The Best 80 Drivers License Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Drivers License jokes. There are some drivers license motorists jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these drivers license lady driver puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Drivers License Jokes and Puns

Chuck Norris' driver's license simply shows his shoe size.

"Are you two twins?"

"No, why do you ask?"

"Because mommy dressed you both in the same clothes."

"OK that's enough, your driver's license please."

You might be a redneck if a police officer pulls you over to ask for your driver's license and your address is the county jail.

Drivers License joke

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

I have a driver's license but it's at home, I accidentally left it with my license plate and proof of insurance.

....I don't get it either but when I told it to the cop he laughed and said that's funny.


A 10 year old girl opens her mother's purse, and finds her driver's license

Later, the girl says to her mom, "I know how old you are." The mom asks, "How old am I?" The girl says, "You're 34." The mom says, "You're right!"

The girl then says, "I know how much you weigh." The mom asks her how much, and the girl says, "135 pounds." The mom is a little puzzled, but says, "You're right on that, too."

Finally, the young girl says, "I know why daddy divorced you."

The mother freaks out, and asks, "Why is that?!?!?!"

The girl says, "Because you got an 'F' in Sex."

Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......

.....waiting to pop drunk drivers.

A man comes out of the bar, and he is obviously in rough shape. He is weaving all over the place, and almost falls when he trips on a curb. He fumbles with his car keys for almost two minutes, dropping them several times before he finally unlocks his car. He gets in, starts the car, and drives off.

Needless to say, the cops follow him: for several miles. The man's driving was flawless, perfect and in accordance with all traffic laws.

Finally, they decide to pull him over anyway. They turn on their lights. He pulls over instantly. They ask him to step out of the car; he calmly complies. They check his license; it is valid, and clean. They give him several field sobriety tests, each harder than the last. He passes all with flying colors.

The two cops look at each other, then the man, and ask "Sir, you aren't drunk, are you?"

"No, I'm not," says the man.

"Then why were you acting drunk when you left the bar?"

"I'm tonight's DD."

"Designated Driver?"

"No, I'm the Designated Decoy. All of my drunk friends drove off the other way."

Drivers License joke, Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......

So a cop pulls over a guy for wearing his seatbelt..

tells the citizen that his captain gave him a 100 dollar bill to give to the 100th person he sees wearing their seat belt. The citizen looks a little confused, but of course, accepts the note, and proceeds to leave. The officer asks, " So, if you don't mind my asking, what are you going to spend the money on?" To a reply of, " yes, i do mind your asking, and frankly, i don't think its any of your business." The officer of course is stunned, but , as he goes to leave, the drivers objects. "If you must know, i'll probably spend it on getting my drivers license." The cop is taken aback, as the passenger says, " Oh don't listen to him, he's drunk." Shortly thereafter, a knocking comes from the trunk, and a muffled voice says, " are we over the border yet?"

edited for grammar nazis.

The Polish eye exam.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters

~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

NY Driver's license.

A recently arrived Polish immigrant is taking eye test to get a driver's license in New York. The examiner shows him a card with the following letters:
C Z A J K O K I W S
The examiner asks - Can you read this?
The Polish replies - Read??! I know this guy!!

A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver

A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driving her car. The blonde cop says "You were going pretty fast back there. Can I see your license?"

The blonde driver looks confused.

The blonde cop says "Its a little square thing with your picture on it"

The blonde driver reaches in her bag and hands the cop her makeup mirror.

The cop takes the mirror, looks at it and exclaims "Well why didn't you tell me you were a cop? On you go. Have a great day".

You can explore drivers license officer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean drivers license motorist dad jokes. There are also drivers license puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why was the blonde upset when she got her Drivers License?

Because she got an F in sex.

Why was the blonde nymphomaniac sad after she got her driver's license?

She got an F in sex.

A blond cop pulls over a blond woman...

The cop asks for license and registration. The driver says she may not have her license, she doesn't know what it looks like. The cop says,"It's small, rectangular, and has a picture of your face on it."

The driver digs around for a minute and finally comes up with a handheld mirror. She hands it to the cop.

The cop says,"Oh, why didn't you tell me you were a police officer?! You're free to go!"

A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde driver...

"Are you aware of what you were doing?" The officer asks.
"Speeding?" "Yes, now show me your license and registration please." The driver with a puzzled look asked "What is that?" "The thing with your face on it." So the blonde driver looks through her purse and finds an eyeshadow palette with a mirror attached and shows it to the officer. "Oh, it's okay, you're a police officer."

A policeman pulled over a speeding car

turned to the driver and said "Do you understand that you were going 20 km/h over the speed limit down the centre of the road?"

