The Best 81 Drivers Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Drivers jokes. There are some drivers racecar jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these drivers tow truck driver puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Drivers Jokes and Puns

A blonde motorist is pulled over by a blonde policewoman for speeding.

The female cop asks for the blonde's drivers licence. The blonde motorist asks 'Sorry officer, what does it look like?'
The policewoman replies 'It's a small rectangular thing with your picture on it'.
The blond gives the policewoman her make-up mirror.
The blonde cop responds with 'I think we can forget the speeding fine. I didn't realize you're a policewoman too.'

Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......

.....waiting to pop drunk drivers.

A man comes out of the bar, and he is obviously in rough shape. He is weaving all over the place, and almost falls when he trips on a curb. He fumbles with his car keys for almost two minutes, dropping them several times before he finally unlocks his car. He gets in, starts the car, and drives off.

Needless to say, the cops follow him: for several miles. The man's driving was flawless, perfect and in accordance with all traffic laws.

Finally, they decide to pull him over anyway. They turn on their lights. He pulls over instantly. They ask him to step out of the car; he calmly complies. They check his license; it is valid, and clean. They give him several field sobriety tests, each harder than the last. He passes all with flying colors.

The two cops look at each other, then the man, and ask "Sir, you aren't drunk, are you?"

"No, I'm not," says the man.

"Then why were you acting drunk when you left the bar?"

"I'm tonight's DD."

"Designated Driver?"

"No, I'm the Designated Decoy. All of my drunk friends drove off the other way."

What do women and Nvidia have in common? (offensive be warned)

They both do not make very good drivers

So a man was driving on the highway with a speed limit of 90

.. but then he noticed that all the other drivers were way above the speed limit so our guy thought "hey everybody's speeding, i cant get caught" so he goes above 110. Ten minutes later, a cop pulls him over.
Clearly upset, our guy says "But officer, i wasn't the only one speeding.. there were a bunch of others too.. why did you catch only me?"
Cop says" Ever gone fishing?"
Guy says yes,
Cop- "ever caught all the fish??"

jokes about drivers

Where do taxi drivers with bad skin go for treatment?

The Taxi Dermist.


Why was the blonde upset when she got her Drivers License?

Because she got an F in sex.

Why do stormtroopers make good drivers?

They won't ever hit anything.

Drivers joke, Why do stormtroopers make good drivers?

Just after the apartheid ...

A bus company's owner explain to his drivers that if they find it difficult to see people as equal they just have to consider there are no more black and white people, only blue.

So, this driver explained it to its passengers :

"Ok guys, you're not black or white anymore. Only blue. So light blue get the front seats, dark blue the rear."

I crashed into the back of someones car on the way home from work...

I got out to check the damage and a midget jumped out of the drivers seat shouting,

"I'm not happy!"

I took one look and replied,

"well which one are you then?"

A cop is out on patrol, and sees a car parked in the local lover's lane, with the windows all steamed up.

He knocks on the drivers window, and the guy inside rolls it down. The cop sees that there is a guy sitting in the front seat, fully clothed, and a girl in the back seat, also fully clothed.

"What are you up to here, son?"

"Well, officer, I'm reading a magazine, as you can see."

"And what's she doing back there?"

"I think she's playing a game on her phone."

"Have you been drinking tonight?"

"No, sir. I'm only twenty."

"And how old is she?"

The guy looks at his watch and says, "Sir, in eleven minutes she'll be eighteen."

why are sex ed and drivers ed never on the same day in Iraq ?

the camel would get overworked

You can explore drivers chauffeur reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean drivers accidents dad jokes. There are also drivers puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


why dont they have drivers ed and sex ed on the same day in mexico?

it's too hard on the donkey

Why do Boston police cars have blue lights?

Because Boston drivers don't stop for red lights.

!!BAD DRIVERS!!

There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "**David, be careful!** I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!"

David says, "I know, but there isn't just one, **there are hundreds!**"

My Life Sucks...

...I'm 22 years old and the only job I've had so far was working in fast food. My co-worker hates me and has tried to kill me. Also I have no friends except a southern girl I like and my other friend who only hangs out with me because he is mental. I have to ride my bike everywhere because I can never get my drivers license. And the worst part is, I live in a pineapple.ο»Ώ

Why dont they have Drivers Education and Sex Education class on the same day in Iran

Because it would kill the camel

Drivers joke, Why dont they have Drivers Education and Sex Education class on the same day in Iran

Asian Drivers Are So Bad...

that I wouldn't be surprised if Pearl Harbor was an accident

THE STAGES OF SUCCESS

At age 4 success is...not peeing in your pants.

At age 12 success is...having friends.

