a much-needed cold beer.
Bouncer says "sorry bud, gotta have a tie to get in".
Buddy goes to his car, roots thru the trunk and can't find a tie. Grabs his jumper cables and wraps them around his neck.
Bouncer says "cool man, come on in...just don't start anything".
....I'll see myself out now.
The first self driving commercial cars license plate should be...
'AFKBRB'
I've been driving for 20 years
And I still haven't seen any fast children at play
As I was driving I saw a black man running with a TV
I thought to myself ," that's mine." Then I remembered mine is at my house polishing my shoes.
I was driving with my three young children
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark n**...! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Dad, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
Driving down the highway
So this senior citizen was driving down 93 when his wife called him on the phone. "Be careful! I just saw on the news there's a car driving the wrong way on the highway!"
"It's not just one car, it's hundreds of 'em!"
So I was driving down the street when I saw a couple guys trying to take an old lady's purse. I ran her over to help
We got it off her eventually
I was driving through Liverpool when I got a flat tire...
I was driving through liverpool when I got a flat tire, so I pulled up on the side of the road and got out to change it. While I was changing it, a stranger came over and opened my bonnet.
I asked "What are you doing?!"
"Well, if you're having the tires, I'm having the engine"
I was driving home today and got stuck behind a car with a bumper sticker that said "Be an o**... donor!"...
They were doing 20 in a 30.
I guess they aren't feeling that committed to the cause.
I was driving around in my tricycle all day
I worked it so hard, it lost a wheel. The tricycle is two tired now.
Driving today I kept seeing protest signs.
They all said "End Road Work."
We were driving past the graveyard and my dad asks:
"Do you know why I can't be buried there?"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm not dead yet, Son."
What do driving and dating have in common?
Both end up with you being chased by the police if you go too fast.
How is driving a Ford truck similar to visiting Thailand?
Either way, you're likely to blow a t**...
I was out driving last night, when I started feeling a little bit h**...…
I picked up a h**... and did her in the backseat and really enjoyed myself, but I think I failed my driving test…
Was driving down the street when I saw someone getting jumped by 3 guys. I quickly pulled over and ran towards the scene.
I got there and the 4 of us messed him up good.
Source: 75 year old Mexican father-in-law
How do you know if you're driving behind a physicist?
Their rear bumper has a red sticker that says "if this appears blue, you're driving too fast."
Hope it isn't too niche.
I was driving when something told me I was going the wrong way...
I think it was a sign.
Driving along the freeway I overtook a female driver doing her make up in the mirror..
I was so shocked I dropped my razor in my coffee.
We were driving through the Welsh countryside when my little girl said…
"Look at that strange animal daddy, man at the back, sheep at the front."
I was driving the other day
I was driving the other day when I saw this beautiful woman standing on the side of the road. I slowed down a little bit to get a better look at her when the guy behind me rear ended me.
As soon as we both got out of our vehicles, I noticed he was a midget. As he was walking over to me I could tell he was mad. He approached me and yelled, "I'm not happy!"
I replied, "Well, which one are you?"
Driving home earlier
I saw a young couple weaving all over the street. I told them 'Go get a loom'
Driving License
Judge: Why did you steal the car?
Man: I had to get to work.
Judge: Why didn't you take the bus?
Man: I don't have a driver's license for the bus.
Driving past a cemetery
"Do you know how many people in there are dead?"
"No"
"All of 'em"
Driving home one day I saw my boss drunkenly stumbling in the road.
I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
While driving home I heard on the radio that convicts had escaped a prisoner transport after colliding with a concrete truck.
Authorities say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals.
I was once driving down the road..
..where I read a sign which said,
Speed limit 30km
I slowed down to 30km/h
A little further, another one
Speed limit 20km
I had to slow down even more,
Moving on, I saw another one
Speed limit 10km
My speedometer had come down to 10km/h
Not long after that, there was another
Speed limit 1km
I pulled over and started pushing my car to a point where I finally saw the last sign,
Welcome to Speed Limit
I was driving along the road and I saw a coffin on the curb with a sign that said "FREE"
I thought to myself, "this is the last thing I need."
I once tried driving to Mexico to steal a couple pet dolphins.
But I was arrested for trying to enter the country for i**... porpoises.
Driving in traffic in the city I moved into is a lot like having s**... with my ex-girlfriend...
It always seems like I can never go too fast for too long and whenever a gap opens up in front of me another guy already filled it up.
Driving in England
In England they drive on the left side of the road, in New England we drive on what's left of the road.
Driving past a cemetery:
dad: "did you know that all the people who live around here aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?"
me: "really? why not?"
dad: "because they're not dead yet."
I was driving in upstate NY
And I saw a sign that said "Watch For Falling Rocks" so I figured ok, I'll give it five minutes but then I really gotta get going!
I am driving through England, and I'm supposed to be in Greenwich tomorrow.
Not too sure what to do in the Mean Time.
A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender notices a steering wheel attached to his c**....
"You realize there is a steering wheel attached to your c**... right?"
The pirate says:
"ARRRRR, AND THEY DRIVIN ME NUTS!"
Driving
I failed my driver's test today. The instructor asked me "What do you do at a red light?" I said "I usually check my emails and see what people are up to on Facebook."
I was driving by some land that was for sale
I was driving by some land for sale and was wondering the price. It was a lot.
Edit. First time submitting. Hope you liked it!
I was driving with my daughter on a beautiful sunny day this winter and I said, "I can't believe how poor the visibility is."
She said, "What do you mean? It's perfectly clear." Pointing down I said, "I can only see four feet in front of us."
I saw someone driving a DeLorean to work today. If I had one I wouldn't use it for running about like that...
I would just drive it from time to time.
I'm driving up to Worcester this weekend
Easier done than said.
I was driving down the road when I passed a s**... club that advertised it had "high caliber women".
To this day I still can't understand why they wouldn't want someone under 45 working there.
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."
"Until the pressure got to him."
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don't. And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can't be buried here. I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they're still alive!"
We were driving on the highway and suddenly my wife said, Hey, you missed a right!
I said, Thanks babe. You MRS. right.
I was driving down the interstate when I came across a sign for the world's largest pickle...
I turned at the next exit and found that there was a whole town around it. Shops, restaurants, even churches devoted to this pickle. When I finally found the museum holding this legendary pickle, I discovered it was closed. Dismayed, I went back to the interstate.
I just never saw what the big dill was.
While driving my car, I accidentally ran over a kid carrying a cymbal...
Ba dum, Tsss.
As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused , I stared up at him and he sneered back.
And I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending."
I am driving through England, and am staying in Greenwich for a few days.
Not sure what to do in the Mean Time.
As I was driving underground with strangers, my wrist began to hurt
It must be carpool tunnel syndrome
I had my driving exams today and scored 9 out of 10
The last guy managed to jump out of the way
I got 8 out of 10 in my driving test.
2 guys jumped out to safety.
I was driving to work yesterday, when I spotted Usain Bolt on the sidewalk. I rolled the window down and offered him a lift.
He said 'No thanks, I'm in a rush.'
While I was driving I saw a someone driving while talking on a cell phone.
I got so mad I threw my beer at him.
So I went to do my driving test high on l**...
I passed with flying colors!
I really shouldn't be driving in a state like this
Car's only registered in Queensland
Driving down a country road I pointed to a flock of cows...
Son: Herd of cows, dad.
Me: Well of course I've heard of cows, there's a whole flock of them over there!
I was driving with my wife recently and we were talking about what we wanted to happen to our bodies when we died. I want to be cremated and put in a p**... of chili. She asked why.
So I can tear that a**... up one last time.