The guy smiles and says "Of course I did, that's what it said to do on my driver's license"

The policeman confused asks "and where does it say that?"

The man hands over the paperwork and points out "There, where it says tear along the dotted line"

Drivers License joke, A policeman pulled over a speeding car

My Life Sucks...

...I'm 22 years old and the only job I've had so far was working in fast food. My co-worker hates me and has tried to kill me. Also I have no friends except a southern girl I like and my other friend who only hangs out with me because he is mental. I have to ride my bike everywhere because I can never get my drivers license. And the worst part is, I live in a pineapple.ο»Ώ

Why couldn't the artist get a driver's license?

He gave off a good Impression, but couldn't make a Van Gogh.

A blonde is speeding down the highway...

When a female officer, another blonde, spots her and pulls her over. She asks the driver for her license...

Blonde driver says, "What's that?"

Blonde Officer : "Its a square with your face on it."

The blonde driver ruffles through her bag and after a few seconds produces a square make-up mirror and hands it to the blonde officer. The officer looks into the mirror and says to the driver, "Why didn't you tell me you were a cop? I woulda let you go!"


THE STAGES OF SUCCESS

At age 4 success is...not peeing in your pants.

At age 12 success is...having friends.

At age 16 success is...having a drivers license.

At age 20 success is...having sex.

At age 35 success is...having money.

At age 50 success is...having money.

At age 60 success is...having sex.

At age 70 success is...having a drivers license.

At age 75 success is...having friends.

At age 80 success is...not peeing in your pants

Just got my drivers license and I'm already getting compliments!

Someone left a note on my car which said "Parking fine!" I was so happy :)

Life hack for driving

Always get your driver's license picture taken when your stoned. That way, the police will think you always look that way.

Buy passports,drivers licenses,ID cards,birth certificates,diplomas,Visas,SSN,Marriage certificates,divorce papers,US green cards

A police officer stops a driver...

A police officer stops a driver to give him a ticket. He looks at the guy's driver license and says, "This says here that you need to wear corrective lenses when you drive."

The guy replies, "I have contacts".

The cops says, "I dont care who you know you still need corrective lenses"

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license

First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

What's your name?

A cop pulls a guy over and asks for his license and registration.

The driver responds, "I don't have a license or registration, Officer."

"Tell me your name then," the cop demands.

"Mr. Kret," the driver says.

"TELL ME YOUR FULL NAME," the officer barks, sufficiently irritated.

The driver smiles..."Itza C. Kret."

A man gets pulled over by a cop...

And he takes the man's driver's license. He reads it and looks back at the driver.

"It says here that you need corrective lenses", the cop said. "Where are your glasses?"

The man replies, "But officer, I have contacts."

The cop glares at him. "I don't care who you know."

My drivers license says I'm an organ donor,

but jokes on them because I own a piano.

What driver doesn't have a license?

A screwdriver

A teenager got his driver's license...

...and asked his father, who was a minister, if he could use his car.

The father said, "If you bring your grades up, study the Bible, and get a haircut, then you can use the car."

One month later, the teenager asked his father about using the car again. The father said, "Son, I'm proud of you. You have brought your grades up and studied the Bible every day. But you still haven't gotten a haircut!"

His son said, "Dad, in my studying of the Bible, I found that many great people had long hair. Samson had long hair. Moses, Noah, and John the Baptist had long hair. Even Jesus had long hair."

His father said, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"

A driver gets pulled over . . .

A man gets pulled over for rolling through a stop sign. While the officer is doing the routine license check, he spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.

The cop tells the driver, "I'll let you off this time, but you need to take those penguins straight to the zoo." The driver was happy to get off with just a warning, so he agrees.

The next day, the officer sees the same car in another part of town, with some penguins peeking out the back windows.

He pulls over the driver again. "Hey, I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo just yesterday!"

"Your sure did," says the driver, "and what a great idea that was. We had so much fun that today I'm taking them to the beach!"

Did you hear about the Pizza Chef with no drivers license?

He could dish it out but he couldn't take it.

A blonde woman was speeding

down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

A police officer pulls over a driver...

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.

"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.

The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."

His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."

Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"

Police officer to a driver: OK, driver's license, vehicle license, first aid kit and warning triangle.

Driver: Nah, I've already got all that. But how much for that funny Captain's cap?"

Shorty!

Yo' momma is so short, I can see her feet in her driver's license.

πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

Polish immigrant

A newly-arrived Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license.

He has to take an eye test. The clerk shows him a card with the letters:

C Z W I X N O S T A C Z

"Can you read this?" the clerk asks.

Read it?" the Pole replies, "I know the guy."

Blonde gets caught speeding.

The cop is also a blonde.

Cop: Let me see your driver's license.

Driver: What's that?

Cop: A square thing with your picture on it.

Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop.

Cop looks at it, hands it back and says,

I'm gonna let you go without a ticket. I didn't know you were a cop.

(

The person at the drivers license office asked me if I wanted to be an organ donor.

I said sure, and I hope my Wurlitzer goes to a good cause.

Driving License

Judge: Why did you steal the car?

Man: I had to get to work.

Judge: Why didn't you take the bus?

Man: I don't have a driver's license for the bus.

A blonde girl gets pulled over by a blonde police officer for speeding...

The Police officer asks for a drivers license & the blonde starts going through her bag looking for it.

She's getting increasingly frustrated as she looks for the drivers license & asks the police officer for assistance.

The blonde asks: "I'm having trouble finding it... Can you please tell me what it is suppose to look like?"

The officer responds: "Sure, it's just a square that has your picture on it."

After a bit more rustling through her bag, she pulls out a square mirror and hands it to the police officer.

The police officer looks at the mirror and says: "Oh, I'm so sorry... I didn't realise you were a police officer! You can go"

Police and driver.

Police officer: Your car is too heavily overloaded. I simply cannot let you continue like that. I'm going to have to take away your driver's license.

Driver: You're kidding me, right? The license can only weigh one ounce tops!

German guy is driving through France

He got stopped by a police officer.

Officer: License and registration please

Driver: Here you go officer

Officer: Occupation?

Driver: Nah, just holidays...

A Welsh guy was getting his driver's license.

He had to take a vision test, so they showed him a line of letters that said: B W N S T R Y D D W L L

They asked, "Can you read the letters?" The man replied, "Are you kidding? I'm *from* that town!"

My mom always used to say "50 is the new 20!"

Lovely woman, lost her driver's license...

A blonde gets pulled over by a blonde cop

Blonde cop: May I see your driving license?

Blonde driver: Driving license? What's that?

Blonde cop: The thing with your face on it

Blonde driver: Alright

Blonde driver: Reaches in her handbag and hands over her makeup mirror to the cop

Blonde Cop: Sorry, we didn't know you were a police woman as well. Carry on!

So this blonde girl finally got her driver's license, but is still disapointed. Why is that?

On her license, there's a line that says

''Sex: F''

The police officer inspected my drivers license carefully.

"Driver, I see you have a class 3 license that requires you to wear glasses whilst driving. I can't help but notice you are not wearing glasses."
"I've got contacts," I explained.
"I don't care who you know, driver," declared the officer. "You're under arrest."

:-P

I was on a vegetable and wine only diet

I lost 20 pounds and my drivers license

Entry level position available!

3 years forklift experience required

5 years general labour required

Class 5 drivers license required

2 years kitchen experience required

4 years retail services required

2 years hospitality services required

4 years janitorial services required

3 years business degree preferred

5 years relevant experience required

$11 an hour to start(with 20Β’ raise for every year of employment)

.
.
.
.

That's it. The joke is the current hiring system of the world.

A police officer stops a car

A police officer stops a car.

Officer: Your driver's license please.

Driver: I'm really sorry, I forgot.

Officer: At home?

Driver: No, to do it.

After watching Star Wars for the first time my friend said that the movie was terrible. 15 minutes later hr got hit by a truck

Cops took my driver license

A blonde gets pulled over for speeding

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.

The officer asked to see the lady's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The officer replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the officer. "Here it is," she said.

The officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

Yo mamma's so fat...

She had to get her drivers license photo from Google earth!

A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver

The cop tells the driver "License please."

"What is a license?" the driver answers.

The cop replies "it goes in your wallet, has a picture of you on it..."

As the blonde driver digs through her purse, after a while she pulls an object out, looks at it for a second, smiles, says "Found it! Here you go officer!" and hands a mirror to the cop.

The cop takes off her aviators, looks in the mirror, rolls her eyes, and hands it back to the driver.

"If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over!"

Why did SchrΓΆdinger lose his driver's license?

He kept using his hazards instead of his turn indicators.

Why can't a blonde get a drivers license?

Because every time the instructor says "Let's park" she jumps in the back
seat.

A cop stops a guy for speeding

Cop: Sir, I need to see your drivers license.

Guy: what, you guys took it from me two years ago, don't tell me you lost it.

Police officer: Sir, I'm going to need to see your driver's license.

Driver: You guys got a lot of nerve.