At age 16 success is...having a drivers license.

At age 20 success is...having sex.

At age 35 success is...having money.

At age 50 success is...having money.

At age 60 success is...having sex.

At age 70 success is...having a drivers license.

At age 75 success is...having friends.

At age 80 success is...not peeing in your pants

In Iraq why don't they teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same day?

The camel gets too tired.


I heard the government were going to give on the spot fines to bad drivers

I thought that's a bit sexist.

Cr

A teenager had just passed his drivers test, and he asked his dad to buy him a car

"Dad, will you be able to get me a car?" Asked the boy

"I suppose a car would be in order *if* you can raise your grades from C's to B's, you study your Bible, and cut your hair." Replied the father.

After contemplating for many hours, the boy decided it was a good and fair compromise. Six weeks later, the father is astonished. His son was excelling in school, he studied his Bible every day, but his hair was still long and shaggy.
"I am very impressed with you" said the father "you are passing all of your classes, and you read the Bible every day. But why wont you cut your hair?"

"After reading the Bible, I have noticed something." Said the boy "Moses, Samson, and Absalom all had long hair. There is even evidence that *Jesus* may have had long hair!"

The father replied back "Did you also notice how they had to walk everywhere too?"

Just got my drivers license and I'm already getting compliments!

Someone left a note on my car which said "Parking fine!" I was so happy :)

I'm not saying that Asians are bad drivers...

But I'm beginning to think that Pearl Harbor was an accident.

Took my drivers test high on magic mushrooms.

Passed with flying colors.

My drivers license says I'm an organ donor,

but jokes on them because I own a piano.

Computers and taxis are surprisingly similar.

They both crash when the drivers stop working.

Drivers joke, Computers and taxis are surprisingly similar.

Studies show that a lot of women turn into good drivers

So If you're a good driver, look out for women turning

Why do they have sex ed and drivers ed on different days in Mexico?

Because they need to give the donkey a break.

3 Big things happened to me today

1) My neighbor said he didn't like me

2) My neighbor got hit by a bus

3) I lost my bus drivers licenseο»Ώ


AMD should make a self-driving car...

...because they specialize in creating things that don't come with drivers.

Why did nVidia built the first self-driving car? (on all conditions)

Because their drivers keep crashing.

What I learned from small crosses placed along the roadside with flowers.

Christians are horrible drivers.

Why can't PC gamers use Uber?

Too many incompatible drivers.

As an Asian male, I'm offended by the stereotype that we're bad drivers and have small penises.

I am an excellent driver.


As a woman it's annoying when men think they are better drivers

When I'm trying to park I don't need you to offer help every 20 minutes

I'm furious! racist tech support just called me asian

All I said was my drivers keep crashing

Did you hear about the Pepsi delivery drivers who were fired?

They tested positive for coke.

A lot of women turn into great drivers...

So if you're a great driver, look out for women who are turning.

What state has the worst drivers?

The Islamic State.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are driving through the desert.

The car breaks down, and they've got no cell reception, so they have to walk to get help. The brunette says "I'll grab the bottled water in case we get thirsty." The redhead says, "I'll grab the snacks in case we get hungry."

The blonde rips the drivers side door off its hinges. "I'll take this door, so if we get hot, I can roll the window down."

Why do uber drivers skip the gym?

Because they don't even lyft.

Why did Hitler lose his drivers licence?

He was too hard on the gas

Why doesn't the middle east teach drivers education and sex education on the same day?

Because the goat gets tired.

A blonde girl gets pulled over by a blonde police officer for speeding...

The Police officer asks for a drivers license & the blonde starts going through her bag looking for it.

She's getting increasingly frustrated as she looks for the drivers license & asks the police officer for assistance.

The blonde asks: "I'm having trouble finding it... Can you please tell me what it is suppose to look like?"

The officer responds: "Sure, it's just a square that has your picture on it."

After a bit more rustling through her bag, she pulls out a square mirror and hands it to the police officer.

The police officer looks at the mirror and says: "Oh, I'm so sorry... I didn't realise you were a police officer! You can go"

I spent all day working on a bunch of puns about limousine drivers.

But I still have nothing to chauffeur it.

Why don't Muslims have sex Ed and drivers Ed on the same day?

Because they need to give the goat a break.

A lot of women actually turn into good drivers

So if you're a good driver watch out.

I asked my wife what three things she finds most irritating.

She said, "well, I really dislike Sunday drivers. I'm not particularly keen on loud, abnoixious children. But mostly, I really hate it when I have to repeat myself!"

"Oh, yeah, absolutely!" I replied, "You can say that again."

Politicians should be required to dress like NASCAR drivers.

With patches all over their suits telling us who their sponsors are.

