The Best 54 Driveway Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Driveway jokes. There are some driveway sidewalk jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these driveway intersection puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Driveway Jokes and Puns
Drunk homecoming
A man stumbles up the driveway to his house at 6 in the morning, barely able to stand on his feet. He manages to reach the door but finds it locked and then proceeds to knock.
knock, knock, knock....
After a while his wife comes and opens the door, in a less than a pleased mood.
"What possible reason could you have for coming home at this hour!?"
Slurring and struggling to form words, but managing it in the end the man replies.
"Breakfast!"
This has been my stand-by joke since I was about 12
Two brothers want to go deer hunting but the only land nearby is owned by a grumpy farmer.
The decide to ask him if they can hunt on his property but when they pull up in the driveway neither brother wants to go knock on the door.
They play rock-paper-scissors and the older brother loses. He walks to the door and asks the farmer if they can go hunting.
The old farmer points to a nearby corral and says "See that horse? She's been mine for 20 years. She's blind and dying and I don't have the heart to put her down. If you do that for me, you boys can hunt on my land".
The older brother agrees and while walking back to the truck he thinks of a prank to play on his younger brother.
"I'll teach that lousy no-good farmer to say no!" he exclaims. "See that horse over there? Watch this!" He levels his rifle and shoots it! He hears gunshots next to him and looks at his brother.
"I got two of his cows" yells the younger brother, "lets get out of here!"
Boat for sale
Ole walks by Sven's house and sees a sign that says "Boat for sale". He walks up the driveway and only sees a tractor and a lawn mower. He goes up to the door and says, "Ole, I see dat sign dat says 'boat for sale,' but alls I see is a tractor and a lawn mower." Sven says, "Yup, and dey're boat for sale."
Borrowed Car
One day Phil had to borrow a car, so he asked his friend Bob. Bob said that it was fine, so he gave Phil the keys and told him to return them by the end of the day. A week later, Phil hadn't returned the car. Bob called Phil angrily and asked why he hadn't given it back yet. Phil replied, "I drove by your house a bunch of times, but I didn't see your car in the driveway, so I thought you weren't home!"
how do you know asians have broken into your home?
the dog is gone, the homework is done and they're still trying to get out of the driveway
A Child Didn't Attend School
Late afternoon, the grandma saw the teacher walking up their driveway. She asked her grandson, "Did you leave school early today?" He hung his head and admitted, "Yes Grandma." The grandma thought it was hilarious and assured him saying she would tell the teacher that she hadn't seen him all day. "Maybe you should go hide," she suggested. "Oh no, Grandma. *You* should hide, not me!" Surprised, she asked why. The grandson said, "I told the teacher you died!"
An Art Thief is Sitting in His Driveway...
He didn't have any Monet, to buy Degas, to make his Van Gogh.
Winning the lottery
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'
'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'
A husband was in big trouble...
A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat."
The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.
When is a car no longer a car?
When it turns into a driveway
A magician was driving down the road when suddenly...
He turned into a driveway!
You can explore driveway neighbor reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean driveway culdesac dad jokes. There are also driveway puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I bought my son a puppy...
I bought my son a puppy for his birthday but I accidentally ran him over as I was backing out my driveway. At least I still have the puppy
Bob forgot his wedding anniversary....
His wife was mad. She said "Tomorrow morning there better be a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in under 6 seconds!" The next morning there was a box, gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob's been missing since Friday.
A man forgets his wife's birthday...
So his wife says to him "tomorrow I better wake up and there will be something with a bow on it that go from 0-200 in the blink of any eye."
The next day the wife wakes up and in the driveway is a big box with a bow on it. Excitedly she opens the box and much to her surprise all she uncovers is a scale.
Why could Edward not leave his driveway and get back to his home country?
He was Snowden.
whats the difference between my driveway and 14 year old daughter?
... I pull out of my driveway
A man wins the lottery...
A man wins the lottery, jumps in to his car and goes home in a hurry, screeching in to his driveway. He leaps out and runs in to his house and yells to his wife upstairs "I've won the lottery! I've won the lottery! Quick, pack up your suitcase, I've won the lottery!" His wife is yells down "Woohoo! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?" The husband replies "I don't care, just get out!"
How do you know if an Asian person has robbed your house?
When you come home, your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and they're still trying to back out of the driveway.
Bob forgot his wedding anniversary.
Bob forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was mad. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!" The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the window to find a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday!
Had a house party last night
...and there's always one left over! Laid on the floor in the corner, still that drunk? He couldn't even stand! Asked him where he lived, then dragged him down the driveway to my car, his legs all over the place, picked him up, threw him inside, & took him home. Dragged him up to his house & knocked on his front door, "I've brought your son home."
His mother replied, "Where is his wheel chair?"
If you fall outta your car in your driveway,
it's your own asphalt.
As I was approaching my driveway, I saw a big black man running away with a TV in his hands and I wondered if it was mine.
Upon entering my house, I was relieved to see that mine was at home polishing my shoes.
How can you tell that a Chinese person has been in your house?
Your cat's missing, your computer's fixed, and he's still trying to back out of the driveway.
I bought my son a puppy for his birthday, but I accidentally backed over him in the driveway and killed him...
Sure is gonna be tough raising this puppy without him.
Bob had forgotten his wedding anniversary and was in trouble.
His wife was really angry.
She told him, Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday
A wife's birthday was the next
day and she said to her husband, "Honey, for my birthday I want something that goes from 0-230 in 6 seconds to be in our driveway."
"I'll see what I can do" replied the husband suggestively.
The next morning she ran outside and found a scale in the driveway.
I know a guy with nine kids.
This guy couldn't pull out of his own driveway.
A teenager lost a contact lens while playing in the driveway...
After a fruitless search, he went inside the house and told his mother he lost a lens and, try as he might, could not find it.
Undaunted, the mother went outside and in only a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing" she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150".
My fat girlfriend demanded that for her birthday I get her something in the driveway that goes 0-200 in 5 seconds.
Apparently a scale wasn't what she was thinking.
A mans wife was in labor when the doctor said...
You know, there is an experimental technology that can transfer your pain to the father, but he will feel the pain 10 times as much
The husband, seeing his wife in pain hurt him too much and said, Do it. I'm strong enough
The doctor then did it, and the man didn't feel a thing, which the doctor found odd.
Later, the couple came home, and found their mailman, on their driveway, dead.
A magician was driving down a street
He accidentally turned into a driveway.
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
My wife pulled into the driveway and excitedly told me "Honey, you'll never guess who I ran into at the protest today!"
I said I couldn't possibly guess, who?
"I don't know either, we'll have to watch the news to find out. Now please help me hose the blood off our truck!"
Bob was in trouble...
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.
A man walks past a house that has a sign posted up saying "Boat for sale" and decides to check it out
As he's walking up the driveway, all he sees is an old car and a grill.
Confused, he knocks on the door and asks the Jamaican home owner, "hey, I can see that you have a sign out front saying you've got a boat, but all I can see is an old car and a grill.."
"Ya mon!" the Jamaican home owner excitedly replies, "and dem boat for sale!"
Did you hear about the magician driving down a street?
He turned into a driveway.
Should've been more specific
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
My car leaks so much oil that the
U.S Army just invaded my driveway.
My mum's favourite piece of advice to give me when I was growing up was, "Whenever life puts an obstacle in your way, the best way to deal with it is to tackle it head on".
I used to think she was wise but now I'm nursing a concussion and being sued for damages, since my neighbor parked in front of my driveway last week.
Jim and Joe are sitting at a bar drinking and jim asks where is John? Joe says John is missing . What happened asks Jim . Well joe says
John forgot his wedding anniversary again. His wife flew into a fit of rage, walked out to the driveway pointed to the ground and said., I want a present that goes from 0 to 200 really fast and I want it here by tomorrow morning.
Fine says Jim but that doesn't explain where John is.
Well continued Joe they next morning his wife woke up walked out side and saw a big box with a ribbon so she opened it and saw a new set of bathroom scales and John hasn't been seen since
When I was a boy, my dad gave me money to go downtown and pay the electric bill
But instead, I bought raffle tickets for a chance to win a new truck.
I told my dad when I got home and he beat my ass.
The next morning, however, there was a brand new truck in the driveway.
We all held each other and cried, especially me because it was the truck from the electric company there to turn off the lights.
So dad beat my ass again
Bob was in trouble
He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
If you like flowers but don't like gardening
Run over a kid outside your driveway
-Jimmy Carr
Bob forgot his wedding anniversary
His wife was mad. She told him tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!
The next morning she saw a big gift wrapped box in the driveway. She rushed out, opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
I hit a cat backing out of my driveway
I'm surprised I didn't see it. It was bright yellow, 50 feet, and weighed 40 tons.
The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a brief, fruitless search, he gave up. His mother took up the cause and within minutes found the lens.
How did you do it? he asked.
We weren't looking for the same thing, she explained. You were looking for a piece of plastic. I was looking for $150.
When I was a boy my dad gave me money....
When I was a boy my dad gave my money to go downtown and pay the electric bill but instead I bought raffle tickets for a chance to win a truck. I told my dad when I got home and he beat my ass but the next morning in the driveway sat a new truck. We all held each other and cried, especially me because it was the truck from electric company there to turn the lights off.
....Dad beat my ass again ....
I told my son to watch our car carefully, I was going to do a magic trick with it
Sure enough, it turned into a driveway.
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there's no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
A magician was driving down the street, when all of a sudden...
... he turned into a driveway!
(For big brains only) What do you call a car when it turns into a driveway?
A driveway.
My wife demanded I had something that went 0-200 in less than 6 seconds in the driveway for here birthday.
She woke up to find a scale.
During English class the teacher asks Little Johnny "have you ever heard of the word contagious before?"
"Of course miss" Johnny replies "my father actually said it when we were talking yesterday".
"Can you repeat it for the class and tell us how he used it in a sentence?"
"Yes, miss. We were watching the neighbour take his garbage out when his bin tipped over spilling rubbish all over the driveway, dad said 'it's going to take the contagious to pick all that up.
Bob forget his wife's wedding anniversary
His wife was mad and demanded that there be something in the driveway the next morning that will go 0-200 in 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE.
So the next morning comes around and there was a massive box in the driveway.
His wife unwrapped the present excited, to find a set of bathroom scales.
Bob hasn't been seen since last Friday.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the driveway car jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working driveway roadway piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.