Police officer: Excuse me?

Driver: One day you take my license away and the next day you ask me to show it?

Yo momma so fat

Her driver's license picture had to be taken by satellite

A police officer stops a speeding car and walks up to the driver

"Do you know you were going 20 km/h over the speed limit ?"

The guy respond : "How am I supposed to know ? I don't have a license".

His wife, sitting on the passenger seat, interjects : "Don't listen to him, he's drunk."

Their kid, on the backseat, sighs "I knew we weren't going to go far with a stolen car..."

A voice comes out of the trunk "Did we pass the border yet ?"

A recent Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license

He first had to take an eye exam. The optician led him to an eye chart and pointed to a row with the letters-

'C Z W I M T O S T A C Z'

Can you read this? The optician asked.

Read it?! The Polish man replied. I even know the guy!

My Drivers License says I'm classy...

Or was it Class E?

I couldn't get the new Star Wars movie to work on my TV

It didn't have its Adam Driver's license.

At birth, success is being alive. At age 3, success is not pooping your pants. At age 10, success is having friends. At age 16, success is having a driver's license. At age 20, success is having sex. At age 30, success is having money...

At age 40, success is having money.

At age 55, success is having sex.

At age 70, success is having a driver's license.

At age 75, success is having friends.

At age 80, success is not pooping your pants.

At age 100, success is being alive.

A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.

The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop…

Yo momma so short...

You can see her feet on her driver's license

A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license.

.
The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"

The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it."

"Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over.

The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

The policeman stopped the blond's car

- show me your driver's license please

-What's that?

-That thing with a picture of you on it. Im sure you have it somewhere in the car.

The blond starts searching for her license. After a few minutes she notices herself in the mirror. "Ah, the picture of me, here it is!" She breaks off the mirror and gives it to the policeman. The policeman looks at the mirror, then salutes:

-Ah, colleauge, im sorry and have a nice day!

LPT: NEVER hang your drivers license from your rearview mirror!

You risk being pulled over for driving with a suspended license.

Are you Blonde?

A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license. The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"

The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it." "Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over. The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

The last time I went through a TSA checkpoint at an airport I was wearing my contact lenses.

The TSA guy looked at my driver's license, looked at me, and looked at his my driver's license again. He started to turn to get his supervisor. I said "if you want, I'll put my glasses on, I have them with me." He looked bewildered, but he cleared me through all by himself.

Now I understand the whole Superman / Clark Kent thing.

A cop pulls over a car swerving all over the road

After the cop tells the driver why he stopped him and asks for his license and registration, he notices an open, half-empty bottle sitting on the floor.

Cop: Sir, what is that bottle between your feet?

Driver (burping): Uh, it's a bottle of water officer.

Cop: I can see from here that it's a bottle of red wine.

Driver (shocked): Oh my god, it is? Praise Jesus and his miracles!

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

After filing out his paperwork he had to take an eye exam. The clerk showed him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.
"Can you read this?" the clerk asked.
"Read it?" the Polish man replied. "He's my uncle."

A blonde driver and a blonde cop....

A blonde woman is speeding down the highway and gets pulled over by a blonde cop, the cop goes up to the blonde's window and says "I need to see your license ma'am." The driver says she doesn't know what that is and the lady officer says "It's that little thing in your purse with your face in it." The driver pulls out her compact mirror and holds it up to the cop, "You mean this?" The blonde cop looks at the mirror and says, "I'm so sorry ma'am, I didn't know you were a cop, have a nice day."

License

An immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye test. The optician showed him a card with the letters, "C-Z-W-I-X-N-O-S-T-A-C-Z." "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the guy replied, "I know the guy."

A blonde woman is speeding down an empty road when she's pulled over by a blonde cop. The cop walks up to her window and asks for her driver's license.

Driver's license? the blonde driver asks, somewhat confused.

You know, the little rectangle with your face on it that you keep in your purse, the blonde cop explains patiently.

Oh, that! the blonde driver exclaims. She digs around in her purse and finally pulls out a small rectangular mirror, which she hands to the blonde cop.

The blonde cop looks at the mirror and exclaims, Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am, you're free to go…I didn't realize you were a cop!

So my mom is getting her foot cut off today.. (really)

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot.
I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

A guy called British Airways before his flight from London to Paris: Hi, I have a question. Can I fly to France using my drivers license?

No , said the woman. You need a plane

A cop looked at my driver's license and said I should be wearing glasses, so I told him I had contacts.

But he didn't care who I knew and he gave me a ticket anyway.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the drivers license tow truck driver jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working drivers license women driver piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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