The police officer inspected my drivers license carefully.

"Driver, I see you have a class 3 license that requires you to wear glasses whilst driving. I can't help but notice you are not wearing glasses."
"I've got contacts," I explained.
"I don't care who you know, driver," declared the officer. "You're under arrest."

:-P

Did you know woman turn into good drivers.

So be careful while they turn, because they might hit you.

(dad joke) A Dad was helping his daughter study for her drivers permit test.

Dad: What do you when the light is green?

Daughter: Go.

Dad: What do you do when the light is red?

Daughter: Stop.

Dad: What do you do when the light is yellow?

Daughter: Slow down

Dad: **WWHHHAAATTTT DDOOOO YOUUUUU DOOOO WHEEEENNNN THEEEEE LIIIIIIIIGHTTT TURRRRNNNSSSS YELLLOOOOOW?**

Why did hitler fail his drivers ed?

He used his turn signals on the two left turns but failed at the 3rd reich

We should raise insurance rates on drivers who have never crashed their cars.

They're driving wrecklessly.

What language do Porsche drivers speak?

Porschuguese

When I was in Thailand I had a driver that ran through all the red lights.

I got mad at him but he said he was a professional driver. When he stopped at a green light I asked why, and he said Just in case there are other professional drivers out there

Yo mamma's so fat...

She had to get her drivers license photo from Google earth!

I'm going to be taking my drivers exam in a full stormtrooper outfit...

That way I won't hit anything.

What's the difference between police officers and pizza delivery drivers?

Pizza delivery drivers actually face consequences when their jobs aren't done right.

The government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns. It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquility and normality following the recent pandemic.

Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week.

Apparently NASCAR is banning all Confederate flags from its races.

But how will drivers know they've entered the last lap of the race? 🏳

A farmer was fed up with drivers speeding down the road where he lived, so he asked the police to put up a sign...

They put up a "Slow down, speed limit" sign - with no effect. Then, "Danger, road hazard!" sign was put up, but had no effect, either. Then the police tried a sign stating "Children crossing" - and still nobody slowed down.

Finally, the farmer asked the police if he could put up his own sign. They agreed, and to their surprise, just days later a passing officer saw a row of cars moving very slowly past the farmer's place. The policeman approached the farm, and saw a new, hand-painted sign stating: "Nudist Colony".

Since professional piano players are called pianist

then why aren't race car drivers called racest

Best way to vaccinate the masses

Train all of the Amazon drivers to give it.
Everyone will have it by Saturday.
Thursday if you have Prime.

A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license.

.
The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"

The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it."

"Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over.

The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

Why are pigs the worst drivers ever?

Because they hog the damn road.

LPT: NEVER hang your drivers license from your rearview mirror!

You risk being pulled over for driving with a suspended license.

Are you Blonde?

A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license. The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"

The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it." "Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over. The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

Why do Ska Bands make the best Door Dash drivers?

Because if you order food they'll *pick it up, pick it up, pick it up*.

What is the truck drivers favorite part of the movies?

The trailers

Putin is held hostage by a terrorist.

A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks:

Driver: What's going on?

Policeman: A terrorist is holding Putin hostage in a car. He's demanding 10 mill rubles, or he'll douse Putin in petrol and set him on fire. So we're asking drivers for donations.

Driver: Oh, ok. How much do people donate on average.

Policeman: About a gallon.

I read that machines will be smarter than humans.

Hell, I already have screw drivers that are smarter than some humans.

Not sure if that one has already been here, if so - I apologize

A man drives his car on the highway, when he hears the following traffic warning on the radio "Drivers, be careful there is a wrong way driver coming on the highway 9 in the direction of Berlin."
"Whaat?", shouts out the man to himself. "One?? More like a thousand of them!!"

Why do scuba drivers roll backwards off the boat?

Because if they rolled forward they would miss the water.

Why was coldplay band members never able to pass a drivers test?

Because they were stuck in reverse

New York City is like Linux

* Spend the first year re-learning how to perform basic tasks
* Spend the rest of your lifetime claiming how much better it is
* Bad drivers

Source: @ chromakode on Twitter

How do you tell drunk drivers from stoned drivers?

Drunk drivers run stop signs. Stoned drivers stop and wait for them to turn green.

A lot of women actually turn into good drivers.

So, watch out for turning women, good drivers. (Edited and improved with necessary comma added.)

Death must be really boring for subway drivers.

A light at the end of the tunnel is just a regular workday.

From Jimmy Carr

Backseat drivers are always the same, why are we driving into the woods! Let me out! .

You know what never gets old?

Russian tank drivers

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the drivers lorry driver puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working drivers school bus driver piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes